A/N: This is a rewrite with permission of the fanfic "Not a Ninja" by VaingloriusHound.
Chapter One
'You failed!'
Repeated constantly in his head like a broken record.
Failed! Failed! Failed!
'Should have seen it coming. After all they knew I sucked at the clone jutsu, yet repeatedly gave it to me for the final exams.' He couldn't help wonder if maybe it was deliberate. However, nothing would erase the fact that….
He had failed.
Idiot!
Dead last!
Demon!
Monster!
Laughter reached his ears. 'Were they laughing at me?' He regarded the many people on the academy grounds who didn't like him and who, he knew wished he was dead. 'They're happy I failed, what gives them the right to mock my pain.'
Hahahaha. You Failed! That's what he heard as he looked around at the crowd.
Yes, yes, yes. He had failed.
Utterly and embarrassingly so, but doesn't mean he had to endure having it repeated over and over by the likes of them. 'How could they be so heartless?'
The sad part… he had been sure he could do it, so confident he could prove himself, but no, it wouldn't be. Now he sat there, on the swing before the academy and watched the other graduates laughing happily with family and friends. But Naruto was alone, as he always was. Iruka, his teacher, stood there with the other students and looked sadly at him. Disgusting. He had failed him without so much of a thought of how hard he tried or of how it would affect him. How dare he pity him now, now that he had destroyed the path he had pushed himself on.
Naruto was no longer allowed to attend the academy. According to the academy, he had proven incompetent to be a ninja too many times and they could not see him improve in the future. More like they would not tolerate him any longer. He had sully their halls long enough, no more, good riddance to trash. Apparently, no argument would be mounted in his defence or appeal to be made on his behalf; the decision was final. And that meant, he couldn't try again, not for lack of, but he would not be allowed to continue on. Now he couldn't become Hokage or even a regular shinobi. They had sealed his path and his dreams for the future were forever out of his reach.
What was he to do now?
Where was he to go?
Who would hire him when no one cared for his company? Surely not the civilians that hated him for reasons known only to them. How would he survive in this harsh village without a profession or job? Surely even the Hokage has thought about that at some point. Would the village still pay him the stipend for food and clothing, or even allow him to live in the apartment where he didn't pay rent. Damn it, his head hurt just thinking about all the things he took for granted because they were always taken care of by someone else. However, thinking of such things caused tears to well up in his eyes and he had promised himself long ago never to cry, never to let his tears fall. He wouldn't start now.
"I'm not going to cry." He told himself quietly but the tears just wouldn't listen to him. 'Don't cry; don't cry; don't cry! Don't let them see that they got to you!' That they have won this battle, because there's still a war to fight.'Naruto couldn't take it anymore and fled the academy's yard. Out of the gate, across the street, through the crowds and over to the training fields. For some reason, the glares and mumbles of "demon" and "monster" hurt so much more. Like knives tearing at his very core, stabbing and ripping at the fragile thing he truly was. Maybe they were right about him, he was a monster, a demon or maybe it was them who were the very things they named him, but what to tell when you don't even know the truth about yourself. Maybe just maybe the Hokage had finally realized it as well, had stopped supporting him in his endeavor to be a ninja. Maybe he'd had enough of the disrespect of being reminded he was an 'old man' and washed his hands of the whole thing. Who really knew when he's gone silent? Oh if the silence could only speak.
If that was the case, no wonder the academy wouldn't let him stay, wouldn't let him have one more try. He pumped his legs hard and ran faster than he thought possible, dodging the people in his way, careful not to cause an incident that would get him in trouble. But he had to get away, away from the whispers that threatened to break him into tiny pieces, rob him of his sanity and what little dignity he might still have. He wouldn't go back to the apartment, a place where his loneliness was magnified, his pain intensified and his sorrow more damning than the jeers he received outside. Dealing with the landlord was the last thing he wanted to do now. So he ran into the forest, breaking through bushes and the high grass until he had to halt in front of the pond on some training ground. In the water he saw a boy with messy blonde hair looking back at him, tear tracks marred his face, eyes red and still brimming with tears.
