Disclaimer: Of course, these lovely characters do not belong to me. I do borrow them for my idea.
A quick thought on Ron. I truly do feel bad for having to use his character that way. I do feel that he was a little misrepresented in the movies, because he is a much more wholesome character in the books. However, for these next few chapters, I need the movie Ron and take him a little bit more to the extreme. I do love him, so I'll try to make it up to him.
Thank you to all of you kind followers and the reviews.
Mind healer
January 2005
She had hated these visits from the start. She had promised Headmistress McGonagall she would go and so she did. Once a month for the allotted hour she would sit on this couch and answer the questions with the least amount of emotional involvement possible. Of course, she was smart enough to realize that this was not going to help in the way intended, but she didn't want to present her life to some stranger. It had never worked that way.
When she was in primary school and she had a hard time making friends, the school asked her parents to enroll her in counseling sessions. They had laughed, but when the principal asked again, referring to one of her magical accidents, they had found a psychologist for children and send her every three weeks. She never told them anything that was relevant to her. She shared the letters she had learned and later of her reading, but she never voiced her fears and concerns to any of them. When she had turned eleven and the letter from Hogwarts along with McGonagall had come to her house to explain about magic, her parents had apologized. Realizing that the magic would have needed an outlet no matter how many friends she would have had.
Well and then there had been all the dramatic experiences, which she never had told in full detail to her parents. But she had to find some way of explaining the canceled finals for first-year and why each year she spent more time of her summer in the wizarding world. If it hadn't been for the involvement of magical events, they would have probably sent her back to a mind healer. And they wouldn't have been wrong about it either. No 17-year-old should have the count of near-death experiences as Hermione and her two best friends had had.
But while she felt she could have been able to deal with the war memories, even with Lestrange's torture, she wasn't sure that she would ever get over this whole being bound to Malfoy experience. She couldn't really explain it. Her mind knew that the bind was lifted, and she knew that he was still the same man who had bullied her throughout her childhood, but she couldn't get him out of her head. It was probably for that reason that she had reacted so poorly when Ron had thrown all these things in her face. How it was her fault they couldn't have the children that he so very much longed for. How her past with Malfoy had ruined so many things for him and now this.
He shouldn't have said those things, and Harry and Ginny had assured her multiple times now that he was sorry for the way things had gone down, but that wasn't her issue anymore. After moving into one of the Potters spare rooms she had found the only thing she really felt was a relief. For the next few hours, she was just able to be herself. She did some reading for work, practiced her nonverbal magic, and even played with James for a little while, without thinking about having sex that night to have a baby of her own.
And so, she had stayed for the night and then for the next day, a week and suddenly she had been gone for two months and she could tell how concerned everyone seemed to be. Which made her feel even worse because she really enjoyed herself. She enjoyed visiting with her parents and simply taking her wedding band off to pretend she was back in Hogwarts. She enjoyed working in the labs at St. Mungo's developing potions, without staring into Ron's disappointed eyes when she returned way past their normal dinner time. And then suddenly she only felt guilt. All those things she enjoyed so much were wrong to cause her happiness when she knew that her husband was sitting in their flat waiting for her return.
That's when the Potters grew concerned enough to take turns in entertaining her, rather than just letting her pity herself in her room, and finally, they had brought her to this appointment. She glanced up at Healer Watko, who eyed her from across the table. As she came back out of her thoughts, she noticed her wet cheeks and could feel the puffiness of her eyes.
"Why can't I just love Ron?" Her question was followed by a sob and her hand grasped the tissue box that floated towards her.
"He deserves to be loved without trying so hard." She blew her nose and ignored the slightly disgusted look Watko gave her. "I tried so hard. After the bind was lifted, it felt like I had a new chance at things, but then it was just as hard. Ron is so ready for marriage and children and I'm just not." Another sob. "But it's not that I'm not ready. Like there are these terrible thoughts about babies with blond hair and Narcissa cooing over them and then I look at Ron and remember my dream babies should be red-headed and being held by Molly and I feel so terrible."
She hadn't told anyone this before. The tissue dropped to the floor, as she grabbed a new one. "And then I try extra hard to make this relationship worth Ron's time and I really do want to get pregnant in a way and then these doctors tell us there is a magical problem and he just knew that this was tight to Malfoy again." She blew her nose again and startled as the tissue magically disappeared out of her hands along with the one on the floor.
"And instead of being sorry, I run off and think about how easy all of this would be with Malfoy. With Malfoy, can you imagine that?"
Watko shrugged but didn't seem to attempt to speak.
"He is going to want to divorce me and you know he is right. This is my issue. Running to Narcissa Malfoy to cry, thinking of Malfoy babies, it's all my fault."
"What about being locked out of the ministry?" He made an elegant pause. "Not being able to find a job or an apartment, is that your fault too?"
Hermione stared at him. She had been so focused on her grief that she hadn't thought of the things that angered her. Finally, she shrugged, before using her sleeve to wipe across her face.
"Look at me. They are probably right to not trust me."
The wizard stared at her, finally sending the quill and scroll back to his desk. Words did not seem enough to heal the wounds that had finally been revealed. He finally did speak, using all the good techniques he had learned once upon a time, but he could tell that he was just barely sowing her back together with loose stitches.
When her time was up, he felt like he hadn't done enough and so he kept talking, until she glanced at her watch and announced she had to get to her shift. Hermione thanked him, before wiping her eyes one more time. As she made it through the door, she considered calling in sick, but really the research should help distract her. She stepped into the waiting room.
