Author Angel Chua
Adapted from Princess Agents drama series and original novel by Xiao Xiang Dong'er – Chu Qiao Chuan Biography
I can't be your fairytale (08.12.2021 edited)
After three months of long struggle, Yuwen Yue recovered from his wounds but not his heart. Cold as he is, the pain it left him was much painful than the first.
Besides the clear streams of water, Yuwen Yue meditated and inside his soul once again, flashed what happened in the bloody war.
Yuwen Yue thought.
I have not broken any word of promise.
I knew it was you who let go of us and that child Mo'er.
On that unfortunate day, I promised I'd let you go too if we meet again.
I kept my noble promise, yet your hands attempted to end my life, twice.
The first one you knew it was I and the second one, you still knew it was I, but pretended as if you didn't know me.
Yan Xun, the scars left in your heart became callous revenge, beyond repair wrapped in eternal hate.
I hope you would forgive in your heart, and Xia Chong's life would not sleep in vain.
Because if its Chu Qiao's life, you never stand a chance."
Master! Xinger! Xinger! Xinger!
After a while, a noisy bird came to distract. Yuwen Yue wrinkled his brows and looked straight to the bird. The bird stopped from tweeting, landed on his shoulders and kept quiet. Another cavalry of men came and said: "Master your horse is ready. Shall we go?"
Inside Xiu Xiu Mountain Palace, a smell of strong wine filled the magnificent place. Yan Xun lying on his thick fur and messy throne found him full of sadness and regret in his eyes.
He became slack, alcoholic and neglectful at his duty over Chu Qiao's passing. The King of Yan grieved for many days and nights, then shut himself off the world.
"The World, please eat your meals. You need to recuperate and be steadfast," said A'jing.
While Zhong Yu is looking after him took pity in his thin body and bloodshot eyes, she also mentioned: "You need an antidote for your heart, I will give it to you…"
Yan Xun not even minding the words of the two of his closest aide said: Go away! "Another round of wine you idiots!" said to his attendants who cannot stop the King's drinking and dirty robes, messy hair, intoxicated aura with his gut full of wine spirits.
Zhong Yu turned her back, teary-eyed, she cannot bear the World's ugly sight, she walked away from him of words left unsaid remained like a dagger in her heart. She cannot ruin Wu Dao Ya's plan.
A'Jing stood up from his bended knee and continue to manage Yanbei's operations while the King is in his insane mind and body full of scars hasn't fully reached his broiling limit yet.
Yuwen Yue on the other hand, climbed on his horse together with Yue Qi and Zuo Zong drove towards Liang borders and went to visit his Uncle Xie. Master Xie Tai Shan informed Yuwen Yue about Chu Qiao's condition said: "She cannot remember any one of us, not even me or Empress Lu Zhi, including the Emperor Xiao Ce.
Xiao Ce has to spend with her many days and nights to introduce her to her own Yehua palace, that she is a falling star princess, a future shining phoenix of Liang Empire. "
But after everything is said and done, Xiao Ce on his heavy heart comes out on its loser face. For he knows every time Chu Qiao looks at him, the punch prince knows, there is a void in her soul that he can never fill.
Yuwen Yue felt a hundred needles brandished in his heart said: "Uncle Xie, do you know any remedy for her condition? She is my wife, he should remember her husband and not the playboy nuts prince!"
Master Xie Tai Shan answered: "Unfortunately, losing her Chibi is incurable."
"Who said it is incurable when even the dead, he can raise?" said Yue Qi
Yuwen Yue thinking for a moment said: "Is he the dork priest living in the thousand caves?"
Zuo Zong chuckled and excited, said: "We must buy a mooncake!"
Yue Qi replied: "Mooncake for whom, the hamster pets?"
Yuwen Yue forbids any unnatural and temporary healing practices he said: "I would like to find a permanent way to heal her Chibi. Who can help me lead the way?" No one answered Yuwen Yue he was left to think about it.
Gloomy sunrise quietly showed to the sky and the winter season starts to shower its snowflakes across the open field of the Daoming Palace.
Slowly and unhurried, Chu Qiao dressed on fine orange Chinese silk, long sleeves kimono dress, found some fresh and unusually big bouquet of flowers all over her palace.
