Chapter 65
3 May, 1942 Cottage in the Wood, Little Hangleton, Lincolnshire
Dorcas was trying to be as quiet as she possibly could. As much as she wanted to lay in bed in the arms of the boy she'd dreamed about so often, she knew that if she stayed there she would touch him or kiss him or in some way disturb the rest he so clearly needed.
In a way, she wanted to show him that she could take care of him as well as he seemed to be able to take care of her. The eggs she'd fried were under a plate keeping warm while she figured out the trick to toasting bread over the fire.
Reflecting on the events of the previous night, Dorcas saw where she'd been at fault.
Jack was not the sort to appear weak or vulnerable in any way. Sharing his pain with her, or seeking comfort from her wasn't natural for him. When he was a boy, who kissed his scraped knee, or held him when he woke from a bad dream? His Aunt Penny had looked after both him and Verity and clearly loved her sister's children. But she was not a nurturing woman.
No, Jack had learned from an early age to soothe himself.
Dorcas had been in the way.
In the end, when her feelings had been hurt by his rejection, he'd been the one to comfort her.
She'd managed to get four fairly decent pieces of toast out of the flames. Not bad for her first time cooking over an open hearth. She arranged the scorched piece burned side down at her own place setting.
Marveling at the dish of butter, the preserves that had been made without rationing the sugar, and the small rasher of bacon on the table, she couldn't fathom how he'd managed this much decadence in wartime.
This spread was almost on the level with Hogwarts where the wards prevented even the realities of global conflict from entering.
Pulling the milk (that's right, fresh milk) from the icebox, Dorcas felt a tentative touch on her lower back.
"Good morning, my love," Jack greeted, bending to kiss the top of her head. "Are you still angry with me?"
Dorcas turned with two glasses in her hand. "Angry?"
"I made you cry," he reminded her.
"Jack, I was crying because I didn't know how to comfort you and that made me feel helpless. But you didn't do anything wrong."
Jack took the glasses from her and set them on the table, returning for the milk.
Dorcas brought the eggs and they sat together.
"I don't want you to feel that way." Jack's voice held a regretful note. "I wish you hadn't seen or heard any of that."
She reached for his hand across the table, unable to sit there for a moment longer without feeling his warmth. Again, she wondered if this was the right thing to do, or the selfish one. Was she comforting him, or herself?
He took her hand and she decided she didn't care if it was selfish.
"I'm glad I did."
Jack paused with a bite of egg halfway to his mouth.
"You are?"
She squeezed his fingers.
"Neither one of us is perfect, Jack. If we want to have a future together, we're going to have to show the other side of ourselves to one another."
"You want to see the side of me that yells at you for no reason and pushes you away?"
Dorcas shrugged. "If that's really how you feel in the moment, yes."
She took a sip of milk and continued, made bolder by the link they had to one another across the table.
"I was raised by a mother who's also a nurse. The woman can practically cure all hurts by simply drying your tears. She has a gift. And I have an uncle who's not much older than me, like an older brother, really. He suffers from epileptic seizures. I've spent my whole life watching my mother care for him; I've cared for him in the same way."
"I'm sorry," Jack replied.
"Thanks. He's doing well now. The reason I'm telling you all of this is because I want you to understand me. It's not in my nature to stand back and watch someone struggle on their own. I think you're a rather independent person; I guess you've had to be. But I have to help you if you're hurting. So you might as well let me."
"That makes sense." Jack picked at his bacon. "I don't want to push you away. I just don't want to get used to needing your comfort when I won't have it for long."
Dorcas stood abruptly and moved around to his side. "Get used to it, Jack Hardin. I'm in your life now for good."
She grabbed his face with both of her hands, turning him to face her, and planting a fervent kiss on his lips.
His strong hands abandoned fork and knife and grabbed her waist instead, kicking back from the kitchen table and pulling her down on his lap.
"I want that, Dorcas. God! I want you to be in my life forever!"
"That's good to hear, sweetheart," Dorcas chirped.
"But I won't have you to comfort me in Egypt. So I have to keep a stiff upper lip and all that."
Dorcas hopped up again at his mention of Egypt. "About that," she segued, untangling his fingers from her nightgown when he fought to keep her on his knee a moment longer.
She skipped over to her school bag and pulled out a velvet pouch that was padded with a Cushioning Charm.
Carefully, she placed the bag between them on the table and resumed her place opposite Jack.
"What's this?" Jack inquired, prodding at the string that closed the bag.
"CAREFUL! It's poisonous!" cried Dorcas, reaching for the bag. She laughed when Jack's hand jumped back to his chest and his eyes flew wide in alarm.
She continued to laugh, throwing her head back, but turned serious instantly.
"THAT was for pretending to drown yesterday!" she explained. "It's not really poisonous. It's just potions."
Jack scowled at her. "Do you think you're funny?"
"Yes," answered Dorcas, bringing out three different potions and setting them before Jack. "These will help you while you're away and I cannot be there with you."
Peering at Dorcas's carefully penned labels, Jack's eyes flicked from one to the other with interest.
"This one is a Calming Tonic. You only need about two drops on the tip of your tongue, or you can dilute it in water. It'll help if you're feeling anxious or worried about anything." She pointed to the bottle with a clear liquid, pointing out the instructions that appeared on the back of the label.
Next she moved to a larger bottle with a red liquid in it. "This is Healing Potion. The back of the bottle has dosing instructions. It really depends on the injury. Its severity. You can ingest it or use it topically. Topical is for minor abrasions, rashes, burns. Most other injuries will need to heal through the bloodstream, so ingesting…"
"I can already picture you as a doctor, Dorcas. You're brilliant."
Dorcas waved him off. "Anyone can read a label and follow instructions."
"I didn't think to bring a lot of this one…" Dorcas mumbled, pointing to the deep blue liquid.
"What is it?"
"Sleeping Draught. After last night, I'm realizing that you will need a lot of it for the night terrors. Two ounces about an hour before bed will induce a dreamless sleep."
She tapped her finger absently on the bottle deep in thought for a moment.
Is there a way that I can send you more?" she asked hopefully.
Jack nodded. "Send it through my grandmother. She has connections in the war office. It's how all of the officers receive smuggled whisky and other contraband. It won't be opened and inspected."
Dorcas nodded. It would be handy information to have if she was ever able to steal more Felix Felicis from Tom. That was highly unlikely, given their currently hostile relationship. But you never know.
"Okay. I'll get you more…"
Jack picked up the Calming Tonic, examining it.
"Were these very expensive? You didn't go to any trouble, did you?"
Was faking a Potions injury to get into the hospital wing, stealing from under the matron's nose, and a forced date with sodding Mohit Singh trouble?
"No. No trouble. And not expensive."
Dorcas reached in and brought out the smallest of the four phials.
"Now this one is another story. This is probably the most precious thing I've ever touched."
Jack reached for the bottle, studying the label, turning it over in his hands and watching the glittering gold shimmer.
"It's called Felix Felicis, Liquid Luck. The drinker will have uncommonly good luck in all respects for about five hours after drinking this down. Jack, I want you to keep this on you at all times. Only take it if you feel like your life is in danger. I may not ever be able to get you any more of this. But I will try. So use it sparingly. And don't be the hero and give it to someone else. I only did what I did so that you could have it. If that makes me selfish, then so be it."
