Notes : Dear readers, I'm happy to finally deliver this new chapter along with the news that I now have an actual beta for this story. This chapter was done months ago but I couldn't post it because I had nobody to proof read it. But those days are over now ! Say thank you to Tsu Yume and check out her amazing art on tumblr. The link is in my profile.

I hope you'll enjoy this chapter. Please do consider leaving a comment, for it gives me life and, more importantly, incentive to write !


Stand by me


8 - So much love

Time, time, time, see what's become of me
While I looked around for my possibilities
I was so hard to please
Hang on to your hopes, my friend.
That's an easy thing to say,
But if your hopes should pass away
Simply pretend that you can build them again.
Look around, the grass is high,
The fields are ripe,
It's the springtime of my life.


Noctis had spent so much time dreading it that when he woke up on the morning of his birthday, he found himself almost glad it had finally come. Whatever happened today, the next time he'd go to sleep, this would be behind him. He'd be free to think about something else. That thought allowed him to get up half light-heartedly.

It was a beautiful morning and the blue sky and puffy white clouds promised a gorgeous day. He dressed up, taking his time. Today had been decreed a holiday, something he'd agreed to only in order to get Ignis off his back. Noctis would have rather spent a quiet, ordinary day and work certainly would have provided a welcome distraction but there was no helping it. Both Ignis and Gladio hadn't left him much of a say on the matter.

He had no idea what to expect from that day. He could only hope that whatever was coming, it wouldn't be too over the top. Lukewarm as he felt about it, he wouldn't "deny his people the pleasure of celebrating, wouldn't he"? They did "deserve some fun and rest, didn't they"?

Noctis got out on the balcony, stepping into the sunlight. Eyes closed, he bathed in it.

Trust Ignis to know exactly what to say in order to sway him. Noctis may be the king but Ignis would always be there, discreetly pulling his strings.

Thank the gods for that.

It was almost eleven in the morning by the time he was done getting ready. If anything, Noctis was pleased to be able to sleep a bit later when he wanted to. His inability to sleep more than a few hours by night was the last remnant of his ten years of slumber inside the Crystal and it seemed to - finally - be wavering. That was a good thing.

The downside of getting up when he felt like it was that there was no breakfast awaiting on the coffee table. The king hesitated for a minute. Calling for a maid meant food but it would also end that time of peace before the storm.

He really had no desire to go about that day ; but he also knew that no matter how much he wished he could, there was no way for him to get away from it. And he really wouldn't try, because it would indeed deprive the Lucian people of a celebration that everyone - if not Noctis himself - was waiting for.

Damn Ignis for always being right. The king rang.

He went back to the balcony, taking in the sight. The sun flooded Insomnia with its light and the city almost looked as it used to. Most of the repairs needed on the streets were done and there were no monsters in sight - or at least nothing big or close enough that he could see it. Even the palace forecourt looked cleaner than he'd seen it in an eternity, the fountain having recently been purged, its water jets arching and shimmering in the morning light.

It all looked beautiful to him. Peaceful. How he wished he could just tell the people to go and take it all back ! But no solution had been found so far and everyone agreed that being cramped but safe was far better than having your own place but not being able to close the door. He couldn't let them go like that.

But it can't go on like that for much longer. I need to find something.

It was easier said than done though, and he was pondering just that when he heard a knocking on his door. With a sigh of resignation, already weary and feeling mortified to be so weak, he went to open it.

There were moments where the tiniest annoyance felt like something huge and overwhelming. When everything was just unbearable and Noctis wanted nothing but to curl up in his bed and sleep the day away - not that he would have been able to if he'd tried. He was deeply ashamed of that and made a point of never acting on it.

His eyebrows made a little jump of surprise when he opened the door. Instead of a maid carrying the laden tray he was expecting, there was Gladio. He had that knowing smile that could only mean one thing : whatever was about to happen wasn't going to go as expected. Noctis swallowed hard. Gladio looked way too glad. It didn't bode well.

"You don't seem too happy to see me", The Shield noticed, and Noctis cursed himself for being so easy to read. If there was one day for putting on a good face, this was it.

