The bunker feels empty without Sam and Dean now. Even the echoes of Paul's cries seem louder in the empty spaces.
It's only been a few hours since they left. I haven't seen Castiel since he went to rest and I know I need to check in on him. I walk over to the room he stays in and knock lightly on the door.
"Come in" a raspy voice coughs out in reply
I open the door and peak my head in smiling "how you doing?" I ask
"Better. I'll start reading again soon" he nods to me
"May I?" I ask gesturing into the room.
"Sure" his eyes look to mine for answers and he sits up against the wall
I pull the chair out from the desk and sit on it backwards, resting my arms on the back of the chair and my head on my arms "I'm sorry about Hannah" I say when I'm comfortable
"What do you mean?" He asks not following
"For killing her.. I still don't fully understand why I did it.. I had the blade in my hand and everything was dark" I speak as if he's not there and I'm just trying to comfort myself.
"You were being controlled by the mark, and by impending motherhood" he explains my actions "I didn't see it then, but I understand it now" he adds in. I look at him, my eyes softening as he speaks "I was angry at you because I thought she had answers.. And you killed her, then after I used that grace I had one thing on my mind" he looks past me
"It's alright" I say knowing what he is getting at
"No, please. Let me say this" his voice is firm. "I was putting someone who matters to me at risk, I was willing to hurt someone who considers me family to get what I wanted. I know now. I would never want that to happen." He continues "and after, when Dean wouldn't forgive me.. I started to realize what I have done. So thank you, for bringing me back to the angel I used to be, I want to be" he smiles softly to me
I blush "there really is no need to thank me. I've done some terrible things myself. Let's just get your grace back!" I stand up and he does too.
We embrace each other for a warm friendly hug and we walk back up straight to the room. He sits down and begins translating the book again.
I rotate through between sitting across from him, asking what he's reading, and taking care of Paul.
"Here. Here" Castiel sits up straight and I swivel my head up. The nail I was biting rips half off as pull it out of my mouth. "It just mentioned Cain. How he murdered out of love for his brother.." Castiel drifts off, his eyes darkening as they float horizontally across the page.
"What?" My heart sinks already knowing whatever he read can't be good. Just then I hear Paul's cry from the baby monitor, only it's more desperate then I've ever heard before. Castiel and I both turn to the monitor aware of the desperation. When suddenly we hear a mans voice shhh from the monitor.
I push out of the chair and it falls to the floor with a heavy crash. I run towards his room, Castiel following close behind. I feel my heart inside of my chest, racing as the fear rushes through me like a flash flood. I'm close enough to his room where I see the open door, when suddenly it slams shut! I slam into it, trying to smash through it. The mans voice tries to console my baby again and my stomach turns violently ill. Castiel is next to me, ramming into the door with whatever strength he has left. It's moments later that he is next to me with an ax, handing it over for me to smash through. I didn't even realize he left to grab it. I ax through the door, wooden pieces flying everywhere. I make a hole big enough to peak in and when I do a man I've never seen before turns and smirks at me. Castiel pushes me aside a little and he gasps. I push him aside just as fast and continue hatching at the door.
"He's gone! Hayden, Hayden" I hear Castiel yelling at me. I let my arms fall dropping the ax and he pushes the door open, no longer being held by any force. I run into the room and Paul is still crying, as loud as he ever has. I pick him up, and try to soothe him. It takes a little bit of time before he calms down, but he does and I hold him tightly to my chest.
I turn to Castiel, not knowing what else to do "how did he get in here?" I ask trying not to let my voice shake too much.
"He's, he's an angel" Castiel's whispers sitting in the rocking chair, face pale.
"An angel?" My heart softens just a little, maybe it wasn't as bad as I think. "Why would an angel come to Paul's room?"
"It wasn't just any angel, it was Lucifer" Castiel adds on, in a low tone.
"WHAT!?" I shout! Paul adjusts to my scream with a whine but quickly settles down again. My body sinks into the couch in the room, not being able to support me weight any longer.
"I didn't think of it before, but it all makes sense now" he says. His eyes moving around the room as he thinks out loud "it used to be there was one seal that could break open Lucifer's cage, the one Dean broke.. But that book, that book said something about a back door.. A seal, some kind of unbreakable seal could unlock it with only that one being broken." He finally adjusts his eyes to mine.
"What was the seal?" I ask. My eyes wide.
He puts up one finger and gets out of the chair. He walks quickly to the table where the book is and flips back page after page. He is about the flip past another page but suddenly stops, resting his finger on part of the page.
"When heaven and hell collide, a child of both sorrows will break the fallen free" he reads out loud.