Dorcas wasn't at all sure if Tom had used his entire stock of the potion yet. But now that she had a way to get more to Jack, she had to try.
She swallowed hard thinking of what that tiny phial had already cost her.
"What did you do?"
As she sat across from Jack, having experienced the nightmare he had been suffering through last night, she knew she would do anything to keep him from fearing for his life the way he had that day in the convoy on the border.
If she could secure more for him, she knew she would let Tom use her in any way he wanted to. If that made her a fucking whore, then maybe she was.
But she was a whore for Jack alone and nobody else.
"Dorcas?"
She blinked, flexing her right hand involuntarily and squeezing her thighs together at the memory of what she had done.
"Huh?"
Jack cleared his throat. "I asked you what you did to get this for me."
She shrugged and stood to clear the plates from the table.
"I bargained for it."
She grabbed the butter and the milk to put back into the icebox. Jack's fingers wound around her wrist, nearly causing the butter dish to fall to the floor. She managed to balance it in time. He caught her and stopped her from turning her back.
"What did you bargain?"
His voice was low and tinted with a hint of concern.
She would never tell him all that her scheme had cost her. Dorcas could still feel Tom's hands on her, his insistent fingers, his hot breath on her neck as she brought him closer to climax. The feel of his come seeping into the fabric of her skirt; the shame in the way it had felt like his mark on her. Staking his claim before any other.
"My friendship with Tom."
When Jack stood, his chair nearly toppled behind him. There was barely any space between them when he ducked close to her, his hand gently sweeping her hair out of her face so that he could see her.
"What does that mean?"
It would tear him apart to know what she'd done.
"It means that this was his and I stole it from him. He hasn't spoken to me in three and a half months over it. Like I said, it's precious."
Jack didn't say another word about it. He left Dorcas to do the washing up and he retreated to the small plot of grass beside the house to tend to Cressida.
When Dorcas had washed and dried the last of the plates and the silverware, packed the potions carefully in their bag once again and placed them on the table beside the bed, she went into the bathroom to run herself a bath.
:::
Dorcas winced and shifted once again in the saddle as she tried to find a position that was more comfortable on her bare thighs.
She'd searched through her bag frantically this morning searching for a pair of trousers. What had she been thinking when she'd only packed dresses and skirts for the weekend?
Smirking, and tossing aside one inappropriate choice after another, she considered what she had been thinking when she'd selected her outfits. But that hadn't materialized this weekend either. Unless you count the way she stared at him when he wasn't looking and the way he stared at her when he thought she wasn't looking.
She was always looking.
In her mind, ogling the boy she loved did not count.
As they made their way slowly up the lane that led from the Riddle House, Dorcas realized that the sting had become so uncomfortable that she couldn't even focus on the herculean effort that Jack was making in his mind not to become aroused by Dorcas's swaying bum against him.
She tried to be as inconspicuous as possible as she stuffed the cotton of her blue plaid skirt between her burning thighs and the oiled leather of the saddle.
"She loves you, you know," Dorcas said, turning to speak to Jack over her shoulder.
The sway of the horse and the quiet on the lane gave the effect of being rocked slowly into a dream. If only she were comfortable, she might just fall asleep. Perhaps the sting in her thighs was a good thing. At least it kept her upright instead of falling unconscious off the horse like a sack of potatoes.
"Mmhm," Jack murmured in reply.
"I'm serious, Jack. I can tell. Everything that woman said was praise of you. I just wish she was less guarded around you."
Their visit to Jack's grandmother was an informal tea in the kitchen. As warm as the greeting they received was, Dorcas could sense the standoffishness. But Mary didn't miss an opportunity to brag about Jack and lift him up as an example of perfection to Dorcas.
"I know why she is. Master Thomas and Master Tom give her no end of grief for carrying on the way she does."
Dorcas furrowed her brows in confusion. If she didn't know of the blood connection between Jack and Mary Riddle, and if she hadn't been in the woman's head, she would never have guessed at the pride and affection she felt for her grandson. Outwardly, Mary presented only a kindly employer who happened to have taken a special interest in the boy she'd known since his infancy.
"Carrying on?" Dorcas asked, leaning to the side to take the pressure off of one stinging thigh. "She was hardly openly affectionate. I'd say she is rather reserved."
"No. I mean the letters, the strings she's pulled to get me here, the way she stocked the cottage with food and clothes for me."
"I didn't know that the cottage had been provisioned by her," Dorcas gasped. Her esteem for the woman grew even more. She was clearly attentive to all of Jack's needs; motherly even, in her way.
She used the horse's rhythm to rock forward a little so that she could shove more of her skirt beneath her.
"You're not going to make this easy for me, are you?" Jack teased, squeezing her waist in that way that she'd come to understand as his sign of joking affection.
"What?" Dorcas asked.
"I'm about to lose all control over my own body if you don't stop wiggling around in front of me."
Dorcas laughed. "I offered to ride behind you to make you more comfortable, Jack."
"I don't want to be more comfortable," he replied stubbornly. He pulled her closer to him.
This was the perfect opportunity to ease her own discomfort without admitting her fault as a capable country girl.
"Maybe we could just walk for a bit?"
Jack pulled back slightly on the reins and Cressida came to a halt in the lane. Wordlessly, he swung down from the saddle and pulled her down behind him.
The relief on her inner thighs nearly made her knees buckle.
Willing herself to straighten her legs and shake off the bowleggedness, Dorcas began to detect a sobering mood in Jack. She wondered if he was upset at her teasing.
She tentatively peeked into his thoughts.
It wasn't her teasing that had bothered him. It was her request to get out of the saddle. He had interpreted her offer as a ploy to pull away from him. He'd meant to tease her for wiggling in the saddle as a suggestive flirtation.
Then she'd immediately asked to be let off the horse.
She took his hand and was relieved when he didn't pull away from her. Emboldened by his comment, taking it to mean that he wanted her, she tugged him off the lane and into the tall grass of an open field.
"How often is this road traveled?" she asked conversationally.
Jack followed her and led Cressida behind.
"Rarely. It goes into the wood there and then to my cottage."
"So we're all alone?" she continued.
Jack sighed heavily. "Is that a problem?"
Dorcas dropped his hand and turned to face him. Her fingers fluttered to the buttons on her blouse.
"Not at all…"
Jack raised his eyebrows, silently watching her. Cressida dutifully followed Jack as he followed Dorcas, deeper into the grass.
"Aren't you going to stop me?" Dorcas teased, plucking one button free and then another.
"I seem to remember vowing to never stop you again."
One more button came loose. Another.
"Are you sure?"
"Only if you are, angel."
Dorcas answered him with a silent tug of her blouse, freeing it from the waistband of her skirt.
Jack's mouth hung open and his chest heaved as if he'd just taken the lane at top speed.
"Will she run if you drop those reins?"
"No."
Dorcas let her arms fall and the blouse floated to the ground at her feet.
"Then why are you clutching them so tightly?"
Jack answered her by dropping the reins.
