It wasn't that Jules exactly disliked spending time with Rosalie Hale. If anything, their conversations flowed freely, and the more they spoke the more they seemed to share as common interests, from Jules' extensive knowledge in American Cinema that spanned generations worth of pop culture thanks to her upbringing, or their equally longwinded debates on what era of car design had the best aesthetic appeal. It was more that she could not trust that any of it was real. She could see it now, realizing she'd been too much of an idiot gawking at the exterior to notice what lay just beneath. Too busy focusing on Rosalie's soft, seraphic voice to fully comprehend what she meant as opposed to what she said. There was something there in her expressive eyes, extraordinary as they were in hue. If Jules looked past the exquisite surface, she could see the kaleidoscope of pain swirling in those eyes of hers, see the strange girl behind the godly mirage.
Hurt, pity, sorrow, regret, guilt…the emotions mixed together like the tender weaving of a tapestry, until one could no longer be distinguished from the other, until the melancholia hidden behind her briefly amused smiles threatened to overwhelm her. No- that was wrong, she did seem happy, at least in her presence. Either it was genuine or she was a ridiculously gifted actress, but Jules did not like to think the new friend that had thrust herself upon her so vehemently would be so callous as to lie to her about her joy, as brief as it might have been.
It was when their conversation lulled that she began to see past the illusion, see past the perfect mask she seemed to wear. They were mere flickers, the purse of her soft lips, the barest furrow of a brow as those morose eyes stared directly ahead, dainty hands a flurry of motion as she took perfect notes in their shared classes. Jules had suspected that something strange was afoot, there was no natural or logical explanation as to why someone would be so bizarrely invested in a new friendship to the extent that Jules could not even go to the bathroom without her faithful shadow at her side. I mean sure, it's unspoken girl code to go to the bathroom together, but come on.
Despite her unease, what she began to see in Rosalie Hale had created a fork in her spiral of unending doubts, and suddenly the why began to matter more to her than the what when it came to whatever the Cullens were up to. She loathed the bitter paranoia the source of her affections had brought out in her, wistful for simpler times like a year ago when her greatest worry was finishing off her biology homework in time to convince Charlie to let her go camping with Sam and Leah.
With her awareness came her wariness, her guard back up as she allowed Rosalie to join her for lunch at her table by the windows. It didn't take long for her family to join them, as Rosalie had warned her they would well ahead of time- a move Jules had appreciated until it began a whole new spiral of thought. How does she know exactly what to say to make me agree to everything she wants? Or am I just such a fool I've let her twist me around her pinky within a day of being by her side? Ugh, stop it Jules.
It's Edward that breaks her out of it, toying with the stem of an apple while Alice and Emmett argued over who would get control of the TV once they got home. "How do you ignore the staring?"
His voice was soft, somehow gentler still than even Rosalie's, but this somehow only served to make the strain in his tone clearer. He seemed frustrated- agitated, even. Jules blinked out of her stupor, before furrowing her eyebrows at the annoyingly pretty boy with tousled hair sat across the table from her and Emmett.
"I don't." She admits, her flat tone cutting through the multiple conversations at her table as all the Cullens turn to her, dark and golden eyes staring her down directly. Jules tries her hardest not to bristle despite the goosebumps. "You can't control how other people feel about you, but you can control how much you care about it."
This was only half true. Jules knew, at least in theory, that she could use her gift on someone else, force them to look away from her- but the mere fleeting thought was more than enough to send shivers down her spine. This was not who she was. This was not who she chose to be.
Edward's lips tilted up on one side, a rueful lopsided smile. Paired with the bitterness in his eyes, Jules could see why most of the girls in their school had dubbed him- incorrectly- to be the most attractive of the Cullens. He was the sheer epitome of broody teen heartthrob. "Perhaps my issue lies in how much I care what other people think then."
"Perhaps." Jules can't help her amused smile, teasing the way he spoke. She could feel a headache coming on the same way she could taste rain in the air before it began to pour, her usually bright eyes softer, tired from all her focus on unravelling the riddle of Rosalie Hale. Just as her restlessness had spiked twicefold encountering both Emmett and Rosalie together, it had multiplied extensively in the presence of the entirety of the Cullen clan, transforming into a buzzing sensation behind her eyes and a buzzing sensation in the tips of her fingers. "It's energy wasted, if you ask me. A few more years and you'll never have to see their faces or hear from them again. People can be as inconsequential as you like to your life, it's your own choice who you let in and who you keep out."
"And you?" Edward challenged, leaning forward on the table on his crossed forearms. Jules raised an eyebrow. "Why do you choose to keep everyone out?"
