Stand by me
2-Loneliness
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh, simple thing! Where have you gone?
Two weeks after the first contact with Lestallum, Noctis was sitting in the deserted throne room. He was alone at his own demand, because he was having a hard time getting used to sit there. He needed training.
Occupying his father's throne was uncomfortable. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was sitting in someone else's chair and that he would soon have to stand and leave it to his rightful owner. He fully knew that he was that rightful owner and that no one else in the whole world had even the start of a claim on it but it didn't help in the slightest. He still felt the same he did when as a kid, he had sneaked in this room and sat there to see what his father was seeing. What would it be like to be king? He remembered wondering back then and he still didn't know.
It wasn't as if kingship had befallen him unexpectedly though. He had always known he would be king one day. He had been educated for this purpose. He had been trained and taught and groomed and given a proper entourage, loyal companions who would grant him wise counselling and protection and be there for him no matter what. He shouldn't have felt this way sitting on the throne. He hadn't the first time, when he had been taking his country back from Ardyn's claws. He had been claiming what was his by law and by blood, his family's legacy. He had done it with pride, and it had felt so right, being there, in this place he should have filled as soon as king Regis had left it empty. The crown was his by right and, more than that, by duty.
He had always known he was to be king. On the other hand, he'd come to believe he wouldn't live long enough for that. And even if he hadn't, no one could have expected that kind of reign. His land was devastated, his people decimated and haggard and the court cut down to nothing but this precious entourage Regis had so carefully picked for his son.
Even if he was happier than he could ever say that they were all safe and sound, it was also a shard in his heart. They were all he had left, his only family, and despite the deep bonds of their friendship Noctis felt like he was losing them too. He thought a lot about Regis's own companions. His father hadn't seen Cid for decades when he'd died, same for his other friend who had been living in Altissia. Others had stayed and remained, but Noctis couldn't help but focusing on those two. Maybe kingship did that to the people closest to you. Noctis knew his friends wouldn't leave because there was no one else to take their place by his side and they were loyal and dutiful. But ever since that day when Ignis had suggested they started treating him more like the king he was, they had all been doing just that. There was a restrain to them, something new he didn't like a bit. They weren't talking as much as before, at least in front of him, they never called him by his name anymore.
Prompto's behaviour was the hardest to take. The sun had brought back some light in him too. At first Noctis had been delighted to see it play in his hair, to see him smile again even if he was miles away from the boy he had fell for back when he was still just the prince. The sunlight had caused Prompto to start using his camera again, snapping pictures here and there, but he wasn't sharing the results at the end of the day like he used to.
Or at least not with me.
He wouldn't address Noctis other than by calling him "my king", and it was so much worse when it came from him that it made Noctis's heart skip a beat every single time. It was painful. It wasn't just because Prompto was this special kind of person to him. It was because of who he was too, because of where he'd come from and how he'd ended up here.
Because Prompto had fought for his place by Noctis's side. He was there because he had decided he would earn the right to be there despite his being a commoner, not because Regis had been searching companions for his son. They'd been school pals, they'd done pranks together, gotten scolded and put in detention together. They'd been running all around the castle, gliding over the corridors' shiny tiled floors, breaking things and running away together, hiding in closets, suffocating with hardly contained laughter. Prompto had been the most normal person in his life. Not a royal, not a noble, not even a courtier's son.
That was something king Regis had approved, the reason why he had sent Noctis to school instead of having private teachers coming to the castle. He had wanted his son to know the people he would rule, not to lord over them from the top of a tower with no real understanding of what their life was like. When Prompto had asked to be part of the prince's guard, the king had instantly said yes.
Noctis remembered that day so well he could play the whole scene in his head. They had been in the throne room, the prince standing one step behind his friend, clueless about all this audience-with-the-king fuss. Prompto had only told him that he wanted to ask something to his father and that it had to be done with all the proper ceremony and stuff, and could he ask if they could go talk to him now? Of course Noctis had indulged him right away, curious as one can be. Twenty minutes later they were in front of king Regis and Prompto was literally dancing on the spot with apprehension.
They'd been sixteen then, starting the senior school year at the end of which their paths would part. Prompto didn't want that to happen, he had told king Regis. He wanted to stay by the prince's side and protect him. He knew he wasn't tall or tough like Gladiolus who could take on three opponents in training and still win, or smart and quick-witted like lgnis who never lost any strategy games and was obviously trying to read all the books in the castle (" It's only the recipe books! " lgnis had stuttered from the side of the room. Gladio was smiling broadly.). But he would do anything, he would do any chore, take any training if it meant he could be of service to his prince and country. He would give his life for Noctis, he would always be loyal and devoted to him and his friend and this had to count for something, didn't it, your Majesty? Because he had nothing else to offer but his clumsy self but he would be honoured to give it to his future king.