"Sorry", he answered, trying to look embarrassed rather than depressed with a side of anguish.

"I was hoping for some food."

"You hungry?"

"It's an understatement."

And it was, as his aching, empty stomach confirmed with a loud growl. Gladio smiled broadly.

"That's great. Come on then, we ain't got all day."

And he walked away, leaving the king on his doorstep with no other choice than following him or going down to the kitchen.

So he followed.

Gladio was talking to him and Noctis was having a difficult time focusing on what his friend was saying. What he managed to understand was that they had set something up for the occasion and that he couldn't wait for Noctis to see what it was. But they had to go meet Ignis, who was expecting them.

"He's had that idea that you're going to love", he said warmly.

The king walked, silent as a shadow. He was focusing, trying to fight off whatever was creeping in on him. He could feel it rising in his chest, coming up his throat. Today was going to be awful . He should have tried and slept it off. After all, it was a holiday. And he was the king! He could stay in bed if he decided to do so. He godsdamned could and should have.

Maybe it wasn't too late. Only Gladio had seen him up so far, he could pretend that he was ill. Even his friends wouldn't dare to physically make him go to whatever they had planned to celebrate his birthday and make him feel miserable.

Maybe he would have tried to flee, to escape what was going to happen. Maybe it would have worked. He would never know though, because he was too lost in his own thoughts to watch where he was actually going and bumped into the world's biggest tree stump, also known as Gladio's back.

"We're here", the Shield said and Noctis blinked, taking in his surroundings.

Why would Gladio bring him here? They'd just reached the border of the training field. And it was empty.

Which, okay, wasn't entirely true. But there was no visible sign of a celebration or anything like that. Noctis only saw Ignis there, standing in the middle of the field, busy with something he couldn't quite see. He tried to though, squinting against the sunlight. He could make out a bunch of canvas chairs and smoke rising and curling around Ignis.

"You gonna come over or what? You can stay there trying to grow leaves if you want but it would be such a waste. Since it's all for you and he's been at it before sunrise."

Before the king could ask what Gladio was talking about, the summer breeze blew some smoke away from Ignis and in their direction. Noctis caught a whiff of it, causing his stomach to start growling like a rabid wolf pack.

Gladio sniffed in amusement and walked away without waiting for an answer. The king followed enthusiastically.

There were three chairs, and they looked a lot like the ones they'd used back in their adventurous days.

On the other side of the chairs were two stoves, identical to the one that had followed them on their journey. And there was Ignis.

Cooking.

Noctis was ludicrously relieved, the anguish that had been swelling in his chest now deflating like a balloon. He took it all in - Ignis masterfully wielding his pan and spatula, the numerous dishes cooking all at the same time, the handful of plates that were already waiting on a small folding table.

And the king, at this sight, was suddenly overwhelmed by how privileged, how lucky he was. And ungrateful, too, being so negative.

No more sulking today, he told himself firmly. Face it like a grown-up. You're the godsdamned king .

Ignis greeted him from his stoves and Noctis scooted around them, glancing into the contents of the various pots and pans.

"There is no need to act stealthily, you know. We get how stressful this must be for you - yes we do, even if you didn't share it with us. And this is nonetheless a day of joy and celebration for the Lucian people. But more than anything else, this is your day."

"You deserve it'', Gladio chimed in. "Your father must be so proud. I know we are."

Noctis smiled, suddenly feeling weirdly... happy.

"So I made all these for you", Ignis said, beckoning for him to come and have a look."Nothing extravagant, since I know you insist on eating the same as everyone else. But they're all your favourites."

The king indulged Ignis - and himself - and breathed in the most delicious scents.

"Gods, I'm so hungry. It looks wonderful and it smells even better." He paused before adding half-jokingly, "It smells like love."

"I would hope so", Ignis said tartly, "since I'm putting my heart into it.''

"Saps. Complete saps, the both of you", Gladio said, rolling his eyes. "Can we eat now that his majesty's here, or are you actually going to rip your heart out and cook it?"

"Hey, shut up!" Noctis protested.

"Help yourself", Ignis replied. "'I'm almost done here. I suggest small helpings in order to sample everything. Noct, this plate is only for you."

