Stand by me


6 - Home

And I thank you
For bringing me here
For showing me home
For singing these tear
Finally I know that I
Belong here


Two days after his breakdown, Noctis was in his office. Standing next to the window, he was watching the city below when a knocking sound made him turn to the door.

Gladio came in, in time to take on his morning duties. But instead of the gruffly pompous greeting he usually gave him, he marched on Noctis and locked him in a bear hug.

Noctis would gladly have returned the embrace but he couldn't move more than he could breathe and he just waited until his friend put him back on the floor.

"I assume Ignis told you about what happened the other day", he said, brushing a non-existent speck of dust on his freshly laundered royal jacket.

"You bet he did. Gods, l'm so sorry, N- I mean I' m so sorry."

Noctis ignored his near slip and went to sit behind his desk.

"According to what Iggy told me, it looked like you'd been holding it all inside for a long time."

"He's right about that."

Noctis was a lot calmer than he'd been two days earlier and clearer-minded about the reasons that had caused the crisis in question. It had been looming over him for quite some time and now that it was in the open (at least for the people who mattered), he was curious to hear what the others had to say about it.

"Why didn't you come and talk to us?"

... Well, not what he would have liked to hear.

He shrugged. Gladio started pacing around, obviously frustrated. He looked like he wanted to say something and couldn't find the words. Noctis watched him for a while, knowing exactly what was going on and letting his friend struggle with it. He knew he was being spiteful but he hadn't created this problem; they had. And it had made his life so much harder lately.

"You can't," he finally said.

Gladio stopped walking and turned to him.

"What?"

"I said, 'You can't'. You're trying to say something to comfort me or to cheer me up, but you also won't call me by my name. It's just not working. You can't act like you're close to me and at the same time keep that distance between us. Which is exactly what you do every time you call me "your Majesty".

Gladio looked so taken aback it was almost funny but Noctis was in no mood to laugh.

"It's not so blatant when Ignis calls me that. He's always talked more pompously than the rest of us. But you... it just doesn't sound like you at all."

"l've called you 'Highness' in the past," Gladio grumbled, looking away.

"Only to piss me off. And it worked. You all knew it did."

Noctis stopped. Gladio probably had imagined a different - nicer - conversation and was now listening speechlessly.

The king sighed deeply. He didn't want to be angry. He should just have been happy about his friends's sudden closeness. The affection and familiarity he'd craved were clearly showing through. And he was happy. Really. But he had been so lonely it hurt even now. He couldn't shake that pain away and it made him feel edgy. He tried to conceal the bitterness in his voice.

"It sure would've been easier on me if I'd talked to one of you. I wanted to. But you all made me feel like I couldn't. How was I supposed to do that? Should I have come and yell about my problems over the walls you've built between us?"

They all had, except Prompto who had taken it one step further and closed himself up. The king kept that last part to himself, deeming it better left unsaid.

Gladio hesitated. He looked squirmy and finally asked:

"Can I sit down?"

Noctis rubbed his face, exasperated.

"I wish you'd stop asking," he mumbled.

Gladio heard him though, and took a chair in front of his desk. He rested his elbows on his parted knees and bent his head. He looked at his linked fingers for a long time. Watching him, Noctis felt his resentment melt away like a thin layer of frost. Beneath it there was something very similar to what was darkening his friend's features. Sorrow and uncertainty.

The silence lasted for a few minutes before Gladio broke it.

"We failed you," he said. "Since the day you seized the throne, we've been your faithful liegemen. We've been loyal and dutiful but as friends, we failed you. We totally understand why you felt dejected about it."

"But why? Why have you all been acting like that?" Noctis asked heatedly, eager to know the reason for all this.

"We didn't know what to do. We've lost you for ten years. It's a very long time, you know. Waiting and not knowing when or if you'd come back one day. We've lived through it, we've aged and changed. When you returned, you had too and everything fell back into place. Coming here, fighting our way to reach Ardyn, it felt just like the old days, you know what I mean?"

Noctis nodded. It had made him feel the changes even more sharply afterward.

"But when that was over... We didn't know how to behave around you. All these years, we'd all changed so much. Our lives had nothing in common with what we had when we'd lost you. We didn't know you the way we used to, nor you us. You have no idea how disturbing that was."

He hadn't. It was only now that it occurred to Noctis that things must have been weird for his friends too.

"But I hadn't change at all. I was the exact same person I was the day I stepped into the Crystal. I thought I'd told you I was asleep in it."