The late afternoon light glistened on his hair, highlighting flecks of copper that Dorcas hadn't noticed in his dark brown waves before. The setting sun made his eyes blaze like fiery blue flames.
The way he looked at her now chased away any doubt or embarrassment she might have felt at taking another step toward him.
Then he turned and untied the blanket that was secured to the back of the saddle.
As she watched him arrange it on the grass, Cressida slowly drifted to a patch of clover. Dorcas kicked her shoes off and bent to remove her socks.
When she stood, she noted that Jack had nearly finished removing his own shirt.
What should she do next? She wanted to keep this going, but her own lack of experience was hindering her. Could she rely on Jack to know what to do? Had he ever been with any other girls?
She realized she didn't know the answer to this question.
Her indecision must have shown on her face, because Jack approached her and placed his palms against her cheeks.
"Dorcas, we don't have to do anything if you don't want to. I'm not expecting–"
She shut him up by extending herself onto her toes and kissing him. If he suggested that they slow down, she would lose her nerve.
"I am," she countered breathlessly. "I am expecting…" she was dizzy and she didn't understand the words that were coming out of her own mouth. "I'm expecting everything."
He kissed her back, his hands falling to her waist, pressing against her spine to crush her against him with strong arms. She glided her fingers along his chest, the tips of her fingers reveling in the perfect texture of his smooth skin, then lower caressing fine strands of hair that peeked above the waistband of his trousers.
He hissed sharply as the feel of her touch, his own hands moving boldly to the band of her bra.
Her breasts felt instantly heavier as the clasp on their support was unfastened, his fingers making the lightest arc up to her shoulders to guide the straps free of her arms.
Jack stepped back to stare at her.
Dorcas preened a little wantonly as he watched her, raising her hands to slip the comb out of her hair and let the dark curtain fall around her shoulders.
Lowering himself to the blanket, Jack continued to study her as she stood before him.
Remembering the only other boy who'd ever touched her, the only one she'd ever touched, Dorcas could hear Tom's urgent words. "I want you."
She didn't want him. Not even at the time that her own body was telling him that she did. She imagined Jack's fingers, and Jack's tongue. She wanted him to want her in that way.
She wanted to hear him say it.
"Do you want me, Jack?"
He swallowed hard. "Come and sit here beside me."
He reached for her hand and pulled her down next to him. She tensed at his response. That wasn't quite a "yes".
She complied, turning and pressing her breasts against his chest as he leaned back on the blanket, kissing him with as much passion as she could muster, limited as she was.
The feel of his arm grasping her waist and guiding her back against the blanket felt like a victory. She lay back, continuing her assault on his mouth and tongue, encouraged by the way he was responding to her.
The hand that didn't support his weight as he leaned over her, crept up to her breasts, cupping one and squeezing lightly. Then, with a grunt of determination, he lowered his head and pressed his lips to the other one, his tongue surprising her by darting out to catch her nipple.
She gasped and arched her back at the completely new sensation. He repeated the process with the other breast and moaned when her response came again. Gasping and arching.
Her hands were in his hair, carding roughly from his forehead to his neck in hungry strokes.
Dorcas felt his...what had he called it? His cockstand as he thrust it into her thigh. She fantasized about how it would feel when–
Her thought was interrupted by Jack's hand searching for the hem of her skirt.
Eager to help him find her aching center, Dorcas abandoned his hair, leaving it to stand up on his head in the most adorable fashion, she added her own hands to the search.
She grabbed his hand and spread her legs for him.
"Dorcas," he sighed against her nipple, wet and peaked with the cold air. "I've never done this before."
As he made the confession, his fingers found the juncture of her thighs, pressing on the outside of her wet knickers. She'd never done this before either...in any way that actually counted. Somehow they both knew exactly what to do anyway.
"Touch me there, Jack," Dorcas begged, grabbing his face and claiming his lips once again.
The growl in the back of her throat buzzed their joined lips as he pushed aside the fabric and pressed his fingertips to her.
"Oh God, Dorcas!" he breathed against her lips.
"Ughn!" came her unintelligible reply as his fingers slipped back and forth over her wetness.
His slow, exploring pace sped up, becoming bolder as he became more confident. Then he dipped a finger experimentally inside of her.
"Jack!" Dorcas cried, arching her back, fingers digging into his arms as she held onto him.
"Open your eyes, Dorcas. I want to see you," he panted, moving his finger in and out of her more rapidly.
It was too much, when she lifted her lids and found his blazing blue eyes on her, she shuddered and moaned his name again.
"Dorcas!" he answered her, continuing to stroke her as the tensing and contracting spasms receded. "I didn't know that's what girls did when they came…"
Dorcas thought she would be shy or embarrassed her first time with a boy; her first time with Jack. But she was only curious about his reaction.
"What do we do?" she asked, her voice hitching at the end when he removed his buried digit. She was entranced when he licked the finger.
Jack smiled and colored a little at being asked to describe the sensation to her.
"You sort of grabbed my finger from within."
Dorcas smiled at his amazed description. "What did you think happened?"
Jack shrugged, running his hand through his hair. "When I heard the other lads talk about it...it's always about how good it feels to bury yourself inside a girl and come inside of her. I didn't know that the girl did anything at all!"
Dorcas wondered for the first time if she was somehow not normal; not right. Was she deviant in some fashion? She'd practically begged Jack to want her the way she wanted him. She didn't know of any other girls that had been as forward as she had just been.
Maybe she was abnormal in her thoughts and her desires.
She wanted to change the subject. "What did I taste like?" The fact that this was the next question on her mind seemed to confirm that she was not an average girl; not a good girl.
"It's hard to describe, but wonderful all the same," Jack tried to answer her. He brought his finger up to her lips instead and pressed it into her mouth.
Dorcas took his finger between her lips and glided her tongue along the length of him. She wondered if she was tasting herself there, or just the salty sweat of his hands. It wasn't the taste so much as the sensation of having him invade her mouth that she found so fascinating. She continued to suck and to roll her tongue around his finger.
"Fuck, Dorcas!" he choked, before remembering himself and apologizing.
Startled, she released his finger and blushed furiously along her cheeks, the color bleeding all the way down her chest.
"I'm sorry for cursing, angel," Jack said, pulling her onto his chest. "That felt so good that I nearly came in my trousers just then."
"Let me." She reached for the bulge in the front of his trousers, but his hand stopped her.
"Later. I'm not finished with you yet," he purred in her ear.
His hand found its way to her inner thigh, caressing her.
Dorcas flinched and cried out in pain when his fingers found the tender spot where the saddle had rubbed her raw.
"My love, what's the matter? What did I do?" Jack asked, hurriedly sitting up and lifting her skirt.
Dorcas hadn't looked at the shiny red puffs of skin since she'd taken a bath this morning, but she could imagine they looked infinitely worse after the trip to the Riddle House and back.
"Ooh! Sweetheart! That looks painful. Is that from the saddle rubbing you?"
The clinical examination was all of a sudden less arousing and she felt self conscious about the way that she was laying on the blanket bared for all the world to see.
"It's fine," Dorcas assured him, pushing his hands away and pulling her skirt down to her knees. She lunged for her bra and blouse and shrugged both on quickly, the strap of her bra having become twisted. It sat painfully pinching her shoulder. But she only cared about covering up as quickly as possible.
