Disclaimer - I own no right to Lupin, Jigen, Fujiko, Goemon, Zenigata, or any other related characters. This fiction is strictly a fan-made tribute.
A/N - I've been on a real Lupin kick lately, largely triggered by the announcement that the English dub of The Woman Called Fujiko Mine will be out on DVD & Blu-Ray within the next couple months. Anyone else psyched out of their mind about that? I considered the dub cast behind the Red Jacket series to be the definitive voices for the Lupin characters, in English, anyway, so the fact that Michelle Ruff will be reprising Fujiko . . . Anyway, I digress.
Since I've been on my huge Lupin kick, I'm trying to keep these chapters coming to make up for lost time. If anyone's enjoying reading this fic as much as I am writing it, please let me know in the Reviews section.
Fumio Machii's bodyguards drew closer to their boss when the burglar alarm sounded, eager to earn their keep. The one most feared among them, the Japanese man, did as well. And though he seemed to be moving the least of them, his mind and eyes were the most active, moving through the entire gala.
When he saw the commotion of two men running through the crowd, a third desperately trying to pursue, he departed from the herd. With far less effort than Inspector Zenigata, he cut through the crowd. As he moved, seemingly gliding, he untied the white necktie and removed his white suspenders, then unbuttoned the black dress shirt. The instant he left the hall, he discarded the uniform, naked except for a fundoshi. Soon, the pony tail was undone as well, and his long raven hair was running wild down his back.
Alone in his quarters, he opened his closet and, with practiced speed, he dressed himself in his traditional kimono and hakama. He felt naked now. But he had felt naked in his bodyguard uniform as well. It wasn't until he had his sword, Zantetsuken, sheathed at his side, that he felt truly, properly dressed.
While Zenigata was still fighting his way through the reception hall, the most feared of Machii's bodyguards was strolling out into the garden.
Lupin and Jigen froze in their tracks when they saw the samurai illuminated in the moonlight, the wind blowing his hair around like a cape.
"I am Goemon Ishikawa XIII," the samurai said, his voice as soft as the breeze. "You must return what you have stolen now, or your lives will be forfeit this very night."
The two thieves just laughed.
"You've gotta be kidding me," Jigen said. "A samurai? Where'd you park the time machine?"
"Sengoku Period, unless I miss my guess," Lupin commented. "Jigen, why don't you give him a taste of some modern technology?"
Though Jigen had his Magnum drawn within 0.3 seconds, everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. He cocked back the hammer and pulled the trigger, and while the bullet was hurtling through the air, Goemon Ishikawa the Thirteenth drew his sword from his sheath. He raised the blade in the air.
Jigen's bullet split in two, both halves landing impotently at Goemon's feet.
Jigen and Lupin blinked incredulously, and then Lupin drew his Walther. He joined Jigen in firing a volley of bullets in Goemon's direction. The blade flashed in the moonlight, deflecting each of the shots. Jigen and Lupin were walking backwards in retreat as they fired now, and when they'd both emptied their rounds, they turned and ran.
They disappeared into a thick tangle of bushes. Goemon's blade flew back and forth, narrowly missing Jigen and Lupin a thousand times, until the bushes were reduced to Lupin- and Jigen- shaped topiaries.
When the two still refused to leave their hiding place, emotion finally entered Goemon's grave face. His nostrils flared. His lips curled. His eyes narrowed and his face flushed.
"You have made me cut something trivial!"
One angry swipe with his sword, and he split the topiary figures from the Lupin- shaped bush's left shoulder to the Jigen- shaped bush's right hip. Slowly, the grass torsos slid from the leafy legs, revealing Lupin and Jigen trembling, still frozen in their topiaries' poses.
The two sprang into another group of bushes, only for Goemon's blade to trim their hiding place down to size once more.
"That blade's got to be getting dull, right?" Lupin asked, frantically leaping behind a stone pillar for refuge, Jigen racing to keep up with him.
Goemon's blade sliced the pillar in two as easily as it had trimmed the bushes.
