Disclaimer – I still own no rights to any of the Lupin the Third characters or trademarks. All respect to the late Monkey Punch.

A/N – Well, I did promise I'd give you an update in less than seven years, which is admittedly a low bar.

Looking back, if I were to start writing out my vision for what a Lupin the Third movie would look like, like I intended, I'd now approach this story completely differently. There's plenty of things I don't like about what I wrote back in 2012. Heck, there's plenty I'd change about that last chapter I wrote just a few months ago. For example, maybe the whole origin story thing is kinda overdone. But the tracks were basically laid down nine years ago, and I'm going to try my best to follow through on the story I started telling then.


"What the hell, Jigen?"

Lupin dove behind the sofa, a split second before one of Jigen's bullets tore through it, just missing him.

"Nothing personal, man," Jigen called. "Guy's gotta make a living."

Lupin stood up from behind the couch, trying to line up a shot. A bullet streaked through the air, knocking the pistol out of his hand and sending it flying. Lupin immediately ducked back behind the couch.

He pulled himself along on his hands and knees, looking for his weapon.

"Can't we just talk about this?"

"Time for talking's over."

Lupin's hand fell on his Walther, and he looked over just as Jigen clambered on top of the couch, another shot sending Lupin's pistol further away, even as the couch tipped over, Jigen sliding off and landing on his feet.

Lupin jumped up, reached over to the nearest table, grabbed the lamp sitting on it, yanked the cord out of the wall, and hurled it at his partner in crime.

A bullet blew the lamp to bits.

Lupin groaned, reached for the phone, yanked that out of the wall, and hurled it through the air.

That was blown away as well.

Lupin picked up the book from the table.

Jigen looked at the Gideon Bible in his hand. Lupin looked at the Gideon Bible in his hand. In a moment, they both seemed to agree that was beneath them, that theft was one thing but heresy might be pushing it.

Lupin put the Bible down and grabbed a paperweight off the desk instead.

"You sure you wanna try that?" Jigen asked, one eyebrow cocked.

Lupin wound up like a pitcher and tossed the paperweight at Jigen's face.

Jigen, in one fluid motion, reached out, caught the paperweight, and hurled it back at Lupin, hitting him smack-dab in the middle of his forehead and knocking him on his back.

Jigen stepped closer, reloading his gun, when Fujiko jumped out of the bathroom, grabbing Jigen's arm and sinking her teeth into it.

Jigen yelped in pain, dropping his revolver and bullets to the floor as Lupin stood up, shook himself off, and scooped up his own handgun.

"The gnashers on that woman!"

Jigen shoved Fujiko, just hard enough to send her skidding back towards the bathroom door, and then he dove for his gun and scattered bullets, taking cover behind a chair to reload his gun.

Lupin fired at the armchair, Jigen flying out from behind it as he did so. They charged at each other, each grasping their free hand around the wrist of the other's gun arm. Their guns fired, shattering the nearest window. Lupin grabbed a fistful of Jigen's jacket, trying to maneuver him towards the broken window. They wrestled each other towards and through it.

They fell several stories and then hit the awning, sliding down into the courtyard.

Lupin crawled back to his knees, moving towards the glint of moonlight reflecting off his gun where it had landed.

He moved towards it, then halted when he noticed Jigen, gun back in hand, on the other side of the courtyard, looking right at him.

He took cover behind a statue, just as the next blast from Jigen's gun blew the statue's head off.

"Tell you what," Jigen said. "Cooperate and I'll make this as quick and painless as possible. Least I could do for an old friend."

"You're all heart, pal," Lupin said.

He rolled through the grass, grabbing his gun before getting to his knees and firing.

Jigen skittered behind a row of hedges.

Lupin took a step towards the hedges, only for a bullet out of nowhere to strike another statue nearby, scaring him into scurrying back and taking cover behind a nearby tree.

He could hear approaching police sirens. Not a welcome sound to a wanted criminal.

"Come on," he called. "There's got to be a better time and place for this."

"No time like the present, Boss," Jigen's gruff voice countered.

Both men emerged from cover simultaneously, handguns aimed at each other's faces.

Then they were distracted by the sound of an approaching engine.

A motorcycle burst into the center of the courtyard, spinning in the dirt and sending a dust cloud directly into Jigen's eyes.

"Get on!" Fujiko yelled.

Lupin climbed on the bike behind her without hesitation, wrapping his arms tight around her waist.

"Such a perfect night for a moonlight bike ride together."

"You're pretty calm for someone whose best friend is trying to kill him."

Lupin looked over his shoulder to see Jigen, growing tinier by the second, jumping up and down in rage.

"I've never been one to sweat the small stuff. Where are you taking me?"

"Somewhere safe."

They rode across the city, straight through the open gate of an abandoned warehouse. Fujiko stopped the bike in the center of the floor.

"Alone at last," Lupin whispered into her ear.

Fujiko hopped off the motorcycle and started walking into the shadows.

"Not exactly, lover."

The warehouse was immediately drowned in floodlights, police officers on all sides aiming guns at him.

"I did say I'd take you somewhere safe," Fujiko said with a shrug. "Doesn't get much safer than a jail cell with around-the-clock guards."

Zenigata strode through the crowd triumphantly.

"Got ya now, little weasel!"

"Pops! All this just for little ol' me?"

Fujiko stood to the side, leaning against a pillar.

"Do you think you could ever find it in your heart to forgive me?"

"Like I said earlier, Fuji-cakes," Lupin replied, holding his hands out so Zenigata could cuff him. "I never sweat the small stuff."


Zenigata's usually sour countenance had been replaced with an ear-to-ear grin since he put Lupin in cuffs. He was still smiling as he looked over the interrogation table at Lupin.

