Stand by me
5 - Never complain
Remember when I cried to you a thousand times
I told you everything, you know my feelings
It never crossed my mind that there would be a time
For us to say goodbye
What a big surprise
But I'm not lost, I'm not gone, I haven't forgot
These feelings I can't shake no more
These feelings are running out the door
I can feel it falling down and I'm not coming back around
These feelings I can't take no more
This emptiness in the bottom drawer
It's getting harder to pretend
The weeks following Noctis's idea of setting a basic school system up saw a lot of changes happening.
There were new people arriving almost every day now, and not in the organised way the first groups had come. Part of them come from Lestallum, following the early newcomers in convoys of fifty or sixty people. Refugees camps were emptying, pouring whatever feeble and resources they'd been sheltering into
Insomnia' s fold. Noctis had recorded a short speech to let the world know that the rightful king of Lucis had claimed his throne and that Insomnia would provide shelter, food as well as core and education for the children to anyone who wanted to take part in the rebuilding of their lost civilisation - the invitation was permanently broadcasted on more multiples frequencies and was attracting a lot of loners, Wanderers of the desert, bikers, families who had been living isolated in fear of the monsters. The light was luring the scattered survivors out of their hiding and they were converging toward the city. Checkpoints had been set up at the entrance and newcomers were carefully registered them redirected to the palace, where they were welcomed, examined by the brand new medical unit and asked if they had any particular skills. Everyone had to join the effort. The more people came to Insomnia, the more work was need to keep it all running.
The ever growing number of months to feed meant more food need. The aviaries of the palace were slowly filling with Epoynis bred in captivity, so you could now go and collect eggs without risking to have one of the big birds biting some of your fingers off so egg-based foods were always on the menu for breakfast. The hunting teams were growing in proportion and worked from sunrise to sunset to both cleaning the city from its fiends and feeding its residents.
Coming after the hunters were the teams that had initially been handled by Ignis, the scavengers. In the wake of the hunters, they sorted the killings, bringing beak any eatable meat for the kitchen and burning the rest. They would also go inside each and every habitation of the city and looting whatever dry food or green they could find.
There were thousands of houses and apartments in Insomnia, so they had their work cut out for them. It had to be done though, to see what places would be inhabitable and what would need fixing. There was only so much beetle the citadel could host. Three stories had been turned into makeshift dormitories already, with the necessary addition of a huge mess.
Even like that, this arrangement was reaching its limits with the arrival of more and more families.
Children made it hard was everyone to sleep, elder people didn't have access to all the comfort they needed, couple were having a hard time finding some privacy. Everyone was starting to feel cramped and it put a strain on everyone.
The first thing Noctis did to lessen the problem was rounding up former farmers and sending them along with their families and a bit of manpower to the nearest abandoned forms. Ten years without anything growing but mushrooms meant a well-rested and-in theory-fertile land. It was early spring, just in time to start flowing and sowing.
More than ever, the calling for volunteers had been answered enthusiastically. A hundred people left the city, making it easier to breathe in the living quarters. They took with them precious seeds of corn, wealth and some vegetables, too. Their mission was to work the earth but also to track and capture cattle and fill some deserted pinfolds. Garulas, for a start, were docile enough, easy to feed and their milk could be drank and used to make butter, cream and even cheese. They were to sort the trees of the vicinity and to cut down those who hadn't survived the Long Night. The dead tree would be hauled to Galdin Quay and used to fix the damaged bungalows as well as building new ones. More volunteers were put to work on the repairs of the roads to ease the transportations.
The former seaside resort was about to return to its original state, a fishing village. It was a food source that couldn't go unexploited as well as a place that couldn't be left unattended. The Seaway route was a direct access to Leide and not far from Insomnia. A control station would be set up. There had been no news from Accordo so for but if anyone come by see, they would be carefully welcomed and registered.
Aware that his existence hadn't been much more than a fairy tale for a very long time, Noctis had taken to make sure that no one left Insomnia without having a good look at him. He needed his people to believe in him, to know that he was a man of
flesh and bone, not some kind of magical phenomenon that had ended the Long Night and would just as suddenly disappear on them. So when people were going to leave to city, he would meet the volunteers and pick the teams himself.
It was on one of these occasions that, for the first time since Insomnia had reopened its doors, he came across a familiar face amongst the refugees. At first, Noctis recognised her without being able to remember who she was. Prompto was the one who greeted her by her name and triggered the king's memory.
Ten years.
Coctura's blonde hair was now cut short and streaked with grey. Her skin, like everyone else's, was very pale and she sported a light sun burnt on her nose. She was wearing a dirty green tank top and he could see that both her forearms were heavily scarred. The marks were old, faded to a light shade of pink, but the creature who'd inflicted them must have had huge claws. She'd been lucky.
" You look good ! " he said over their clasped hands.
And she did. The Long Night had damaged her body, there was no denying it but apart from that, she was cheerful as ever. She was smiling broadly, her eyes were
sparkling and her handshake was very energetic. Noctis was amazed.
