On a Saturday in mid-April they celebrated Millie's birthday with a chocolate cake and presents. They'd taken to bringing both Midnight and Crookshanks to their weekend study sessions and both cats were sprawled out on the table watching as Millie blew out her candles. Rachel made certain to get a picture that included the cats.

"Open your presents," Ginny said eagerly as soon as they'd passed out plates of cake.

"Open the big one first," Hermione instructed.

"Alright," Millie said, blushing lightly as she unwrapped the larger present. It was a relatively small canvas bag that had two books inside - Rachel and Hermione had spent some time picking some muggle fiction that they thought Millie might like. "Thank you."

"If you have any questions about the books, just ask me or Rachel," Hermione said.

"Now the bag is the real present, because we've done something special to it," Theo said. It had been his idea after all.

"Oh? What?" Millie asked, examining the dark green bag more closely.

"Reach below the books," Luna said, smiling brightly.

Millie did so and soon her arm had disappeared up to her armpit. She grinned. "I can just barely touch the bottom. Did you buy this or did you do the enchantments yourself?"

"Well, we tried to do the enchantments ourselves, but unfortunately couldn't manage it, so I asked Professor Flitwick to do it," Hermione said.

"More importantly, as long as you keep something on the top piece of fabric, like a couple books, no one can tell that there is more in there," Neville said. "Which leads us to your other gift."

Millie unwrapped the second gift and found a large pile of Deluxe Sugar Quills.

"Now you have another hiding spot from your mom," Rachel said.

"And enough Sugar Quills to get me through the summer," Millie said. "Thank you, all of you."

"Happy Birthday!" Ginny said, digging into her piece of cake.

"And, slightly unrelated, I've finished our revision schedules for the exams this year. Why don't you all take a look and tell me what you think?" Hermione asked as she passed around a stack of parchment. "We only have two months until exams start so it's quite tight."

Rachel took one of the color-coded third year schedules and passed the stack to Millie.

"You weren't kidding," Theo said as he looked at the schedule. "Where are we going to fit homework into all of this?"

"Well Charms is already reviewing the material, so that won't be a problem. For the other classes we'll just have to divide the study periods in half and use half for homework and half for review," Hermione said.

Rachel ran her finger down the list of topics. It seemed impossible that they'd covered so much this year. "If this is what it's like for third year, what are we going to do when it's time for our OWLs?"

"We'll get study guides after we finish our fourth year exams and we can work OWL preparation into our schedule our whole fifth year so we aren't trying to do it all in the last two months," Theo said.

"I'm not looking forward to that," Millie said.

"Me neither," Neville said. "But let's just focus on this year for now. We can worry about our OWLs when we get there."

"Well, I'm going to take the same electives as all of you took," Ginny said.

"Really? I'm thinking of trying Divination," Luna said.

"Professor Snape says it's not a very useful class," Rachel said. "Though you should take it if you want to."

"I think it sounds interesting. There's a lot of possibilities in knowing the future, though I am more interested in Care of Magical Creatures for a career," Luna said.

"You want to be a magizoologist?" Neville asked.

Luna nodded. "There are a lot of animals we know very little about. I'd like to tell people about them."

"That's a noble goal," Hermione said. "Is it bad that I still have no idea what I want to be? Before I knew I was a witch, I knew that I wanted to go to a university, but I didn't know what I wanted to specialize in there either."

"We're fourteen, I think it would be more unusual for you to know for sure what you wanted to do," Theo said.

"Well, I know," Neville said. "I want to do a Mastery in Herbology."

"That's good that you know. I have no idea. Curse breaking is neat, but I don't think I'd want to work in tombs and stuff like Bill. Dragons are neat too, but I don't want to work with them like Charlie does," Ginny said.

"I have no idea either. My mom will want me to go into Healing, but I don't think I want to," Millie said.

"I want to play Quidditch for the League, maybe," Rachel said, uncertain what her friends would think.

"Oh, for the Holyhead Harpies? You'd be great with them," Ginny said enthusiastically.

Rachel grinned. "They'd be my top choice."

"Well it's good to have a goal, you are a very good Seeker. Have you thought about what else you might do, for maybe after you've played professionally?" Hermione asked.

"A Potions Mastery, maybe. Or maybe a Mastery in Charms or Ancient Runes. I like them both," Rachel said.

Hermione nodded. "I could see doing a Mastery in Transfiguration or in Arithmancy. Or maybe in Ancient Runes."

