Shopping in the Mall. Sheldon is wearing nondescript khaki slacks and his baggy beige jacket, walking with small shuffling steps as he is distracted by the model train that he has just bought.
Penny is walking beside him, looking bright and summery in white capri pants and a bright orange top with thin straps that shows the white straps of the bra underneath.
She's getting more and more frustrated.
"You know, Sheldon, Half the time when we're out people think I'm your carer"
"Well, you are. You care about things for me so I don't have to bother. That was the agreement "
"Yes but that's not what they mean - come on, what other meanings does the word "carer" have? "
He hardly skips a beat but she knows he's got the whole dictionary in his head. "Well, Miriam Webster lists synonyms such as caregiver, caretaker, guardian. I see no problems there."
She taps her foot. "Go on. What else?"
"Well, then there is keeper, protector, attendant, minder, nanny, nurse, babysitter..."
He slows. Realisation dawns.
"They're implying I'm somehow childish, infirm or incapable and thus need adult supervision?"
"Exactly."
"Hardly fair. I'm smarter than any three of those mall zombies taped together. "
"Yes, but as your chart showed you're so smart they can't tell that you're smart. You need to work on your social signs and dominance markers to show all the mall zombies who is boss, ok?"
"whatever for?"
"You need to work on your stance. You're tall but you don't look tall. you carry yourself all hunched. People don't look up to you"
"But people are stupid and I don't care what they think"
She grabs his shoulders, fighting off the urge to shake some sense into him. Instead she rants "Just because you think they're stupid you don't care what they think of you . But I care what they think of you and so if you care about me and what I think then you should care what they think."
she catches her breath. "understand? Look, your Body isn't just a thing to move your brain around. you need to look after it, enjoy it. But also use it to project who you are. I just want people to treat you properly, respect you. You're my boyfriend and the smartest guy I know, I want them to see you as I see you. I want them to be envious because they're not you or with you."
He takes a moment to process that.
"Thank you. You're right, I turn myself inward too often, reflecting on my thoughts rather than my surroundings. How will these lesser morlocks know a proud Homo Novus walks among them?"
He pulls himself up tall and lifts his head.
"Do you think I should get a cape?"
Later, laden down with bags.
"You know, Shopping for you was surprisingly difficult. I thought determining your clothes size would be easy, as when I sorted your clothes by washing instructions I had to read all the labels. But that produced quite a range of differing size values. I initially thought it was inaccuracy on your part, or wishful thinking, but I later saw you wearing the items and they fitted properly. So I measured a few items and cross referenced deviation by manufacturer . Do you know what i discovered ?"
"That sizes vary shop to shop? "
"Yes! "
"Sheldon, Every woman knows that."
"But How is that legal? A size 6 dress in one shop should be a 6 in them all. I wrote the shops several very strongly worded emails about it! "
"Why do you think women have to try stuff on so much when they go shopping? It's to see how much they're lying to us! "
"This is madness. Luckily I've seen enough of you to just judge your measurements by eye. "
"You can do that?"
He sighs "functional knowledge of the universe, remember?"
"Ok then genius, what do you see?" She says, putting her hands on her hips and posing for him
"I'd say 89-61-92"
"what?"
"that's in centimetres. in the more traditional inches, I'd say 35. 24. 36. Hmmm... D. No... you've that push up bra on again. you're a C cup. "
She stares at him slack jawed "Oh. My. God. Just when I think I'm getting an angle on you, you show off another random Superpower."
Sheldon shrugs "just paying attention to my girlfriend. after all , Being with you has awoken the sexual creature within me. When I see a pretty gal walking down the street, I think, "hubba hubba" like any other guy.
Penny laughs. "You hound you. You kiss your mother with that mouth? 'Cause it's fine, its normal. Just shows you have a functioning normal body carrying that exceptional and weird brain of yours around "
Sheldon smiles. "I still think I should get a cape"
