Lying on Sheldon's bed, taking their time, just kissing and enjoying each other's company. Penny's found Sheldon is more relaxed in his natural environment, surrounded by his comic books and things. It helps him as it's all familiar she realises, less changes to distract him, less new stuff to worry about. She'd tested this idea by moving a figure slightly when he was out of the room, he'd noticed and repositioned it without a word as soon as he came back.
He lies back deep in thought and then rolls over to look at her "I've been thinking, Penny"
"What about Honey?"
"I want to train you with various behaviours to please me. While this is mostly just reinforcing what you already feel , this could fundamentally change who you are"
"That sounds kind of scary."
"It was just honesty. Think about it, In a relationship you get positive and negative reinforcement of your behaviour from your partners reactions. You do something they like, it makes them happy, that makes you happy, the behaviour is reinforced, you do it more. I'm just being open and deliberate about it. "
"That does sound fairer. Though as you know my instinctive reaction is to please you, isn't it a foregone conclusion? "
"In part. It's only fair you begin this willingly. Plus it's more of a turn on for me to know you submit willingly. It'd be too easy to trick you into this or manipulate you secretly. "
He rests his hand on her head, stroking her hair.
"What do you think."
She sits up in thought, fighting to keep her breathing regular as she fantasises and analyses. Her eyes are downcast but she knows he's watching her and she feels a tingle of pride as he wants her to think and cares about her opinion.
"I'll admit I kind of like the idea of being secretly controlled, remade and reprogrammed into your helpless sex doll. That's hot. But only as a fantasy. I couldn't live like that. "
She takes a deep breath. The feeling is deeper than simple horniness, the deep satisfaction she has come to recognise as submission. "I'd like you to train me to please you. Teach me to do what you like. Teach me to enjoy it. Make me love it. " She shudders. Just saying that made her wet.
"Also, I want to make you smarter. "
"Smarter? How is that possible? Crazy science with electrodes and Brain surgery?."
"Don't sell yourself so short. It shouldn't be hard, you've the potential but you hold yourself back. Your self-image doesn't prize your intelligence, you've spent your life playing it down as you're scared you'll scare people off. "
She catches his train of thought, spots something. "You've been telling me to think a lot. Being obviously pleased when I did no matter the Answer. You started the positive conditioning without telling me? "
"Very good girl. Yes, I'll admit I hate to see you holding yourself back so I've been pushing you. How could you truly submit if you didn't understand what I was offering?
"You wanted me to understand what I was giving up? "
"Physical arousal is a simple matter of friction. Intellectual stimulation is far more satisfying but takes a certain amount of intelligence.
"When you were 12, you stripped, cleaned and rebuilt a tractor engine all by yourself, didn't you? "
She shifts uncomfortably. "Well, yes. what's that got to do with this?"
"A 12 year old girl doesn't have much strength to move an engine, so you must have used a full workshop with pulleys and hoists to do that. Probably not something your farm had. So you made your own, didn't you? Probably in the tractor barn for the overhead load bearing beams."
"Yes. How did you know all that? Logical deduction?"
"Of course. " He strokes her face, studying her. "More deductions. You're upset, not proud of your accomplishment. So It didn't have the desired effect? The tractor worked else it'd not have been mentioned but something else didn't. Hmm... you didn't get the approval from your father you were seeking? "
She sighs.
"I did, he was so proud of me. It just didn't last long once I started to fill out my training bra."
"So then you stopped trying to be boyish and doing what you thought were boyish things like engines and started seeking approval from others. Drinking too much and dating idiots."
"You make it sound so traumatic. Are you putting your feelings of childhood trauma and loss into it.?"
It's his turn to stop and think. Consider his emotions, which is hard for him. He winces.
"I think you are right. My apologises. "
"It's ok. I'll not deny my life would have been very different as a boy. But then I'd never have come to Pasadena and we'd have never met. If that was the price of being yours I pay it gladly. "
Sheldon sits very still for a moment, deeply touched by her words. Then he folds his arms around her and hugs her close to him.
"I've something for you. Do you know the term " state dependant learning" ? "
"No Sir. "
"The idea is that if you learn something in one physical or emotional state, it's easier to recall when in the same state. It's why studying when fatigued is a bad idea if you then attend the examination well rested, or learning to dance when drunk means you forget when sober.