" I'm so happy to see you ! " she said, clasping his hands in hers." How are you?"
" I'm... fine, thank you. " Noctis stuttered a bit. No one had asked him that in months.
" What about you? How long have you been here?"
" It's been almost a week. I heard you were looking for volunteers to go to Galdin Quay ? "
Noctis had called for fishermen and builders and he told her that but her smile broadened.
" I couldn't catch a fish if my life depended on it, but I know the place. How many people does your Majesty intend to send there, if you don't mind my asking ? "
She was so obviously teasing him that Noctis felt a sudden pang of sadness under his amusement. How he'd wished that his friends could be like that.
" I won't be sure until l'm done with the recruiting. I hope I can find at least twenty people, and maybe add a few to learn the skills."
" Well, that's where I came into flag! They'll be busy working and they will need their rest in the evening. I can't wield a fishing rod but I can clean a fish in a minute and I can cook. l'll feed them. Of course it won't be like the menu you knew but I can take
care of all the stocks related matters."
She paused, looking sad all of a sudden.
"To be honest, I just miss the place. l've been longing after the sea and the sound of the waves more than the sun."
Noctis smiled.
"I understand. You're right anyway. I hadn't thought about it before but they will be working hard. As you have seen, the castle's kitchen are always busy."
" I noticed. I was thinking about asking for a job there but then I heard about this."
" Well, it's settled them. Do you know someone who'd want to come along? There will be work enough for two. I wouldn't want you to end up with twenty strangers."
She brightened.
" That's so nice of you! Yes, I have a friend who would be glad to be by the sea. She can cook too."
when Coctura left, she was beaming. Noctis turned his chair around to look at Prompto, looking astonished.
" It's unbelievable. How do they all manage to be so positive? They've lost everything, I ask them to work like galley slaves and no one ever complains. "
" Galley slaves?" Prompto repeated.
His answer sounded forced and uneasy. Noctis carried on as if he didn't notice.
" Labouring for dusk to dawn without getting paid? I don't know what else to call it. But they keep at it without a word of complaint and they even look happy. It's beyond understanding."
" Actually, it 's not. It's even logical. Before the sun came back, life was harder. The main difference between now and then is the sense of purpose you're giving them. It feels better to thrive daily when you have light, food and basic comfort. Before, they could think about nothing but survival."
" I understand but still, I don't want to wear them off."
" I don't think it's going to happen."
Silence fell back, heavy. The king pondered what they'd just discussed. In fact, Prompto was right. The people were motivated and Noctis had recently established a days off system. Everyone got a day of rest for three days of work which, according to every person he'd spoken to, was a luxury no one could have afforded before.
And they didn't have to worry about food and the safety or future of the children. It was all true but Noctis was still concerned. What if he was asking too much?
He let out a long, silent sigh. He couldn't think straight anyway. Not with Prompto around. It was too awkward.
Three months had passed since his return and with each passing week Prompto had retreated a bit further inside the walls he'd build around him. Or maybe it was just between them. Noctis didn't dare asking Gladio or Ignis if he was different with them too. Everyone was different, for a start. If he asked he 'd have to be specific and if he did... well, he didn't want other people to know about his feelings. Better not to ask.
Or maybe he was just too afraid to know if it really was only him.
Now Prompto only spoke when Noctis talked directly to him, and it always sounded like he wanted nothing more than being somewhere else. Noctis endured it but it was getting harder to stay natural around Prompto. So it probably was a good thing that they weren't spending so much time together anymore.
That's what Noctis what trying to tell himself every time he had to watch his friend walk out of his office. But he couldn't bring himself to actually believe it.
Hundreds of people had come to live and work in Insomnia and both Gladio and Ignis had started delegating the tasks they'd been assigned with when they'd arrived here. They now shared their work time between supervising their subordinates and their original job in the King's Guard.
It was good to have them back by his side. They were better a company than Prompto. They were sticking to the protocol but in a friendlier way, and they were much more talkative. It felt nice to have them back but the king felt torn between feeling relieved to escape Prompto's grim presence and missing him.
He was still mulling it over when a knock on the door startled him. Ignis came in and greeted him with his usual, slightly pompous manners. He was there to take Prompto's place for the rest of the day.
What was he doing with his free time, Noctis had no idea. As usual, he watched silently as Prompto took his leave, giving him the proper bow and salute before he got out without a word. As always, it killed him a bit inside.
It's better off this way. A firm, familiar thought in his head.
Is it really? The sighing answer from his heart.
Truth be told, he was starting to wonder how long he could keep this up.
But he couldn't afford to dwell on his misery. Ignis's presence was much more stimulating and he was the best advisor he could have dreamed of. He really helped him in his work and Noctis made sure to take full advantage of it.
More volunteers were expected later in the afternoon. In the meantime, the king filled Ignis in about Coctura's presence and what she'd come to him with. As always Ignis proved invaluable, offering practical counsel as well as his own view of the project. Even now, Noctis still had some difficulties to fully apprehend the world as it was. Things he didn't think of often needed to be taken into consideration and others that seemed obvious to him were sometimes not even possible.