"Right," Theo said. "I could see myself doing a number of different Masterys. I like the subjects well enough. I just don't know what to choose."

"Well, we still have time. OWLs are more than two years away," Neville said.

Rachel grimaced slightly at the reminder.

"Well, do the study schedules look okay?" Hermione asked.

"They look good, but I think we're over preparing again," Neville said.

"I don't disagree, but let's try it and see how it goes," Millie said.

Rachel nodded and took a bite out of her chocolate cake. Life was about to get busier again.


"Expecto patronum!" Rachel said, making the wand movement and trying with all of her might to concentrate on the happiness she felt being around her friends. She'd gone from trying to use one specific memory to using a sort of mental collage of memories.

She sighed as the silvery mist began pouring out her wand. She waited for a minute just to be certain it wouldn't coalesce into corporeal Patronus and then waved her wand to dismiss it entirely.

"I think that's plenty of practice for tonight," Severus said from where he was sitting in his armchair.

"Once more, I think I nearly had it that time," Rachel said. She closed her eyes and this time focused on memories involving Severus, including some that weren't necessarily happy at the time but were happy in retrospect. Severus telling her she wasn't ever going back to the Dursleys. Severus showing her around their new home. Severus arranging for her to have Christmas presents. "Expecto patronum!"

She opened her eyes and watched the silvery mist come from her wand, but it was now all staying in one place. She kept her wand steady and kept focusing on her memories of Severus. She remembered him getting her things that her parents had owned, just because she'd asked for them. She remembered him telling her about the photos in her album.

Finally the silvery mist finished forming, this time into the shape of a doe. The doe began to move on its own, taking a few steps and then turning its neck to look around.

"I did it!" Rachel grinned. She was beginning to think she'd never be able to do it.

"You did very well," Severus said.

When Rachel looked, she saw that the corners of his mouth had turned up as he watched her doe.

"It's just like yours, but maybe a little smaller," Rachel said.

"Yes, and like your mother's. Her Patronus form was a doe as well," Severus said. "James' was a stag."

Rachel stared at her doe as it walked around. "Does that usually happen? Do Patronus' run in families?"

"Not that I'm aware of, though likely there isn't much research on it due to so few witches and wizards being able to cast a corporeal Patronus to begin with. You're the youngest I know of who has been able to do so," Severus said. "It speaks well to your magical abilities."

"Even though it took me so long to get it?" Rachel asked.

"Yes. As I've mentioned before, it's a very high level spell and many adult witches and wizards can't cast it. In general, those who can often have strong abilities in other areas of magic as well," Severus said.

"When did you learn it?" Rachel asked.

"In my seventh year, in Defense Against the Dark Arts, that would be where your parents learned it as well," Severus said.

Rachel hesitated for a moment, wanting to ask him about what Professor Lupin had told him about James, but she wasn't sure it was the right time. She wasn't sure there was ever going to be a right time. "It's not very hard to keep it here, now that I've cast it," Rachel said.

"It's mostly self-sustaining now. You can have it send a message by telling it 'to' and then the person's name, and it will leave and deliver the message in your voice. You can also direct it with your wand, by pointing and willing it to go in a direction," Severus explained.

She pointed her wand toward the dining table and pictured it walking over there. A moment later her doe did just that. She pointed it back to the fireplace and it neatly trotted over. She smiled again - she had a doe and it was just like Severus' and her mom's. It was perfect.

"I'd like to ask you to not go showing this off through the common room. It's alright if you show your friends who are studying it, as long as you do it somewhere private," Severus said.

"I wasn't planning to show off, but why would we want to keep this a secret?" she asked.

"As you know there are some students in Slytherins who have relatives who are Death Eaters. Undoubtedly they're asked to report back things that are happening within the school, particularly anything involving you. Right now they think of you as being a good student, which is fine, but I'd rather them not spread rumors that you are magically powerful. For one, I'd like us to have the element of surprise. Two, I'd rather not incite them to act if they think you will become more powerful in the future," he explained.

Rachel dismissed her doe with a wave of her wand and sat down on the couch. "You think they'd try to kill me now because it would be easier than trying to do so in the future?"

"It's a possibility, however they'd have a difficult time in doing so while you're at Hogwarts. Now that you've mastered the Patronus, we'll move on to the Shield charm. That's usually not taught until fifth year, but after the Patronus this should come more easily to you," Severus said.

"Can I try my Patronus against a boggart again, now that I can cast a corporeal Patronus?" Rachel asked.

"Why?" Severus asked.