"You did but it's... It's damn hard to wrap our heads around it. These years we've lived in the dark are simply lost to you and we keep forgetting it."

Noctis knew the feeling. The ever present thightness in his chest eased suddenly. They hadn't stopped caring about him, it had been hard for them too. They had trouble readapting to him, just like he had with them.

"I can't blame you for that. I've changed, if only physically. My face, my voice... Even I have trouble getting used to it. Time did pass on me even if I was unconscious."

"There's that too. Iggy said we must keep it in mind that even if you look older, you really haven't lived the Long Night and everything is much more recent to you."

"He's right about that too."

Gladio let out a deep sigh.

"Isn't he always? Anyway, it's over now. We totally screw up but no more. We'll do whatever it takes to make it right to you. You think you can forgive us for that mess?"

Noctis smiled broadly.

"Oh yes I can. I can even absolve you on the spot if you promise me one thing."

"I'm all ears."

"Call me by my name. When it's only us, treat me the way you used to. You can walk around with a broom up your asses when we're in public if you want but stop acting like I'm some foreign monarch sitting in my father's throne."

He made himself shut up. He was talking too much and his confident teasing was turning into nervous babbling.

"You know you could as well order us to, right?" Gladio teased back.

"I'd rather not but it's a possibility I will keep in mind."

"I bet you will, Majesty."

Gladio said it with the same smirk and tone he used to your highness him back when he was a prince. Noctis reacted appropriately by throwing him a crumpled ball of paper. Gladio dodged it with a laugh.

"Maybe you should get back to training! Your aim is awful."

The king made a rude gesture and his Shield let out the most ridiculous shriek of outrage he'd ever heard.

Noctis started laughing and found out that he couldn't stop. He laughed until his chest hurt and his eyes watered. He hadn't laughed like that since the day he'd woken up in Angelguard and it felt incredibly good.

When he finally calmed down, wheezing and teary-eyed, he found Gladio looking at him with a smile.

"How are you feeling now?"

"Much better."

It was surprisingly true. He'd been thinking a lot since he'd talked to Ignis and it hadn't been pleasing. But now that he'd both cried and laughed, he was feeling more like himself than he had in months.

"Iggy will be damn relieved to hear that. He feels terrible about all this."

Noctis hesitated for a second before asking the question that had been burning his lips all along. He decided that they'd reached a point where not asking would appear weirder than the other way around.

"What about Prompto?" He said detachedly. "What did he say?"

Gladio blinked. He wavered, looking like he had no idea what to say and Noctis felt panic rising in his chest.

"What? Please, tell me," he asked fretfully, wishing his mouth would just stop talking. "I'd rather know than..."

"Hey, relax," Gladio said quickly. "It's not like that. I'm not trying to hide anything from you, it's just that I don't have an answer."

"He wasn't with you and Ignis?"

"'Course he was. Iggy would've dragged him by force if he'd tried to stay out of it. He told us off twice as bad because he was feeling guilty himself, you know how he can be. Anyway, Prompto was there too. But besides telling Iggy that he was right, he barely spoke."

Noctis tried to hide his disappointment. Gladio looked thoughtful.

"Has he been like that with you too?" He asked after a while.

"What do you mean?" Noctis inquired cautiously.

"Quiet."

"Oh."

Now that was unexpected.

Noctis certainly wasn't going to complain though; he wanted nothing more than to talk about this. And he didn't even have to raise the issue. He answered manner-of-factly.

"Yes, he has. He only talks when he can't avoid it. I don't know what's going on with him, and I didn't know if it was just me but it seems it is not."

"No. Some times he doesn't speak at all and others he just falls silent in the middle of a conversation."

"What's the matter with him? Was he like that during the Long Night, too?"

"Can't tell you 'bout that. Iggy and I mostly stuck together but Prompto went his own way after a few months."

"Really?" Noctis was surprised. "I'd always assumed you'd all stayed together."

"We met often and kept in touch. No matter what we were doing in the meantime, we were always waiting for you. But your absence, it did something to him. Don't get me wrong, we were all devastated. We'd lost you, failed in our most sacred duty to protect you. We were missing you like hell. But for Prompto, we could see that it was different. He said nothing of it but he's never been the same again after that. Losing you, it broke him somehow."

Noctis kept quiet. His heart felt like it had suddenly gotten too big for his dedicated space. Was it true? Had Prompto really missed him that much? And if he did, why was he acting the way he was now? It didn't make sense.

