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Stand by me


9 – In sympathy

I want to disappear now that we're strangers
I see you so clear when your eyes are wayward
Now you turn away if I get near
The only time you stay is when I'm not here
I want you the most now that we're strangers
Binds of hex and magic
A sight to blur your open eyes
Blinding love so tragic
Tonight your heart is broken


Ignis came over to him with a smile. The King would have been sick with all the smiling going on today if it hadn't been so clearly genuine.
" I have a surprise for you."
" One more ?"
" It's a good one."
" Better than this morning's breakfast ? Impossible."
" It is not something I made. I actually didn't do anything but bring in some people that I would like you to meet. Do you mind ?"
" Of course not. "
Ignis gestured to the crowd and seconds later, some people started to emerge. They were actually quite noticeable, Noctis thought when the little group climbed the stairs towards him and he could get a good look at them.
There were five of them. Some of them had funny hair colors and they all had incredible eyes. Very large, with wide irises in striking colors. Typical from the islander people of Destiny.
The Destiny Islands were an archipelago located beyond Altissia that had virtually no relationship with any other country - no treaties, or anything whatsoever. They lived in autarky and didn't have any business abroad, so people on the continent hardly ever saw them. You could tell by the way people were looking at them and chatting excitedly, albeit in low voices. Four were guys, one was a girl and they were all either pretty or very handsome. The Destiny Islanders were weird like that, Noctis knew it. He had seen pictures in books of the library while learning that geopolitical stuff that used to bore him to death when he was a kid but happened to come in handy nowadays.
They bowed to him and Noctis smiled at them.
" You are very far from home", he said.
They all nodded.
" We are indeed", one of the guys answered with yet another respectful bow. He was tall with long, silvery white hair and turquoise eyes. We haven't seen our home for over a decade but as for now, we've just arrived from Lestallum. It is an honor to meet you, King Noctis. We are glad to be able to thank you in person for everything you've done, and for the opportunity to make ourselves useful. My name is Riku.
Noctis also knew that the Islanders didn't do family names. Riku proceeded with his introductions.
" This is Sora…"
" Thank you so much for bringing the sun back. We're forever in your debt, said the one next to him, a shorter guy with brown hair that pointed in all directions. He had huge sky blue eyes and the smiliest face Noctis had seen all day, which was quite the achievement."
" … Kairi…"
" Your Majesty", said the auburn-haired girl with a slightly off curtsy. She had blue eyes too and was all dressed in faded pink.
" … and these two are Axel and Roxas."
The man named Axel bowed respectfully but didn't speak. Noctis would have deemed him a head-turner even by Islander standards. He was pale and very tall, same height as Gladio, but so thin that his face looked chiseled by it. Almost too much, actually. He had a long, spiky mane of fiery red hair and acid-green, almond-shaped eyes. And as if all that hadn't been remarkable enough, he even sported facial tattoos in the form of violet, upside down tears under his catlike eyes.
Yes, that was the kind of man that was sure to be singled out in any crowd, no matter how big. Yet it wasn't him who really caught Noctis's attention.
The last of the newcomers, Roxas, bowed in silence too. He was standing very close to Axel and was a good head smaller. Just like Sora and Kairi, he had those heavenly blue eyes that were as common for their people as they were rare in the rest of Eos. He was nothing short of beautiful but the effect was a bit marred by how dead serious he looked and the fact that he was staring at the king, barely blinking.
It was a grave, intense gaze, but that wasn't what was making it hard for the king to look him in the eyes. No, what had Noctis fighting the urge to just look away was how much he reminded him of Prompto.
Like most people in that late, first summer in ten years, his tanned skin told a whole story of merciless sunburns. He had probably had it worse than any other in the group due to his blonde complexion and his hair looked like it was caught in a perpetual whirlwind. He was lean, not very tall… How could Noctis have overlooked all that ? How could he have watched those eyes that stood out like clear sapphires without remembering ? The same contrasts between the fair hair, the limpid eyes and the darkened skin… it was striking.
But he knew he couldn't look away without being noticed and it would have been rude. He couldn't stare either, which would have been plain weird. So he spoke in order to make this strange moment pass, renewing his welcome to all of them.
"So you just arrived from Lestallum. It's been a while since we last have had new arrivals. What made you leave ? "
They had actually called Lestallum to stop the flow of refugees a month earlier because it made no sense to keep them coming when the palace was already bursting at the seams with people.