Make no mistake about it, she already knows who is her eye and heart stealer of the moment smiled and smelled one of the lovely flowers.
However, from afar, she saw a masked man on his horse.
Suddenly she felt dizzy, and she leaned a little bit at the palace post. A glimpse of her memories flashed before her eyes.
Moments of memories quickly gone by, she suddenly turned back in the same direction, but the man on his horse disappeared. She slowly walked in the long palace corridor hoping to catch the man's godly stature.
Suddenly found him nodding his head to the handsome man of the house, the Emperor Xiao Ce. Chu Qiao thinks he saw this man before. However, it is her first time to see this man visiting the palace today. Looking at Xiao Ce, his facial features turned from sunny to a serious face.
Chu Qiao thinks: "Maybe this man is an enemy, or another faceless General, or the head of spies that he does not want his face to be exposed."
Mei Xiang together with Ping'An following her side observed Chu Qiao's veering eyes full of curiosity, Mei Xiang said: "Master I heard the man right there are from the eastern territories, requested to the Emperor to visit you since yesterday, but the Emperor said, to wait for another day. So the masked man came again today."
"It is very unusual for a man to put on a mask on his face unless I wonder if his face is so ugly or scars he has to hide!?"
Master, I also heard yesterday from the palace maids that he took off his face mask and revealed his face to the Emperor that he is so handsome not ugly. They must be telling the truth. Everyone was astonished because the Emperor's face looks angry, but after he saw his face, he said to him, "Who else but you?"
Chu Qiao responded she said: I guess they were buddies or long time Royal friend?"
Ping'An replied: I can assure you they are not.
Chu Qiao asked him: How can you not be sure?
Ping'An answered: I heard the palace maids said, this man has never been to Liang palace before, but some maids also gossiped that he looks like the former Master of the eyes of God from Wei Empire.
Chu Qiao listening to every word that came out of Ping'An said: "Master of the eyes of God?"
Pingan said: "Yes, some of the palace maids who went with the Emperor's visit in Wei empire before saw this man, but they said it is impossible because the master of the eyes of God is already dead."
Chu Qiao changed her position when she saw the head of the masked man slightly moved looking at her direction. Yuwen Yue stole a far glance at her.
Chu Qiao out of curiosity asked again: "How does in his household call him? Chu Qiao cannot hide her interest out of the stolen glance Yuwen Yue gave her.
Ping'An answered: "They said they call him the fourth young master of the Yuwen household."
Chu Qiao slowly uncovering the man's past who is somewhat related to this man stealing glances at her she asked: "What is the former master of the eyes of God name?"
Ping'An replied: "I heard his name is Yuwen Yue."
Chu Qiao somehow familiar, but cannot recall where and when did she heard the name reacted: "Why is this man after me?"
Ping'An do not want to confuse her more than her memory can recall said: "Master, why don't you learn to know him first?"
Chu Qiao looked at Ping'An said: "I do not even know why I am here and now you want me to put him under my DIY (do-it-yourself) list?"
Ping'An smiled at Chu Qiao and then innocently replied: "He looks harmless?!"
Chu Qiao annoyed about to pick his forehead and raised her voice said: "Do you expect me to put harmless people in my list?"
Chu Qiao paused for a moment then said in a bored voice: "He seems harmless so why bother?"
Ahem! Ahem! Xiao Ce's sounds of coughing just announced his presence, he is somewhat listening to their conversation earlier. Suddenly Ping'An bowed at his Highness and moved to the back of Chu Qiao.
Chu Qiao inquired at the Emperor asked: "Your Highness, did you just came in or you overheard our private conversation earlier?"
Xiao Ce never wears masks in front of Chu Qiao became honest, said with a soft, flirty voice: "You are blushing…"
Then Xiao Ce threw Chu Qiao sticky foxy eyes, moved closer to her ears and said: " I can even hear the fast beats of your heart."
Xiao Ce back to his normal stance again and like a child said: "Too bad, the gossips are not about me."
Chu Qiao did not buy his jokes, said: "How can they gossip about you when the moment they do, they sell their necks at your garrison yard and not to mention, face your fastidious palace ministers and members of the cabinets?
Xiao Ce on his foxy eyes continued: "Once I had the Seventh Yue, then the fallen snowflake, but at last, not the least, the fallen star…just passed by the skies of Liang. She is about to be taken by her moon."