Noctis picked up the plate in question. On it was the fanciest thing Ignis had made that morning: a small pile of pancakes with a chunk of fresh butter melting on top of it. He went to sit down and took a bite, fighting the urge to shove a whole pancake into his mouth. He was so hungry and it tasted wonderful too, sweet and fluffy. He ate as slowly as he could while waiting for the others to join him but even so, he was done by the time they came over.

He was about to get up when Ignis handed him a bowl of oatmeal.

"You're too good to be true", Noctis told him, taking the bowl from his hands.

"True, that." Gladio agreed, sitting across Noctis with his own bowl.

He was eating oatmeal too but Noctis knew he liked it just the way Ignis cooked it, unflavored. His own share was sweetened with honey and dried currants. It was the best he'd ever eaten.

"Thank you for that", he said with an all-encompassing gesture once Ignis and Gladio were settled down and eating.

"You like it?" the latter asked with a smile.

"I love it", Noctis answered honestly.

"Just like the old times", Ignis agreed.

Yes. Yes, it was. Except for the missing fourth chair, but no one mentioned it. Noctis bravely ignored it. He didn't feel like talking though, so he ate instead. Slowly, dutifully enjoying every bite. His two companions were talking and he didn't join in. He felt so comfortable, just listening to them. It wasn't just the setup, even if it was a nice surprise. For the time being they all seemed relaxed, almost carefree. That was something Noctis had been sure he would never touch again and yet there he was. Sitting lazily, basking in the sunlight and eating Ignis's cooking with the pleasant buzzing of his friends' conversation in the background. Free to be quiet.

He deemed himself on the verge of overstuffed somewhere around the sixth plate, even though he had followed Ignis's advice of taking small helpings. There was plenty of food left but he knew Ignis wouldn't let any of it go to waste so he didn't worry about it. And Gods, be it about something as futile as that, did it feel good not to worry.

Blissfully full and all warm with sunlight, Noctis started to doze off and after a minute, he simply closed his eyes. Ignis and Gladio carried on with their meal and conversation, the familiar sound of their voices quickly lulling him to sleep. He could take a nap, couldn't he?

It was his birthday after all.

His dozing off was quick to turn to a deep slumber. He ended up soundly asleep (there was some snoring involved) and remained so longer than he would have expected. The others simply left him to it and carried on with their conversation.

Just like he'd fallen asleep, it was their voices that softly coaxed him back to awakeness. He was feeling so relaxed when he started waking up that he kept his eyes closed and took his sweet time. He listened to his friend's low exchange, not quite grasping what they were saying, and stole a few looks at them with half-closed eyes.

Being the point of focus of most people at most times, Noctis didn't often get to watch others without being closely observed himself. It was both strange and funny, being the inconspicuous one for a minute. Gladio and Ignis had pulled their chairs closer together and were leaning towards each other, their heads almost touching. For the first time in ages, the king wondered if maybe there was more to them than the world could see.

There had always been this alchemy between them. The way they seemed to be completing each other, the perfect balance of their characters… Their differences seemed to align somehow, and things were always so smooth between them. They never ever argued or fought about anything, never seemed to be mad at each other. And they had always been closer to each other, just like Noctis and Prompto used to be... back then.

What am I doing? Trying to keep this fantasy alive by projecting it?

Or was he simply, genuinely reading too deep into his friends' behavior ? He could really be doing both, there was no way for him to tell. It just… well, sucked to even think about it. Against all odds, he was actually having a good day - no one could have seen that one coming and he was so grateful for it, he wouldn't have had the words if he'd tried. Yet there he was again, falling back into brooding.

Today was a big day, even if Noctis himself didn't give a flying fuck about his birthday. People had been preparing it, anticipating it, and he was enjoying it so far. He was not going to ruin it because of the same thing he had been obsessing over for the last eight months.

Strengthening his resolve and not allowing himself to start dwelling on all that time he'd been wasting (still was, really), he opened his eyes.

Next thing he knew, he was following Ignis and Gladio to the entrance of the palace. He wasn't even wondering what was coming anymore. After that morning, he knew his friends had done everything they could to make that day easy on him, and whatever was coming his way, he was going to take it with a smile.