" We were only there for a few weeks, your Majesty ", Kairi answered.
" Really ?" Noctis asked, now intrigued. "How come ?"
Of course there were people who hadn't rallied either Lestallum or Insomnia. Not everyone wanted to live in such places. They had gone back to hunting or manning the gas stations and other checkpoints along the roads, making it easier for everyone to travel. A few men and women were also living in the old Chocobos Farm, trying to save the species by caring for the few individuals they had managed to find. The beasts were sickly, weak at best, in no condition for breeding but once they'd been nursed back to health, there would be hope. But something was telling him that that was not what this was about.
And as if to confirm it, they all exchanged apprehensive looks.
"What is it?" Noctis asked, now way past curious.
"It's just that we've had time to think about this, your Majesty. I mean, telling you what happened to us", the redhead girl carried on. "And we think maybe you won't believe us."
"Either that or worse, you will and see us as the bunch of complete fools we are." Sora moaned with a desperate look on his face.
Riker lifted his eyes to the purple and pink sky, the perfect picture of exasperation.
"What they're so embarrassed to say is, we didn't know that the sun was back until a little less than three months ago. " He said.
Noctis raised his eyebrows in surprise and saw a good many people do the same in the crowd.
"How is that even possible?" He asked. "Were you living in a cave or something?"
"As a matter of fact, we were", Riku answered. "As you probably guessed already, we came to Lucis as tourists. When the Long Night fell, we found ourselves estranged and alone. We were midway from our destination, in the middle of nowhere. We did fend for ourselves but we didn't know where we were, we didn't know which way to go after our vehicle ran out of fuel. We tried to find a gas station and we did but it was dry and empty, and so was the next one on the road. We had gotten so far from the car, we weren't even sure we could go back to it. The monsters were just getting worse and worse and then, along the way, while hiding from a particularly vicious Daemon, we just found it."
"What? "The king asked, trying not to show how hooked up he was.
"The cave." Kairi answered.
"But it was so much more than just a cave, right?" Sora said. "It took us hours to reach the bottom of it, and when we did... well, we couldn't believe it."
"There was an underground lake, and a fishy one." Riku explained. "And there was light too, thanks to some kind of luminous moss that was growing on the ground and walls."
"The water was sweet and the fishes were the most hideous things I'd ever seen ", Kairi said with a funny face," but they were perfectly good to eat. There were mushrooms too, and our friend Axel has fire magic so thanks to him we didn't need combustibles to cook."
"We tried to go out again", Riku said. "we were hoping that things would change. We scavenged whatever we could from the gas stations we'd found as well as a deserted road inn. After some time we just... settled in. We knew we could have had it worse. We had a safe place, we had food and we were all together so... we just went with it. We deemed ourselves lucky not to have lost one or more of us."
"With the time passing, we almost stopped going out. It was too dangerous." Kairi said with a shudder. "Doing so meant risking an encounter. Sometimes it was something small that we could kill and eat, which was a nice change. But mostly we'd met a huge Daemon that we could only run away from."
"And we weren't exactly top of our game, if you get me", Sora continued. "As everyone else on Eos, we'd grown weaker and weaker. We'd ended up going out only twice a year. The day we found out the sun was back, it had been months already. We couldn't get away from that place fast enough. The monsters were gone and there were people one the roads. They told us that we were not so far from Lestallum so that's where we went."
"And two weeks ago", Riku picked up, "someone who'd been in Insomnia told us you were struggling with a certain problem that we happen to be able to solve."
"And what would that be?" Noctis asked.
"Wait for it", Ignis leaned in to whisper in his ear.
"Back in Destiny, we were all pupils under the same teacher, Master Yen Sid. We came here on a vacation to celebrate the completion of our apprenticeship. We're locksmiths, your Majesty. All five of us."
Noctis gaped. It was only for a few seconds but everyone saw it. It didn't matter.
"All five of you", he repeated, sounding quite stupid if he was to believe his own ears.
"Yes sir", Sora answered. "We never really got the opportunity to practice our craft so we're a bit rusty but we'll get over that in no time."
"We hear that you're in need of locks and keys?" Kairi asked with a little knowing smile.
Noctis wanted to tell her that they had no idea but that was the moment when the crowd exploded, the information having made its way from the front row to the back. The people cheered and whooped and Noctis turned to Ignis.