"There is nothing Zantetsuken cannot cut," Goemon proclaimed.
Lupin jumped back just as the tip of the blade sliced against his side.
"Ha! Missed."
He and Jigen kept moving forward, finally hurdling over Machii's garden wall.
But Goemon was no longer pursuing.
I never miss, he thought.
Safely back in their hideout, Lupin and Jigen were laughing and drinking to their success.
"Did you get a load of that guy?" Lupin said. "His hair was prettier than Fujiko's!"
Jigen immediately stopped laughing.
"I thought you said you planned for everything," he said. "Why didn't you mention Machii had a freakin' samurai guarding the place?"
"How was I supposed to know?" Lupin said defensively. "I mean, who has a back-up plan for being attacked by the mark's samurai friend? And, besides, the plan worked."
"All right, then," Jigen said. "Let's take a look at this data we went through all this trouble for."
Lupin grinned as he reached into the pocket of his dinner jacket. Then his grin disappeared. His finger went all the way through the pocket.
"Uh-oh."
"Uh-oh what? You didn't check for holes in your pocket before you stashed the loot?"
"There wasn't a hole in this pocket when I stashed it."
Goemon Ishikawa XIII was in his private quarters, sitting cross-legged before his Buddhist shrine, sweet-smelling incense burning all around him. He didn't move when Machii burst in, Vitti at one side and another bodyguard at the other.
"Have you forgotten what my father did for your father?" Machii shouted. "My father saved your father's life. You swore to me that meant we had a blood oath, that your family would be in debt to mine for generations."
Goemon still did not respond, so Machii raised his voice louder.
"You let a couple of petty crooks walk away from my building with my property. You have failed me, and now you . . ."
Finally, Goemon moved. He didn't open his eyes. He showed no expression. But he tossed an object over his shoulder straight at Machii, who managed to catch it before it hit the floor.
It was a flash drive. The flash drive that had fallen in the garden when Zantetsuken made a small incision in the bottom of one of the intruders' jacket pockets.
"Now may I return to my meditation?"
Machii and his men turned silently and left the room.
Lupin was still examining the hole in his pocket when Fujiko walked in. She tackled Lupin on to the bed, rolled underneath him, and kissed him hard on the mouth.
"Let me see it," she whispered.
"Don't you think we should get to know each other a little bit first?" the love-drunk Lupin slurred. "And, I mean, Jigen's right over there."
"Not that," Fujiko said. "I meant Machii's piece of the Asimov Project."
"Oh, that," Lupin said, moving his lips closer to Fujiko's for another kiss. "I don't have it."
Fujiko pushed him away and then slapped him.
"How dare you!" She sat up and readjusted her top. "Trying to take advantage of me like that. What type of girl do you think I am?"
"But I . . . But you . . . But . . ."
Lupin looked from Fujiko to Jigen in confusion. Jigen's amused expression just said he wasn't going to give Lupin any help on this one.
"You told me you wanted me to help you steal the Asimov Project. Now I find out you were trying to use me all this time and you didn't even get it?" She scooted to the other end of the bed.
"But we will!" Lupin said, sliding closer to her. "I already have a plan to get it back. Machii is flying to Boston, to see Benjamina Carson about her portion of the project. He'll be keeping that flashdrive with him at all times now, so we'll just steal his data on the way to stealing hers!"
"Well," Fujiko said, her voice still filled with disdain, "you can tell me all about that in the morning. In the meantime, you two had better get out of here." She sprawled out on the bed. "I need my beauty sleep, and I don't want anyone to be able to question my virtue."
"Come on," Jigen said, leading a disappointed Lupin away from Fujiko. "The couch is a pull-out bed. Hope you don't snore."
Lupin's Note - There's an old saying: "If at first you don't succeed . . . maybe you shouldn't try sky diving." Solid advice that I'll be completely ignoring in our next chapter. There'll be high-flying feats and hijinks galore, and you can bet I'll try to talk Fujiko into joining The Mile Heist Club. See ya then!