He had taken a nap for over an hour, as he'd found out waking up. Gladio had teased him about it, swearing that heavy snoring had been involved at some point, and Ignis hadn't said anything to belie his statement. Then again, the king didn't mind or care. He'd missed it all so much, the mindless taunting, the informality, the feeling of being a person and not a picture to be revered. Simply going with the flow as he was now, it made him feel safe.

And that's how he kept feeling when he stepped out of the coolness of the great hall and onto the forecourt flooded with sunlight. It was hot and bright and he blinked, almost blinded by it after the sheltered half-light of the inside and the shade back on the training field. Once he was accustomed to it, he saw what the sun was shining on. And it wasn't there when he had looked at the very same place in the morning.

On top on the stairs was a large seat that Noctis recognized as the one his father had used when he had to sit regally somewhere else than in the throne room - because that was one piece of furniture that could and would never be moved. It was made of gilded wood, a monument of its own with a high backrest with the Lucian emblem carved on it and draped in a lush, black velvet cloth. Noctis sat there like he sat on the throne, finding it even more comfortable than the real one. It wasn't so cold, probably because it was wooden, and the cushions were really soft.

He appreciated it even more when he looked in front of him and saw what else had seemingly popped out of the ground since he'd looked over his balcony in the morning.

Tables had been arranged around the fountain and its shimmering water jets. Noctis couldn't exactly make out what those tables were laden with but he could tell that there was food and drink in abundance. The whole space around was occupied by people standing weirdly still and chatting and laughing quietly. Noctis could tell that they were trying not to be noisy and they were obviously waiting to surprise him. They hadn't noticed him yet, and that reminded him of how many times he had wished that his birthday parties could have been not such formal affairs. This looked like the biggest surprise party in History.

"Aren't you going to tell them I'm there? " He asked with a smile.

Ignis was about to answer when a voice raised high from the crowd.

" Look ! The King ! "

It was a child's voice but it was instantly drowned. Every single person that was there turned their head towards Noctis and started shouting. Cries of "Happy Birthday!" and "Long live" filled the air, each one wanting to be the one Noctis would hear best, the one to say something he would notice or be the most happy to hear.

Giving any of them this satisfaction would have been complicated, but there was something else he could do. He scanned the crowd with a smile he didn't have to fake and made eye contact with every person he could. Kids squealed with delight under his gaze, women blushed, men straightened their backs or saluted him. He saw tears in some eyes, mostly amongst the elderly.

Noctis gave a little wave and the crowd roared even more. He was strongly reminded of the one time he'd given a speech from this same spot. There weren't so many people back then, but they had been just as enthralled.

He'd freaked out then, feeling crushed by the weight of their expectations, undeserving of their support. He remembered how he'd felt strangled by fear, how paralyzed he'd found himself. How he'd needed help to get himself out of there before flipping out in public.

It wasn't the same now. He was done feeling like a fraud. Watching his people cheering for him, all he could think of was, how lucky am I ? Since he'd had Ignis and Gladio telling him time and time again that he was doing everything right, that he'd been making all the right decisions, he was now convinced that his hard work had earned him their affection.

So much love. Maybe even enough to make up for everything he'd lost. Was it how past Kings had done it ? Noctis knew he wasn't the first to make sacrifices, to abnegate, to lose things or people he loved to the crown. Others before him had done as much or more. And this was a sad life, he'd learned that. Being a leader for the people, a hero for the children, being the hand that helped and fed but also the one to lead soldiers into battle and far from their family.

Being the King meant he got to call all the shots, the good but also the bad ones. Noctis knew that his father had had more than his share of hard decisions to make, more often than not about his son. He'd done nothing but his best trying to protect everyone except for himself, and how Noctis had blamed him for trying to shelter him from the reality of his fate.

Kingship truly was a thankless task because it was prone to take everything and everyone you loved away from you, one way or the other.

But when the job was done right, you could get this. The appreciation and love of the people you ruled.

This train of thought had put a strain on his smile but Noctis kept it on, and it was still genuine.