"How long have you known about that?"
"Ten days. Since they left Lestallum. They called to tell us about their arrival. I thought it would be a nice surprise for everyone, even better if there was no waiting after they heard the news. They'll start working tomorrow."
It was wonderful. Noctis had no need to make a statement or even to say anything. He knew he should have been, giving words of thanks here and explanations there, but the Islanders had turned away from him and to the crowd, taking it upon themselves to answer questions and give precisions. He wasn't going to complain.
"Gods, I can't believe that it's finally done… we're going to be able to send them back to the city. Back to living their own lives."
"We can also let Lestallum know that they can start sending us people again", Ignis said, looking satisfied. "Things aren't going to suddenly go back to normal but it's a huge step forward."
Noctis nodded. Having so many people living in the castle had implied an equivalently huge amount of work. All the cooking, the laundry, the caring for the eldest and makeshift schooling… the people who had been handling those tasks were now going to be able to do something else, and maybe the time had come to reopen a proper school.
"There's a lot of planning ahead", the king said.
He was glad of it, he liked it much better when work kept him busy and focused.
"We got our work cut out for us", Ignis agreed. "But as for now, I think someone is hoping to talk to you."
Noctis turned back to the crowd. The Islanders seemed to have been swallowed by the crowd and he couldn't see them anymore, at the exception of Roxas. The guy was standing midway on the stairs, unmoving, looking at Noctis like he was waiting for him to call him over.
"I'll send him to you", Ignis said. "I don't know what this is about but something tells me that it doesn't require an audience."
Noctis looked at his friend as he went down the stairs. He was right, the guy looked oh-so-grave, whatever he had in mind had to be serious.
They exchanged a few words and Ignis nodded. Roxas then proceeded to climb the remaining steps and surprised the King by getting down on one knee when he reached him.
"Please get up", he said. "You don't need to do that."
But Roxas shook his head.
"But I do, your Majesty. For I came here to pledge my life to you if you will have it."
Once again, Noctis was hit by a wave of memories, this time of the day Prompto had kneeled in front of king Regis with the exact same request. How the King wished he could stop thinking about him all the time ! Whatever this was about, this guy deserved his full attention. Shaking the remembrance away, he forced himself to focus.
" Why do you want to do that? Do not get me wrong, you are as welcome in Insomnia as anyone else but you don't owe me anything."
That wasn't true, Noctis knew it. Truth was, there wasn't a single person in the whole world who didn't owe him, but acknowledging that fact would have been so ostentatious he'd rather pretend to ignore it. So far, nobody had called him on it.
" If anything, I should be the thankful one for the thorn you and your friends are taking off my side."
" That is nothing. And we'll be five doing it, it's not enough. I do owe you, you have no idea how much. I just can't live on without repaying you in some way."
Noctis was puzzled to no end. Was this about his fulfilling the Prophecy or was there something else ? But what else could there be ? He hadn't set foot outside the Palace, let alone the City, since the day he'd come back. He was sure he had never met this guy before.
" I don't understand", he finally said. "What can I possibly have done for you ? I mean, beside the obvious. I brought the sun back but I was fated to do it, you know ? It wasn't a choice, it wasn't free will. It was... duty, a task bestowed on me by the Gods. And everyone benefits from it, you don't personally owe me for that. "
" I really do, your Majesty. Because by doing this, you saved the life of the person I love the most in the world. If it wasn't for you, he would be dead by now and I would have followed him. That's how strong our bond is, that's how much he means to me. It doesn't matter that you weren't just being heroic on your own volition, that you were destined to act that way. He was dying and you gave him life. That's all that matters to me. "
Roxas was still kneeling, his fist on his heart and his head bent, so he didn't see the expression on Noctis' face.
" Now did I ?" He said softly. "Please, do get up. Tell me about it."
Why was he asking ? It would only bring him pain to hear about it but he craved it nevertheless. Roxas looked like he had to keep himself in check, trying to speak carefully because he was addressing a king, but he couldn't hide how passionate he truly was. It was appealing. Noctis had never felt such envy.
A chair had magically - more like Igniscally - appeared next to the throne and Roxas took it when asked.
"What do you want to know?"
"Anything you'd care to share. Yours seems to be quite the story and I'm just curious. He must be very special."
