Nirvana
Summary: AU. "Well, fuck you too," he had said it out of spite, despite his eyes sneaking brief glances over her body. Well, maybe he had another thing in mind when he said it. Okikagu.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama.
Chapter 12
"Huh? Where's China?"
Okita's question echoed with a casual surface as his voice blared in the meeting room of the police station. None of his fellow co-workers discerned the undertones of curbed concern underneath his impassive baritone – most too fixated on discussing their perspective assignments.
When no one bothered to justify his inquiry with an explanation, a splinter of agitation began to creep under his skin as his anxiety only rose to higher heights. He went on, this time with a higher octave in his voice as if to gain at least one person's attention, "I thought everyone was supposed to be here today? It's a meeting, you know. Is China playing hooky like she used to in high school or something?"
He was uncertain whether it was either the suppressed emotion in his voice as a sense of urgency nearly reared its ugly head, or whether it was due to his persistence at asking questions that did it, but he eventually managed to acquire some kind of acknowledgement from Shinpachi.
"Oh, sorry, Okita-san," the bespectacled officer responded, but seemed far from apologetic as his gaze remained entirely focused on the file in his hands. "I wasn't listening. If it's about Kagura-chan, she's at home. Apparently, she's contracted a fever."
That only perturbed the sadist's composed disposition even further as a wave of disquietude swirled in the pit of his gut. "A fever? I thought idiots aren't capable of catching colds?" he included the sarcastic remark to appear unbothered as he eventually took a seat at the humongous wooden meeting table.
"It's because she's an idiot that she played around in the rain for too long," Gintoki chimed in with a snort, his ever patronizing tone present in his uninterested voice. "That's why she caught a cold and me and Shinpachi are forced to take on more shitty workload. And here I was, planning on going to the pachinko again…"
"You're the constant source of our increased workload, Gin-san. Don't you remember how many times Kagura-chan and I had to deal with you often running off somewhere else during the job? You should really stop with that awful gambling habit of yours," Shinpachi interrupted with a deadpanned rejoinder as if to remind the older man. At that moment, he averted his eyes from the papers only for a brief moment to spare Gin a disapproving look. The blatant truth behind his comeback reduced Gin into a stammering, angry state, almost as if flustered to be called out like that in front of everyone else.
"Hey! Don't say that, I'll lose face! I've always saved your asses in the nick of time, haven't I?" Gin's voice went into a higher pitch as he offered his defense in a roar that could rupture anyone's eardrums as usual.
"Yeah, sure," came Shinpachi's nonchalant dismissal as he went back to reading through the files. "I'll admit you've rescued us a lot of times, but you've also caused trouble for us in more times than I keep count. I'm indebted to you, but you should really grow up by now, Gin-san. Stop being a useless adult or else you'll die without marrying anyone. Though, I doubt anyone would want you."
"What was that, four eyes?!" And as per their habitual interaction, Gintoki's fist found solace in Shinpachi's collar as it vehemently grabbed at the article of clothing. He shook his partner in a violent manner that Shinpachi was used to at that point as he continued to snap back with his own set of snippy replies, "I don't need to hear that from a virgin who doesn't know shit about sex and his only source for masturbation is Otsuu-chan! How do you feel, knocking yourself up to the imagery of some idol that doesn't even know you exist, you Nobita look-alike?!"
And of course, Shinpachi was quick to react with his straight man persona. "Huh?! How the hell do I even look like Nobita?! Is it the glasses? It's the glasses, isn't it? And- wait, did you call me a loser?!"
"I never said that," Gintoki sneered, his lips curled up into his signature snobbish smirk that only seemed to add fuel to Shinpachi's ire. "I only called you a virgin. Well, if you took it that way, maybe at least you're partially aware."
"I dare you to say that again, you nose-picking asshole!"
As the two proceeded even deeper into their mouth-war, which swiftly escalated into a full-blown brawl, Okita couldn't help but simply think that things were a little bit different without Kagura around. Whenever she was around, she probably would have shut them up One-Punch Man style with her fists. She always did have a monstrous amount of strength, after all.