"At first we remained together, but one day he just decided to stay in Hammerhead and that was the end of it."

"You mean he stayed there all this time?"

"Well, he was moving around. You know, hunting, stuff like that. But he always went back there. We did, too, once or twice a year, so we never lost contact but we didn't really know what was going on in his life. Even now, he's mostly keeping to himself. But you want to know what the strangest thing was?"

"What?"

"Seeing him behaving naturally around Cindy. Remember how smitten he was?"

Noctis made a face.

"It would be hard not to. He was making such a fool of himself whenever he saw her, it was ridiculous."

"Such indignity," Gladio approved, quoting Ignis. "l've always suspected him to overdo it on purpose, just for fun."

Noctis wondered when was the last time Prompto had done something just for fun. Or any of them for that matter.

"I don't know if it was the case but l've never seen him do it again. He was acting the same with her as with everyone. I think she liked him better that way, too. Maybe he should've tried it sooner."

Noctis felt his heart take a dive. Had Prompto spent all those years in Hammerhead to be with her? Was his duty to Noctis keeping him away from his lover?

Gods, that sounded awfully consistent. He hoped he was wrong.

Blessedly oblivious of Noctis's inner turmoil, Gladio was carrying on.

"So yeah, he's been much quieter since then. But it's been harder for him than for us. Maybe with time he'll go back to his original self and make us all regret those days of calm."

Noctis couldn't help but smile at the idea.

"Isn't it getting worse, though?" He asked.

"Does it? I didn't notice."

Gladio looked nonplussed and the king turned to the window to avoid his gaze.

"Let's hope he comes around, then," he concluded hastily.

The next weeks brought important changes and for once, the king was happy for it. So far, every change that had come to his personal life had been synonym of hurt or loss but this time, things were actually improving.

Gladio had promised to stop acting like a courtier, fully agreeing with Noctis that it didn't suit him at all. According to what he'd said, he'd hated it. He fell back into his usual demeanour, which Noctis found to be quite similar to the one he remembered. Things easily went back to normal between them.

At first, things were slightly more awkward with Ignis. He gladly agreed to everything Noctis said and apologised profusely but even after they had settled the matter together, he still had that concerned look in his eyes. The king had noticed but said nothing of it even though it could be unsettling sometimes. He got why Ignis was more worried about him than Gladio appeared to be. Gladio had heard his grievances and seen him laugh until he couldn't breathe. In front of Ignis, Noctis had collapsed. The king knew that if he had spent some more days with his friends after that fated night in Niflheim, he couldn't have helped anxiously eyeing Prompto, fearing a relapse and standing ready for it. It took a week before Ignis really allowed himself to relax and Noctis realised with relief that he wasn't that different either. He was still the perfect gentleman, a part of his character that had made it through the Long Night unblemished.

What didn't change, unsurprisingly, was Prompto. He remained exactly the same and didn't say a word about what had happened, even though Noctis was sure the others must have told him about it. He had taken his time to proceed the things Gladio had told him and then some more to watch his friend, trying to match what he'd heard with what he was seeing. In the end, he was even more lost than before. If Prompto had missed him that much, why was he so obviously unhappy with the situation? If this was about Cindy, why didn't he just go ahead and say it? Noctis wouldn't keep him in Insomnia against his will. It would break the king's heart to see him leave but he would rather free him from his oath than make him miserable.

But even though he'd forcefully made himself face this possibility, the king didn't think that that was what this was all about. Prompto had always made it widely known that in his eyes, Cindy was the most beautiful thing to have ever walked Eos. If he'd finally managed to win her heart, why hide it? He would at least have told Ignis or Gladio, but they had no clue either.

So the king let him be and told his other friends to do the same.

"l'm fine," he told them." He obviously has his own issues to deal with and I'd rather not add to it. It's okay."

They had approved. It wasn't okay but Noctis made do. Curious as he was to understand, he feared he wouldn't like the explanation, should he have it.

Nevertheless, his life was now much more pleasant. His relationship with Ignis and Gladio had gone back to normal when they were in private. In public, they switched back to protocol mode. Ignis was a natural but Gladio was almost obsequious. His "Majesty" sounded exactly like the "Highness" of their younger years and whenever their eyes met, Gladio smiled teasingly. Noctis loved it. It made him feel like they were family again.

Ignis and Gladio started taking lunch with him, so the king's lunchtime turned to a full hour. They talked and enjoyed their time together; it was the most resourcing break possible. Noctis slept and felt better overall. He could concentrate longer, he worked more efficiently. Everything was easier.