"He is. You've seen him", he told Noctis. "The tallest guy in our group, with red hair and tears tattooed below his eyes."
" Yes. Axel, right ? He makes it hard not to see him, if I dare say."
Roxas smiled for the first time since Noctis had laid eyes on him.
" That's a very accurate way to put it. "
" Have you known each other for long?"
" Forever. He was always in my life. We grew up together, knew each other since we were kids. We come from one of the smaller islands in the Archipelago, which means a smaller community. It's one of those everyone-knows-everyone kind of places where all the children play together and go to the same school, you see? "
" I can't say that I know what it's like but I get the idea."
"Well, we were buddies at first, like all the other kids our age back then. We became friends, then best friends. We didn't notice what was happening. There was never a moment when I realized that I was falling in love with him. I was never scared that he might not love me back or that if he did and it didn't work out, it could ruin our friendship. I never had any doubt or questioning. "
" Seems like a very peaceful way to find love", Noctis mused, marvelling at the idea that this could actually be so uncomplicated.
" It is. We know how lucky we are, we really do."
He stopped talking for a moment, his eyes on the sunset sky.
"Axel says that that's because it had always been there. Letting us get to know each other before kicking in, so that we could be friends first. "
" And do you agree with him ?"
" I think he must be right. The first time we kissed, it felt like it was coming out of the blue but at the same time, it was like I'd waited forever for this to happen. And when I woke up the day after that, I was in love with him as if I had been all my life. Nothing had changed but everything was different... I just knew I couldn't live without him. One doesn't develop such feelings overnight. "
" No, I don't think that's how it would work either."
Not that he would know. He had only been in love once and seeing how this had worked out, he had no idea how an actual relationship worked. Roxas was caught in his own speech and didn't notice the bleakness of his answer. It was very cute to see and Noctis would have been smiling from ear to ear if it hadn't made him feel so morose at the same time.
"We shared everything and we ended up following the same paths in many aspects of our lives. It's how we both ended up choosing locksmithery. I've always had a fascination for locks and keys and I love drawing designs. For Axel, it was more about the making in itself, the melting of metal and so forth. He does have a natural predilection for it. When our time came to decide what kind of careers we would pursue, we figured that we would work well together in that regard too."
" Were you going to set up shop together ?"
" That was the idea. We had a plan to finish our apprenticeship and open our own boutique where we would have shared the work. He had his strong suits and I had mine. It really was a good combination. He's not that good at designing but he sure knows his business as a smith, not only for keys. I'm not great around the forge myself. I'm good enough, or else I wouldn't have graduated, but he's so much better than me."
" So there again, a match made in heaven, right?"
Not a hint of bitterness in his voice, Noctis noted with satisfaction. Roxas smiled lightly but he looked a little bit sad.
" You can say that. But we never got to give it a try. We graduated and with the rest of our class, we all decided to go on a trip to celebrate. That's why we were here when the Long Night fell."
" I'm sorry."
" It happened there too. It was the whole world that was impacted so here or there… I don't know if it would have been less hard on him back home."
Seeing that they had circled back to the debt Roxas thought he had to repay, the King attempted to steer the conversation away from that topic.
" How can a person be naturally predisposed to forging ? I mean concretely. "
" It's simple. Axel is fire-touched. "
" He's what ? " Noctis asked, wondering if he'd somehow managed to mishear. The touching part didn't seem to make any sense.
" Do you have magic in Lucis ? " Roxas questioned. " I didn't see any of it back in Lestallum. "
" If you mean elemancy, yes, it exists but not many people can use it. I possess the ability. "
" And how does it work ? "
"It's a fastidious process. First I draw elemental energy from the earth. "
" So it doesn't come from you ? "
"No, I need to tap into an external source. Most of the time it comes from natural veins of power that you can find pretty much everywhere. I pull it out and use it to craft spells. I'll spare you the details about mixing elements and the balance of ingredients that can make the result backfire if you're not precise enough. I then put the spells in special vials to keep them for later or let someone else use them."
" That sounds very…. complicated", Roxas said hesitantly, as if he'd been scared to offend the king by criticising his way to use magic. " It reminds me of alchemy, another craft there is back home, except that this uses herbs and minerals and other ingredients."
"It seems similar, yes. I used to feel like I was brewing some kind of magical potion when I made spells."
"You don't do it anymore?"
"I haven't been out a lot lately."