Chu Qiao on her bright face ready to make fun of him hit Xiao Ce's shoulder.
Like children toying one another, said: "What are you talking about? Is this the effect of your attendance at Li garden's poetry reading? Is this what you learned on their roll call?"
Xiao Ce on his chinky eyes, answered: "Do you have any choice? I learn fast!"
Now tell me Qiao Qiao, if you do not feel good about it, I can kill the man or exile him to Huai Song." Xiao Ce on his serious then back to his funny face.
Chu Qiao chuckled and said: "Why kill a man if he is harmless, and exile him when he is innocent?"
Xiao Ce gave Chu Qiao winky foxy eyes and said: "That puts me into bad rulership and soon, kill me. I am never arrogant Emperor. Can you spare some time today? He wants to meet you again."
And just like that, Xiao Ce allowed Chu Qiao to reunite with Yuwen Yue while his heart is sinking deep into the ocean of fears, jealousy and giving up his third chance, he thought to himself: "How many more chances left for us?"
Chu Qiao thought for a moment, said: "If what you overheard earlier is right, he is harmless then why not give him a chance?"
Xiao Ce looked at Chu Qiao's beautiful face and sighed: "How can I say no."
And soft as a whisper, Xiao Ce complained to the wind and said: "Again, I became a tool, I am worst than a slave!"
Chu Qiao heard the last phrase she asked: "Who is a slave?"
Xiao Ce dumbfounded he said: "Did I say any?"
I heard something about slave said Chu Qiao who is raising her voice but showing her funny face.
Xiao Ce diffusing the pep talk said: "Nothing, I just thought, I am a Slave Emperor."
Chu Qiao chuckled and trying to catch Xiao Ce's sort of words. She gave him a piece of advice: "Definitely, you are a Slave Emperor to your Empire. You cannot run from this. You must rule the people, or the people of this state suffers."
Xiao Ce responded: "Do not worry Qiao Qiao, if you stay by my side, I knew we can rule the people in justice and this Empire at ease, chaos will meltdown even if it's like a slab."
Yuwen Yue just arrived, and Xiao Ce stepped aside then looked at the two said who just stared into each other's eyes: "Ping'An if there is anything, you know what to do."
Not even hearing what the Emperor had said, Chu Qiao curiously looked at Yuwen Yue's face.
In her poker face and formal voice: "You can take off your mask, or there will be no tea ceremony." The two continued to walk in quite cool air and good distance enough to hear each other's voice.
Yuwen Yue's cold and godly presence is creeping under Chu Qiao's bones. In his aristocratic stature, plum scent, cold aura, Adonis, and handsome face, he slowly took off his metal mask.
It revealed a supple young, clear skin and eyes as calm as the waters.
Chu Qiao busy looking somewhere when suddenly her godly visitor finally showed its face while they were walking.
Lost in front of this godly face, she did not know if she is still in the real world or moved her self into another realm.
She coughed: "Ahum…let me remind you, I am only accepting someone's visitor today because I think you are a harmless man and if not, the Emperor will either kill you or exile you."
Yuwen Yue not alarmed did not hesitate but a reply is a must he said: "I know I just heard your private conversation earlier."
Chu Qiao also replied and said: "Did you hear…"
Chu Qiao was cut off when Yuwen Yue continued to state his reason for the visit he said: "I am here to visit the fallen star or it is more proper to say, the girl they used to call Xinger."
"Xinger? Who Me?" Chu Qiao on her raised voice asked Yuwen Yue.
Yuwen Yue said: "I suppose you are finding my real name, and who is Xinger."
Yuwen Yue looking straight at the gazebo garden where the tea ceremony is prepared.
The two goldly figure went small as Xiao Ce looks at them in a far distance.
He said to the wind: "Such a beautiful couple. Yuwen Yue, I hope you would help her recover her memories."
While walking in the beautiful pathway to the secluded Chinese gazebo surrounded by a man-made pond, a lotus flower just sparked its bloom, and Yuwen Yue noticed it. Chu Qiao asked: "Did you just saw what I saw?"
Yuwen Yue on his cold face looked at her and said: "I did. It took a very short while."
And the two continued to walk.