"Oi, shut up before you make a mess of things. The meeting room is a sacred place, I'm not gonna let you pricks ruin everything before Kondo-san arrives," Hijikata scolded despite himself making himself at home with a bowl of mayoinnase situated in front of him on the table.
Despite his lingering concern for Kagura's well-being, Okita didn't pass up the opportunity to throw a harmless jibe at his direction. "You're one to talk with your mouth spitting mayo all over the place, Hijikata-san. Are you sure that one's safe to consume?"
At the threatening hint that the little spawn of devil had tampered with his mayoinnase collection again, Hijikata halted his feast for a brief duration to consider this. But when no desire to rush to the toilet came to him and no gas attempted to escape through his clenched butthole, his tense shoulders slouched down as he relaxed.
"Nice try, Sougo. But you can't scare me that easily," Hijikata proudly proclaimed with his nose high up in the air in arrogant posturing. Despite his cocky demeanor, however, Okita had caught on to his fear even if it was only for a short milisecond.
"Says the person that looked like he was going to piss his pants," Okita retorted with a slow smirk appearing at the corners of his mouth.
Hijikata was on the verge of snapping at him, but stopped himself at the last second as he reminded himself not to allow Okita the satisfaction. Instead, he bit down on his tongue, repudiating any syllable of a curse that threatened to climb up from the back of his throat as he decided to alter their topic of conversation.
"Why are you even asking about the China girl anyway? Are you worried about her?" he inquired just for the sake of changing the subject, but couldn't help but take notice of the slight facture in Okita's seemingly impenetrable mask of loftiness as the irritating grin on his face wavered only slightly before staying in place.
"Is something wrong with your brain, Hijikata-san? I was only asking because I didn't want her to be the only one given special treatment. I mean, if she's excused not to join the meeting, I'd like that privilege as well," the sadist answered nonchalantly with an equally nonchalant shrug of his shoulders so as to keep on his impartial bearing.
"You just don't want to listen to the boring lecture," Hijikata murmured with a shred of disapproval in his voice before shaking his head. "Seriously though, when I think about it, I think you've always been that way. You complain whenever China's around, but you look for her whenever she isn't. Kinda weird, but I guess that's how you guys are."
His words tugged on Okita's heartstrings and made him chew over it for a while. He proffered no response for some time before eventually settling with a simple, "I don't really care either way. I'm just bored, is all. I was only looking for a fight, as usual."
It was an excuse. An excuse that he was overusing too much and thus was already losing its effects. And yet he continued to use the overused excuse regardless.
The final line of thought made him utter, "I rhymed something in my head, Hijikata-san."
"Why are you rhyming shit in your mind? Don't turn into an intellectual on me, Sougo. I'd have to be extra careful to sleep with one eye open otherwise."
When he contemplated on it, Okita realized that maybe his feelings had already blossomed way before he started sleeping with her.
They had history, the two of them.
Ever since as long as he could remember, Kagura had always had a knack of being a thorn at his side. Regularly looking for fights, habitually seeking to one-up him in any way possible even if it was something ridiculously stupid like clinching a victory in a card game against him. It was incredibly irritating to have to put up with her childish attempts at being better at him in everything, but it was also immensely fun. He couldn't recall a day where she wasn't there to either kick his shin or shout profanities at his direction. He also couldn't recall a day where he wasn't looking forward to putting her in her place.
He had always considered it as rivalry, with a little bit of moments of camarederie here and there. He never really mulled over his actual feelings towards her too much. And even after they began their sexual relationship, Okita had thought that it would be better for them to keep things simple. After all, it was only physical –
–or at least that was what it was supposed to be.
Revelations had a tendecy to settle in on him a little bit too late. He was either probably too foolish to realize something so simplistic, or he had been looking the other way this entire time. After all, despite their long years of knowing each other, Okita couldn't think of a time where anything was ever remotely romantic between them. No situations that could indicate affection or anything that could resemble the sort. They were habitually bickering and engaged in horrifyingly bloody, messy but somewhat enjoyable brawls instead. Anytime neither of them pulled an effort to force the other into a coma, they were instead too preoccupied with throwing insults at each other. What was romantic about that?