Such an euphemism. This is the furthest from the Palace I've been since I've been back. Just outside the door, not even down the stairs.
He cleared his throat.
"That's not how magic works in the Islands?"
"It's as different as can be. More people have it and they don't take the energy elsewhere, they create it. "
"Really? You mean like, from nothing?"
"From themselves, which I wouldn't call nothing. There are kids who are just born with it. It's always one element, and one only, and since it's like they've been touched by the Gods, that's what they are called. Axel is fire-touched. Aqua and Demyx, two of our Master's former pupils, are water-touched. Or… were. I don't know."
"I'm sorry", Noctis said, almost automatically.
" Don't be. I feel like it would… jinx it or something. I have no way to know if they're still alive, but water wasn't less present during the Long Night. Same with the air and the earth, but for the people gifted with fire, it turned into a curse. You see, they come into the world with that something extra, and that part is really great. My twin brother was born air-touched and he loved to play with his magic. He always teased me with his winds, tickling me and pulling all sorts of pranks. It can be lots of fun, or very pretty. Earth-touched people can influence the growth of plants or feel when something is wrong within a tree so their skills are incredibly useful. But those powers come with… not a price, so to say. More like, conditions. They have needs that normal people don't have. They have to be in contact with their elements. If you send a water-touched person in the desert for an extended period, they will just wither. If you lock an earth-touched person in a building all made of concrete and glass, they'll quickly get weak too. For someone like Axel, being deprived of warmth and sunlight for such a long time is like a death sentence."
" I get your point. But how did he hold on for so long? A decade is much more than a long time."
There was nothing left from the smile on Roxas's face. He was looking as grave as he had when he'd been waiting to speak to him. Noctis almost told him he didn't have to talk about it if he didn't want to, but he didn't have the time.
" It's a miracle that he's still alive. He survived by lighting his own fires, burning whatever he could, and also by holding on to me. He wouldn't have last hlaf as long if I hadn't been there. It had a lot to do with will and I motivated him as much as I could. I was by his side, always, and it helped him. But there's only so much I could do by standing by him and talking to him."
He sighed heavily.
" We hadn't planned to get out of the cave before two more months, and it wasn't even my turn to go. I did it because I was desperate. I had no other hope to hang on to than the small possibility that things outside had gone back to normal. We'd both reached our limits. He hadn't talked in months, he wasn't moving except to help cook the food. Even that didn't seem to lighten him. He made the fire because the others needed it but he barely ate. He didn't care anymore. He was getting worse every day and I couldn't reach him. I knew I was about to lose him."
" I can relate", Noctis said hesitantly.
" Really?" Roxas turned to him, surprise etched on his face. He had very expressive features, the king noticed. He must be terrible at hiding things.
" To a certain point. I know how it feels when someone you love closes up on himself. To have him standing right next to you but being miles away at the same time, completely out of reach. I didn't know what being helpless really meant before that."
Roxas nodded understandingly.
"It's infuriating, right ? I was mad with frustration and anger. I felt like tearing the cave's walls down, I was at everyone's throats and he just stayed there, still and mute. Seeing me hurting that way, it should have made him react in some way but it didn't, and knowing that made it even more painful. He knows me like no one else does and yet he didn't have it in him anymore to care."
"It's…" Noctis stopped, his throat squeezing his voice down. He cleared his throat and coughed. Roxas was looking at him expectantly and Noctis wished he hadn't said anything. He didn't know this guy. He shouldn't have been having this conversation with him, yet he was the one who had initiated it. Why would he share his heartache with that stranger ?
Maybe because my only friends are also his friends and I can't talk to them ?
" I'm sorry if I overstepped, your Majesty", Roxas said, looking embarrassed. "I shouldn't have told you all this, I just… I hadn't really talked about it until now. It kind of overflowed. That's not what you must have had in mind when you said you wanted to hear our story."
" Don't", Noctis stopped him. "You have no reason to be sorry. It's just that I know exactly what you mean. I feel every word and I haven't talked to anyone about it either. Because everyone I know knows him too, so it would be slander if I did. I don't want our common friends to judge him or to feel compelled to do something about it."
" Yes. You don't have a choice to keep it to yourself", Roxas answered quietly. "But I will tell Axel about it. It's still complicated to have a conversation with him because he doesn't talk much yet but I will, eventually. He was in a very dark place, he isn't really back yet. I know he'll be sorry when he'll realize what happened."