"I wish you'd told me, angel," Jack said, rubbing her knee with comforting strokes. "I didn't know you were in pain."
"I just didn't bring the right clothes is all," Dorcas dismissed his concern, crawling away from him to find her socks and shoes.
Jack stood and hunted for his shirt. As Dorcas was busy tying her laces, he whistled for Cressida and she obediently cantered over, chewing contentedly on a mouthful of grass.
Dorcas folded the blanket, regretting the way she'd soured the mood.
Jack set his foot in the stirrup and swung his leg up over the saddle, sitting back from the pommel.
"Oh," Dorcas said, clutching the blanket to her chest.
"Let's get back to the cottage and get you taken care of, angel." He reached his hand down for her.
"I was hoping we could walk," Dorcas stammered.
"This is faster. And it's almost dark, my love. Put your right foot on mine and give me your hand."
Dorcas gulped in anticipation of the pain of getting back in the saddle, but followed his instructions. But when he hoisted her up, he grabbed her waist and settled her across his lap on the saddle sideways, so that her thighs didn't have to touch the oiled leather again.
"We could have ridden this way earlier if you'd just told me you were hurt," he explained.
In her relief, Dorcas laid her head against his chest and relaxed against his arm, securing her in front of him.
He made a slight gesture with his thigh, the secret language between horse and rider that Dorcas wondered if she would ever learn.
As if hearing her thoughts, Jack laughed. "There's still time to make the city girl into a horsewoman, don't worry!"
:::
Dorcas waited for Jack to hobble the horse and give her some fresh water.
When she followed him inside, he turned and placed his strong hands firmly on either hip. Dorcas thrilled a little internally at this decisive and take-charge Jack.
She didn't expect him to deposit her bum on the kitchen table and walk away from her.
"Jack, where are you going?" she questioned his retreating back.
"Just grabbing a couple of things to patch you up with," he answered from the bathroom, emerging moments later with the bottle of red Healing Potion and a hand towel.
Dorcas gasped. "No, Jack! That's for you. Don't use that on me. Just use soap and water."
"Not a chance, angel. I don't want to just clean your wounds, I want them to disappear. They're kind of in the way of my plans."
In spite of herself, Dorcas laughed. She supposed he wouldn't have to use much in order to make the welts go away.
Jack sat down in his chair and grabbed her knees, urging them apart gently. Dorcas placed her feet on either side of him, on the wooden armrests of his chair.
It felt like a very suggestive position, and Dorcas blushed once again at the ideas that popped unbidden to her mind.
Jack's eyes flicked up to hers and he grinned lopsidedly, tipping the mouth of the potion onto the towel.
"You know, I could easily do this myself," argued Dorcas.
"I know," Jack agreed.
The feel of the cool liquid against her skin was soothing and she felt the sting numb immediately.
"That's incredible!" Jack marveled, staring with his mouth open.
He repeated the same on her opposite thigh, just as awed as he was the first time he'd seen the potion in action. "Truly incredible!"
"That's magic," Dorcas replied simply, pulling her skirt back down. She slid to the edge of the table and dropped her legs in order to stand.
"Where do you think you're going?" Jack asked, a hand spread along her stomach, pushing her back onto the tabletop.
Dorcas blinked at him. "To wash up, aren't you hungry?"
"I am," he agreed. "And I said I wasn't done with you yet."
"That was in the field before you knew I was hurt…"
Jack nodded, confirming that her memory was correct. "And now you're not hurt."
He reached down and grabbed her ankles, placing them on the armrests of his chair once again.
Dorcas's muscles clenched as she understood what he meant to do.
"Right here on the table?" Dorcas whispered.
He was silent, only nodding in confirmation mutely as he reached for her knickers.
Dorcas felt herself getting warm and damp down there again.
Jack slid to the edge of his seat, taking her hips roughly in his hands and angling them toward him, dumping Dorcas back on her elbows.
Her breath hitched in her chest as she watched him lift her skirt and slide her knickers down her thighs, his fingers grazing the place that had so recently ached with a raw sting. Now she ached for a completely different reason.
He lifted one of her feet and unhooked her panties, letting them dangle around her other ankle.
Dipping his head between her legs, she felt a swipe similar to the way he'd stroked her with his fingers, and then a more urgent prodding with his tongue.
"Oh my god! Jack!" Dorcas cried, collapsing onto the table only momentarily before arching her back when his tongue insistently lapped at her delicate skin.
"You taste amazing," his muffled voice said to her through a haze of her own intense pleasure.
Her hands flew to her face and she pressed her fingers to her eyelids as she gave another involuntary cry, arching her back. She found that she couldn't hold still any longer. She had to move her hips back and forth against his tongue as he stroked.
Possibly sensing that she was close to finishing, Jack inserted his finger again, using his thumb to keep up the maddening rhythm on that place above that was driving her crazy.
She pulled at her own hair, wanting some purchase for her hands to hold and finding none.
"Your beautiful quim is officially my new favorite thing on this entire planet!" he announced, watching her as she fell apart in front of him.
"Oh my god! Jack!" Dorcas sighed, coming down from...whatever that just was.
"You said that already," Jack laughed, intent on watching her as he removed his fingers. When Dorcas sat up, she noticed that his other hand was rubbing himself.
When he noticed her watching, he stood. "Let's go swimming. The water is great at night."
Dorcas reached for him, curious to know what he would look like when she drove him to the edge like he'd just done to her. But it seemed as if he didn't want her to do that to him.
She thought back to the meadow earlier when she'd taken his finger into her mouth. She realized that she wanted to taste him the way that he'd just tasted her. He'd seemed to enjoy what she was doing then. And that was only his finger in her mouth.
"Jack," she said, swallowing down her nervousness. "Can I do that for you now?"
"We have all night, my love!" he replied, pulling her from the table and squeezing her bum.
By the time she'd pulled up her knickers and removed her shoes and socks, she'd heard the splash that meant he was already in the water.
She walked slowly out to the edge of the dock, unbuttoning her blouse once again. Stepping over shirt, belt, trousers, underpants, she stood at the very edge, her toes hanging over.
She looked out over the dark pool, lit only by a waning moon, and found Jack at its center, watching her.
His evasiveness. It was another quality to add to the list of similarities he shared with his half-brother.
That would have to cease. She couldn't do that anymore. She wouldn't.
"Come in."
"I already told you, I can't swim," she replied flatly.
She continued to unbutton her blouse, a promise to comply that was negated by the words she was speaking.
"What's the matter, angel?"
Was Angel the new Birdie? She wondered. How long until the pet name devolved into fucking whore?
She pushed the thought down. That was unfair.
"Why don't you want me to touch you, Jack?" she asked directly.
"I do. God! I want you to, so badly!" He paddled over to her.
The blouse dropped to the dock. Her hands went to the zipper at the back of her skirt.
"Just now, when I offered, you ran away from me."
He was panting. "I didn't run away."
Dorcas barked a sharp laugh. The skirt dropped to the dock.
"You literally ran out of the house and jumped into the water. Where I can't follow you."
"What do you mean? I'm right here. I can catch you. You won't drown!"