He hadn't been able to see through it. That beyond his competitive rivalry with her, lied emotions that ran deeper than he had expected. Looking back on it, there were hints. Seeds planted way before flowers bloomed and adoration brewing before evolving into love. He had moments where whenever she wasn't around, he felt slightly uneased. There were even moments where he felt as if he simply had to see her – if only to entice her into a fight, but still, he couldn't imagine not having her in his presence for even a day. When he thought back on it, that could have meant that he had missed her, but as usual, he had dismissed it as him wanting to relieve some sort of boredom – because as much as he was too deep in his egostitical ways to admit it, his days were a lot more fun with her around.
However, it was all simply an excuse. An excuse to solely satiate his need to see her. He felt at ease whenever she was spouting out some nonsense towards him that was either degrading or awfully crude for a girl like her to be saying. That contented feeling pooling in the middle of his chest whenever he caught a glimpse of her vermillion mane and shimmering blue eyes were nothing short of affection in and of itself. And in spite of his consistent annoyance towards her, there had been an underlying shred of warmth whenever she spoke to him or even spared a fleeting glance at his direction.
Looking back on it, those were all signs that had been there from the beginning. Signs that only seemed to increase in numbers and intances the more time passed. In fact, he felt idiotic that he was realizing it now after all those years.
That sensation of male pride and satisfaction whenever he touched her and she caved, whatever defiance that she had in her system dissolving like butter slowly but gradually under his ministrations as he loved her and broke her over and over again… He had presumed it was because he considered it accomplishment to have someone so high up in her high horse to submit to him. But it wasn't purely for that reason. The somewhat safe feeling he harbored and the possessiveness to have her as his and his only lurking under his skin whenever he held her.
It was simple and yet he hadn't noticed. It wasn't until there was a risk of him potentially losing her did he finally catch on to what his feelings towards her really were. His heart ached just seeing her talking to him, and his insides boiled in fermenting jealousy whenever her cheeks had flushed bright red when he uttered some cheesy line that Okita couldn't help but think he could pull off a lot better – but also probably not, because he had a roundabout manner of conveying his emotions.
And that had always been his downfall: how he couldn't relay his feelings without going about it in some kind of convoluted and cryptic way. It was almost ironic that all he could do to pass on any remnants of sentiment he could ever harbor for anyone was through fists, condescending jibes and petty competitions. And for the longest period of time he took pride in the fucked up invidual that he was. But the only time he wanted to be other than that was so that she wouldn't slip through his fingers.
He was an expert when it came to fighting. But that wasn't what she wanted.
Despite that, however, he still couldn't ignore the need to be by her side. And with the urge to check in on her reaching to unbearable heights, Okita retrieved his phone from the safety of his right pocket. Typing fast, he then sent the message with a heart that thumped in escalated and high-pitched beats in his chest.
"I heard you caught a cold. Is your brother and dad home? If not, can I come over?" or so the message said, but Okita would probably try to sneak in even if her family was around nevertheless. If there was any way for him to portray a sliver of chivalry or a romantic gesture in him, it was most likely in the way that he would always do whatever the hell he wanted and whenever he wanted no matter the obstacles.
Kagura was about ready to throw her cellphone at the wall when a notification popped in and a ringing sound reverberated in her ears, bringing her awake from her partial slumber. But she halted herself mid-way for two reasons: she didn't want to hear the would-be scoldings from her brother and papi that she was costing them a third phone for the year. And that it was Okita Sougo texting her of all people.
All of a sudden, it felt as if her face was hot for something other than the fever.
Her fingers trembled and her heart hammered wildly in her chest as she opened the text with a haste and urgency that even she herself couldn't understand.
She stared at the dark-bordered words on the blinding white screen and read the last sentence in the message for the umpteenth time.
"Can I come over?"
And despite her best efforts not to feel too much, the excitement threatening to burst her heart open with an intense bout of joy only amplified even more as she continued to read it over and over in her head whilst imagining his voice uttering it. Did that mean that he was worried about her, or was he simply asking for a booty call? Somewhere, deep down, she hoped it was the former – though she wouldn't mind him fucking her brains out either, but for some reason, she thought that she would be happier if it wasn't just for the sex. It was a strange sensation, and she wasn't sure how she really felt for Okita at the moment, but the only thing she could understand was this:
She wanted to see him. Even if he was simply visiting to laugh at her face and make fun of her for getting sick, she wanted him.