Chu Qiao hearing every word this man said to her put her heart into a fast beat, she carefully sat on the pillow in front of the tea-table while Yuwen Yue still standing to wait for her word. The servants are nearby but far from the two.
Chu Qiao asked: "Are you going to stand there forever?"
Yuwen Yue captivated by Xinger's beautiful face and ecstatic presence squinted his eyes and replied: "No."
A short and cold voice, the man sat on the pillow and sit straight.
Chu Qiao started to pour the teacups, and Yuwen Yue once again recalled their Green Hills courtyard memories, he began to drift away.
Chu Qiao noticed the visitor was stuck to her hand and the teacups she asked annoyingly: "Are we going to stare at these teacups?"
Yuwen Yue suddenly took the teacup first and waited for Chu Qiao to raise her teacup, and they both drink it. Yuwen Yue put back the teacup on the tea-table and look at her while Chu Qiao drinking suddenly, put back the teacup and stared at Yuwen Yue's eyes as well.
There is inexplicable silence in between them, an unspeakable peace experienced but momentarily lost whenever they cross their eyes in this moment of time.
The clocks are broken, as if there is no time, this is the not earth but another time and space created for these two lost souls.
Chu Qiao took a deep breath and broke the beautiful silence said: "I can sense and tell, it seems like the man in front of me appears to be lost than the woman in front of him."
Chu Qiao was right, Yuwen Yue came to find Xinger but it seems that Yuwen Yue was the one who lost himself in her presence, he cannot even utter a word to make her remember who is Xinger.
Chu Qiao continued and said: "You came because of Xinger?"
Yuwen Yue on his dry throat forced himself to respond and said in a soft cold voice: "Yes, I came to find Xinger."
"Who is Xinger?" Chu Qiao started to ask Yuwen Yue.
"In front of me. She is Xinger." Yuwen Yue did not take away his stares on Chu Qiao's eyes, speaking in terms of truth, and of love.
Chu Qiao looked down and seems to get what Yuwen Yue is telling, but she denied him and said: "I am sorry, I am not Xinger."
Yuwen Yue saw the index finger of Chu Qiao and said: "Look at the ring in your finger, it is Xinger's engagement ring."
Chu Qiao suddenly look at Yuwen Yue and asked: "And now you are saying I am engaged with someone because of this ring?"
Yuwen Yue said sincerely: "Yes." short but full of emotion.
Chu Qiao took the ring in her finger and paused for a while… then put the killer ring in the middle of their table and said: "I am not Xinger, here take this ring."
Yuwen Yue understands and felt a little bit pain in his left chest and also because of his wounds, back to his normal but somewhat painful voice, said: "No, take it. It is alright if you don't recognize it yet."
Chu Qiao did not react, but she can sense Yuwen Yue's pain she asked: "Are you alright?"
Yuwen Yue said: "Yes, I am. It must be the wound at my back. I am still recovering."
Chu Qiao changed her mood from poker face to a mellow one, she said: "Are you hurt? Did someone…"
Yuwen Yue said: "I am not hurt, I just fulfilled a promise. Hence, this is what I got."
Chu Qiao in silence did not spoke any words, she felt Yuwen Yue's pain and yet cannot remember anything. She taught she might have done something to make this man in front of him remember or did she hurt him?
Yuwen Yue noticed Chu Qiao's musing, he said: "Do not worry, this is not something to be bothered about. What happened has to happen."
Chu Qiao looked down but cannot hide her concern, want to lift Yuwen Yue said: "Whoever did this to you, I condemn it. You seem to be a good man."
Yuwen Yue went to enlighten her, said: "Whoever did this to me is also a good man but his end, became a villain because of what happened to his family."
Chu Qiao suddenly looked at Yuwen Yue and said: "Maybe you slaughtered his family and this is the revenge you have to get?"
Yuwen Yue on his sincere tone of voice said: "I did not slaughter his family, I tried to imply but watched his family slaughtered and thrown to the envy of bonfire. "
Chu Qiao on her sad voice said: "If I was there, I would surely kill you."
Spoken like Chu Qiao knew Yuwen Yue for long and remembered anything in between them.
Yuwen Yue looked straight into Chu Qiao's eyes and said: "You were there, but you did not kill me."
Chu Qiao stared at Yuwen Yue looking for some hint of a joke, but there is none. It seems like this man in front of him is giving her a review of her past life, she said: " So I was there… if I did not kill you, what did I do to you?"