"The fallen free?" I whisper after him
Castiel looks back to me "he's a fallen angel"
"We need to tell Dean!" I move to where I was sitting going for the phone
"Wait!" Cas calls to me. I look at him with my hand frozen in the air. "They will drop everything and come rushing back. They need to find Metatron" he says to me
"The devil was just in my babies room!" I spit out
"You're right. Call them" he returns to me dropping his eyes. I pick up the phone but as I was about to dial his number, I changed my mind. If they can't get Metatron now, Castiel won't make it. And now that Lucifer is out of hell, we are gonna need him. I put the phone back on the table and Castiel smirks back to me "thank you" he almost whispers
"We need you for this" I smile back. "He's gonna be pissed I didn't call him, but he'll just have to get over it" I sit in a chair across from him "what did the book say before everything happened? You looked concerned about whatever you read" I ask.
"It was explaining the effects of the mark. The darkness we saw in Dean" he says. I nod my head "and you" he gestures his arm my way and I nod again. "I'll keep reading and let you know what it says when I've finished. You should take care of Paul. Make sure everything is good in his room"
I stand up "good idea. Let me know as soon as you learn something?" I ask
"Yes" he says back.
I walk out of the room and back to Paul's room. I look around the room and nothing seems out of place or touched. I sigh out in relief. I go to place Paul back in his crib but he screams and cries as soon as I lowered him away from my chest. I soothe him but when I try to put him down a second time he cries out again. I hold on to him tightly, unsure why he is so fussy.
Dean calls later that night "we found a lead" he rushes into the phone when I answer
"Oh thank god" I say loudly, relieved it's another step closer to getting Castiel his grace back and telling him about Lucifer.
"Is he getting worse?" Dean asks
"Oh. Right. Ya, he's not doing so well.." I sort of lie back to him. It's sad how easy that is getting
"We'll be as fast as we can" he replies back "anything new from the book?"
"Yea, there was something. But we haven't been able to make it out just yet so he's reading further" I explain vaguely
"Well what was it?" Deans husked voice asks eagerly.
"It's nothing really, when we get more information and understanding I'll let you know" I quickly rush to cover it up
He sighs "alright. How's Paul?" He asks now
"Oh he's okay, kind of fussy. Doesn't want to be put down" I tell him the truth.
"Poor guy. How are you?" He asks me now.
My heart flutters a little at how sweet this man can be, he's so caring "I'm okay, just miss you and want you back home"
"I'll be back soon" he cuts me off "but Sam's coming back out. I'll call soon. Love you"
He hangs up the phone before I could answer "love you too" I say into the dead air.
I sit in the room, still holding Paul, reading some other books from the men of letters library. Hours pass when I hear a faint knock on my door "come in" I tell Castiel.
He walks in, book open in hand, his eyes dark with news "I found it" Although my knees are shaking and weak, I stand up when he speaks. "There is only one way to rid the mark of Cain from an adult" his eyes flutter away from mine.
"Life" I say back to him and he nods "but there is another way to rid it from a child, from an innocent" he continues "as long as he's still innocent, the mark can be removed this way"
"How?" I stare dazed
"That's the tricky part. The one who gave life bearing the mark has to bare complete innocence as well. When the mind is cleansed, the blood mixed together cleanses the body and soul"
"Wait, blood mixed together?" I repeat back part of what he said
"That's the translated version. Once Dean has an innocent mind, we must mix their blood and the mark from Paul will be cleansed through." He explains to me
"Dean.. Innocent? Is that even possible" I think out loud.
"We will find a way" Castiel assures. I nod my head trying to believe him.
"Thank you" I smile to him
"Hayden, there's something else.." He steps back before I could give him a hug. I look at him concerned. "Paul isn't just any ordinary baby, he's a combined portion.. He.. He's an anti-Christ." Castiel fumbles with the words.
My head shakes in disagreement "no, no. Dean told me about that boy, the boy born from human and demon.. Dean wasn't a demon when I conceived him!" I fight back
Castiel shakes his head back at me "for all intent and purposes, Dean was as dark as a demon is" I put my hand to my stomach feeling ill. Paul is still asleep in my arms and I look down to him. Tears falling from my cheek "he is a very powerful boy. I think Lucifer knows that, I think that's why he was here" Castiel adds to the blow. I'm full out sobbing now on and fall to my knees. Paul wakes up and moves around uncomfortably. "But, he also has something that boy didn't, something Lucifer doesn't know about.. He has grace.." Castiel speaks up lowering to my level.
"What does that mean?" I look up to him through my tears.
"I don't know just yet, but we will find out" he says with assurance.
I nod my head, not believing him. I lift Paul from my arms "do you mind? I need some time to process"
"Sure" he says taking him from my arms. He never cries when he's with Castiel. An observation I made a few days ago.
"I'll be outside in the hammock" I get up slowly. I turn when I get just outside the door "thank you" I tell the angel before walking out of sight.
