Warnings: Deals with mental illness, thoughts of suicide; spoilers for previous season possibly

A/N: Hello everyone, I think we are about halfway through this story. I have already started on the sequel :) It feels so good to be writing in this little verse again.

cokeheller- Thank you! I need some fluffy one-shots to balance out the angst, drama, etc.


"Hi, we're in New Jersey, sorry I should have called," Leah greeted when she noticed Tony was calling her.

Tony sounded a bit shaky on the other end. "That's okay… I just…. I needed to hear your voice, Leah."

"What's wrong?" she asked, gently. Talk to me, please!

"Nothing… in the middle of painting the boss' living room and it's just… too quiet."

"Put me on speaker phone. We can talk while you paint."

He took a deep breath while he did so, and then asked, "Are you sure? I don't want to distract you."

She shook her head, even though he couldn't see her. "You're not distracting me. We stopped to eat and use the bathroom. Jack had his chicken nuggets and is napping in the back seat; Lincoln's been out for the last hour."

Tony laughed, a bit unsteady, but it was a laugh non-the-less. "He loves those chicken nuggets. Addicted to unhealthy fast food like his dad; good thing he seems like an active little guy."

Leah glanced in the back seat at the sleeping toddler. "I think now that he's walking helps. It will be nice to let him run around in the backyard when we get home. Speaking of that—can you make sure the gate is secure by the pool?"

"Already done and I made sure that the cabinets in the kitchen and bathrooms were secure as well," Tony assured her.

"You've been quite the handyman today," Leah said with a fond smile.

"Gibbs let me take the day off, figured I'd get stuff done."

Jack began to fuss in the back, letting her know that he was waking up and he was going to want a bottle. Leah hated to end their conversation—it was the most normal one they'd had in months—but the baby was not going to take no for an answer.

Tony heard his son's cries on the other end and chuckled. "I'll let you go, sounds like someone is up and hungry. I know not to mess around with the little guy when he's hungry. Leah… I love you, give him kisses for me."

Leah swallowed her tears as she pulled the car off the highway and into a rest area. She parked, unbuckled her seatbelt and climbed into the back with Jack. She firmly planted kisses on his forehead like Tony would have and sighed, softly. "We love you too," she told him.

"Thank you… for filling the blank space for a while. Call me when you get home, okay?"

"Okay, I will. Should be home tonight."

Jack screamed demanding her attention and woke up Lincoln. She told her husband she loved him one more time before hanging up and glancing at the crying little boy. In a flash, she had Jack's bottle in his mouth and was rubbing Lincoln's tummy. The joys of being a parent.


Rachel had just finished her conference for the day and was heading towards her hotel room when she was surprised to find Tony in the lobby. His jeans and tee shirt were stained with a light shade of gray paint; it was obvious that he had not gone into work that day.

Tony's eyes brightened a little bit when he saw her. "Gibbs wanted me to paint the living room," he told her when she approached him. "I'm waiting for the paint to dry now. Fixed some things over at my house too, made sure the gate leading to the pool was locked, you know… so Jack can't get into it by accident now that he's walking."

She nodded in understanding. "So, you're bored now?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I guess. Turns out I didn't like the silence. Called Leah for a bit but the baby needed her."

"Why did you come here? You could have gone to NCIS," Rachel said.

"Gibbs told me to take the day," Tony said with another shrug. "To be honest, I'm not sure work is what I need."

"What do you need then?"

"To talk… to you…"

Rachel smiled at him, softly. "Alright, let's go find a place to talk."

Tony let her lead him to a small coffee shop in the hotel lobby. She ordered them some drinks and then they headed outside to a quiet area by the pool. Again with the quiet… I don't like the quiet, I'm thinking too much when it's quiet, Tony thought, anxiously.

She was smiling at him warmly. "What do you want to talk about?"

He winced and looked away, the smell of the coffee filling his nostrils. "The insane voices in my head."

"Insane? What makes them so insane?"

"Because… a sane person does not hear voices."

Rachel drank her coffee, quietly. She knew that this was a huge step for Tony to take, seeking her out like this. "You're worried that because there are these voices in your head that you've gone crazy."