By the end of his little speech, Prompto had been on his knees (Either because he had remembered to kneel halfway through or because he had been too embarrassed to hold king Regis's gaze.) and gasping for air while trying to quite the noise. The king had been smiling, his chin in his hand and so had been the few courtiers in the room. Everyone loved a show of dedication to the royal family. Whispers had been starting around them.
Noctis had been struck. Sure, he already had Gladio and lgnis and he also knew about loyalty and fealty and that as king, one day he would have to rely on such things. He knew that if he did a good work of it, like his father did, he would earn it. But it had all been theory. Never had he heard either of his two companions say things like that.
In the hushed silence that had followed Prompto's request, his heart had been racing so hard and fast it felt like it was trying to break itself a way out his ribcage. The thought that they would go separate ways at the end of the year hadn't crossed Noctis's mind. He had been seeing everything with that easiness that only royals could afford. If he wanted something, he only had to state his wish to see it granted, as long as he didn't ask for the moon. And yes, now that he was actually thinking about it, he did want Prompto around, he wanted him there forever. With him, Noctis felt less like a prince and more like a person and it felt amazing. He didn't want to lose that. So he had looked at his father, silently praying for him to say yes.
When king Regis had done so, Prompto had turned to Noctis. His face had been a deep, warm shade of scarlet and his eyes, shining too much but he was beaming like the sun at noon on a summer day - a smile too bright to be directly looked at. The prince's stomach had done three acrobatic jumps and his insides had woven into such a tight knot he'd had a hard time eating dinner later that night. He had smiled back and his eyes had been stinging a bit.
There he was now, the future king Prompto had pledged his life to, sitting in the same throne his father had been watching them from. Prompto had embraced Noctis -jumped on him really. Then he'd cleared his throat because even in the state of excitement he was in he had noticed the laughter erupting all over the room. He had been flushing an even darker shade of red and Noctis had almost laughed too. But it had died in his throat because all of a sudden his friend was kneeling again, this time in front of him. He wouldn't have been able to put words on the feelings that had been surging in him at this sight, he couldn't even have said whether he'd liked it or not. From their spot on the side, lgnis and Gladio had been nodding their approval.
Prompto was by his side because he had wanted it. He had spoken of devotion, of loyalty, of friendship. He had promised, he had said "always".
Noctis could have taken this from anyone but him. Prompto calling him "my king" like a courtier, smiling only with restraint, talking only when Noctis addressed him first or if he had something "relevant" to say, acting as if only out of duty. It was awful.
Never in his life had Noctis felt so alone.
The two of them had checked the kitchen in search of food, and that's really all they had done. At first Noctis had entertained the idea to be straightforward and ask if he remembered the last private talk they'd had. But then Prompto had been there waiting for him in front of the elevator, wearing his King's Guard uniform. Even though Noctis had seen men dressed like that for as long as he could remember, it had never looked that way. He hadn't noticed before because he'd been focusing on things like saving his country and killing that fucking sicko and preferably not getting killed himself in the process, but now he was seeing clear again and Prompto looked hotter than Ifrit's ashes. Being straightforward was easier said than done, especially when you were nineteen despite your looks and your mind was running wild. He couldn't think. He hadn't tried, deeming it safer to watch Prompto closely instead in the hope of a good sign.
Prompto had scarcely talked. He had barely looked at Noctis. He had focused on the task at hand and Noctis had ended up doing the same because if he hadn't something to concentrate on, Prompto would eventually have had noticed that the king's eyes were pinned on various parts of his body.
A lot of things had been years past the state of decay and crumbled to dust when they touched it, but lgnis had been right. They had found considerable amounts of salvageable food: sacks of flour and grain - wheat and rice and corn - and canned vegetables one or two years past the recommended date of consumption but that looked and (after opening two as a test) smelled all right. They had also found all kinds of spices and carefully packed dried herbs, along with small sacks and barrels that revealed treasures of sugar and salt. Jars of various oils, honey, strong spirits and liquors had been added to the bounty. The wines would have to be checked by an expert if there was one to be found somewhere but the royal cellar should have had preserved most of it, and what was spoiled could still be used as vinegar so there would be no waste.
At the end of the day, the news had been good. They had food and they could add to it by hunting since lgnis had everything he needed to smoke or dry meat and fish. Noctis hadn't tried to offer his help this time. It had hurt more than a little not to say anything when he would have loved to contribute, and his fishing skills would have been more useful than ever. But even if there were any left, the fishes in the castle's ponds weren't edible and the closest actual fishing spots were quite far from the castle. It would just have been awkward again if he'd suggested a fishing trip, even if it was only half a day from here.