It wasn't surprising. He hadn't stepped outside the castle grounds since the day he'd taken the throne, how would he know anything of the outside world? Of the real world? He told Ignis that between two interviews.
" I have to go out and see how they're settling in!" he said angrily about the people who had gone to take up the farms. " How can I possibly take good care of my people if I don't know what the country they're living in looks like? How could I rule that country if I don't know it?"
Ignis smiled quietly.
" I understand your concern but I think it is unnecessary. You are doing beautifully, day after day. There is nothing you could do better than you already one, I assure you. from what I hear, your people worship the ground you walk on."
The motion was so strange that Noctis forgot his exasperation. He knew he was doing his best and obviously the people liked him. He 'd brought the sun back, it would have been hard to find a soul in Eos that wasn't thankful for that, it was easy to understand. But the way Ignis was putting it, it wasn't just that. Noctis felt oddly moved.
" Really?"
" Well, it is a manner of speaking but they do love you. You have earned it. You are a good king, your Majesty. A very good one, even. your father would be proud of you. We all are."
A wave of sadness crushed Noctis the unexpected mention of his father and his vision blurred. Ignis courteously kept his own eyes on the foyers they had been working on, pretending not to see him wipe away his tears.
" What do you mean, "we all are"?" he asked, clearing his throat. " Who is? You and Gladio?"
Despite his efforts, his voice was coming out all strained but Ignis didn't seem to notice.
" Of course. And Prompto too."
" Is he?"
He heard the crack in his voice and knew Ignis had heard it too. His friend turned to him, looking concerned.
" Of course he is. He told us so more than once. Are you okay?"
Noctis tried to muster the courage to give him the same automatic and fake answer he'd given to Coctura earlier. And failed.
" No", he said." I feel lonely and cornered."
Ignis's worried look deepened and he reached for his shoulder. The king startled. No one had touched him in such a familiar way in months.
" You are not alone. We have all done a very poor job if you feel that way."
Noctis looked down, not sure he should answer that.
His silence was as good as an answer for Ignis. He pulled a chair to sit beside him, still holding his shoulder.
" You can talk to me. I know we don't all work the same as we did but we are your friends. It will never change, no matter where we go or what we do. You can tell me anything and I am deeply sorry if any of us gave you reason to doubt it."
You have no idea, he thought bitterly.
But Ignis's words were like a beacon in the night. He had stopped hoping it would happen but there it was: someone was treating twin like a human being.
" I miss my dad", he blurted out without thinking.
Under Ignis's intense gaze, he picked up a golden fountain pen. "This is his pen. I'm sitting in his chair. It's his desk, his office."
" It all belongs to you now."
" I know that but I can't shake the feeling that l'm just filling in while he's away. Then I remember that he's never coming back and I..."
His voice failed him again and he stopped, eyes burning like fire. He'd been far away when Regis had been killed. There had been no goodbye and no time for Noctis to mourn him. His remains had never been found either so there hadn't even been a body to bury.
When Ignis spoke, his voice was calm and steady, yet there was a light strain to it.
I have known your father for a long time. He was a great king."
" Sure was", Noctis managed to say.
" He did a lot of good during his reign, always putting the country first. Never in his time as king have I known him to take a wrong decision. Yet do you know what I think his greatest achievement was?"
Noctis shook his head.
" You were. You should never doubt yourself because you are the best gift your father ever gave to this country."
Noctis didn't know how to answer that so he didn't.
" I'm sorry", Ignis said. "I can't fathom what it must be like for you. Looking at you, it's too easy to forget how recent everything really is from your point of view."
Noctis had managed to fight back his tears until that moment but that was the coup de grace. Hearing someone else acknowledging what he was going through undid him and he literally threw himself at Ignis, falling on his knees between their chairs.
He locked his arms around his friend's waist and hid his face against his chest. He cried hard, pouring out every tear he'd been holding back the past few months. Tears for Lunafreya, for his father, for all the years he had lost, for Prompto who never smiled to him anymore.
Ignis said nothing. He just held him and stroke his back to soothe him. It reminded the king of that last night in Niflheim, when he had been the one holding a crying friend in his arms.
He stopped when his head hurt and his eyes felt raw. He was feeling exhausted but also a bit lighter.
" That seemed to have been long overdue ", Ignis stated.
For the rest of the afternoon, he did most of the talking. Noctis only had to shake hands, force a smile now and then and looking tired. He felt like hugging his friend again.
Noctis ate like everyone else, he had insisted on it. Even though he mostly took his meals alone in his chambers or his office, the fare was the same as in the mess. That night though, when the usual tray was laid in front of him, he found something unexpected on it.
Under a bell jar he discovered a very simple honey shortcake and beside it, a single word of thanks written on a small piece of paper.
Noctis ate it slowly, savouring every crumb of it. It was the sweetest thing he had eaten since his return, and it was nothing less than perfect.
He went to bed in better spirits than he used to and slept like a tree stump.