Tony laughed, nervously. "Well, yeah, that's the jist of it. Being alone with my thoughts was just slightly better than being consumed by a case at NCIS. The painting helped, a little, until the voices got a little too loud and I called Leah… to fill that blank space, maybe convince myself that I'm not going crazy."

She was intrigued by what he was saying. "What did the voices tell you, Tony?"

He laughed again. "Gibbs sofa didn't match the paint; my house wasn't safe for a little toddler…"

"None of that sounds like crazy talk. Just… normal, everyday things an adult will think about," Rachel told him.

"So… I'm not going crazy?" Tony asked, looking at her hopefully.

"You are not going crazy," she assured him.

Tony took a big sip of his coffee before he sighed in relief. It was nice to have a professional's opinion on the level of his sanity. Gibbs or Leah could tell him that he wasn't insane until the cows came home… he still wasn't going to believe them.

Rachel wasn't sure what prompted this swing in Tony's mood. Perhaps it was staying out of the office, or being back in some familiar surroundings to him that had proven to be a safe place… either way, she welcomed this change in mood. There was no telling when his mood could shift back in the other direction…

"Do you think Gibbs will mind if I go buy him some new furniture?"

"Gibbs is stuck in his ways."

"Have you seen how dapper he dresses lately? Some things do change. His house needs to match the new appearance."

"Change can be a good thing."

He winced, thinking about all the change he had gone through that summer. Tony concluded that some change was not good, that sometimes, the change ended up hurting you rather than helping you. "Change can also be destructive," he said, quietly.

She could see the emotions playing out behind his green eyes. He was starting to see that the changes in his life had a very negative impact on him. "And sometimes, change is necessary. Do you think in this case, Gibbs needed the change?"

Tony shrugged and then laughed, anxiously. "The man has been mourning his dead wife for decades. You're the doctor, you tell me? But yeah, I think Gibbs needs the change. He clings so tightly to the past. You know, after he was shot, there were days that I didn't even recognize the man anymore. It was like… he was some kind of robot. I couldn't understand it; I thought he should be happy to be alive."

Rachel put her coffee cup down, folded her hands, and leaned against the table. She knew a little about what Gibbs had gone through last year, being shot by a teenage boy, but other than she was in the dark about Gibbs' psychological problems. "You've grown to understand it."

"Yeah. After I got shot I was angry. There was no outlet for my anger because I couldn't even move my knee," he said.

"So, instead, you bottled it up. It was easier to become the robot," Rachel surmised.

"Hell of a lot easier to become the robot…I tried going back to work…but it only made me angry," Tony stated.

"Did you leave NCIS because you thought it was best for your family or because you were afraid of what you'd do?"

"Both. I thought Leah and I needed time, but I was also scared that I was going to hurt someone."

She had once warned Leon Vance that the pressures of the job could have dire consequences. Rachel could tell that Tony was very much aware of this.

He had known that he could get violent with the suspects he encountered on a daily basis. With that amount of anger inside of him, Tony could have killed someone with his bare hands if given the opportunity.

Before she could respond, they were interrupted by Tony's cell phone ringing. Rachel closed her eyes, knowing that this was going to be the end of their chat today. At least it was a start.


"Boss," McGee gasped, intercepting the team leader as he stepped off the elevator. "We got a call out."

"Related to this case with Merchant?" Gibbs asked, noticing the anxious look in Ellie's eyes.

"Yes," the interim senior field agent stuttered. "A young mother and her daughter discovered the body this morning. It's their neighbor. Elise Reyes."

Gibbs shook his head. "I don't recognize that name on the original case file. Are you sure the police suspect that Merchant killed her?"

Ellie glanced at McGee and then back at Gibbs. "She's not involved in the original case. I double checked when the police called us. She was killed just like all the other victims. Tortured, raped, paralyzed before he finally broke her neck."

"So, he's gone back to killing women," Gibbs said, "Not surprising. He's a sociopath, Bishop."

"Gibbs, she was the judge's daughter assigned to Merchant's case," Ellie sighed, sadly. "Merchant isn't just going after those involved in the case, he's going after their families."