"Because the non-corporeal Patronus didn't do what it was supposed to do, and I'd like to know for sure if my Patronus can actually stop Dementors," Rachel said. "Isn't it better to find out in a controlled environment instead of finding out that it doesn't work if the Dementors come on the grounds again? Or even if I stumble across a boggart somewhere?"

Severus exhaled heavily. "I agree with you, in theory. However, in practice I have concerns. I would hate to purposefully expose you to the effects of a Dementor again. Have the nightmares stopped since the last time?"

Rachel looked down. "Mostly."

"What does mostly mean?" he asked.

"I still have nightmares, maybe three or four times a week. Some of the time I'm able to go to sleep after them, sometimes not," Rachel admitted.

"Have you spoken to Torey about this?" he asked.

"Yes, she knows," Rachel said.

"Alright," Severus said. "If you truly want to do this, I will attempt to locate a boggart for you. However, there are caveats. The session stops when I say it stops, and if I judge the exercise to be too dangerous we will not be returning to it. Also, I will step in as soon as you are experiencing effects from the Dementor. You will tell me as soon as you notice being more than slightly chilled. Understood?"

"Yes, thank you," she said, relieved that Severus was even willing to try.

Severus nodded. "Are you ready to return to your common room for the evening?"

"Yes, I still have some assigned reading to do," Rachel said as she got back to her feet.

"And you're still staying with your friends between classes and with Imogen when you go to Quidditch practice?" he asked as he stood up.

"Yes, I'm careful not to be alone," Rachel said. There hadn't been any sightings of Sirius Black for nearly two months now, but they were still being careful.

"Good, continue to be cautious," Severus said.

"I will," Rachel promised.


"I'm here to see Detective Inspector Walker," Severus said to the officer at the front desk.

"Detective Inspector Samuel Smith?" the officer asked as he checked the book on the desk.

"Yes, that's me," Severus said.

"I'll call him to let him know you're here, it will be just a few minutes," the officer said.

Severus nodded and stood back. He'd received another letter from Tim yesterday, this time asking him to drop by the station at his convenience so they could discuss progress on the case. He'd rescheduled the Weasley twins' most recent detention with him for the weekend, which they had briefly complained about before he threatened to have them scrubbing the classroom floors on both Saturday and Sunday.

"Samuel, I didn't mean for you to rush," Tim said as he entered the lobby from a side door. "You must have driven all day to be arriving this late."

"I only traveled part of the day, I had some other matters I needed to attend to," Severus said.

"Of course, I'm sure the Home Office keeps you busy. Come on back and I'll tell you where we're at," Tim said, motioning Severus toward the door.

"You indicated there was progress," Severus said as they walked down the hallway.

"Yes, we finally got the warrant for the office on Saint Andrews that Faber told us about, we raided it on Monday and got one of the boys who is handy with safes to crack it. We got associate names, client lists and phone numbers, accounting books, product books, and enough child pornography to keep the office busy for the rest of the year," Tim explained.

Severus tried to parse this and hesitated. He didn't know what product books were, but it was obvious that someone in his position should know, so he couldn't ask outright. "How much will this help the case?" he settled for asking.

"Well, we've got Faber on so many counts of possession of child pornography that he's going away for a long time regardless of whether or not we can get him on the rest. Wells is also going away given his confession, he's looking at least twenty years. Those cases won't go to trial for another twelve months or so," Tim said.

That seemed like a long time to wait for a trial. "They're still in custody while they await trial?" he asked, just to be sure.

"Yes, given the nature of their crimes they were denied bail, the judge felt they were too high of a flight risk," Tim explained as he led Severus into an office. "It will likely be different for the clients. I've got my people bringing them in where we can find them, but some of them have already fled when news of Faber and Wells' arrest went through the grapevine."

"How many clients were on the list?" Severus asked.

"Nearly five hundred. We'll be lucky if we get ten percent of them," Tim said, shaking his head. "Many of them were smart enough to use fake names and not leave a phone number."

"So few," Severus said. There was a good chance that some of the men who had hurt Rachel would not be caught.

"I know, but we get who we can. The product books were the real find though," Tim said.

"Oh?" Severus asked, unsure what his response should be.

Tim pointed to a box on the floor that seemed to be filled with photo albums. "We've got books going back ten years with pictures of each of the kids. With the new computer system, we should be able to match some of the faces to names, and then interview the kids and find out who was selling them out."