Before Jules could object, Edward persisted. "I can see how uncomfortable we all make you. You don't enjoy making connections with new people. Why?"
"Edward that's enough." Rosalie hisses at her brother, her expression venomous. Jules blinks at her, frowning as the two siblings seem to glare with such hatred at each other that it was almost palpable. It was surprising to her- this was a side to Rosalie she had not yet seen. "God, do you have to be such a freak? What is this, an intervention? Leave her alone. Jesus."
"Ignore him, I do." Rosalie turns to her, eyebrows furrowed together with worry, tone so abruptly gentle that it almost gave Jules whiplash.
"No, um, it's fine." She shakes her head. "I mean…he is not wrong, hmm? I like to keep my circle small, I don't see the point in having so many friends that you cannot invest in them and care for them as deeply as you could if you only had a few people to focus on."
Another half-truth, but the rant flowed freely from her silver tongue with the ease of practiced perfection. Jules had learnt the hard way that the more friends she had, the more she would end up in group situations- and group situations meant there was more risk in her accidentally revealing her gift. She didn't want to stop using it entirely- she wasn't sure if she even could, as dependent and as reflexive as it was. Her gift felt like an extension of herself, a third limb. She knew she had to practice and work out the muscles to be able to do much with it, but it paid off where it mattered and when she had no use for it she would pretend it didn't exist. She didn't want to be a superhero, she wasn't sure if she even cared for being a regular hero- like her Uncle Charlie. The truth was Jules was selfish, and she was afraid. It was her fear that made her so reckless, her fear that had honed her survival instincts to the point that she was now seemingly terrified of teenagers.
"No, it's more than that." Edward pushed. "You don't trust easily…no, you don't trust at all."
Well could you blame me? Jules tried not to let her bitterness show, containing it as she always did behind a cheeky smirk."I find that trust is better earned than given away freely, non? Much like love."
"That's no way to live, don't you think?" Rosalie joined in, eyebrows still furrowed, seemingly almost reluctant as the worried words spilled from her lips. "I mean…what if you miss your chance and you don't find love before the end? Could you live with that?"
"You mean if I were to die young?" Jules frowned, struggling to follow the strange turn their conversation had taken. The entire table was listening to her now, waiting for her patiently as she sorted through her own thoughts and emotions on a concept she had not thought of recently. She didn't like to dwell on the topic of death. Her eyes were distant as she rolled her shoulders, lips pursing with consideration. "Hmmm, plausible, yes. One cannot know if they might be hit by a truck-"
Doubtful. I could just push against the truck or jam the wheels, theoretically. Hmm. I should've considered this more.
"-or struck by lightning. Still, what's the point of living life if you're looking for death at every turn? Non. I will not be rushed. If it were meant to be, it will be. If I met the love of my life, fine. But the last thing I will ever do is settle." Jules waves off, standing by her beliefs. "Death is not a choice, but life is. It is up to you how you choose to live. I choose not to waste my time on what others choose to think of me. I choose not to waste my time on settling for less than I desire. I choose not to trust until someone shows me that they value that trust. Life is a choice."
It seemed she had struck a nerve as the silence rang across the table, tiny fairy-like Alice sharing a look of discomfort with comically gigantic Emmett next to her. Jules only frowned in confusion as her eyes flicked between the siblings. She didn't understand how her own thoughts could cause such a stir. Before she can ask, Edward speaks again.
"My sister causes you discomfort." It was not a question, but an observation- one that Rosalie visibly takes quite a great deal of offence to if her scowl gives any inclination.
"No, your sister irks me. There's a difference." Jules felt her lips twitch upward as she leaned back, arm hanging over the back of her chair as she raised her juice box up to her lips. "She has a terrible habit of trying to psychoanalyze me- something you seem to share, hmm? Is it a Cullen family trait?"
"Deflection." Rosalie's eyes spark.
"Distraction." Jules fires back. Rosalie raises an eyebrow at her. "All day, that's what you've been up to, isn't it? You've been trying to make me feel comfortable around you. A forced adjustment period. Why?"
"I didn't think it was in you to be so direct." Rosalie challenged.
"I didn't think it was in you to be so dizzying." Jules squinted. Rosalie waited, and once more, the rest of the Cullens watched on as if the two were playing a prize tennis match, their verbal parrying akin to a poker match- it was only a matter of time before one folded and the other showed all their cards. They were trying to provoke each other. "One minute you're trying to be my brand new best friend, the next you're planning my funeral. The former seems fake, the latter seems illogical. I can't tell what's up or down around you- I can't even tell what's real about you."