Yuwen Yue asked her sincerely in a cold tone of voice: "Does it matter for you to know what you did for me?"
"Maybe? I wanted to know. ." Chu Qiao poured out tea on Yuwen Yue's teacup and hers then she drinks her tea. Still waiting for Yuwen Yue to answer.
Yuwen Yue did not say any word and did a long pause, for it hurts him more than he can utter in between them, but because the woman in front of him wants to know more, he said: "Long time ago, there is a Yuwen maid called Xinger. The bravest girl who fought for the fourth master of the Yuwen household, but then died at the frozen lake."
Chu Qiao put down her cup and said: "Qinghai Prince, it is a pleasure meeting you."
Yuwen Yue knew Chu Qiao would end it here, he said: "Although you are quite disturbed, for now, it will be for a while. To be at ease and if you are ready to find out yourself, I am leaving this to you."
A map? Said, Chu Qiao.
This map contains where your hearts seek. I have visited you often here, and yet it seems my presence is not needed anymore in this place. I cannot stay long, and if you decided to find yourself, this map would help you.
Chu Qiao looked into Yuwen Yue's eyes full of regret and sadness said: "I am sorry, I can't be your fairytale."
Yuwen Yue's cold eyes welling some tears he said: "It will not be for now, but I will hope we can be together, tomorrow, if not today."
Chu Qiao did not respond for she does not know what to say and Yuwen Yue stood up, he looked at her for one last time then turned his back to leave the beautiful gazebo pond.
Yuwen Yue described that day: "I was walking like there was an iron cast on my boots. Every step I took, like an iron pounding my heart. I do not want to go away, and my heart wants to explode in a million pieces. I wanted to kiss her, to hug her, to tell her I need you and that I am willing to abandon my empire for the sake of you."
But Chu Qiao did not want all of them, she cannot recall anything that happened in the past, and she is already living a new life in the arms of the Emperor Xiao Ce. This is Yuwen Yue's last chance and now did he lost her forever?
After Yuwen Yue left, Chu Qiao felt so lost and desolate. She started to look at the map and found a little present was wrapped into it.
Yuwen Yue did now know that Zuo Zong put in his treasured Kam handkerchief which bears the fourth young master Yuwen household intricate gold thread Chinese inscription.
It looked new and had never been worn out. Her memories started to spark, but the godly looking man is already gone out of her sight. Is it too late?
Chu Qiao took the handkerchief and wiped out her teary eyes for suddenly she remembers the map of the Chu Jing Kingdom, Viper and the peddler man who used to visit him in the Xue Fu street until the first day she met Yuwen Yue, the fourth young master of Yuwen household.
She kept it to herself and pretend to be not knowing.
In the realm of nowhere…
A snowflake fell in his delicate nose. The man slowly opened his eyes when he felt frostbite is entering the pores of his skin. Yuwen Yue seemed to have slept for so long in the middle of the vast snowfall, he thinks he lost himself in a dream of forever of nowhere. He felt he is not alone and suddenly a man on his rugged clothes appeared in his face looking down at him, the old man said: Are you ready to live in another realm?
Yuwen Yue dumbfounded for the first time do not know what to say said: "Who are you?"
"Is it necessary for you to know?" said the old man.
Yuwen Yue suddenly wake up and got up from his sleeping post. He looked at his horse, and it is nowhere to be found.
The old man said: "Nah, forget it, but you can call me Sifu."
"Sifu? Is that your name?" asked Yuwen Yue.
"Of course not. Sifu is short for Master." said the old man who walked a few steps and sat in the middle of the snow white ground.
"Why should I call you that?" said Yuwen Yue with irritation in his voice.
"Fine if you do not want Sifu, what should you call me then?" Qi Hui is testing his limits.
"Sifu, is fine thanks!" said Yuwen Yue.
"Good." said the old man and suddenly pointed his hands towards a distant end.
Yuwen Yue befuddled for a moment said: Why should I go to that direction?
The old man said: "You can't be her fairytale she said. Therefore you must follow that far direction."
Yuwen Yue for a moment thought, why does this rugged old man know what Xinger said.
The old man suddenly felt Yuwen Yue needed a reason to go said: "Didn't you hear what she said? You can't be her fairytale because this life isn't a fairytale. You have to be real."