Dorcas shook her head. "You weren't right here. You were out in the middle of the bloody pond!" Her voice raised with her agitation. Tears pricked her eyes, threatening to spill over. It reminded her of last night and how unreachable he'd felt then.
"Christ! Dorcas! I don't know what you want from me!"
"How about honesty? Tell me why you won't let me touch you?"
Just like last night... he wouldn't let her hold him when he was scared. He wouldn't let her comfort him in this way either.
"I know it's not because you find me ugly. I felt it in the meadow when you rubbed it against me. You were okay with touching yourself just now while your head was between my legs!"
"Jesus, Dorcas! You're not ugly. You're so fucking beautiful it hurts!"
This was bewildering!
"Then I'm stupid. Because I don't understand you, Jack!"
"Don't say that. You're not stupid at all!"
"Then WHAT IS IT, JACK?"
He treaded water below her, his eyes pleading, but he was silent.
Dorcas bent to retrieve her clothes and turned to go back inside. She was not going to stand here half naked and fight with the seventeen-year-old version of Tom Fucking Riddle.
"Wait, Dorcas! Just WAIT!"
She heard splashes in the water. He was swimming around the dock and pulling himself through the water plants at the edge of the pond.
Dorcas paused halfway down the dock, watching his struggle.
"I want you to touch me, Dorcas. I want you so badly. But I can't have sex with you."
Astonishment.
That was the word to describe this completely frozen moment in time. He'd talked about marriage with her, kids, he'd just given her a goddamned house last night. Ten minutes ago he'd made her come undone like a puddle of jelly with his tongue. And now he was telling her he wouldn't have sex with her.
"What the hell have we been doing all afternoon, Jack?" she said through gritted teeth.
"Well, that...I know, it was great. We can keep doing that. But–"
"Can we, now?" Dorcas spat, rankled by his tone.
She'd put herself out there in the most uncomfortable and exposed way possible. She was glad he was giving her the go ahead to keep laying herself bare while he remained controlled and closed off.
She walked the rest of the way up the dock, quickening her pace as he climbed up the bank of the pond. They were about equidistant from the cottage door. But his legs were longer.
Dorcas put on a burst of speed and ran full out for the door. If she could reach it well in advance of him, she could lock him out. He could sleep with Cressida for all she cared. The door was just out of reach when she felt his arms encircle her waist and pull her away from the handle.
"Dorcas, just listen to me!"
She kicked him in the shin and flung her arms out wildly, dropping her blouse and skirt in the dirt, trodding on them accidentally.
"Goddammit, you're a hellbeast, woman!" he yelled, shaking her. He ducked and lifted her by the backside over his shoulder, carrying her away from the house.
"Where are you going? Put me down, Jack!" she screamed, beating his naked rear with her fists.
"I'm taking you somewhere you can't run away from me," Jack answered to the sounds of splashing as he carried her into the pond.
Dorcas stiffened. "No, Jack! I was telling the truth! I really can't swim."
She began to panic the moment that Jack stopped walking and started paddling into the center of the pool.
"Jack, let me go. I don't like this!" she demanded, trying to kick him still, the water slowing down her motions to the point of ineffectiveness.
"D'you really want me to?" he threatened, loosening his grip on her.
The loss of his support made Dorcas cling to him all the more fiercely, which made her angrier.
Jack pulled her to him once again and she tried to bite him.
"None of that!" he said, shoving her away from him and allowing her to flounder for a minute.
"Okay!" she flapped helplessly in the water. "Don't leave me. Okay!"
Jack reeled her in again and held her tightly. This time she didn't try to bite or kick. The energy was mostly drained out of her in the struggle.
"I loved every minute of our time together this afternoon, Dorcas. I mean it. I would spend all night and the next morning making love to you, if I could. But I'm not going to ruin you for just one fleeting night of pleasure. I'm a selfish fucking bastard, but I'm not that selfish. I'm not him!"
Jack was struggling to keep them both afloat with his hands around her. Only his legs worked to tread the water. Dorcas wrapped her arms and legs around him to free his arms up for the task.
She stared into his deep blue eyes and studied him for a moment.
"Your father?"
"Who else?" Jack asked darkly.
Dorcas kissed him urgently, trying to communicate her apology with the gesture.
"You're forgiven," he said succinctly.
Her eyes turned glassy and she knew she was about to cry.
"Shit! That's twice in as many days that I've made you cry," he pointed out.
Dorcas sniffled. "I thought you were telling me that you didn't want me anymore. That you didn't like me after what we did. Because I'm not a good girl. I liked it too much."
Jack threw his head back and howled.
"It's not funny, Jack!" Dorcas protested. "You said other girls weren't like that…"
His arms stopped paddling long enough for him to push her hair back from her face and wipe her tears with his thumbs.
"Don't listen to what I say. I'm an idiot. I don't have the faintest clue what girls are like. I've only been with you. And I like how you are."
"You do?" Dorcas asked. "And you're only not having sex with me right now because you're afraid of getting me pregnant?"
"Yes, that's about the sum of it."
He kicked backward in a kind of backstroke with Dorcas clinging to his hips, sailing out of the deep water to a place where she could touch the bottom easily.
"Will you let me do that thing with my tongue again sometime?" he asked, his fingers finding their way to the clasp on her bra, undoing it.
He flung it in the general direction of the shore.
"Hey! That's the only one I brought!" Dorcas objected, craning her neck to spot the scrap of white among the water plants.
"I'm pretty sure it landed on the dock," Jack said, with not the faintest idea of where he threw it. "If not, I guess you'll have to go without. Any chance these are your last pair of knickers?"
Dorcas shimmied out of them as he dragged them down her thighs, lifting her to take them all the way off her ankles.
"Don't!" she warned, eyebrows raised in a challenge as he petulantly flung them blindly behind him.
"Oops!"
Dorcas wrapped her legs around his hips, aware that they were both naked and pressed against one another in the dark water.
"You know, having sex doesn't mean you have to come inside of me…" she thought out loud.
Jack sighed. "I've opened Pandora's Box, haven't I?"
Dorcas cocked her head to one side, feigning confusion. "I thought you said it was your new favorite thing on this entire planet?"
His fingers found their way to that spot again. "That's right, I did!"
:::
When Jack woke her, screaming the name Roger, she didn't need to fumble blindly to him from across the room.
He was next to her, thrashing in the sheets of the bed they shared.
Dorcas found the front of her nightgown drenched in his sweat and tears, his pillow in the same sodden state.
She was prepared better tonight. Turning to find the lamp switch, Dorcas reached for the Sleeping Draught and then patiently stroked his hair, waiting for him to come awake on his own.
"You're not there, Jack. You're here with me," she soothed.
When his eyelashes fluttered and he was close to emerging from the dream, Dorcas chanced a light kiss on his lips.
"You're here with me, Jack. Dorcas. It's me and I love you."
"Dorcas?" he breathed, shuddering at the memory that had surfaced in his sleep again.
"Yes, my love. Take some of this Sleeping Draught."
She'd insisted he take some before they went to bed, but he'd refused. Part of her selfishly hoped that he'd refused to take the potion because he planned to make love to her before drifting off, but he'd rebuffed her advances there as well.