'Foolish! Oh gawd! How foolish of me, to think that they really cared about me. All they ever wanted was for me to become another tool they could use and discard. I was so eager to please them, glad that someone had acknowledge my existence.' His head hurt just at the thought of what his life up till now had been. A sorry, pathetic excuse of a human being if ever there was one. And as the tears continued he found his voice, finally.'
"Stop crying; stop crying; stop crying!" The more he commanded this of himself the more he cried until he broke.
"I told you not to cry!" he screamed at his reflection as he threw himself into it. Despite the relatively warm weather, the water was ice cold, taking his breath away, but that didn't matter. With the water around him, no one would be able to see his tears, right? So Naruto floated there in the icy pond, slowly losing the feeling in his body. 'Strange,he thought, why am I getting so tired?' His eyes were so heavy, so incredibly, unbearably heavy. 'Just for a few seconds...,' he thought as his eyelids closed then snapped open briefly before fully surrendering until he drifted into sleep. Into dreamland. He failed to hear her call his name, repeatedly, never felt the arms tugged him or the tears that fell on his face as the water carried both of them away.
The dream was strange. It wasn't feeling like one, felt so real instead. More like... memories. There weren't that many, he was only twelve after all. But even so, none of these memories were nice, none of them seemed to draw him in, all of them were just... there and nothing more. Even the memories of old man Teuchi and his daughter at their ramen stand, of Iruka at first glaring at him like the villagers then later telling him he could do it and of the Hokage talking with him, it all seemed so distant now.
The rest was miserable. His life had been pure misery. Misery hid behind his broad smile, his hyper activeness, his loud proclamations of wanting to be Hokage and his boast of being a great ninja. All he really wanted deep down inside was someone to come home to, that would welcome him with a genuine smile and a hug. For someone to make a home cooked meal especially for him. Yet what had he done up until now that had improved his situation? Nothing, absolute nothing. He made a fool of himself, all for their benefit and it got thrown back in his face daily. He knew the people despised him, so he wanted to prove himself. Looking back, that was the most idiotic thing he could have come up with. He had chosen wrong and paid for it. People feared him at first; he could see it in their eyes, in their actions, and they couldn't get away from him fast enough. But then something changed and now they hated him for his very existence. Their reasons were beyond his comprehension, but it was somehow connected to his date of birth. However, he was sure that the Hokage and Iruka-sensei knew, but had failed to tell him despite his begging. The old man constantly lied to his face about it and many other important matters, that much he knew and the reason he stopped asking after a while.
What difference would it make to them if he became stronger? He wondered. If he was able to protect them with his very existence. Surely it frighten them more than anything if the "demon" or "monster" was suddenly a powerful ninja. Would he turn on them, seek retribution for their treatment of him? That could not be allowed to happen. No it wouldn't be allowed.
He had to laugh at himself. 'Gawd I'm so stupid!.' It was pitiful, watching as he painted buildings, tripped people that pissed him off and how he just grinned like an idiot all day so they wouldn't see how hurt he really was. If only they saw the pain behind the mask he wore. And then he came to this day, saw himself running, crying and ultimately jumping into the icy waters. So where was he now? Was he dead? At the bottom of the lake? Idly, Naruto wondered how long it would take till someone would find him, but then he remembered that no one would search in the first place. Maybe, just maybe, it was better this way. He couldn't be a ninja, he was rubbish at everything else and no one would take him in or give him work anyways. So he was now going to die, in this lake on a day in fall all alone.
But it didn't end like that. Naruto opened his eyes and the pain he felt assured him that he wasn't dead. At least not yet. His limbs hurt, they felt as if they were outright burning. He wanted to scream, but he was so weak, he couldn't even move his lips. He could hear his heartbeat and it was so slow, so weak, Naruto feared it might stop. Air. He needed more air so his heart would keep beating. All of a sudden the prospect of dying was a thousand fold scarier than it had been in the water. So he breathed. Faster and faster. Air! He needed Air! There was a sudden noise somewhere nearby, but Naruto didn't bother reacting, he needed to breath, he didn't want to die!