Noctis thought that everyone would have expected a speech from him, but it didn't seem to be the case. Ignis stepped in and invited everyone to help themselves to the food and drinks at disposal and to come to the king one by one for those who wanted to. The latter caught Noctis off guard for a second, but he quickly realized that he liked it a lot more than addressing them all as a group. And he wanted to be close to them, so it was a great idea.

And a very nice way to pass the time too. He spent the two hours after that talking to people. they came to him smiling or moved, every single one of them with a word of thanks or a mark of reverence. Some talked a bit about their work or the progress made and most brought him flowers. Noctis knew now that those weren't casual gifts, that those were some of the first flowers since the Long Night, and that many of the children hadn't seen one in their lives until recently.

By the end of that meet-and-greet kind of event, Noctis was surrounded by a bunch of children, sitting near the wooden throne or on the steps below. Some of the older girls, who were seizing the opportunity to catch a few more looks at their handsome king, had been up there teaching the kids how to braid the flowers. They had made garlands that were now draped around the high beak of his seat. The king himself was crowned with daisies, which made some of the little girls hysterical. He was actually enjoying this all so much, he found himself quite disappointed when Ignis came and asked them to clear the way.

Once this was done, Noctis noticed Gladio standing in front of the stairs leading to the throne. Right behind him, neatly aligned, were two rows of uniformed men who followed when he started climbing towards the King.

Everyone was looking their way now, and most conversations had died down or were on hold. The men stopped five steps short from the top while Gladio himself went all the way up to Noctis. Gladio kneeled in front of him, fist to his heart.

"My liege," he said, loud and clear. "Serving and protecting your family has been the great privilege of mine for so many generations, and it is now our turn to live up to these legacies. As your Shield I have pledged my life and fealty to you since the day you were born and today, I bear a gift to you, my King, and to our Kingdom. "

Standing up, he stepped aside so that he wasn't standing between the men and Noctis anymore.

"It is not all mine to give, though, for we all worked and we are all proud to present to you today, the new King's Glaive."

The men were standing proud on the stairs and Noctis said words of thanks but it came out a bit rough. The last time there had been a King's Glaive, Regis was still king and Noctis the headstrong prince he was still working on letting go of. He was starting to come to terms with all that, slowly, but the reminders could still be throat-squeezing, and so were the moments where so many people were hanging on his words.

The Ignis came whispering to his ear what he had to do.

"Do you want me to go and fetch your sword?" Ignis asked after he was done explaining.

"Nah, that's fine", Noctis smiled. "They love a little show, let them have it."

He gestured for Gladio to come and stand next to him, which he did, mimicking Ignis' posture. Noctis faced the people and the new soldiers and summoned the Armiger.

There were "ooooooh" 's and "aaaaaaah" 's and some yelping from the younger kids who didn't know what they were witnessing. The Armiger was part of his legend, though, Noctis knew it, and he kept it around him longer than it was necessary before picking a weapon and letting the rest of it fade back to naught. Awe was on every face and Noctis repressed a smirk.

Never would he try to pretend that kingship was fun or nice in any way - what it was, was a scourge of its own. But Gods did he enjoy this. The admiration, the capacity he had to make their eyes shine, how thrilled they were by him and the things he could do. Again, so much love.

He liked to play that game. He had seen time and time again how overjoyed they were by it. By the formal clothes he wore, by his good looks or by his voice. That was how strong and confident he wanted to look like and how they needed to see him. But there was more to it than looking and sounding the part.

They had been kingless for so long they would probably keep needing reassurance for a very long time. They had been lost and scattered, virtually hopeless, deprived of their homes, left to fend for themselves in a world that was nothing but cold and darkness. They had been abandoned by the Lucii, Noctis was aware of that. They wouldn't have had to suffer that much if he hadn't stayed inside the Crystal for so long. Had he been stronger, he could have come back faster. He could have spared them so much pain… but he hadn't. And even if no one ever tried to blame him for it - he really had done everything he could - everyone was aware of that fact.

He was the Promised King. He had lived up to the Prophecy, saved the world, brought back the sun, putting a definitive ending to the Star Scourge and finally, taken back his throne. He had taken back his people and assumed his royal duties with the first sun. But they'd had ten years to lose hope before that, and they wouldn't stop being unsure so quickly.