When they ate together at night, the meals, ever the same as for everyone else, were served in the dining room.

The regular dining room was made for the king to eat with his family or a few selected guests. Even as such, the table was long enough for ten people to sit at ease. It was way too big for the three of them but the place gave Noctis a deep sense of familiarity. It reminded him of a bygone era when he could eat with his father, ask for his favourite dessert and get it or go fishing. He could practice swordplay, write to Luna, look in the mirror and see the face of the twenty years boy he still mostly was. He could talk to his best friend.

The dining room made him nostalgic of the time when he could do all those things in one day and not realise how happy he was. It was a good nostalgia, though. Looking back, he felt thankful for what he'd had; it was a good feeling.

Prompto joined them every now and then. If he was with Ignis or Gladio by dinnertime they would bring him along and the four of them would eat together. That was when Noctis got to see with his own eyes what Gladio had told him about Prompto being quiet.

He had moments when he was almost the same as when it was just him and Noctis. He would stay out of the conversation, listening and opening his mouth only when someone spoke directly to him. Even so, he looked a lot more relaxed like that than when they were alone together.

There were times when he did talk though. It happened mostly when they were discussing work-related matters, or the various progress that had been made.

The first time he witnessed it, Noctis was deeply moved. He chastised himself for being overemotional, watching his friend with fascination. Prompto was actually talking. He wasn't joking around or laughing but he was going into detail about something that Noctis, paradoxically, couldn't manage to really listen. He was too baffled by the sheer amount of words flowing out of his mouth. In four minutes he had said more than in the last four months. He was engrossed in whatever he was explaining, his speech was lively and his face animated. Under the king's amazed look, he seemed to be coming back to life. And even if he wasn't the easygoing, exuberant fellow he'd shared a tent with, Noctis was finally recognising him.

And just like Gladio had said, this blessed moment was followed by a good ten minutes of silence during which the rest of the group carried on with the conversation as if everything was normal.

Those moments were rare and short-lived and extremely precious for the young king. When it happened, he felt home for real. Of course it hurt when it inevitably stopped as Prompto fell back into himself, it felt like a burning needle in his heart every single time. But it was totally worth it.

One of those nights, after they'd eaten together and talked about making some time for fighting practice, Noctis had another dream. Like the one about their aborted kiss, he remembered it very vividly and it was made of bits and pieces of actual memories.

In the dream, they were sleeping in the tent like they used to, all huddled together. Noctis was snuggled against Ignis, who had an arm around him. It had been like that most of the time back then. When they were camping and the night was cold, they gathered for warmth and slept in a pile. Gladio just radiated heat. It hadn't meant anything but Noctis remembered clearly how good it felt to wake up spooning with Prompto.

In that dream though, he wasn't. He woke up between Ignis and Gladio and saw that Prompto was missing so he got up to go looking for him. He went out of the tent and found himself in their camp. Prompto was standing on the other side of the campfire. The moon was full and the protecting symbols on the ground gave off a bluish glow. In the cold light, he could see that Prompto looked like his present self, except that he smiled to him. It lighted up his face and warmed everything around them. Then suddenly the sun was up and the daylight was playing in his blonde hair, making it look like it was made of silver and gold. He was holding something in his hand, offering it to Noctis. It was his fishing rod.

He went to take it and the dream changed. They were running down some forested hillside, rays of golden light shooting through the canopy. They weren't talking but it was a comfortable silence, soothing like a quiet melody that didn't need lyrics. Then they were running barefoot in the sand of Galdin Beach. They went to the pier and remained there. Prompto was sitting with his feet dangling over the water. Noctis stood beside him, fishing.

Nothing would bite but he didn't mind. He was happy to enjoy the company of his friend and the beautiful sunset. The twilight was throwing arrows of fire in the shimmering sea and the sky was weaving vaporous veils of numerous shades of pink, orange and blue. It was gorgeous and so heavenly peaceful, he still felt it when he woke up in the morning.

All those things had really happened. They had all slept like that, on top of each other. Noctis had seen Prompto smile and hand him his fishing rod more times than he could possibly count. They had been running up and down hills in every possible scenery. They even had walked barefoot on the beach of Galin and watched the sunset. Those were all memories and to the contrary of the kiss-that-never-was dream, this one held no regret or bitterness. Only a testament to a happiness he'd once had. Rather than sad, he felt thankful for it.

Maybe there was hope after all. Noctis had a good feeling about it.