He was rigidly guarding himself against anything he thought might tempt him into sex with her.
"Not until I marry you," he'd said, catching her wrist once again as fingers ventured into the waistband of his pants.
He had no trouble pleasing her. In fact, he was insatiable when it came to his desire to explore her body. But he was off limits, it seemed.
Dorcas didn't want to start another fight and reminded herself that his self-imposed chastity was only a temporary condition. He did not want to strand her with a child when his own future was so precarious.
"But you have the Liquid Luck," she'd said, when he'd stubbornly stopped her from palming his hardness only a few hours ago.
"It's not a guarantee that I'll survive, Dorcas," he'd argued.
She didn't want to hear about the looming spectre of death that hung over the lives of almost half the people on this planet at the moment. She wanted to pretend that the war couldn't touch this little fairy tale...at least a while longer.
"You want to marry me. Is there any chance that you'll change your mind between now and when you come home for good?" She rubbed her thigh against him, pulling the most frustrated moan from him, the sound causing a shiver to creep up her spine.
He'd pulled away from her, appalled by the suggestion.
"None whatsoever." Then he paused and considered her for a moment. "Will you change your mind?"
"No, Jack. Of course not. I feel the same way about you now that I will feel when your ring is on my finger. I know it."
"But my ring is not on your finger," he said regretfully, kissing her palm and laying it against his chest instead.
Dorcas knew how perverse it was for her to be trying to argue her way into his pants, but she couldn't help herself. She was being driven mad by her consuming desire to know this boy completely. Perhaps it was the waning hours of her visit, not knowing when she would be with him again that made her so desperate.
The thought that their time together was coming to a close caused tears to prick the corners of her eyes again.
"Dorcas…" Jack murmured. There was a hint of weariness in his voice as he noticed her eyes become glassy and her breathing to hitch. "Angel, don't cry. You know why we can't, my love."
"I know," she said sadly. "Let's just go to sleep."
And she'd left it at that, trying to be content to have him in her arms at all. Being together in this way was a gift and she needed to be more appreciative of the time they had.
"You're my girl, Dorcas. And I love you. That's never going to change."
"I love you too, Jack," Dorcas replied before cuddling close to him and drying her eyes.
Turning to Jack now and stroking his damp hair away from his forehead, Dorcas realized that, though it might not have been the way she'd imagined their reunion to be, that this was what he needed from her. He didn't need her to pressure him into sex with her when his conscience was fighting against the impulses that he thought would make him a scoundrel like his father.
He needed her comfort and caring instead. It wasn't the way she wanted to be with him. But it was the way he needed her.
"Won't you take some of the Sleeping Draught now?" she urged when his breathing started to even out.
"No," he said a little harshly.
He hadn't pushed her away, though his tone was rough and halting. She held a small flame of hope that he was growing more comfortable with her, relying on her a little more.
She didn't push him, turning to place the potion back on the bedside table.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, guiding his head back to that place on her chest where it had rested when he fell asleep.
Stroking the hair behind his ear, that was the trick Dorcas had learned to calm him.
"Not tonight…" he replied, sighing as her fingers worked through his hair. "Is that okay?"
Her heart swelled with adoration for the boy in her arms. "Of course it's okay, Jack. You'll tell me when you're ready."
His body relaxed against her and his hand found the hem of her nightgown, hitching it up so that he could find the bare skin of her stomach. As he made lazy circles there with his fingertips, Dorcas tried to ignore the fact that she lay naked next to him from the waist down. They'd never managed to find her knickers in the reeds and weeds at the pond's edge after all.
Pressing her thighs together and pushing down her own preoccupation with sex, she cleared her throat and said, "I have nightmares too sometimes."
"Really?" Jack asked, absently stroking her skin, tracing her navel. "About what?"
"Did I ever tell you that I was caught in an air raid?"
She felt Jack's cheek against her left breast shift back and forth as he shook his head. "In London? I heard it was bad there for a long time. I worried about you constantly."
"You needn't worry. I'm not there often. Just summers and Christmas. But this particular time, I was in Birmingham with Tom."
"Birmingham? Why were you there?" His hand splayed flat against her abdomen.
"It's a long story. Tom and I weren't supposed to be there. But we ended up in this abandoned building across from a munitions factory. That was the target for the raid that night. When it started, Tom and I ran down to the building's basement and hid in a broom cupboard. A bomb must have struck nearby, because it cumbled part of the wall, trapping Tom and busting a water main. The room started to flood and I couldn't get the door open. I'd dropped my wand and Tom's was lost in the blast. I couldn't help him. I could only search frantically while he fought to keep his head above water."
His thumb moved suddenly against her skin, startling her.
"Then what happened?"
"The water was above his head and he stopped moving. I finally found his wand and got the door open. But he wasn't breathing. I tried to help him, but he just wouldn't breathe. When I gave up on him and started crying...he woke up! I healed his ankle where the wall had fallen on it...and we left."
"You're a hero. Tom was really lucky you were there."
Dorcas shrugged. "He repaid me when Master Tom was trying to strangle me to death. Neither of us owes the other anything."
She remembered how they'd parted in February and Dorcas realized that the guilt she felt at Tom's wounded feelings had subsided. She didn't really feel anything at all about it.
"If you shared such a terrifying experience, why aren't you two still friends?" The hand on her abdomen stilled once again and Dorcas realized that he was carefully inquiring about someone he perceived as a rival.
"I told you, I stole from him and he can't forgive me for it. I have other friends, I don't even really miss him…"
Jack lifted his head to look at her. "I don't believe you."
Dorcas blinked, her hand moving across his bare shoulder to pull him back to her. "I don't love Tom, if that's what you think."
"But you were together when we first met," Jack countered.
"And we were very broken up by the time you'd visited me last summer," Dorcas responded.
Jack became very quiet, but his mind was whirring with questions as he lay back against her chest. He hooked one of his legs around her, a bit possessively.
Dorcas rubbed his back gently, coaxing him back to sleep.
But Jack had other intentions, made clear by the way his hand traveled from her stomach, lower until it found her warm, tight core. Dorcas spread her legs, inviting him to touch her there again as he'd done a few times now.
"Dorcas?" he asked.
"Hmm?" she choked out through her delirium.
"You're not with me just because you're not with Tom anymore, are you?"
Dorcas couldn't make sense of what he was asking her, the sensations that he was stoking in her made thinking fuzzy and precarious. When he began to grind himself against her hip while prodding her with one insistent finger the wildest moan escaped her.
It seemed as if he wanted to know if she was only rebounding with him.
"I don't love you because of how you're similar to Tom," Dorcas explained, her voice coming out like a low growl deep in her throat. She grabbed Jack's shoulders and pulled him fully on top of her, needing to feel his solid presence as close as she could. "I love you for all of the ways you're not like him."
"I want you, Dorcas." Jack's fingers were urgent in their movements. It was too much. "I don't want anyone else to have you."
"Take me, Jack. I'm yours." Dorcas was practically pleading with him now.
And she saw the very second his resolve broke, tearing his fingers away from her, causing her to gasp in shock. He roughly seized his pants and shoved them down past his hips.
"I'm yours," Dorcas repeated, urging him on. "I'm yours, Jack."