Kagura contemplated on the potential phrases she could utilize as she considered the proper method to reply to his text without letting it show that she was thrilled at the prospect of him coming over. Her musings, however, were cut short when another message from him materialized on her phone. The abrupt sound of her notification startled a blood-curdling shriek from her as she nearly jumped out of the bed in a horrified shock.
"Are you there? Why are you leaving me on read?"
Exasperation at him for catching her by surprise brewed inside her, but the feeling weirdly blended with a contradicting sensation of glee at the unease she could detect from the simple text. In spite of this, she plainly responded with, "I didn't answer for two minutes and you come spamming me with texts. Relax, stalker. I know I'm a snack, but chill with the stalking tendecies. Did you catch some kind of decease from the gorilla or something?"
"Are you insulting me and Kondo-san right now? I'm not gonna let that slide, China. And to answer your question, there's no way I'd contract any sort of STD from Kondo-san whatsoever. I'd probably turn into a gorilla if I did."
The instant answer that she received caused a girlish, amused giggle to bubble from thr back of her throat as her fingers quickly typed in the words. "You're the one insulting him the most here, sadist. And I never said anything about STDs. I knew you were fucking him, but you should probably be more discreet."
Okita's replies were entering in a brisk rate, almost as if he was faithfully waiting for her texts all this time. She tried not to see it that way, but couldn't help herself from pondering the possibility nonetheless as she read his message. "I didn't think you knew any big words like discreet, China. Why would you think I'd go for Kondo-san to begin with anyway?"
"I think with anego ignoring him so much, he'd go for anything with a hole at this point," she laughed a little as she pressed send.
"You're mistaken if you think I'll let him anywhere near my hole. If I had to have sex with a guy, I'd be the one impaling him, not the other way around. Besides, I don't feel like turning into a gorilla."
"You say stuff like respecting him but you're also the one degrading him the most, you sadist." She paused for a moment before sending another text, "You can come over if you want. Kamui's at work and papi's busy playing pachinko, I think. He's gotten that habit from Gin-chan. Not sure how I should take it."
"You should get him straightened out before he becomes Danna 2.0, China." His message prompted her to furrow her brows into a deep frown as she contemplated the feasible future of her papi turning into a clone of Gin and picking his nose whilst switching between channels on the TV. She wasn't completely certain if she enjoyed the thought of having another useless hack around, but she wasn't one to talk either considering that she probably caught on a lot of Gin's bad habits as well. However, the impending doom of a freeloading papi was swiftly banished from her thoughts as her phone vibrated once again.
On the screen, were the words: "You can't get up, right? That's how you usually are when you have fevers after all. Well, I'm pretty sure you left a window open somewhere in the house. That's how it normally is when I come by so I think I can sneak in, in case you're too beat to open the door."
There was a moment or two of silence before the screen blared with another message.
"I'll be there in ten."
Blood rushed to her cheeks as she proceeded to skim over his texts numerous times. "What the hell, he's talking as if he knows me so well…" she muttered, though her voice lacked any resentment as she realized that everything he described was true to a fault. She felt an odd frisson of nervousness mixed with happiness fluttering in her stomach.
As she thought, maybe her face really was hot for something other than the fever.
A/N: I'm sorry for the lack of Okikagu moments, I promise there will be more in future chapters. I usually respond to reviews whenever I update, but this time, I'll simply reply to everyone at the same time as I'm pretty tired as of right now. I just had a presentation done yesterday, and currently taking care of a sick relative. But I really mean my answer to all of your reviews by saying that thank you for continuing to support this story, and I'm sorry for the long wait but I have good news: my internship is over now, so hopefully I can focus more on my fics. You all have shown so much love for Nirvana and I'm happy whenever I read a feedback from any of you. I hope all of my readers enjoyed this chapter, even if it was a little bit lackluster and my writing skills have regressed a little. In any case, I'll be back to responding to reviews individually by the next chapter.