"You think you're so untouchable," he said. "But I didn't chase you across seven continents without picking up on your one weakness. Your brain stops working whenever there's a beautiful woman around."

"What can I say?" Lupin said with a resigned shrug. "I come from a long line of hopeless romantics. So, Fuj has been working for you this whole time, feeding you my plans ever since Tokyo, right?"

"She's a con artist, wanted for fraud in nearly as many countries as you. Had her dead to rights, but offered to commute her sentence to time served in exchange for delivering you to us."

"You're a more ruthless bastard than I had you pegged for, Old Man. Congratulations."

Zenigata was still grinning at Lupin triumphantly as he picked up the telephone in the corner.


"Excuse me?"

The officer guarding the evidence locker looked up and saw nothing but cleavage.

"Chest? I mean . . . breast? I mean . . . yes?"

"Eyes up here, honey."

Fujiko straightened up from leaning on the counter, and the guard finally looked her in the face.

"I'm here to retrieve a piece of evidence for Inspector Zenigata."

The guard adjusted the ledger in front of him, pen at the ready.

"He give you any paperwork to hand over?"

Fujiko patted herself down for a moment, then sighed.

"Darn! I could have sworn I just had it on me."

"If that's the case, I'll need to talk to the Inspector myself."

"But this is so embarrassing," she said, leaning over him again and batting her eyelashes. "You seem like a really nice guy. You think you could help me out, just this one time?"

She flashed him a huge smile. He smiled back, a conspiratorial gleam in his eye.

"I'm sure it will be better for both of us if we don't keep the Inspector waiting. Just sign here and head on back."

"You're a life saver!" Fujiko said, clapping her hands in glee and scribbling completely illegibly in his ledger before walking back into the evidence locker.


"Bring me that flash drive," Zenigata said over the phone. "I want to know exactly what Machii's so worked up about . . . Don't ask questions. Just do it . . . WHAT? . . . What do you mean it's not . . . ?"

The triumphant smile was gone. The sour puss was back. Zenigata slammed the phone down on the receiver, then picked it up and spoke into it again.

"Find Fujiko Mine. Bring her here now!"

He slammed the phone down again, shoulders heaving, face turning nearly as red as Lupin's jacket.

"I didn't know she was a convicted con woman when she betrayed me," Lupin said. "What's your excuse?"


Fumio Machii entered his bedroom, surprised to find a woman in slinky lingerie, a fur stole draped over her shoulders, already sprawled out over his bed.

"How did you get in here?" he demanded. "How did you know where to find me? I could kill you. Right now."

"Is that really what you want to do to me right now?" Fujiko purred back seductively. "Kill me?"

Machii sat on the foot of the bed and Fujiko sat up enough to rest her chin on his shoulder before dangling the flash drive beside him.

"Woodcut's data. Yours again."

Machii took it from her.

"And what exactly are you expecting in exchange?"

Fujiko dropped to her back on the mattress again.

"I just wanted to make a good impression on one of the world's most powerful men," she moaned. "Is it working?"

"I should have you killed right now," Machii said. He leaned over her so their lips nearly touched. "But when I'm emperor of this world, I suppose I'll need an empress."


"We'll get the girl soon enough," Zenigata said. "And the data she stole. What matters right now is I've got you. I'm taking you back to Japan, to rot like the trash you are."

"You got me, fair and square," Lupin said, relaxed in the back of the squad car. "For now, anyway. But next, one of two things is going to happen."

"Enlighten me," Zenigata said, eyes focused on the road ahead.

"One. I'm going to escape, through sheer cunning and resourcefulness, my plan already in motion, you a mere pawn just going through the exact motions I've already anticipated, doomed to embarrassment when you see just how my trap unfolds."

Zenigata's eyes briefly darted to the rear view mirror to try to read Lupin's expression.

"Or?" he asked.

"Or," Lupin responded. "Two. I'm going to escape, but through sheer, dumb luck."

Zenigata's eyes were back on the road just in time to see the silhouette of a man in a dark suit and fedora. He tried swerving, but Jigen fired his revolver, exploding the car's tires and sending it barrel-rolling off the road and down a hill.


Jigen approached the wrecked cop car, gun still drawn. The Inspector was hanging upside down in his seat belt, still breathing but unconscious. Behind him, sprawled below the backseat, was a figure in a red jacket and white slacks.

Jigen grabbed the jacket by the back of the collar.

"Sorry, Boss. But I guess this is where we say good bye."

He lifted the jacket, only to be greeted by the blank face of a mannequin. Stuck to its chin was a sticky note that read: "Goodbye, Partner."

Jigen tore the note off, sending the mannequin crashing back to the ground, then tore the note into several tiny slivers and tossed them into the breeze. He pulled out his pack of Pell Mells, pulled a cigarette out with his teeth, then went searching through his jacket pockets for a lighter as Vitti pulled up behind him.

Reaching into his inner jacket pocket, he found a flash drive instead.

As Vitti walked up behind him, Jigen quickly stuffed the flash drive back into his pocket, drawing the lighter out in the same motion as letting go of the drive.

"What you got there?" Vitti asked.

"Just a light. You need one?"

He took a drag as Vitti shook his head and pulled out his own lighter and cigarette case.

"You get him?"

"Nah," Jigen said, cigarette dangling between his lips. "Just his suit."

"I thought you were good at shooting people?"

"Turns out he's pretty good at avoiding getting shot."

"I get it," Vitti said, taking a drag on his own smoke. "Immovable force meeting the indestructible object, huh?"

"Something like that," Jigen muttered, still staring at the dummy in the back of the police car.

Vitti jerked his head in the direction of the car.

"Get in," he told Jigen. "Job's not done yet."