He wasn't gentle when he thrust into her. The pain was exquisite and Dorcas found herself coming around him immediately with an anguished cry.
"Fuck!" Jack cursed, unable to hold himself under control, he pounded into her three more times before gaining his composure and pulling out, spilling himself instead on her stomach.
The warmth as his fluids spread over her caused Dorcas to gasp. But she wasn't sickened by the gesture like she had been when Tom had done the very same thing. He had marked her in the way she'd been begging for. Making her his.
Dorcas threw the covers away, wanting to see the way she looked when he'd claimed her. She dipped a finger into the puddle that was cooling on her bare stomach. She didn't notice at first, the way that Jack sat back on his heels staring at her, a look of disgust on his face.
Springing off the pillow, afraid that something had happened, fearing that maybe Jack had hurt himself in some way, she asked, "Jack, what's wrong?"
There was blood on the forefinger and middle finger of his right hand as it lay motionless against his thigh. And his penis trailed blood across the sheet as well.
"I'm a goddamned monster, that's what's wrong," he answered her, turning away and retreating to the bathroom.
At first, Dorcas felt a jolt of panic, believing the blood to be Jack's, but then the throbbing between her legs had reminded her of something Tom said sometime before he'd called her a fucking whore: "Dorcas, your first time is going to hurt. That's the way it is."
Maybe Tom knew because he was more experienced. But she hadn't known. Jack certainly hadn't known. His shock and disgust had communicated that plainly enough.
But Dorcas didn't feel hurt by him. In fact, it was quite the opposite. She felt closer to him than to any other human on the planet right now. She knew how it felt to be hurt by a boy. And that wasn't what she'd experienced with Jack at all!
Knowing that the sight of her blood had bothered him, made him sick even, Dorcas hurried to erase the evidence of what she'd made him do. She shouldn't have pushed him. She knew he didn't want to have sex with her until he'd returned from the war and made her his wife.
She hadn't respected his wish.
The color blazed in her cheeks as she realized that she'd taken advantage of him when he was vulnerable. She was no better than Tom had been when he ignored her protests that night in the train cabin.
"Dorcas, you idiot!" she scolded herself, removing her nightgown and scrubbing her stomach clean of his come and between her thighs where blood was seeping onto the sheets.
She jumped up, furious with herself. Unsure of how to undo what she'd done, Dorcas searched through her bag, finding the slip she'd worn under her dress yesterday and tugged it on over her head. Then she gathered up her nightgown and the sheet from the bed, both soiled with her virginal blood and hurried out to the pond. Wading out to about knee-deep water, she began to scrub the sheet, frustrated that the blood would not wash out completely, but clung like a light-pink rebuke against her selfish nature.
She continued to rub the sheet between her fingers, feeling the raw sting of the linen against her chafed knuckles. Focused solely on trying to get the sheet clean again, she didn't hear Jack wading out into the water after her.
Dorcas wasn't aware of his presence until Jack touched her shoulder lightly.
"I'm sorry!" she cried immediately. "I didn't mean to force you to do it. I know you didn't want to."
Jack was silent for a moment, then pulled her to his chest and kissed the top of her head.
"No, I'm sorry," he mumbled. "Are you hurt badly?"
Dorcas felt the sheet slip through her numbed fingers and into the water where it floated a couple of feet away. She wrapped her arms around Jack and squeezed him to her.
"No, I'm not hurt, Jack."
"But the blood…" he began. "I've heard from lads who've been with girls...When I worked in the stables...and in the army. The ones who've been with virgins say there's blood and that it hurts the girl...I didn't know if that was right or not."
"Jack, you didn't hurt me," Dorcas soothed, stroking his back. "Yes. Okay...it hurt...but it is a good feeling. I didn't know what was going to happen, not really. I was just as surprised as you."
"Are you lying to me so that I won't feel guilty?" His hand stroked her hair and, by degrees, she began to feel easy around him, her own guilt dissolving under his caresses.
"I'm not lying, Jack. I liked it. I wish it had lasted longer."
Jack laughed, a little embarrassed. "Maybe with practice… I was a virgin too, you know."
Dorcas laughed with him before pulling away to retrieve the sheet, wading up to her waist to catch it. Grabbing her bloody nightgown, Jack joined her, both of them scrubbing away at the stains as best as they could.
:::
Waking up in Jack's arms was how Dorcas wanted to spend every morning. His arms tightened around her, telling her that he was awake too.
He raised his hips, moving against the leg that Dorcas had thrown over him, announcing his arousal.
"Good morning, my angel," he greeted, yawning and stretching.
Dorcas took the opportunity that the stretch afforded to glance at his flexing muscles. His abdomen was exposed by the sheet that drifted down as he straightened his legs, begging to be kissed and licked.
Eager to do something that she'd wanted to do and was refused at every attempt, she bent and placed her lips to the gorgeous tanned skin of his abdomen.
"Dorcas, baby!" he moaned, raising his hips reflexively at her touch.
She stroked her tongue from the waistband of his pants to his navel and then looked up into his eyes. "Is this okay, Jack?"
"Okay?" he sighed, stretching again. "It's glorious! Keep going!"
Dorcas grinned, excited by this new freedom she had to explore his body. Her hand went immediately to the front of his blue boxer shorts and palmed the bulge that sat there beckoning her.
"Oh my god!" Jack grunted, dragging his hands through his hair before placing them behind his head, supporting him so that he could watch her.
Dorcas felt even bolder, seeing him so relaxed that she moved to settle herself between his thighs, tugging his waistband down. She studied his rigid muscles and sharp bones, following the trail of light brown hair to his erection. Realizing that she'd never seen one–felt a couple of them; not by choice necessarily–she licked her lips, staring.
She didn't know exactly what to do with it and felt a little intimidated. Instead, she busied herself by removing his pants the rest of the way, folding them and placing them on the edge of the bed beside her.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Jack asked. He was really becoming quite perceptive to her moods, she noticed.
Remembering yesterday and how well Jack had explored her, seeming to know exactly what to do and how to please her without having to ask her for guidance, she felt inadequate again.
"Do you want me to tell you what to do?" he asked gently.
Dorcas nodded, feeling a blush move from her chest to her neck and settling in her cheeks.
"Grip around the base," he instructed, "and place your mouth on the tip."
Following directions put Dorcas at ease somewhat, helping her to get over the difficult task of initiating contact. But she found that when Jack responded to her hand around him and her lips, she didn't need further coaching.
She discovered that she loved the sounds that he made. Sounds that she was making him make. It was a heady feeling, giving him so much pleasure. Her tongue swiped at a bead of moisture that had accumulated on the head and massaged with her hand, wondering if she could somehow make him do that again.
Curiously, she explored his testicles with the other hand as she squeezed his length and circled his tip with her tongue. The most amazing thing happened when she flicked her eyes up to meet his: she felt his bits sort of tighten under her fingers.
Jack hissed when she made eye contact with him.
"Jesus, Dorcas. You could finish me with just that look alone!"
She hadn't gotten that far in her experiment. What would happen if she did make him come? Distracted by the idea, she sank her mouth lower around him, feeling him thrust along her tongue and to the back of her throat.
"Oh god!" Jack cried. "Dorcas, if you don't want me to come in your mouth, you'll have to let me go."