"It's hard to be ignored by someone who's supposed to care for you. There's no worst kind of let down."
"You're right. But I know this wasn't about me or us. We'll get over it."
Noctis sighed heavily.
"I hope you will. And in that regard, I certainly cannot accept your pledge."
Roxas turned to him, looking incredulous.
"What does this have to do with what I just said?"
"Is your life really yours to give ? You two obviously belong together and he needs you. You have to focus on fixing the damage you suffered, he and you both. That bond you mentioned earlier, don't you think it needs mending?"
Roxas looked down, silent for a while.
" Yes. Of course, you're right."
"What you two share… it's too precious to be jeopardized. It deserves all your attention. Or at least I think it does."
"No, you're completely right. I don't know what I was thinking. He does need me. As I told you, he still really hasn't come back from that… darkness he drowned in in the end. You should have seen him before the sun went out, he was… he was solar. He was a know-it-all but over anything else, he was caring. He was always the talkative one, at the same time goofy and patronizing but always kind. He was protective, thoughtful, funny, he had a laugh that made the sun shine brighter. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's true."
" No, it doesn't", Noctis said, forcing the words around the ball in his throat. "Here again, I know exactly what you mean."
"I don't know if he can ever be the same again after what he's been through. I'll love him anyways, that's not a problem for me but he does need me. I have to be right next to him because if he just snaps out of it one day, he must find me by his side. And if he doesn't, I have to be there to try and help him."
Noctis nodded, deeply moved.
" Absolutely. So you understand now why I can't let you pledge your life to me."
" I do, your Majesty. But if you'd be kind enough to forgive my audacity, I dare say that I wish you didn't look so sad telling me this."
That got a smile out of Noctis.
" Don't be like that. I'm not that kind of king. And since we're being honest with each other, I can't help being sad. I wish I had someone like that."
" Don't you ?" Roxas looked puzzled. "I thought you said…"
The king shrugged.
" I know I said I can relate, but only to a certain point. Axel had suffered a lot and he kind of lost sight of you because of that, but as you said, you will get over it. I'm sure he'll get better, and he'll be horrified that he shut you out and scared you the way he did. And you'll forgive him if you haven't yet."
"There is nothing to forgive. This wasn't about me, this wasn't even his fault."
"See what I mean ? That's what's different. No matter what I do, I can't seem to fix what's been broken in my story."
His heart wrenched as he voiced it all for the first time. He had no qualms about sharing it with Roxas now. The guy had done the same with him and it felt so damn liberating to have a good old heart-to-heart with someone. For once, he wanted to forget all the things that constantly tied him down, body and voice. Being what he was deep down, a mere soul that grieved and longed for love.
" I loved him and I believed that he loved me back. Of course it wasn't what I had expected from life, and it certainly wasn't what life was expecting from me. But it was a bit like what you told me. We'd been friends for a long time until one day, I realized that what I was feeling was actually more than that. And I really thought he loved me back. He had gone to some serious lengths to be able to stay by my side and he had made… promises. Nothing of the romantic kind, I'll give you that. Still, he was supposed to care about me, and not because it was his duty. Because he had claimed to, because he had claimed the right to. But nowadays, he can't even look me in the eye."
" And.. did you try to talk to him?"
" I did. And not just one time. I thought I had hurt him and needed to ask for forgiveness, or maybe that like Axel, that something had happened to him to change him so. As you must know, I wasn't there during the Long Night. I would have made it a great deal shorter if I had been. I wasn't aware of most of the things that happened so I figured that maybe, he'd been through some hardships that I just didn't know of. "
"It does make sense."
" That's what I thought, so I talked to him. I was subtle at first, because I didn't want to make things awkward. Then I tried to let him be, because after I'd left for so long I couldn't expect him to revert to his usual behaviour as if we hadn't been apart for ten years. That didn't make any good either, so finally I tried to be more straightforward."
"And what happened?"
"He lied to my face, pretending everything was okay and there was nothing to talk about. If I'm the one who's made a mistake, he's not forgiving me. And if something did happen to him, he doesn't want me to help him getting over it. He doesn't want me around at all."
