"This is going to be tough for you, the defense will not go easy." ADA Barba says to me after I take the seat in an empty court room to go over my testimony. It has been 2 weeks since my release in the hospital and 3 days since the trial started. It's a public mad house that the media is eating up due to the political father sitting beside his injured son, ready to put his mentally ill one away for life in a mental institution. I try and flatten out my skirt with my one arm still bandaged and sit on my hand waiting to begin. "I'll start off with how you knew Jason, your past relationship together and why you were together in the city."

"Alright." I say simply, knowing that would be the easy part.

"Just be honest and you'll be fine. We'll go into the details of your rape. I'm going to ask you questions I want you to be specific to. What he did to you, how he was behaving, how he left you. Can you do that?" He asks. I nod, assuring him I could. I've been in daily therapy since I got out of the hospital and I've been talking to my therapist about the incident pretty openly from the start. It felt good to talk to someone who doesn't judge me, or look and act like I'm damaged around them. "Now, when the defense comes up, they are going to try and convince you it wasn't him. You didn't see his face, you didn't get a look at him and that it could have been any white male in that video."

"But you have evidence." I remind him.

He holds up his hand "yes, we do. I'm just letting you know. I'll move on from the rape to the incident in your neighbors apart-"

I interrupt him "Mrs. Blaine's apartment." I clarify.4

He adjusts his tie "yes, Mrs. Blaine's apartment. Same routine questions you answered at the precinct. Why did you go inside, what did he say to you, why did he let you go. The defense will be harsh on this too, claiming your memory loss to the incident was convenient for you or some other deflect tactic to distract the jury. Just remain calm, stick to the facts and you'll do just fine." He waits to go on, waiting for me to confirm I understand. I nod again, and he continues "We'll go to the incident at the hospital, the hostage situation and everything he was saying there. Is there anything you haven't told any one yet, anything else you want to go over before we go into all the questions?" ADA Barba asks one more time.

"I told the police everything I know." I assure him.

He pulls out a paper but his phone rings and he quickly picks it up. "When did this happen? I told you to take care of it. No, fine. We'll just have 2 separate trials." He hangs up the phone and looks at me with a saddened stare. "Addison, I have some bad news."

"What?" I ask, my air getting caught in my breath

He puts a hand to his temple rubbing at it "I had an intern try to take care of a motion and well, he failed. Nothing is changed, we just have to have two separate trials. One for the rape and one for the murder and hospital attack."

I kind of gasp "what, why?" He asks.

"We have plenty of evidence for both, don't worry about it. Tomorrow's will be for the murder. Let's get started." He pushes my questions away and pulls at the paper from the folder and reads off the first question "where did you meet Jason Charles?"

" He pushes my questions away and pulls at the paper from the folder and reads off the first question "where did you meet Jason Charles?"

I answer honestly, to every 50 or so questions he asks me in that booth. He attacks me, bullying off of some of my responses as the defense might do. He tells me when to elaborate or when to shorten my response. After 3 hours, we are finished and I head back to my empty apartment.

Rollins and Carisi pick me up from my apartment at 6:30 the next morning. I wear the nicest skirt suit I have and walk as confidently into the courthouse as possible. Benson meets us in the hallway and explains I can not go into the court room until after I testify. They will start shortly and I'll be called in soon after. They put me in a small empty room, guarded by an officer and I wait for my turn to face the man who ruined my life. The officer opens the door for me and I am led into the court room and sit in the chair in front of everyone. I'm sworn in and sit down, keeping my eyes on ADA Barber then on Jacob or anyone else in the room. "Thank you being here Addison." He starts. I nod, waiting to get started. "Can you tell us what happened in the afternoon of December 2nd, 2016?"

"I was going to my apartment to grab some things. I wasn't staying there at the time. I went to leave and noticed a noise coming from my neighbors apartment." I explain.

"What kind of noise?" He asks.

"Like something breaking." I clarify.

"What happened next?"

I sit up a bit straighter in the chair "I went to her door. I wanted to see if she was okay, and thank her for helping me."