When she looked up, she almost gasped. Right there reading a book was the cause of all her guilt, looking smug and more attractive than she ever cared to admit. Just as he began to lift his eyes, she lowered her head and hurried to the door. He did have no right to see her swollen eyes and red nose.
"Granger?" She didn't respond, but he was sure it had been her. His eyes wandered to the healer and suddenly his fury towards his father was overruled by another one. He stood, book in hand, and took a few long strides into the room.
"I apologize, Mr. Malfoy, for having you wait." He didn't even glare at him – yet.
"Let us cut this short, I feel angry for a few reasons right now. Let's start with the reason why we have this post-Christmas appointment every year: My mother and I are the ones being looked at like some monsters when we are in public. The fact that he got us so actively involved is the reason for me neither being married nor successfully in business in the UK, but he still claims that I'm the failure." Draco sat down on the couch. The mind healer still stood by the door, but his quill was racing across the parchment. This was a remarkably successful day when it came to the Malfoys.
"So, it was one of the more exciting Christmases then." By now he was used to the glare that hit him and he was certain that it wasn't meant the way it showed.
"Were you ever going to tell us that both my ex-wife and I are telling you our life stories?" Draco raised an eyebrow at the other wizard, completely abandoning his original reason to see him.
"Well, it took a while to figure out that you were telling the same story. Considering that you both don't like talking to me."
"I apologize, that makes it okay." Another glare.
"I never told her anything of your sessions and you know the same to be true the other way around. It has been helpful to understand the dynamics in your respective lives."
"What does that mean?", he was switching back to his bored drawl.
"Well, personally I believe that bind was never lifted." He actually had just finalized this conclusion during his last appointment with Hermione.
Draco stared at him as he had just turned into a ghost.
"See looking at your lives individually there just seems to be a lot of bad luck and timing. Looking at it as one, it seems a bit much to be a coincidence." He sent his quill and the parchment flying to his desk. "I mean why exactly didn't your engagement with Lucia work out? It was a perfectly fine relationship."
"There were issues."
"Big enough to call off an engagement?"
He stared at his mind healer. While the puzzle pieces had carefully collected all around him, he had never tried to put them together. Lucia had been the perfect prospective wife for him. They had lots to talk about, shared interest, their jobs, even their views on a future family had been closely enough aligned. And he knew his mother had been trying, so he never fully got why Lucia was so upset about it.
"I'm just surprised your mother hasn't figured it out yet."
Draco's glare turned more dangerous now. He had his issues, there was no doubt there. But if there was one person, he was fiercely protective of, it was his mother. He didn't like that this healer seemed to accuse his mother of having knowledge that she didn't share with him. She wouldn't betray him like that. They were past that phase of Malfoy history.
However, he would have to talk to her to confirm that. He stood and was halfway to the door before speaking again.
"Seeing that I already told you about father and Granger taking up a huge portion of my session, you might as well just sit there without me for the rest of my slot. Enjoy the tip."
He was barely outside the office before apparating to the Manor and then storming into the house. He scowled at one of the elves that were still employed here for several day jobs, before beginning his search for his mother. To his surprise, it was once again the library where he finally found her. Granger really had made a book worm out of her.
"Draco, I didn't expect you back so soon." She not only shut her books but also sent her notes and all books flying back to their shelves while standing to greet him.
"What are you researching?" He was tempted to catch one of the books.
"Gardening. I'm not satisfied with the way the roses turned out this year."
He eyed her suspiciously. The roses were one of the day jobs they had hired out at the elves, as the laws had changed, and they were to be contracted for specific positions. Ironically Granger would have been so proud.
"The thing is my mind healer said something interesting today."
"Well good, after all those years of wasted money." She rolled her eyes at him, as she sat back down and gestured for him to do the same.
"He said the bind was not lifted."
Narcissa did look awfully guilty at that and he groaned in frustration. It appeared, she had known or at least suspected something.
"How did he come to that conclusion?"
"Granger was consulting him too for who knows how long, and, in his opinion, there were too many incidents of bad timing."
His mother nodded softly.
"Her appointment was right before mine. She was still crying when she left his office."
He noticed the concern on her face. So, she did know why Granger was crying too.
"Ronald and she are not in a good place right now."
He snorted, ready to voice some sort of insult concerning Weasley when something his healer said came back to mind. He sobered. Were the issues big enough to call off an engagement? Or rather for her would they turn big enough to let her marriage fail?
"Draco, I do believe Healer Watko is right. I never have seen a bride forcing herself to be happy on her wedding day and I honestly think you would be married to Lucia if it wasn't for the bind."
He stared at her.
"Why didn't you tell me about this?"
"Because it was just a crazy thought in my mind. Minister Shaklebolt perform the spells and like you said before I have grown quite fond of Hermione." She paused, glancing towards the shelves. "I suppose I feared that you would see my concern as meddling."
He had to admit that would have been his response if she had voiced this concern during his engagement to Lucia or even any other time before Ashley.
"I do think that your intercourse with Hermione caused the spells we had reviewed to change their intended effect, but I'm still in the process of researching what exactly that did, as you both reported relief after the spells were spoken." She seemed to ignore his shocked face, while she called all her books and paperwork back to the table with a simple wave of her hand.
"Don't look at me like that. I did some research after you told me things that you could only have gotten out of her thoughts. It isn't known outside of her closest circle that their hope for a child wasn't succeeding. Which indicated for me that according to the lifted bind you shouldn't know anything about it." she gave him a quick look. "And well my darling daughter-in-law blushed deeply enough when I asked her about how close you had gotten that I didn't need an actual answer. Your face just confirmed it too."