Severus knew enough about muggle technology to connect the word computer with the box on Tim's desk and the television screen that sat with it. He didn't want to ask questions because this was obviously something he should already know. "How long will it take to identify all the children in the product books?"

"We'll never get them all," Tim said. "We will run the pictures of the children in care and the children in foster systems first, since they're the most likely to be exploited, then we'll run the pictures we have from local schools. Given that there are over a hundred kids in those books, it will take a while. But we have a better shot with this than we do the client lists."

Severus nodded.

"You've looked a little funny ever since I mentioned the product books. You want to find your girl, make sure we've got the right people?" Tim asked.

Severus thought about it briefly before he shook his head. That was not something he needed to see, especially since he was certain it wouldn't lead anywhere. "I'm certain we have the right people."

"And her parents still won't let her talk? You're sure they're on the up and up?" Tim asked.

"I'm certain. It is the girl herself who is refusing to discuss the matter further, and she's with a guardian who she wasn't with at the time," Severus explained.

"See if you can convince the guardian to take her to one of the centers specializing in childhood trauma. Sometimes that does the trick and is probably better for the girl anyway," Tim said. "At the very least tell the girl that her information helped take these guys down and stopped other kids from getting hurt."

"I will," Severus said. "Do you need assistance with questioning the clients that you've brought in?"

"Not yet, but I'll call you if we get a tough nut to crack. In a way the pornography is actually helpful, because chances are Faber was selling it to almost all of his clients. We get a search warrant after the arrest and we're pretty much guaranteed that we can get them on possession," Tim said. "But mostly I just wanted to keep you in the loop. I'll write to you again if I need your assistance or once there's a development in the case. You got any questions before I walk you out?"

"No, I think that's everything. I appreciate you keeping me informed," Severus said. He didn't know the right questions to ask, so he would have to leave it alone for the time being.

He let Tim walk him out of the building, stepped into an alley, and then apparated to Spinner's End. He stood in the dark and chilly house for a long moment. Ten percent of the clients had been far less than he'd been expecting, but he wasn't sure what else he could possibly do. Even if he convinced Rachel to let him see limited parts of her memories, that would only give him faces and bodies - he had no way to pair them with the names on the client lists, and no way of knowing if the names on the client lists were even real.

He was at a dead end and he couldn't help but think that he had failed Rachel.


"Do you want me to come back in thirty minutes and get you?" Millie asked.

"No, the study room is just around the corner," Rachel said, glancing at Millie as they walked down the Defense corridor.

"Two things. The last time you went to Professor Lupin's office, you disappeared and we didn't find you until we thought to check the hospital wing. And Professor Snape told me and Theo to keep an eye on you in case Sirius Black gets into the castle," Millie said.

"I am sorry about that," Rachel said.

"There's no need to be sorry about it. It's not your fault you wound up in the hospital wing, and Professor Snape didn't need to ask me and Theo, we were already watching over you. Every time I leave you alone somewhere something bad happens to you," Millie said.

Rachel came to a stop. "Millie…" She didn't quite know what to say.

"I don't mean that it's your fault, I mean that there are people interested in hurting you and they're more likely to try to hurt you if you're alone," Millie said, glancing around. "We both know there are plenty of students who have parents who were Death Eaters, and I don't like the way that Flora and Hestia have been looking at you."

"How have they been looking at me?" Rachel asked. She hadn't noticed the Carrow twins behaving any differently.

"When we're sitting in the common room, they've moved so that they're now sitting closer to us, like they're spying on us. And they look at you," Millie said.

Rachel frowned. "You're sure?"

"Pretty sure," Millie said.

"Alright, I'll tell Professor Snape they're watching us and see what he suggests. Maybe we can feed them false information?" Rachel suggested.

"Like what?" Millie asked.

Rachel shrugged. "I don't know. I don't know why they're listening to us in the first place. Why would anyone talk about sensitive information in the common room to begin with? Have you seen any of the others acting weird?"

"Not that I've seen," Millie said, shaking her head. "We should ask Theo though, he might have seen something that we haven't. Maybe Draco said something about what's going on while they were in their dorm."

Rachel bit her lip. She didn't like the idea that Draco was involved in whatever this was, even though she knew his parents were Death Eaters. "Maybe we're overreacting."

"When Death Eaters are involved, I'm not sure there's such a thing," Millie said. "Come on, you're going to be late for your meeting with Professor Lupin."

They started walking again. "But they're not Death Eaters. Not yet at least," Rachel said.