Yuwen Yue annoyed of what he heard but suddenly enlightened, said: "What's wrong with me? I am for real."
"Go to the far distance, and I will teach you to become meek in front of a rod of discipline. You cannot even shoot with that left arm. You have to lose your mortal abilities to gain immortal abilities," said Master Qi Hui and he frowned in front of him. The Master turned his back and started to walk to the far distance.
Yuwen Yue don't feel intimidated but pressured he said: "What if I don't follow?" He was left alone in the middle of the vast snowfield.
"Your destiny is set, you must follow, time cannot be undone," said the Master when suddenly Qi Hui's rugged clothes were slowly transformed into a different state. Yuwen Yue looking at a magical scene realized the rugged Master was the master he spent his days in the Woolong mountains.
"How did all of this happened? I am dreaming, this isn't real," Yuwen Yue said.
Yuwen Yue started to walk and followed the snow footprints of the Sifu who is already far away from him.
Over the white snowfield are two little figures walking endlessly in the valley of Hellfrost. Qi Hui determines to open the five realms to Yuwen Yue. The Qinghai crown prince must first go through the Hellfrost, snow-shrouded wastes, they have to reach the highest altitude of hinterlands. One cannot tell if they have been walking for hours or days, time is unimportant.
Suddenly, Qi Hui stopped and waited for Yuwen Yue to arrive. Feeling strong, Yuwen Yue don't feel tired until he reached Qi Hui where his strength started to drop he said: "I cannot do this… and Yuwen Yue fell to the snowfield."
The winds have grown steadily strong, it rips the core of bone marrows. Hellfrost spells the total land of dead winter, dreaded desolate wasteland. No human would survive unless in his veins carries the blue blood and his pulse is blessed by the gods.
Qi Hui in his wisdom said: "This is what happens when mortal vitality ends and sinew of immortality begins."
Qi Hui looked at his surroundings and saw the near end of the Hellfrost while an open Happy valley of hope is near. Yuwen Yue's lips turned blue and his pulse not so weak but able to continue, the master took a piece of rope and tied it to his body.
The Master using his reserved strength pulled Yuwen Yue's body. Yuwen Yue occasionally blinking his eyes saw what the old man did to him and heard what the Sifu has to say: "This is the path of meekness, bearing one's trouble for another towards a common good. Without the good, you cannot call it a virtue of humility but false humility. Giving up is a good sign, your body is learning the true limit of your mortal capacity, you are made up of flesh and blood subject to the earth's gravity and its pull, the moon and the sun, the stars and the sea of frost. Without a real companion, you can never make it through."
Yuwen Yue closed its eyes, for it defied his cold ego. A master saving his disciple, Yuwen Yue must learn its virtue.
After months or probably years have gone by, having no sense of time, Qi Hui and Yuwen Yue arrived at the end of the Hellfrost.
The two figures stood at the frozen cliff looked down at the frozen waterfalls. Master Qi Hui said: "On this edge, I am leaving your left foot the power of humility. Use it well, for it will be a great shield over arrogance, aggression, false pride, and vanity. On its surface, it appears to be empty, but it holds all powers of freedom of proving nothing."
"Humility listens more and speaks less."
Yuwen Yue bowed to Sifu and said: "More than a meditation, my mortal body underwent purification and freed itself from false coldness. From now on, my body can attune to my mortal strength, aligned my meridians to receive the crude reality between mortal and immortality. With emptiness, I gain everything. "
Qi Hui releasing the power to enter into Yuwen Yue's left foot while Yuwen Yue is standing in his Tai Chi position, with his left foot lifted and formed an angle in his right knee. Cold air passed his face, suddenly the power entered in his body. After a while, he found himself alone.
The Hellfrost Winterland is gone, and Yuwen Yue suddenly saw the blooming of dandelions of the happy valley. He is not worried about his next destination, but he is headed to meet another master all long.
A man from the tree is nipping a stalk of grass stem while Yuwen Yue is clueless of this beautiful field of dandelion meadow. The cold wind blew, and the dandelions started to fly over like little kite fairies, like an enchanted spring bound in the realm of forever.
"Welcome to the Happy Valley." Cheerful greetings from the Master of Kungfu of ice.