Rosalie frowns. "Don't be silly, I've been nothing but straight with you."
"Have you?" Jules raised an eyebrow. "Then why won't you let me be alone, even for a minute?"
She had her there. And in Rosalie's brief pause, in her mere split-second hesitation, Jules pounced. "You're hiding something."
She seems pleased with herself, her lips stretched wide into the laziest of smiles, her eyes shimmering with smug mischief. Rosalie's beautiful features dropped into that same scowl as before, a scoff slipping from her far more naturally than her honeyed words all morning. This only served to make Jules feel more certain of her paranoia, the relief injecting into her veins that it had not been misplaced.
"You don't want to know what it is." Edward frowned at her, adorably perplexed with his dark brows looming shadows over his pretty eyes. He never questioned her, it seemed, cutting straight through to commentating on her own decisions as if she were a fascinating nature documentary.
"Are you a cult?" Jules raised an eyebrow at him. He shook his head with a dismissive snort. She turned her gaze to Emmett, who was sporting a roguish dimpled grin at her antics. "Are you planning to bury my body in the woods?"
"Only if you can't afford a spot in the town graveyard." Emmett retorts, playing along cheekily.
Jules cracks a grin. "Then fine."
"That's it?" Rosalie seemed frustrated with her. "Just like that?"
"You have secrets. So what?" Jules shrugged as she leaned forward once more, returning half her attention to her lunch. "I don't need to know them if you actually want to be my friend. I just need to know the real you. None of that friendly new townie type bullshit, yes? I hate small talk, it makes me itch. And all the twenty questions stuff needs to stop. It feels like an interrogation."
"You need to be in control." Rosalie seems to finally understand, her crestfallen eyes filled with remorse. Jules wrinkled up her nose with distaste. Control. The Cullens seemed to be using that word far too much around her, and she didn't much care for it. There was no logical way they could know about her gift, none of them had seen it- she'd been far too careful since her near slip-up with their father and she'd had no reason to skate as she usually did to school with Rosalie as her personal supermodel riding in on a figurative white steed. Still, the unwitting coincidence sent warning bells ringing in the back of her mind, ones she masked to the best of her ability."You need boundaries."
"Don't we all?" Jules frowned, biting into her green apple with a loud crunch, chewing delicately and swallowing before she elaborated. "I don't need to know your secrets, I just need to know you."
"That seems like a fair deal, non?" She raised an eyebrow. "I won't question why you've decided to be my personal bodyguards. If that's how you wish to spend your time and energy, fine. Why not?"
Well, at least I won't question it to your lovely face.
"We haven't given you any reason to trust us." Edward was still flummoxed by her sudden shift in demeanour.
"Ah, but you have." She glanced up from her tray at him bemused. "You are not hiding that you are hiding something from me, non? Therefore, there is an ulterior motive. If you do not disprove that you have said ulterior motive, then I know exactly what I'm dealing with- just not the specifics. I can live without the specifics. I don't need the specifics. I just need to know why you're doing this, not the what."
"What?" Alice snapped, the frustration clear in the line of her perfectly arched brows as she pulled a face at her.
"Damn, you confused Tink. That's some skill you've got there, kid." Emmett chuckled with a shake of his head.
"There is a reason you're doing whatever it is you're doing, yes?" Jules tried to make herself clearer, still amused.
"Yes." Rosalie confirmed in a heartbeat, her absolute belief in her motives clear from the way her tone made the singular word sound like a gavel against a block.
"And it is important to you?" She raised an eyebrow.
"Yes."
"And you cannot tell me why?"
"No."
"Then that is all there is to it, hmm?" Jules smiled, pleased. "Just promise me one thing?"
Rosalie frowned at her, waiting with furrowed brows once more.
"Whatever it is, whatever you do- nothing happens to Charlie. D'accord?" Jules raised a two fingered salute up to her lips, pressing a kiss against them before holding it up towards Rosalie. Her eyes dropped to her fingers as if it were an alien limb. Jules rolls her eyes. "You're supposed to kiss your fingers and press them against mine. It's a type of pinky swear. You break it, I break you."
"Easy there bearcat, you shouldn't dream of such a thing." Rosalie admonished playfully, her eyes sparkling with genuine delight as she pouted her lips and pressed her fingers against them.
As their fingertips brushed, Jules tried desperately to not notice the way Rosalie's touch felt like an ice cube against her warm skin. She'd made a promise, one she intended to keep no matter how much her mind screamed out all the irregularities surrounding her.
What have I just signed myself up for?
