Chapter 12: And, I'll go away

Thanks to Verarose19, Ms S, When-A-Sprite-Meets-Unicorn for your reviews. We are reaching to the end of this story. There will be one more chapter after that one.

XXX

Litchfield, 8 Country Place

June 12, 2019

Hi Daya,

I'm writing to you from Gloria's coffee shop. This is the address you will read on my letter. I'm telling you to avoid confusion.

No, we don't live in Litchfield's main square, but in a run down housing estate a little further north of town.

So, I'm moving away from what I wanted to say to you. I'll come on Saturday.

It's probably the last time I see you before several weeks, because I was accepted to Community College in New York. I am starting in September. I hesitate between law and accounting, I will take something useful.

I'll be working all summer at the shopping mall, And, I'll Go away Anyway, I'll try to leave. I think I need it.

Maybe you can understand that, this urge to leave the house, too small, and the sadness. Mom is sad now. She goes to work, she rarely forgets to fill the fridge. She's there almost every night, and when she goes out it's with Gloria. But, I don't forget the life we had before. I tell myself that if I go away, one day, I might be happy to get up in the morning. I will stop hanging out in bed, and watching TV late at night, because I can't sleep.

My friend Melany, whom I'm expecting while writing to you, has offered to share a room on campus. Obviously, Aleida does not agree. She thinks it's something stupid, and says that I can come home every day, that living in New York cost money. But, I have to do it. It's as if I feel it in my body, as if my body, too, was needing to go.

There's a part of me that can't stand their gazes anymore: mom's, Gloria's. I can feel them on my back when I go to high school or when I come to buy a sandwich here. I think it's you they see when they look at me. You, and my abortion. I think they both know, but neither talks about it. In fact, it's better that way, because they don't blame me, either.

XXX

I had a date with Melany twenty minutes ago, and she still isn't here. So, I'll tell you about the coffee shop. This might be the only place I'll miss when I will leave.

Today the sun is shining. It pours out of the windows. Their frames heat up and leave a woody scent in the air. Until now I ignored that windows could have a smell, a delicious smell.

I'm sitting at a small round table, drinking a latte, in a large paper cup, so smooth it could be written on it. At the table beside, there is a woman with three children, two boys and a girl. She is a friend of Gloria, who is always in a hurry because she works for an Association and studies at the same time. She reads a newspaper, or rather, she tries, because the children often interrupt her to ask questions or to ask her to buy them things to eat. The stack of pancakes in front of them looks good. I want to taste it.

This woman, Karla, has everything of a mother, with her long cotton dress and her sweet voice. When I look at her I imagine a lot of things. I imagine how our life would have been if we had had a mother like her, and I imagine I would like to be that kind of parent. Like her, I would want to be able to divide my attention between all these little things, and always be available to help solving a math problem, serving a glass of water, reading the newspaper.

We're almost the only customers, and it's strange, because it's mid-afternoon. But, I think I prefer it when the place is quiet.

XXX

My friend just arrived. She went to get some coffee and some pancakes. I don't know if you like me to talk to you about my life. If this gets you down or you find it ridiculous, you can tell me and I'll stop.

I hope you are doing well, and that your bunkmate Taystee is doing well too. I liked what she told you about "my situation." I never met her, yet she comforted me. Maybe there should be more Taystee in the world.

I have to go now. See you Saturday.

Christina.

PS, I forgot to tell you something, Eva came home. I think Juvi was useless because she is depressed, and gets angry whenever someone talks to her. At least she's going to class. We'll see...

PPS, Something happier. Yesterday I saw Gloria's daughter in the school parking lot. She works there as a nurse, and she has a relationship with my literature teacher. But, you know that. Yesterday I saw her smile, it was only the second or third time. That smile transformed her skinny face, giving it color and shape. They were holding hands. Then when the teacher got into her car with her long red hair flowing behind her, they were both laughing. Cecilia Mendosa told her "come on, see you tonight", and she went back to school. I wanted to tell you this, because it's an image that I took with me. It reminds me that somewhere, sometimes not far away, there are people who are happy to live together.

XXX

1 / I hope you enjoyed this chapter which was a little different from the others. Sorry,for the way I wrote the adress at the start, it isn't maybe like that on mails, in English.

2 / Thank you for being still here . The next one will be longer, more cheerful.