Hey,

So this chapter was very difficult for me, since I got an understand about Leyla while writing this chapter. And also about Hermione, I hope this understanding makes the story better. I am so glad for all the reviews, the love made me want to be true to everything in this story. And now I have everything of back ground stories made clear. Something that is going to make this story better, I hope. It's all up to you. Hate it or love the story, just tell me. I need to learn and I can learn from you. I feel that is what Harry Potter thought me as a writer and I want you to be honest on the story, just don't be too strict on my typo's. I'm still a learner.

Enjoy the chapter,

TempeGeller


Chapter 12: The search for a parent


Hermione didn't understand why her mother had taken the time to remove herself from his memory. Or maybe Snape had done it himself, maybe there was a pain in remembering her mother. Why? She didn't know. If Snape didn't know remember her mother anymore, it meant that there were memories causing him pain. Either way she didn't exist in his mind anymore. Any proof that was left over, had disappeared forever.
So Hermione wanted to find something , she would need to find a way from what exactly happened. She needed to see her mother and if she wanted that, she needed to become confident with her powers. The only place she could find the answer to was the small spell book her mother had written. A diary would help, but where would she ever find that? The question how was even bigger. As she stepped of the stairs she noticed Harry and Ron.
"You can't do this Hermione…" Harry reacted. "This thing is not just about your mom, it's about mine too."

"Harry we have nothing." Hermione replied "There is not one witness left that saw my mother in person. Not one that is going to talk openly."
"Unless we go from uncertainties." Ron smiled a bit. "You see, there was one witness in the room of the murder, Harry."
"Harry was a baby, Ronald Weasley."
"Yeah, but he remembered his mother's scream." Ron replied. "So there is a memory of the event. Maybe we can get it and we can analyse it."
"Ron, a baby is not exactly the best witness." Hermione reacted. "Not to proof the things we…"
"Todler." Harry corrected. "Who knows, what I know Hermione."
"I'm getting sick of it." She replied, " I feel that we only get more questions with every answer and my mother or anyone is not making it easier for us. The answer is in Snape's head."
"Then you have to get this powers to work…" Ron turned to her. "There are other sources of information. Sirius Black…"
"If we want to get perception on her…" Hermione spoke. "Plus…"
"When we hear him talk about Leyla he was talking in anger." Ron smiled. "What if we ask him after the facts? Simple the facts…"
"I think his mind is unable to see fact over perception." Hermione smiled. "Aren't almost all experiences perceived in the mind's eye?" Ron turned to her. "Maybe there are things he can tell us, maybe even Dumbledore."

"What are you going to say?" She turned to Ron. "We can't walk in his office, asking everything we need to know. The wrong people could know and if Dumbledore is anywhere aware of the fact that my mother is alive, he won't say a thing. The last person we'll get knowledge from is Dumbledore."
"So what do we do?" Harry replied. "It's not like we can figure out anyone that…"

"Remus Lupin." Ron replied. "He went to school with both of them, he has no reason what so ever to lie. We'll ask him everything what we need to know."


Remus Lupin stared at the trio. They were sitting in front of him, there was something in their posture that copied something he had in his mind. Ron had a hand pushed to his forehead and Hermione stared to the floor.
"You want to know about Leyla…" Remus stared to his feet. "Right?"
"Without any perception…" Hermione smiled. "Meaning…"

"If she was a bitch, we want to know." Harry stared to his feet. "If she was…"
"Evil…" Hermione continued. "We want to know, if she went around changing minds…"
"She was not evil." Remus turned away. "She was not you either, Hermione. Your mother kept to herself, she was a whole year younger than most of us. She was shy and smart and only talked to those she absolutely had to."
He stared to Hermione, her eyes were still filled with curiosity. A part of him almost expected that he would say something negative.
"Most people expect to hear a bad personality trade of your mother…" He smiled. "It's stupid to say, but I always assumed she didn't have any."
"What do you mean she didn't have any?"
"Hermione, you must know that your mother was almost exactly like yourself." Remus stared to his feet. "I think she minimized anything she was, she knew about what I was and didn't care. Actually she even suggested to help me, she did it many times. She was like a sister to me. What Sirius said about her is the truth, she was his girlfriend. When he was 16 and she was only 15."
"And what happened there?"
"Sirius had the maturity of a 15 year old." Remus explained. "Leyla had the maturity of a 700 year old, they broke up shortly after going out. Why they broke up, I never knew."