"Helping you with what?" He asks.

"She's the one who called the police after Jacob raped me." I state.

"Objection, your honor!" The defense attorney calls out.

The judge says back "sustained, the jury will disregard that statement. Ms. Collins, don't do that again."

"Sorry mam." I bow my head a little in embarrassment. "Mrs. Blaine did something nice for me, so I wanted to thank her." I reword my response.

"Did Mrs Blaine let you into her apartment?" Barba asks me.

"No. When I knocked on the door I saw that it was open. I thought that was strange but she's an elderly women, she could have forgotten to shut it." Barbra doesn't say anything, wanting me to continue "so I went in and called out to her, letting her know who I was and that I was inside. She didn't answer me so I kept walking in. That's when I froze, and saw Jacob standing over her bloody body."

"Is Jacob in the courtroom today?" Barba asks me.

I nod "yes, that's him." I point to Jacob whose across from me and behind a table.

"Let the record state that the witness has identified Jacob Morales as the man in the apartment." He turns back to me "did he say anything to you, did he attack you?" He asks.

"He was already looking at me when I got through the hallway. He had a smile on his face, and he started to laugh. Then he got real calm and said "thanks for making it easier for me, I've been looking for you." And he pulled his hand out from behind his back and he was holding a knife."

Barba turns to his table and holds up a bag with a knife inside "this knife?" He questions me.

"Yes." I assure.

"Exhibit A, your honor. The knife with the victims blood on it that was found at the crime scene. Addison, what happened next?" He asks, telling me to go on.

"I knew I had to do something but all I could think to do was scream. I wanted to move but I was frozen. I knew detective Rollins and detective Carisi were outside, I just hoped they could hear me. He laughed some more while I screamed then he muttered that it wasn't my time and that he'd see me again soon." I shiver repeating his words out loud, his actual voice saying it to me in my own mind.

"How did you get away?" Barba asks me, wanting to wrap up this part of the trial and move on to the incident at the hospital.

I look at the jury, most still wide eyed while listening to my testimony "He headed towards the window and as soon as he was out I made my way to the door and then to the elevator."

"When was the next time you saw Jacob Morales?" He questions.

"At the hospital a few days later." I say.

"Were you a patient there?" He asks, already knowing what my answer is.

"No. Jason Charles called me. He was in an accident, his brakes were cut and he-" I say trying to remind the jury of Jason's testimony.

"Objection!" His defense lawyer interrupts me from continuing.

Barba quickly jumps in before the judge could "I'll rephrase. Addison, when you went to visit Jason at the hospital, were you expecting to run into the defendant?"

"No." I quickly shake my head "I was going to see my friend." He looks at me, telling me to continue. "I went in to see him and then Jacob came in with a gun in his hand. He told us not to move and wanted to talk to Jason's father."

"Do you know why?" Barba asks me.

"He started talking about how he was his brother, that he was shipped away by Mr. Charles. When detective Carisi came into the room he grabbed me and held a gun to my head." I explain.

"Was Jacob Morales agitated?" He asks.

The other lawyers yells out "Objection, she can't say what he was feeling!"

"I'll rephrase." Barba quickly claims. "How was Mr. Morales behaving after detective Carisi came into the room."

"He was holding onto me pretty tightly, the gun pressed against my temple. I could feel him shaking when he was talking, his body was tense. I was afraid he was going to kill me. Jason decided to call his dad, and he was told to put it on speaker phone."

"Did his father pick up that call?" Barba asks me.

I shake my head "no, his assistant or someone did. Jason knew who it was, made sure she put him on the phone." I explain.

Barba comes closer to where I sit "what did Mr. Charles say?" He asks.

"He started talking right away, before Jason could say anything. He said he knew Jason was in an accident but that he was busy with meetings, that he would get to the hospital as soon as he could. Jacob started to yell and lean for the phone. That's when I heard a loud shot and fell to the ground."

"Thank you Ms. Collins." Barba nods towards me then stares at the jurors for a moment "nothing else your honor." He tells the judge and returns to his seat behind his own table.