His half lidded eyes registered movement above him and suddenly something pressed onto his chest. But why? He needed to breathe more! "No-!" he croaked out," I need-" The pressure lessened a bit, but was still there, hindering him to intake the full volume of oxygen into his lungs.
"Easy, boy, you will be alright." The deep voice of a man, probably the one who pressed on his chest. "You are hyperventilating. You'll hurt yourself even more at this rate. Don't make me knock you out. You will be fine. There's enough air going around for the both of us; so calm down."
Whether Naruto wanted to or not; he was forced to take smaller breaths. And after a long period of silence, only broken by Naruto's harsh breathing, he calmed down. He blinked, turned his head and looked at the room around him and the man that sat beside him. The room was lit by a single lamp on the ceiling which didn't really provide enough to illuminate the whole room properly. There was a fire going in an old hearth across the room and through a window Naruto could see that it was already dark outside. The man sitting beside him was... well, big and old, Naruto would have said. Not as old as the Hokage, but his red hair started to gray already. He had a bushy, also graying, full beard and a nasty looking scar between his eyes that stretched up into his hairline and nearly touched his left eye. And his eyes were... nice. They held something Naruto hadn't really seen in the eyes of someone else. Caring and warm they were a green so bright and full like a wide meadow of the greenest grass Naruto could imagine.
"Better?" the man asked him and Naruto managed to nod. The man stood and handed him a glass of water from a table Naruto hadn't seen before. "Drink, it will help."
Naruto downed the glass in one go, nearly chocking on it. He coughed once and asked "Where am I? And who are you? How did I-" The man placed a big, and also very scarred, hand on his small shoulder.
"You are in the back of my workshop, kid. And I am Mosu, the owner of this forge. And I'm also the one who fished you and your friend out of the water. Boy, you two were drifting down the stream that feeds my water wheel. Got you both out before you got in it though. Lucky you." He stood up, nearly having to bow his head so he wouldn't hit the ceiling, and threw a fresh log into the fire. "Want to tell me why you two were in the water?"
Naruto shook his head. He didn't want to think and much less talk about it. Mosu sighed and opened the window to let some air into the room. "Aren't your parents missing you? If so, kid, I gotta get you home. People don't like me much, so having a child here for hours isn't going to help that." "Luckily, your friend was easy to identify so she's already back with her parents."
"I don't have any parents... I... I live alone." When he did not say anything further, Mosu looked at him intently. Naruto knew he was going to remember that he was that boy and throw him out. But none of that happened. However, as he thought about what the man said earlier, something finally struck him. "W… Wait, did you say my friend was in the water with me?" When the man nodded his head in the affirmative, Naruto became even more confused. "But I don't have any friends mister you must have been mistaken."
"Oh, so the Hyuga girl wasn't your friend? Huh, well I'll be damned because she sure thought you were important enough to try and save."
"Hyuga girl? Naruto reiterated, but for the life of him couldn't think of the person he meant, then suddenly and image popped into his mind and then he knew "Do you mean Hinata? B…But she never speaks to me."
"Don't really know her name, she was only awake for a little while before passing out again. Any way you said she's not your friend so no need to worry about her right now." Mosu regarded him with amusement. After a short bout of silence, Mosu thought he should at least help the boy out.
"Stay as long as you need to, kid. Aye, I know who you are, but I do not share whatever grudge they have with you. As long as you behave, I don't see why you couldn't get some more rest." With that said, Mosu got up and left the room and Naruto just stared after him. The man hadn't glared at him. Didn't he hate him? Wasn't he going to yell or something? If anything, Naruto was confused. He was scared. What would an adult do to him if not hate? Something worse? But he was too weak, how could he stop the man? And right now, he couldn't even move. He resigned himself to sleep, because nothing else he could do. Because he was not strong enough.
From Hinata's POV
'Oh No!' Her shocked expression told it all.
'He failed the exam.'
'Now what was he to do?'
'He couldn't become Hokage without being a Ninja first, but that's never going to happen.'
'He trained so hard but it was never enough.'
'The academy kept giving him the same test over and over.'