"Yeah, but if their parents tell them to do something, they're probably going to do it. I mean, it's bad enough with regular parents, can you imagine knowing your parents used to torture people and then wondering what they'd do to you if you disobeyed them?" Millie asked.

Rachel shivered, thinking of both Theo and Draco. Maybe she needed to have a talk with Draco like the one she'd had with Theo. She wasn't sure she was close enough friends with Draco for him to really talk to her like that though.

"I don't mean Professor Snape, of course," Millie said quickly. "I mean, he was a Death Eater, but I have a hard time picturing him torturing anyone unless they boiled their cauldron over in class."

It was weird to think that Professor Snape had used to be a Death Eater. If he hadn't told her so himself, she wasn't sure she'd believe it. "I think the Weasley twins might have something to say about that. Apparently they've gotten the most detentions from him ever and they're only in fifth year. I went through Professor Snape's office the other day and found them scrubbing the classroom floor while he watched."

"What'd they do this time?" Millie asked.

"No idea, but it had to have been bad," Rachel said, coming to a stop as they reached Professor Lupin's office door. "How about this, I'll have Professor Lupin walk me back as far as the library. I don't really want to show anyone where our study room is."

"That's fine, but if you're not back within an hour, we're coming looking for you," Millie said.

"Deal," Rachel agreed. She wasn't thrilled about the restrictions, but she wasn't going to purposefully disregard Severus' instructions either.

"See you soon," Millie said.

Rachel knocked on Professor Lupin's door and it opened only a few moments later.

"Rachel, I was just wondering where you were, come in," Professor Lupin said.

"Sorry, Millie and I were talking on the way here," Rachel said.

"It's fine, I just wanted to be certain you were alright since you had said you would be here shortly after class. I think we're all a little bit more alert to things like that given the current situation," Professor Lupin said, gesturing to a chair as he went back around his desk to sit down. "Sit. What can I help you with? Was there a problem with the homework?"

"Oh, no, nothing like that," Rachel said quickly. "I just wanted to show you something and I didn't want to do it in the classroom in case other people saw."

"Oh?" Professor Lupin asked. "You have my complete attention."

Rachel took a step away from the desk, pulled out her wand, and closed her eyes. She went through the memory medley she had put together, showcasing Severus and her friends, and felt the warm feeling of remembered happiness well up within her. "Expecto patronum."

She opened her eyes and watched as her silvery doe appeared and then she turned to smile at Professor Lupin.

"Bravo!" he said, getting to his feet and clapping his hands together. "Now this is truly something. A corporeal Patronus and you're only thirteen years old. Incredible."

Rachel felt herself blush deeply and she focused on watching her doe walk up to Professor Lupin's desk. "I wanted to show you because you helped me with it. Though Professor Snape says not to tell anyone about it, because he wants it to be an advantage that other people don't know about."

Professor Lupin nodded. "It's unfortunate, but I can understand his reasoning. Your secret is safe with me. Did he tell you that your Patronus looks very much like your mother's?"

"Yes, and it's like Professor Snape's as well," Rachel said, not wanting to leave Severus out.

"And your father's was a stag," Professor Lupin said.

"Do you have a corporeal Patronus?" Rachel asked, realizing she didn't know.

"Yes, I learned at the same time as your parents, and Severus. Here." Professor Lupin drew his wand. "Expecto patronum."

A moment later a large silvery wolf appeared.

"Oh, it's beautiful," Rachel said. She wondered if it was a wolf because he was a werewolf, but she wasn't going to bring up a sensitive topic if Professor Lupin didn't want to talk about it.

"Thank you," Professor Lupin said, waving his wand to dismiss his Patronus.

Rachel reluctantly did the same. "That was mostly why I came by, but also just to say hello."

"That's very thoughtful of you, Rachel, I appreciate that you showed me," Professor Lupin said.

"Would you mind walking me back to the library? Professor Snape doesn't want me to be alone in the school right now, in case Sirius Black breaks in again," Rachel asked.

"Of course," Professor Lupin said, though he looked briefly pained. "Regrettable, of course, but necessary for your safety I imagine."

Rachel nodded. It was necessary and that was good enough for now.


"How was your week?" Torey asked as Rachel sat down.

Rachel covered her mouth as she yawned. "Good. Busy. We're revising for exams in addition to our regular homework."

"That sounds like a lot of work, considering you're taking ten classes this year. Have you considered dropping one of your electives?" Torey asked.

"No, I like my classes and I think they're all important. I'd drop Astronomy if I could though. I wish it wasn't at midnight," Rachel said.