"And that is when she went out with Snape?"
"I don't know." Remus turned away. "Unlike Lily and Leyla's bond, ours wasn't that strong. In fact after she and Sirius broke up, our band went away. She didn't agree with our treatment of certain students and she was right."
"Snape…"
"I assume yes." Remus turned away. "At least I think so. I didn't see Leyla or Snape after those years, the last time I saw her, Leyla…"
"She's okay." Hermione put her hand on his. "She's okay. She's alive and so is Lily, at least that is what we think."
"You and Harry want to find them." He turned to her. "I think you'll have to find Lily, because finding Leyla is like searching for a needle in a haystack. Trust me, she has a high tolerance of pain. If you want to find Leyla, I suggest to look for Lily."
"What do you mean…." Hermione stared at him. "with she had a high tolerance for pain?"
"Some things you shouldn't know…" Remus stared at her. "It doesn't matter how curious you become. Some things are better not known. Specially something your mother doesn't want you to know. Trust me, Hermione."
"What exactly do you mean by that?" Ron stood up. "I think we deserve an explanation to what you mean by a high tolerance to pain? Whatever we have in our mind…"
"She…" Remus stared to his feet. "She carried other's people burdens, by taking away painful memories. She had powers, powers I didn't understand. Hermione, whatever you hear from someone. Your mother was an amazing woman and I know she had a reason for giving you up. She did it, to give you your best chance."
"So how do I use them?" She stared to Remus. "The powers?"
"She never talked about what made her different." He smiled for a while. "She did say, whatever makes different, is the thing that makes you beautiful. The thing everyone laughs with, the things you stand for when no one else does. She said that's how she used them and more importantly how she kept them in balance…"
"So?"

"I'm afraid there is no short answer to where you mother is right now." Remus turned his face away from hers. "I can't give you the answer to who is your father either, Leyla never confided in me. Snape knows more about your mother, I'd say. I know he's very terrifying, but he knew her better than I ever will."
"Well, that's the very problem." Hermione turned away. "He doesn't know her anymore. Something happened in the last day that made her disappear from his mind."
"Snape is very strong in occlumency , I hardly doubt someone…" He paused. "If Leyla did it, she will have her reasons for it. She's a sweet girl…"
"The sweet girl you are talking about…" Hermione stood up. "If she was so sweet and nice, why did she give me up? Why would she keep Harry from seeing his mother? Why would she let Severus Snape suffer? She doesn't look like a sweet lady..."

"The world is not black and white." Remus stared at her. "If your mother left you with the Grangers, she believed they would be better for you than she would ever be."
"How could I ever want more than a mother who loved me?" Hermione reacted. "How did she think I wanted more? She could have taken me, she could have protected me. She was my mother, I…"
"Hermione, it's…"
"I don't want her to think that I hate her." She stared to her feet. "But somewhere inside I do, why couldn't she stop fighting for muggles? Why was I never enough to protect?"
"Because maybe…" Ron stared at her. "Maybe Voldemort wanted you…"
"Why?"

"For the same way Voldemort was after Harry." Ron turned away.
"Why would Voldemort be after me?" She turned away. "I'm nothing special."
"You are the daughter of a half blood god, I think in powers you are something to want." Remus spoke. "Even Voldemort would want you on his side, maybe even raise you as his own."
"Mom didn't want that…"
"Of Leyla wanted something, she would want a child to grow up in love."


Hermione couldn't believe anything Remus had said, well she did believe it. Yet she couldn't create an image of her mother. It seemed the more she heard, the more it started to speak against each other. Her mother was sweet, but she did toy with people's minds. Why? Maybe because she wanted to protect the other person. She wished so badly that she could meet the woman she had been calling mother herself, that she could say that she could see the woman for herself. Sometimes it felt like she was trying to make up an image that fitted with the name. Leyviena Theresa McGonagall, a simple name and she would never be able to put a face with it. The woman never learned her how to speak and yet a vague memory of the face was imprinted in her mind, like she didn't want to think anything bad.
"Hermione…" Harry stared at her. "How is it going?"

"Nothing's going." Hermione took the book in front of her throwing it on the floor. "I'm never going to master this powers, my mother had no problem with it."
"She had more time to master it." He sat down. "Maybe you should try to not blame yourself.."
"I don't blame myself."

"Off course you do, Hermione." He sat down next to her. "I had it too, when I found out that my mother was gone. I thought that there might be something I could have done, to stop…"
"Maybe there was something…" Hermione had tears in her eyes. "I mean…"
"Hermione, you were a baby."

"Then did she not want me?" She stood up. "I mean I'm not as good as she was, I…"
"Hermione, your mother loves you for everything you are." He took her hand. "She wouldn't bother appearing in your dreams if she didn't, you can learn to control those powers, but first you need to forgive yourself, Hermione. It's not your fault. You can't change the past, but we can fight for the future."
"She could have fought for me." Hermione turned away. "She could have…"
"Who's life would have been the price?" Harry stared at Hermione. "You don't know what's passed in those years, she had a stab wound. A stab wound, she was being chased by someone. Your life would have been the price and your mother didn't want you to pay it. In my book that's a hero. Hermione, you get to be mad at her for leaving you. You don't get to be mad at yourself for not being a hero…"

"Why would you assume that I…"
"Because I get it too…" Harry stared to his feet. "That sensation that there was something I could have done from that basket, that I could have jumped from my basket and protected my mother. Yet, I needed to learn that there was nothing I could have done, she gave her life to save me. Your mother would have done the same, the only problem is that mine got in the way. There has to be a reason why she didn't come back for you and it has to be with the situation or your father?"
"You don't believe that my father is evil?" Hermione stared to her feet. "You don't believe my father is Voldemort?"
"Hermione…"
"If this is true…" Hermione stared to her feet. "If this is true, I'm not born from love. I am born from hate, if Voldemort is my father, my mother was attacked. Maybe she didn't want me, because…"

"Hermione…"
"She doesn't want me…" She opened her eyes wider. "Because I'm a monster."