These were thoughts that raced through her mind like sand from one's hand.
"Why! Why! Why! Hadn't Iruka-sensei tried to help him with his clone jutsu?" She whispered beneath her breath less someone over heard her.
"Instead, he failed him time and time again." By now she was angry on his behalf because no one else would be.
Or was it that… She had failed him.
How pathetic. Flitted across her mind, the voice eerily familiar to that of her father.
Weak, just like all the other times. She couldn't help remembering but shook herself of the thought, remembering it was not about her right now and there would be time to for self-loathing at the end of the day.
'What good am I'….'Couldn't befriend the one person that really needed a friend.' Years wasted because she wasn't brave, confident or assertive enough to make him notice her like he did others.
Many a day all she did was watch him from afar. No matter how she tried to get his attention, he never acknowledged her presence like she'd hoped. Too fixated on other people to see that she was trying to give him what he craved. Attention, her attention to be precise.
Perhaps it was her shy nature that was off putting to him or maybe he didn't want her weakness to infect him like father claimed it would the clan. 'Grow a backbone already.' She admonished herself time and time again.
On the days he actually spoke to her, he seemed to regard her as a weirdo for reasons only he knew, but she never let it bother her. She always inquired about his health, if he missed class or shared her notes with him to ensure he knew what was taught in his absence. Yet none of these thing made him want to form a solid friendship with her. Perhaps he was so used to persons being unkind to him that her kindness freaked him out or was it that he just didn't care for her company.
Yet in the back of her mind a nagging voice told her it was more than that. 'Was he perhaps infatuated with the thought of friendship more than the actual friendship itself?'Not for the first time she wondered if he understood what it meant to be a friend and to have one in return.
Now he had failed.
Washed out of the academy.
Humiliated for all to see. She watched as he sat on the swing, emotionally wrecked. Hopes blown from his grasp like smoke through an open window. His dream for the future ruined because no one helped him to achieve it, including her. Now what? What would become of him, if he couldn't be a ninja, wouldn't become Hokage? Could she reach him now, in his pain and help him forge his own path.
It was now or never.
She willed herself to move in his direction and at least offer him some sort of comfort. 'Would he accept it or scoff at me, he was probably not in the mood for company.' This was her thought as she took the first tentative step towards her would be friend. 'Keep moving; keep moving; don't stop now, show him that he's not alone.' Half way there she watched him dashed from the yard as fast as his feet would carry him. Froze for a second or two as the people around her whispered "demon" some "monster" after him. She'd missed her window of opportunity to lend her support to the one person outside her family that meant anything to her. 'No! I will not give up, not this time.' Pushing all fear aside she hurried after him, ready and willing to extend the hand of friendship again.
She'd barely reached the field he was in been in time to hear him scream out his frustration, pain and disappointment at his own image and then the splash as he jumped into the river. Panic filled her being like never before and she raced toward the sounds, but as fast as she was moving it seemed like it would take forever to reach him.
"Naruto! Naruto! Naruto!" She shouted aloud at the unresponsive figure floating in the water as she jumped in after him, hoping against all odds she wasn't too late and that she could save him.
The iciness shocked her body immensely, but didn't deter her efforts, and though her tears obscured her vision, she tugged and pulled at his weighted body, but try as she might, there was no pulling him from the watery grave he'd chosen for himself and before she knew it, they were being carried downstream.
Her heavy lidded eyes blinked several times before coming apart slightly then she registered movement beside her, but it took some time before she made out a silhouetted figure. "W-Where I am?" she barely got the words passed her lips, clearly she was disoriented from the ordeal.
"I need to help-" Her breathing became erratic as the events of the day came flooding back to her mind. Once again she tried to lift her body from where it laid, yet the weighted feeling in her bones, muscles and mind prevented process.
"Easy, little lady, you are in no condition to move." The deep voice startled her briefly causing her once more to try and move her body. "You are safe as is your friend if that is what you are worried about. Now rest and before you know it you'll be back with your family, whom I'm quite sure must be worrying after you." He pulled a blanket over her for warmth, then blew out the candles in the room before leaving to see after his other patient.