So displays of powers were highly appreciated, be it on the training field or in public today. And though he'd rather have used that as an excuse to go slay some monsters, he was still keeping as accessible to them as he could. The better they knew him, the less afraid they'd be to see him bail on them. Again.

The bit of ceremony that followed was very simple. He had almost nothing to do but stand and listen to the men who came one by one kneel before him and make their pledge to him. He lightly touched their shoulders, just like the knights in the stories, with the flat of his blade.

He had picked the Sword of the Father to honor Regis. He wasn't fighting so wielding it wasn't draining him. He felt its pull all right but it was fine.

It was a connection to his father and he longed for that.

Once he was done knighting the new Glaive, the king went to talk to each of its members, exchanging a few words and committing to memory the names he hadn't caught on the field. Amongst those was the lad who was all buddy-buddy with Prompto, who he learned was called Camil. Noctis was as friendly with him as with the others. The guy had no part in the wreckage of their relationship.

He had avoided thinking about it all day but the sun was on its decline now. As he went back to sitting quietly on the throne, Noctis could not take his mind off it any longer. It hit him. Hard.

He's not here .

He hadn't even caught a glimpse of Prompto in the crowd, though he had involuntarily tried.

Of course he knew he had shown nothing but nervousness and dread at the approach of that day. It wasn't like he had any hopes and expectations. On the contrary, he had made it quite clear that he didn't care about it at all.

And sure, since that conversation they'd had, things between them had become more awkward than ever. They hadn't exchanged a word since then and Noctis was avoiding looking at him at all because he didn't want to cross his eyes.

He still couldn't believe that Prompto had lied to him, claiming not to remember something so important when he obviously did. He could have ended this all with only a few words. He could have said that he didn't want to talk about it. Noctis could take a hint. This whole thing would have been over. But rather than doing that, Prompto had chosen to lie to him. And he couldn't wrap his head around it. Why, why would he lie?

And now Noctis had said all those things, and they were in the open. Hanging in the silence between them. Whenever they were together, he felt like he'd put his heart and soul on display. Yet Prompto kept on ignoring it all. Saying nothing.

So no, Noctis hadn't been expecting anything from Prompto today. It would have been too weird if he had tried to give him a gift or even to talk to him. It wouldn't have made such a difference if he had been here, really.

But it still hurt.

Because even though he didn't want to celebrate his birthday, Noctis had to. Prompto must have known that it was hard on him, that he needed moral support. He also had to know that Ignis and Gladio were bound to notice his absence.

They hadn't said a word about it. But then again, they had done everything they could to make sure he spent a good day. Underlining the fact that one of the most important people, amongst the very few he still had in his life, had ditched him on an occasion like this was sure to take the mood down a notch. Of course they would pretend not to notice.

Prompto was aware of all that and yet, he had decided not to come. Today more than any other day, Noctis had to put up a good face and he did. But Gods did it hurt. He hadn't been ready to face it yet but there it was: what had existed between them, whatever that was, was dead and buried. Prompto was so done with it that he didn't even care to hide it anymore.

This was being put on display and overlooked too. Who cared ?

Happy birthday , Noctis thought bitterly.

He knew he could not just sit there and brood. He plastered a light smile on his lips and watched as a makeshift orchestra came to arrange itself on the stairs and started playing a low tune. He sat back, trying to look more relaxed than he was.

Luckily for him, the day wasn't over, and he didn't have much leisure to dwell on that.


Nobody hurts me like you do
Nobody knows me as well as you
I'm staring out into the blue
I'm sorting files of what we knew
The future's lost, my future's torn
My disappointment knows it all
I'm stuck, I'm lost, I'm paralyzed
The gate is closed, I'm left outside


I'm sorry for cutting it like that but the birthday thing was supposed to be one chapter, but it just went on and on and on and with a final word count over 13K, I had to divide it.

Credits : Cinema Bizarre - Heaven is Wrapped in Chains
Simon and Garfunkel, A hazy shade of winter (But I have a soft spot for the more recent version of it, by Gerard Way and Ray Toro for the excellent soundtrack of The Umbrella Academy)