"I can understand why that would be disruptive to your sleep schedule," Torey said. "How are you sleeping these days?"

Rachel looked down. "I've been awake since two o'clock in this morning."

"I'm sorry. How often is that happening?"

"A few times a week. Sometimes I can go back to sleep afterward, but sometimes I can't," Rachel said, concentrating on running a fingernail along the skin of her fingertips.

"Because of the nightmares?" Torey prompted.

"Yes," Rachel said quietly.

"Have you tried writing them down, like we discussed?" Torey asked.

Rachel sighed. "I can't. I've tried and it just makes them feel more real, like I have to hold it in my head to write it down. This didn't used to be a problem."

"You didn't used to have these nightmares?"

"No. I'd have nightmares sometimes, but not like this." Rachel pulled her legs up onto the couch so that her knees were up by her chest. "What happened didn't used to be a problem. It just was what it was. And now, it's different somehow. It feels different, and more real, and I don't want it to feel real."

Torey waited for a moment before she replied. "Are these nightmares like reliving what happened?"

"They are, but they feel different," Rachel said, pausing to bite her lip in frustration as she tried to think of a way to explain it that wasn't just saying that it was different. "I don't remember feeling frightened when it was happening, but in the nightmares I am frightened. There was some physical pain, when it was happening, but it was kind of distant and muted. And in the nightmares it's...when I wake up I can still feel the pain."

"You've told me in the past that you were being drugged when you were taken to the hotel. It's likely that dampened any response or feeling you had at the time," Torey said. "It's possible that the Dementors have altered your perceptions of these memories while you're reliving them in your sleep. Your experiences with the Dementors seemed to have been the catalyst for the nightmares to start."

"I guess," Rachel said. "Why is it lasting so long though? I haven't encountered a Dementor in over two months."

"Our dreams, and our nightmares, are thought to be the brain's way of processing information while we're asleep, though neither muggle science nor magic has any real answers as to how it works. The nightmares you're having now are about things you never really had a chance to process while they were happening. You were in survival mode while you were living with your relatives. All of your energy was focused on trying to stay safe and stay alive. And that's good because it kept you alive. But now you've had some time in a relatively safe environment with people that care about you, and your mind now has a chance to process these things. I don't think the Dementors are still affecting you, I think your mind has recognized that this is a trauma you haven't processed and that you're now in a space to do so," Torey explained.

"Why does it matter now, when it's not happening anymore?" Rachel asked, trying not to be upset. She didn't even know why she was starting to feel upset.

"Because it was real and it did happen to you. You are the same person and you're allowed to feel upset or angry or scared about the things that happened to you, even if you didn't feel that way at the time. You didn't have the context to understand that they were violating you, but now you do," Torey said gently.

Rachel frowned. She could feel that her eyes were watering and she didn't want to cry. "I don't want to process things if it means I'm going to keep having nightmares like this."

"Most people who've experienced trauma find that once they've processed the trauma, their nightmares will actually decrease," Torey said.

"What does processing even mean?" Rachel asked, though she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to know.

"For a lot of people that means talking about the trauma, or writing about it. Some people write letters to help them figure out what their feelings about it are. Some people write in a journal. Other people create art. Part of it is recognizing that it isn't your fault, which can be complicated sometimes. Part of it can be finding a way to seek justice for yourself, or letting the person who hurt you know how you feel about it. Part of it is finding ways to help yourself when you've had a nightmare or have encountered a trigger. And part of it is letting yourself feel however you happen to feel about it. Those feelings can change over time or even from moment to moment," Torey explained.

"I don't know if I can do that," Rachel said quietly, carefully swallowing around the lump in her throat.

"You don't have to do it all at once, and you don't have to do it alone. Severus and I are here to help you and support you in whatever ways you want or need," Torey said. "And you get to be in control. If you decide you only want to write about certain things rather than talking about them directly, you can do that. Or, if on any given day, you decide you don't want to process things that day, then you don't have to. Recovery is something that is meant to happen along with your life, it shouldn't be taking up all of your time and energy."

Rachel nodded. That sounded a little more doable.

"I know this is hard, but I do honestly think it's worth it," Torey said.

"You think it will eventually get the nightmares to stop?" Rachel asked.

"I think eventually it will help get them to a manageable frequency and that you won't be as distressed after having one," Torey said.

"Okay," Rachel said. She didn't know if she could actually do this, but if it made the nightmares stop it would be worth trying.