This is what happens when someone asks me for a version of "Modern Major General" about Hermione Granger...

I am the prime example of a mudblood magic know-it-all

I've read about the hex, the curse, the jinx and also ritual

I met the ghosts of Hogwarts (the fat friar is adorable)

And think the history prof is only here 'cause he's affordable

I'm thoroughly familiar too with concepts arithmantical

I memorized the textbook: Numerology Grammatica

And I might be a witch but I will offer no apology

For telling you I do not have the patience for astrology!

I'm quite adept with brewing, made a potion that they teach in N.E.W.T's

While only second year and did it sitting in a girl's loo.

So whether it's in spellcraft or some other theory mystical

I am the prime example of a mudblood magic know-it-all

I've learned our violent history from the goblin wars to Grindlewald

In my first potions lesson I knew what else Monkshood could be called

I figured out that Lupin was a werewolf on the first full moon

And Black had been the one that gifted Harry his new racing broom.

I can transfigure beetles into buttons and then banish them

Or conjure 10 canaries, send them at you and then vanish them

Then with a happy mem'ry I will cast a spell superior

An otter that can gambol as it chases off a dementor

And rattle off a chain of spells that keep a campsite safe from harm

Or block unfriendly fire with a semi-solid shield Charm

In short if you need spellwork that is eminently practical

I am the prime example of a mudblood magic know-it-all

And I can do enchanting with expansion charm or protean

Or with a curse of acne on the face if someone turns us in.

When I can travel backwards to a time that I have lived before

and stand with my friend Harry against even all of Gryffindor

When I can tell from context clues a monster is a basilisk

And then convince a prefect that a mirror mitigates the risk

When everyone is flummoxed and then I come in and solve it all

You'll say a magic mudblood witch is the best one to call.

That's not to mention elf rights but when I become the Minister

though you might think my policies encourage something sinister

you'll find that in all matters economic and political

I am the prime example of a mudblood magic know-it all