It also works with items of clothing, as you've stated before you can improve your mood with your favourite dresses and you reinforce your confidence in your sexuality with your favourite lucky panties with the little bows on. "
She smiles to herself . He'd actually noticed!
He opens a drawer and takes out a short black leather strap, with a shiny chrome buckle. She shivers.
"I want to explore things with you. To train you to be more submissive, to enjoy serving me."
he lays the strap on the bed. One end has a buckle, the other is pointed and has several holes punched in it. In the middle of the strap is riveted a large steel ring
"but I don't want to risk any dramatic change to who you are."
he takes out a short black rod, with a loop of leather on one end. a riding crop.
"so we have to mark a change in roles, so we can put our every day selves aside . know when to do things. know what's right for the situation."
He puts the crop next to the strap
"I thought a physical marker is best. something that you can feel as well as see. So you know I am taking your body, your arousal, making it mine"
Mentally she knows he's stage managing this, setting the mood deliberately. But inside her heart is racing and she can feel the butterflies. He's doing it deliberately and it's working.
"Now, stand and undress for me"
She stands, breathing slowly to keep the quiver from her hands, she's excited and nervous and doesn't want to show it, but she's sure he knows. She doesn't glance at the door, she's sure if he's telling her to do this he can be trusted to have it locked. That's him, trustworthy, reliable, dominant Sheldon. Her Dominant Sheldon.
She pulls her top up over her head, shaking her hair out, letting him watch her breasts bounce as she shimmies. Turning she hooks her fingers into her shorts and panties and pushes them down, shifting her weight from foot to foot, bending slowly until she can step free.
She faces him, up on the balls of her feet, hands behind her back. Being naked in front of him makes her feel exposed but she doesn't feel vulnerable.
"Now, Kneel."
Obediently she drops to her knees, legs apart, back straight and hands on her thighs, just how he likes,
he picks up the strap "Lift your hair."
With a gut twisting wrench she realises it's a collar.
He strokes his hand over her neck possessively, taking his time. He loops it in front of her face then buckles the leather collar around her neck, so the buckle sat at the nape of her neck and the bright chrome ring was at the front
"This is your collar. When you wear it you will learn to serve me, to please me and to understand the feelings in yourself that your submission brings."
"When it is worn you will do as I say, when I say it, without pause or complaint. If you do not you will be punished and you will accept the punishment willingly or the collar will be taken from you."
he picks up the crop, stroking it's loop over her breast.
"You will answer all of my questions fully and truthfully, holding nothing back. even if you think I will not like the answer. You are allowed no secrets from me. Understand?"
Mutely she nods. She doesn't trust herself to speak
"While it is worn you will address me as Sir. Do you understand? "
She looks up at him and nods.
"Yes Sheldon."
With calm cruelty he cracks the riding crop on the inside of her thigh. she cries out and curls up around the stinging red welt "Hey!"
"Punishment will be quick but fair. Back in position and Try again, this time with "yes sir" as I said."
She glares up at him. "That hurt!"
"Of course. How else will you learn ? Now try again."
She scowls. Why is she doing this? Anger courses through her, at Sheldon and his stupid power games, at herself for playing along this far.
"I can't. I'm sorry, this just feels stupid Sheldon."
"Still angry and fighting yourself?" He seems disappointed but nods. "maybe you're not ready for it."
"Get Up onto your knees, hair forward and I'll remove the collar."
She sits up on her knees, anger fading fast with the surprise he gave up so easily. Maybe he didn't want her as much as he said? Maybe he didn't want her because this was some sort of test she had failed? She felt a drop in the pit of her stomach . She'd failed somehow. Wasn't good enough. The feeling rose up and overwhelmed her, choking her throat in a half sob.
She lowered her head, baring the buckle. It felt like baring her neck for the executioners axe.
Instead of opening it he stood and rested his hand on her neck, not moving.
Her breath was coming in wracking sobs.
"It's ok. You are still scared of things. Still fighting the feelings. Tell me what you're feeling. "
She leaned against his leg, took a deep breath.
"Scared. Angry. Like its choking me. Fear I've let you down. Angry at you for giving up so easily."
"I'm not giving up on you yet girl. You've just got a lot to work through. But I think you'll be worth it."
She looks up at him and says "Thank you sir."
And is aghast as it feels the most natural thing in the world