He stopped talking and looked at Roxas. The blonde guy looked heartbroken. Noctis saw on his face that if he had been anyone else, he would have hugged him. As things were, he didn't dare touching him and Noctis regretted it. A hug would have been welcome. Sure, he had Ignis and Gladio acting normally again and they often touched him in ways that made him feel a lot less alone, a lot more human. But they didn't know about Prompto. They didn't know how hard it was, how it broke his heart a bit more every day. He hadn't told them and he wouldn't, so this was probably the one occasion where he could have been comforted about it.
Kingship really was the bane of his existence.
"I've started thinking that I'd made it all up in my head. Frankly, I don't know if it's worse than thinking that there has been something at some point and that I just lost it. In any case, I'm helpless."
Roxas didn't answer this time, and Noctis felt unexpectedly disappointed. Part of him had been hoping that that guy who had experienced a pain akin to his, would have thought about something that he hadn't. But no. Even he could see that it was hopeless.
Night had fallen. Fires had been lit and the music kept on playing. Noctis saw that Axel had resurfaced. He was standing near the stairs, next to a brazier, which made sense according to what everything Roxas had explained to him. Turning to the latter, he saw that he had noticed the return of his companion.
"He's so pale in comparison to everyone else", he said. "Is it because of the fire thing?"
"Yes. He can't get burned in any way so the sun isn't going to do anything to him. He can't even get tanned."
"Makes sense."
Roxas got up and bowed to the king.
"It was an honour, your Majesty", he said, somewhat awkwardly.
Noctis managed a smile.
"The pleasure was mine. I do hope things get better for both of you."
He could see that Roxas wanted to wish him the same but knew it would be meaningless. They were - weirdly - past empty politeness.
"I really wish there was something I could do", he finally said.
"There is something."
"Really? What is it?"
"It's simple. Go back to him. Heal yourselves. I did save this world, even if I don't like to acknowledge it. I think this might be the first time I ever said it out loud and I don't intend on ever saying it again but it's the truth. It feels good to know I made it a liveable place again, one with happy people in it. So just go and be happy."
He didn't want to look more like a martyr than he already did so he didn't add that it was one of the only things that made it up for all the sacrifices he'd made but it really was. Like when he had sent Coctura back to Galdin Quay with a team of builders to feed or when he'd asked Gladio to gather volunteers and to make a new King's Glaive. As king, he had authority and power and he could use it to give others the happiness he himself was denied.
"I will", Roxas said, bowing again. "Thank you, your Majesty. For everything."
The king watched him go down the stairs. Axel held his hand to him when Roxas reached him and Roxas took it. Noctis could see from where he sat that Axel didn't speak to him. His face was a mask. It had to be terribly unnerving for Roxas but Axel had nevertheless come looking for him, had reached out to him. Trapped as he was in whatever prison those years of cold and darkness had built around him, he still found ways to express his attachment. They would be okay, eventually.
They were quickly swallowed by the crowd and Noctis vaguely wondered if they had gone looking for their friends or joining the dancers. The music was slow and the dim and warm light of the braziers made for a very romantic atmosphere.
For his part, Noctis was starting to feel drowsy and he stifled a yawn.
"Long day, was it?"Came Ignis's voice.
Noctis hadn't seen him approaching, yet there he was.
"Don't you know it."
"I'm so sorry, Noct, but we can't let you go yet."
Noctis fought back a bout of annoyance.
"As long as you don't expect me to start dancing."
" Gods, no. I wouldn't dream of it. When was the last time you had a lesson, and do you recall how terrible you were?"
"...Well, if I didn't before I do now. Never liked it, always felt ridiculous. What is it, then?"
"Your last gift. Or only gift, one could say, because it's the only material thing you get today."
"Really? What is it?"
"You'll see. Wait a minute."
He was really curious. He had been so negative about this whole birthday thing, he was still astonished by how well it had gone. Ignis and Gladio had obviously thought about everything. They had offered him privacy and friendship in the morning, along with food - cooked by Ignis, which was the best he could ask for - in a setup that had made him feel deeply at peace. Knowing how close he had been to run and hide in a broom closet to wait the day out, it was already a feat.
And then they had managed to set up this party to make the people happy too, and without asking anything from him. No one had sung embarrassing birthday songs, there had been no cake with a number of candles to blow, no wishes on a banner that would have stated his actual age.
Except for the obvious absence of Prompto, everything had been perfect. So anything planned - or at least approved - by Ignis and Gladio could only be a nice surprise.
