Sometimes the blowback from good intentions leaves a deep rift in a relationship. Sometimes it just leaves people inclined to laugh at you. Post Legacy/Princess on Lothal
A bit of emotion ahead.
The distractions afforded by the mission with the Alderaan princess had long since worn off, and despite Ezra's assurances that all he needed was time the crew could only watch heartbroken as the news of his parents' deaths ate at him a little more day by day. Sallow skin, shadowed eyes, and irritable demeanor were all signs of a boy physically and mentally exhausted.
Still for all that sleep didn't rank high on the teen's list of priorities. Short of the occasional nap on the Phantom when en route to a supply pickup, none of the crew had actually seen him bothering to rest.
Kanan had tried to help, purposefully leaving his cabin door unlocked at night and telling Ezra to come to him when he needed to, whatever the hour. The others had reached out in the best ways they knew how - weighted blankets, warm drinks, recordings of soft music hacked from the holonet - anything to coax the boy into a full night's sleep. Ezra had thanked them politely for every gift and then promptly returned to his ordinary routine as if nothing had changed.
The delicate tiptoeing as they tried to figure out what was left that they hadn't tried was weighing on the whole crew and as their youngest member continued to throw himself into their work with no signs of stopping or even slowing down, it was only a matter of time before something came crashing down. They could only hope it didn't bring the whole family down with it.
It had been Chopper's idea initially, rolling into the cockpit where Spectres One and Two were discussing the problem of their boy's lack of rest. A small bottle of sleep aid that was among the last batch of medical supplies the crew had swiped from the empire was clutched in a set of his pincers. He held it out with a shameless warble about how all they had to do was pour it in Spectre Six's drink when he wasn't looking and the problem would be solved. It had been all the Jedi could do to keep from kicking the droid for daring to suggest he add drugging to the list of trauma his padawan had been through the last few days.
Hera had backed up his decision but he could see her glancing between him and Ezra thoughtfully every now and then.
Things came to a head two weeks later when Ezra had nodded off during a mission briefing for the third time and Sato had threatened to take the whole team off rotation until the boy recovered. Hera had pulled Kanan aside and begged him to give the idea a try.
"We can't. If he won't take it on his own, we've no right to force it on him. His trust is on the line."
"I know that! Believe me it's killing me to even think about it, but if he carries on like this he's going to get himself hurt. Or worse. And he won't stop fighting. If Sato pulls him, he'll just sneak off." She smiled ruefully. "We've both been too strong of an influence in that respect."
"We can find another way."
"Kanan we've done everything but sit on him until he passes out. If he won't take care of himself, then we have to take care of him."
"I know, I know. Look you're not wrong I just…I can't lose him, Hera. I won't!"
Hera put a hand on his cheek, making him look at her. "We won't lose him over this Love, I promise. We do it once. If it works, great. If he's angry then we'll go to ground and try to keep him safe until he's ready to forgive us. Either way I take full responsibility for what happens."
"No, we both do." Kanan pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing. "Alright, but we better at least have a whole box of those frozen jogan sticks he loves on stand by just in case."
"I have two."
It was an easy enough trick to pull, Kanan not having lost the knack for the sleight of hand he'd developed during his bartending days. Throughout dinner, Hera did a good job of keeping everyone's attention laser focused on various topics, leaving no one, least of all Ezra, aware of the fact his drink was spiked. Even with an underlying tension the evening passed much as their evenings usually did.
"Come on runt," Zeb spoke up at last, seeing his youngest shipmate start to yawn less than an hour after they finished eating, "what'd say we crash early tonight huh?"
Ezra frowned and the crew held their collective breaths but at last the teen nodded, muttering a goodnight to the others and following him from the room docilely enough. He was changed and in his bed by the time Zeb finished in the refresher. The lasat puttered about the room for a few minutes keeping one eye on his roommate who snuggled into his pillow and rubbed at his eyes.
"Can you ask Kanan to come here for a minute?" Ezra suddenly spoke up, a plea in his bright blue eyes.
"Sure," Zeb backtracked to the door, sticking his head out into the corridor. "Kanan!"
"Yes?" The Jedi appeared almost instantly, brow furrowed in concern.
"Kid wants you." Zeb stepped aside to allow Kanan into the room and watched as the man approached Ezra's bunk, reaching out to softly run a hand through his hair.
"Master?"
"What is it, my padawan?"
The boy blinked sleepily up at him. "Would you mind very much staying with me? Just until-" His request was cut off with a yawn and it was all Kanan could do not to chuckle at the adorableness of it. He still felt bad about drugging the kid but the payoff looked to be worth it.
Kanan set his lightsaber and holster on the desk and climbed up, sitting with his back against the wall. He squeezed his boy's hand gently. "You're okay now."
