只羡鸳鸯不羡仙
by Rose Thorne
Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with The Untamed, and make no money writing fanfiction.
Wei Wuxian had to take a moment to assess the situation. He had… shrunk, and his robes billowed around him. He had no hands, and he couldn't see what his appendages might be, given the darkness under his robes, which of course made getting out even more difficult.
Getting out took more time than he would have liked, his body… odd. He couldn't quite seem to operate it right, and he let out a frustrated noise as his face encountered more fabric after finding the edge of one robe.
It was a quack. Unmistakably.
Well, fuck.
He had somehow turned himself into a duck with his experimental talisman, which didn't make sense to him. Wei Wuxian couldn't recall having written the character for duck on it, and it wasn't supposed to be a transmogrifying talisman in the first place—though he supposed it could be handy to trap enemies in their own robes.
Once he had an understanding of what he had become, it was easier to understand that his neck was more serpentine and could be used to delicately push through the folds in a way his wings would not. He kept those folded against his sides, as he could just see getting his wings tangled in the fabric and breaking one.
Finally, he found his way out of the robes, and collapsed gracelessly beside them, trying to think of his next move. He could just sit here until his husband found him, but that seemed like it would take an awfully long time. Lan Zhan had gotten a new batch of letters he had to sort out as Chief Cultivator and had retreated to the library to deal with them so as to leave Wei Wuxian in peace to work on his newest talismans.
It also might have been that he was purposefully distracting whenever he saw a vein throb in his husband's forehead, which generally meant they wound up fucking. Unfortunately, that just delayed the inevitable, so they had learned to work apart—though Wei Wuxian helpfully sorted the mail beforehand, making sure Sect Leader Yao's were at the bottom of the pile.
Now, however, this would mean leaving the jingshi and making his way to the library. Which in theory wasn't too difficult, but in practice would mean finding a way to open doors.
His beak, he discovered, was quite strong, and so he was able to use it to find and widen the gap in the sliding doors of their home, then wriggled through it as best he could. It wasn't terribly graceful, but Wei Wuxian was more focused on the task at hand.
That accomplished, he put his ruffled feathers back in order, then descended the stairs in a haphazard fashion before waddling his way down the stone path toward the heart of the Cloud Recesses: the library.
The plan, he discovered, was not a good one, as the first disciples he came across immediately decided that he was a poor wild duck trapped within the wards, and the humane thing to do was to catch him and release him outside.
If they succeeded, he was royally fucked. He didn't know if he would randomly transform back to his normal self, and if he didn't, he'd be trapped as a duck outside and Lan Zhan would have no way of knowing what had happened. Because of course he hadn't thought to find the jade token that would let him through the wards in the folds of his robes and take it with him.
He supposed that at least, being Lans, they weren't likely to eat him?
As he discovered, the disciples were not casual in their desire to "free" him, though they kept to the rule of no running. It didn't help much, given that he wasn't used to this body and it was so much smaller, but his feathers made him slippery, and that gave him a bit of an edge.
More frustrating was his inability to communicate. Anything he tried to say came out as quacks and hisses, and only attracted the attention of more disciples.
With little other choice, he led them on a merry chase around the Cloud Recesses. He didn't mean to cause havoc—he just wanted to reach his husband, dammit, and somehow convince him that this duck was Wei Wuxian.
One of the braver disciples managed to grab one of his web-footed legs, and he was almost sorry to bite the poor boy, but he couldn't let them catch him.
By the time he reached the library pavilion, he had a merry squad of at least fifteen juniors chasing him, though by this point they had taken to trying to herd him rather than grabbing at him. This was a relief, except one stood in the way of the library, and Wei Wuxian wasn't having that.
He'd have to apologize later for the feathers he left in that disciple's hair as he half-flew and half-scrambled over him. That led to them trying to grab him again.
Before he could try to figure out how to get into the library while dodging disciples, the door slid open, an occupant coming to see what the commotion was all about.
It was Lan Zhan, and Wei Wuxian took the opportunity to dart under his robes. Not the best plan, as finding his way out the other side was hard, but it was a rare graceless moment for his husband, obviously startled by the duck, and for the disciple that, too focused on catching the duck, collided awkwardly with him, sending them down in a heap that, fortunately, he didn't wind up under.
Wei Wuxian made his move, finding the long end of Lan Zhan's forehead ribbon and yanking it free.
The disciples made horrified noises as the ribbon fell away, and he got his beak around the hard metal cloud, darting away before he could be grabbed.
"Stop," Lan Zhan intoned, and thankfully the disciples froze, instantly obeying even though Lan Zhan was sitting in a somehow-dignified heap on the floor.
This was going to make calling the juniors 'ducklings' exceedingly weird from hereon out.
Wei Wuxian took a moment to consider his options. He had to hope his husband would understand. He waddled forward and set the ribbon in front of Lan Zhan and quacked at him in the best approximation of 'Lan Zhan' that he could manage.
Lan Zhan blinked, then reached forward slowly, not for the ribbon, but for him.
"Wei Ying?"
He quacked, doing his best to nod, relieved to have been understood—of course his zhiji would know him, even like this.
"Talisman?"
He nodded again, this time more morosely. He nuzzled at the hand as it reached him, then let Lan Zhan pick him up without complaint.
Wei Wuxian relaxed, now thoroughly exhausted, as his husband dismissed the disciples.
As long as he had Lan Zhan near him, he could weather anything, though he expected this would put a halt to their every day until they could figure out how to undo the effects of the talisman.
How did ducks even have sex, anyway?
For Writer's Month day 14, prompt "duck."
Title is from the Lu Zhaolin poem, "Chang'an nostalgia." Mandarin ducks mate for life, and thus represent romantic love in Chinese culture. The line of the poem translates to "be envious of mandarin ducks, not of immortals," but in the Chinese MDZS fandom the mandarin ducks are often replaced by WangXian to make it a fandom phrase, as discussed in this meta: post/643587023735865344/hi-there-i-was-wondering-if-you-could-explain.
This fic might also be a possible variation on the idea of "it is a beautiful day, and you are a terrible goose," except wwx is a duck.