He was just about to say something about it, having realized that he would be an ungrateful bastard if he reached the end of this day without telling Ignis how wonderful they had been to him, but was cut short by two blinding lights that appeared on the other side of the fountain.
He blinked. The lights were moving and as his eyes adapted to their intensity, Noctis saw that they were headlights. And not just any headlights. He recognized the huge truck they belonged to, as he'd seen it many times in the past when Cindy had come to pick the car up after it had suffered heavy damage or deliver it once it had been fixed. It still had the Hammerhead logo on the side. The truck had driven slowly and silently, all lights off to surprise him.
Noctis knew it before he saw it. He watched the vehicle manoeuvring around the fountain while the people parted on its way and wondered, How is it possible ? It had been in a complete state of waste, nothing but a ruin, unsalvageable.
"As you've probably guessed already, this gift comes from Hammerhead", Gladio said next to him, popping out of the blue just like Ignis had earlier. But it was dark and Noctis was understandably distracted so it wasn't exactly a prowess.
The king nodded, unable to speak. Suddenly, all he could think of was Regis sending him off on that fated day, a prince walking away from home with his friends, going his way to marry an even older friend.
I had only one worry then. How was it going to be to be married to Luna since I wasn't in love with her? Knowing how lucky I was to like her the way he did but also that it would have to be enough for the lifetime we were supposed to be sharing.

Maybe - just maybe, in his deepest, darkest heart of hearts - he had been relieved when Luna had died. He had grieved, yes, for real, he had been heartbroken by the loss of her. She had meant a lot to him and he had cared for her, dearly. But a tiny part of him had let out that sigh of relief, because he wasn't going to marry a person he wasn't in love with.
How stupid he had been. Had she lived, he wouldn't be so alone now. Maybe he'd have learned to love her that way and maybe he'd have been a father by now. But more than anything, he knew that she had loved him. She would have been there now, caring for him. That was lost to him, forever, and he started to believe that it really had been his only shot at love.

He watched as the back of the hauler opened, revealing his last gift. Someone was sitting behind the wheel and started it, rolling it down the ramp and right in front of the stairs.

Its black bodywork gleamed softly in the brazier's light. It looked absolutely pristine and Noctis got up without even thinking about it. Before he knew what he was doing he was halfway down the stairs. He couldn't help it and he almost started running - he had to touch it. And when he did, tears burned his eyes.
His father's last gift, his car. The faithful companion that had taken them all around Lucis, the car in the backseat of which he had napped while the others were driving. The same one that he had crashed on his way to Ardyn, when they were racing against time to save everything but above all Ignis. He wanted to hug the Regalia, absurd as it would have looked, but he made no gesture.
The mechanic that had driven it out of the truck got down of it and handed him the key, which Noctis accepted mechanically. After that day, after that, just now, he just felt… numbed. It reminded him of that day when he had been on the verge of a panic attack in the middle of a speech. He wasn't freaking out this time, but he was as unable to speak or move as he'd been then. The noise around him sounded muffled and he was feeling light-headed.

When a hand came resting on his shoulder, his memory supplied him with what had happened the last time and for a fleeting moment, he thought it was Prompto. But it was Gladio, gently pulling him away from the crowd while Ignis addressed them in a steady voice. Gladio brought him back into the castle and as they reached the end of the great hall, heading for the elevator, Noctis realized that his Shield wasn't just supporting him anymore. He was carrying him.

They said nothing.

His hand closed around the car key, he let his head rest against Gladio's chest, feeling strangely small in his arms. It was so odd. Had he fainted ? He didn't know. His mind was too fuzzy, his head too dizzy.
He couldn't bring himself to care. The day was finally over. He thought about what he had told himself that morning. It was done now, and even though he was messing up right now, it had gone well on the whole. It was late. For the time being, he just wanted to sleep. As for the rest...

He'd care about it tomorrow.


Maybe it's a cruel joke on me
Whatever, whatever
Just means there's way more cake for me
Forever, forever
It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
I'll cry until the candles burn down this place
I'll cry until my pity party's in flames
...You would cry too, if it happened to you


Credits : The Birthday Massacre, Hex
Pity party + It's my party, Melanie Martinez + Lesley Gore

So, there they are, the locksmiths from the Destiny Archipelago, because I just can't help it, I'm in way too deep. KH is the love of my life. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.