Prompto spent most of his time in his "office" while lgnis and Gladio were out. Since the rest of the castle was empty, Noctis stayed there a lot too. With a report or a book in his hands, he would pretend to be reading but he was waiting for some communication to come in. Then he would get to listen to Prompto's voice. It was bittersweet but he couldn't help it. He would never talk to him so casually anymore or make jokes or even let out a chuckle. Noctis felt jealous of every person that happened to be at the other end of the line, even if the call was about a pack of nasty beasts blocking the road.
He felt miserable. He felt like the youngster he had been ten years ago. The others were fooled by his looks and they didn't understand. Even if he had taken to shave every morning and it helped to keep his cheeks smooth like they used to be, it didn't change anything. He was still much older than what he felt like, and he had lost ten years of his life he would never get back. That was the second worst thing in all that, right behind Prompto acting like they were not even friends.
A knock came from the door, echoing loudly in the heavy silence of the throne room. Noctis startled and Prompto came in. He walked the aisle up to the stairs leading to the throne itself, stopped there and bowed with his fist on his heart. Noctis wanted to yell at him to stop it but he swallowed it almost without effort. He was starting to get the hand of this restraining stuff.
"What is it?" He asked instead.
His voice sounded very controlled. He had to be cautious with every word he said. It would soon stop being so unnerving, or at least he hoped so, but it still came as a surprise every time he heard himself speaking. This too was different, and the lack of conversation didn't help getting used to it.
"Visitors, my king. They will be here in a minute."
With that, Prompto climbed the stairs and came to stand right next to the throne. Noctis's heart started racing again. Silence fell back. It was different, feeling lonely with someone beside you. The feeling was sharper. He could have touched Prompto's hand just by reaching out, but he knew he wouldn't do it. If only he would face him. His racing heart was making its way up to his throat.
Then another knock came at the door and it was over. Relieved, Noctis sat straight and watched the newcomers enter the room behind Gladio and lgnis. It was a small group of people. Judging by their seasoned, dusty looks, he guessed that they were the leaders of the first groups of refugees coming from Lestallum. He looked intently at each one of them while Gladio made a report of the situation.
They had indeed arrived a bit earlier and they had run into lgnis and Gladio who had been busy cleaning an alley full of pests, not far from the city's doors. Each one of the six men there had been at the head of a fifteen people group and they glowed with pride when Gladio said that they had come all the way here and cleaned the road for those who would follow without any casualties.
Noctis stood and went down the stairs to greet them properly, shaking their hands, thanking them and praising them and welcoming them warmly. It all came easily, it all felt right - at last something did. The six men all bowed to their king, and Noctis didn't mind. This also felt right. They were his subjects, not his closest friends. He asked for their names and committed them to memory and told them they would now go settle down and eat and rest.
"If you'll allow me, your Majesty?" Said one of them - Ashton, his name was Ashton - and Noctis nodded for him to talk. "We all came here to work."
The rest of the group silently approved. Noctis smiled.
"And that you will do, trust me." He reassured them. "That is exactly why I want you all in good shape. Work will come in due time but now, you've just seen the end of a long, hard journey. You need rest and you will have it before doing anything else. Now take them all to their quarters." He added, this time talking to Gladio.
They all bowed to him and Noctis realized he wasn't feeling like a fraud. This was his people. Maybe he just needed them. There was approval on all their faces, it felt so good he felt like laughing out loud. It wouldn't have been fitting for a king but it didn't last. As the newcomers turned to follow Gladio, lgnis did the same and of course, so did Prompto. The king wondered if it would always hurt like that, or if it was just because to him, that moment of near intimacy they had shared felt like a month ago.
What am I expecting?
He held lgnis back. Prompto didn't even look at him before going out of the throne room, closing the doors behind him. Noctis bravely ignored him and focused on the good things instead.
" How was I?" He asked Ignis.
" That was well said and done, your Majesty. You can bet whatever you want that every word you said will be repeated to the rest of them, and the smallest details analysed. "
" You think so?"
" I'm sure of it. Your people is eager to know their king and they want nothing more than to love you. But they have been abandoned for ten years, so they are understandably unsure."
" I know I've been away for a very long time but I wasn't aware at the time, Ignis. It was a shock to me when I came back. "
" I understand."
" What should I do, then? How can I reassure them?"
" Just like you did, your Majesty. It was perfect. Talk to them, let them see you, touch you even. They need to know that you're real and that you care for them."
Noctis nodded. That sounded like something he could do, especially now that there weren't thousands of people in the city. He could come close to them, and he would. One hundred and thirty more people in the castle than there was in the morning ... It really was an achievement.
" It's good to see you smile again, your Majesty."
" Thanks, lgnis."
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
Keane