"I will be in about thirty seconds."
"What do you mean?
Ezra just smiled. "You'll see."
One, two, three… by the time he hit twenty-eight Kanan's eyes were rolling back in his head. Moving quickly, Ezra caught his master's limp body, lowering him carefully to the bunk next to him. After unstrapping the man's arm guards and pulling out his hair elastic, he laid down himself.
"Uhhh. What just happened?
Ezra arched a brow at his roommate. "You don't survive eight years on the streets and not notice when someone's slipping something in your drink."
Zeb coughed in surprise then sighed. "Yeah, he said that too. It wasn't his plan, you know?"
"Hmmm. He still went along with it." Ezra stretched and settled more comfortably against his master's side. "So I have no regrets."
"Right. Um, I can leave you two alone if you want." He turned to go and Ezra shot up to a sitting position.
"No Zeb please. Look I appreciate what you all are trying to do but I don't- I just want things to be normal again. Everyone's been acting like I'm going to break and to pull something like this-"
"Kid we just wanted you to get some sleep."
Ezra leveled him with a glare Zeb nearly recoiled from. "What use is there in falling asleep when waking up doesn't change anything? You know my mom always told me when I was little 'just go to sleep, and in the morning everything will be better.' Well I've gone to sleep for nine years and morning has yet to come."
Zeb's ears drooped and shame coiled through him, keeping his eyes fixed on the floor. "I'm sorry kit. We should have known better. I should have known better. I was where you are not too long ago. I know it's all too easy to feel suffocated at times like this. Grieving takes time, and everyone deals with it differently. It was wrong of us to ignore that."
Ezra's anger deflated. "I know you just want to fix it, I would too if it was one of you guys going through this, but there's nothing to fix. Nothing is going to bring my parents back. And I don't want to forget them but I..I'll never be able to move forward unless you all let me do it my own way."
The lasat nodded. "I understand. I can't speak for the others, and it's still our duty to look out for your wellbeing, but I'll try to follow your lead from now on. I'm here if you want to talk though, got it?"
"Got it."
Zeb reached out and pulled his head forward, resting his own against it briefly. Ezra fought back an odd urge to giggle at the gesture. It was something his parents had started doing when he'd gotten past the age of mouth kisses but still wanted the feeling of his face smushed against theirs. Zeb had no way to know that of course, but at least it was a good memory for once. Ezra would take it.
"Ah, just fair warning, he snores."
This time Ezra did chuckle softly. "I know."
Zeb switched off all but the cabin emergency lights and climbed onto his bunk. The three of them lay in the quiet for a short time before the lasat started sniggering to himself.
"What?" came the sleepy sounding question from above.
"When he wakes up and realizes what happened."
"You don't think he'll be mad do you?"
"Nah. If anything I imagine he'll be impressed. Five years on this ship I've never seen anyone successfully pull one over on him. I'm glad you're here kid."
Ezra hummed and Zeb thought he'd fallen asleep until his sensitive ears picked up a very faint,
"I'm glad I'm here too."
He fell asleep with a smile on his face.
Waking up blurry eyed in someone else's bed wasn't exactly a foreign experience for Kanan. However he was pretty sure he'd sworn off drinking (the chief cause of such an event) several years ago and the ceiling of the room he was in was familiar enough so as to not send him into a panic of wondering where he was. Several slow moments of contemplation eventually brought back the events of the night before and the Jedi felt a rush that was equal parts pride and annoyance.
He finally settled on the former, carefully rolling off Ezra's bunk and getting his feet under him. The cabin's two regular occupants were absent and the sounds of hustle and bustle going on outside told him the day was already well under way.
Entering the common room it was obvious the rest of the crew were aware of what had happened. Hera and Zeb avoided looking in his direction and Chopper beeped rudely at him, something along the lines of "even you shouldn't have been able to mess up so badly", leaving Kanan planning to cross a few of his circuits later. It was the infernal droid's fault this whole thing had started in the first place, not that he would admit it.
Ignoring the stupid rust bucket Kanan crossed to where Ezra sat at the table, sucking on one of his icy snacks and listening to Sabine tell a not entirely appropriate story of a prank she and some other imperial cadets had pulled on one of their academy instructors.
So engrossed in the tale it took a moment for his padawan to register his presence. When he did, the boy looked up, flinched, then met his gaze dead on, dark eyebrows raised in a silent challenge.
Sabine immediately broke out in snickers she didn't even try to hide, making Kanan's stern expression impossible to maintain. A smirk broke across his face and, being careful to project only feelings of love and apology, he leaned down to press a kiss to Ezra's brow before heading to the kitchen.
It was looking to be a two pot of kaf day.
Thank you Kanan for sacrificing your pride for your son's emotional wellbeing. He won't say so but he loves you for it.