She had been lost in her own thoughts and she gave him one more swipe with her tongue. And then her mouth was filled with the liquid that had been spilled on her stomach last night. The experience was erotic. The very idea of consuming Jack and making him a part of her was exciting.
She swallowed and licked her lips, studying Jack and waiting for his approval.
He lay heaving with his fists pressed to his eyes, mouth hanging open but silent.
"Jack?" Dorcas asked tentatively.
Dorcas didn't understand his sudden mute paralysis, but folded herself against his side and waited for him to say something.
"Have you ever done anything with a boy before, Dorcas?" he asked, alarming her.
She stiffened against his side and hoped he didn't notice that she had become rigid.
"You know I was a virgin before last night, Jack," she evaded.
Why did he need to know? She hadn't asked him to share his scorecard with her. But she became suddenly mortified that of the two of them, she was the more experienced. That experience amounted to a semi-forced handjob and a bit of tense and terrifying fingering, but that was it. And Dorcas thought it hardly counted as it wasn't something that she strictly counted as sexual experience. In the way it counted, she had no experiences with a boy.
"You've never touched another boy?" he pressed. "Let them touch you?"
"Jack…" Dorcas swallowed around a knot in her throat. He was speaking as if he knew something. "Why are you asking me this?"
"Not even with Tom?" he continued, bringing his hands away from his eyes to look at her.
"No, Jack. I never did anything with Tom that even came close to what you and I've done."
"You've kissed, right?"
Dorcas's heart plummeted. Was he really going to ask her for an accounting of everything she and Tom had shared? What was the point of it?
"Yes, Jack," she answered without even concealing her irritation. "We've kissed. We dated for like...four months. Over a year ago."
Most of the stuff they'd done (the vast majority while one or both of them were under the influence of Felix Felicis) had occurred after they were broken up and she was with Jack. The confrontation she was having with that reality at this moment made her shake. If Jack somehow dragged a confession out of her, she knew she would lose him.
She turned away from him, curling up on her own pillow.
"Just answer one thing for me," he insisted, placing a hand on her hip and curling himself around her.
"What?" she spat, still tense and guarded.
"Do I have to worry about Tom while I'm away?"
Dorcas wiggled around in his arms to face him. "You don't have to worry about anybody but yourself! Promise me you'll come back!"
"I wish I could promise that, my angel…"
She let him pull her into a deep kiss, tucking her underneath him.
When he paused for breath, Dorcas took the opportunity to ask. "What do we have planned today?"
"Nothing," Jack said, studying her, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ears. "Until you have to go."
Dorcas shook her head. "I'm not leaving."
"Well, I will have to go back tomorrow morning…"
"No, we'll run away," Dorcas insisted, only half jokingly.
Jack kissed her again. "I wish we could, love. But you know what they do to deserters."
"I can hide you with magic…"
She knew she sounded desperate.
"I made a commitment. Do you really want to be married to someone who doesn't honor his word?"
"I want to be married to someone who's alive, Jack!"
"Shh!" he whispered, rocking her gently in his arms. "You write in your letters to me often to tell me that wars can't go on forever. I have to believe that's true. It'll make it easy for me to get through it knowing that you're happy and that you believe I'll see you again soon."
"I'm trying…"
Dorcas was pressed into the mattress underneath him again, with her legs splayed on either side of his hips. It hadn't taken him long to recover and she felt that flame of anticipation burn brighter within her.
"Do you think you're quite recovered, Dorcas?" Jack stammered. "I mean, I know it's beastly of me to be at you all of the time and giving you no space to heal...but do you think you could manage it one more time?"
She was not quick to take his meaning, making it necessary for him to prod her a little. She was still sore below, but thought it wouldn't be objectionable to try again, more gently if he could.
"I can manage," she answered demurely. "But go slow this time, okay?"
:::
Dorcas tried to put on a brave face when the time came to pack her bag and leave the perfect retreat they'd made for themselves in the wood.
The little cottage would remain one of the happiest places she had ever been.
Every clop of Cressida's hooves on the lane seemed to mark one more tear that fell from Dorcas's cheek and onto her lap. Her throat was painful and tense with the sobs that she was trying to keep from rising up in her.
Jack struggled in his own way, becoming more remote and withdrawn as they neared the town of Great Hangleton.
When the cluster of buildings and the white marble of the war memorial came into view, she found she could no longer hold in the despondency.
"How do I say goodbye and walk away from you?" she asked, her voice breaking with emotion.
His fingers squeezed her waist where he held her tight against him in the saddle. "We don't say goodbye, my love. Remember? It's 'I'll be seeing you' like the song says.
Jack's lips found her ear, kissing her and humming the tune they'd danced to on their first date.
The horse stopped and Dorcas allowed Jack to guide her down to the pavement before hopping down behind her.
"Where is your bus?" Jack asked, scanning the light traffic on the street.
"It won't come until I hail it. I'll do that in the alleyway across the street. Remember the Statute of Secrecy I told you about?"
Jack tapped his nose. "Of course! Can't let the Muggles know."
She had to walk away now before her knees buckled and she begged him to let her stay. Taking his shirtfront in both of her hands, she tugged him down to her to kiss him thoroughly, placing every promise that was in her heart on his lips.
"I'll be seeing you," she said, the words strangled a little as they came out.
"WAIT!" Jack shouted, holding her back before she had the chance to turn and cross the street.
Dorcas blinked the tears out of her eyes, the flood so insistent that she didn't bother to wipe them from her cheeks.
Then she watched Jack slowly sink to the pavement on one knee.
"I'm an idiot who's proposing without a ring. It's in London, in a bank vault, and I wish I'd gone and fetched it before you came." He ran his hands nervously through his hair and straightened his shirt. "The thing is, Dorcas, I want you to be mine for as long as I live and I don't think I can go off to war again unless I know you are mine. So, I've got to ask you this now before I go or I'll burst. Dorcas Clerey, keeper of my heart, will you be my wife?"
"Oi, alright, Jackie!" someone shouted from across the street. The crowd was back at that infernal pub.
Jack waved nervously and then turned back to Dorcas.
"Yes, I will, Jack Hardin!" Dorcas replied, pulling him to his feet and planting another kiss on his lips. She didn't stop even at the catcalls from the assembled group across the street.
Jack whooped a loud cry of joy, taking Dorcas up in his arms and spinning her in a mad dervish twirl that made her head spin.
"Now get on that bus before I drag you off into the grass and take you again!" As he said it, he embraced her, turning her away from the onlookers so that he could squeeze her arse.
"Be safe, Jack! Keep that Luck on you. Promise me!" She stepped as far as their joined hands would let her, each finger one by one unclasping until the tether was broken.
"I promise. I love you, Dorcas," Jack choked, eyes glassy.
"I love you, Jack," Dorcas sniffed with a watery smile.
When she reached the alleyway beside the pub, Jack's eyes were still on her, Cressida resting one hoof lazily while she waited. Dorcas took out her wand and hailed the Knight Bus. Pressing her fingers to her lips, she waved a kiss at him.
He winked and blew a kiss back at her.
The pub-goers were calling to him, begging him to come and have a celebratory pint. "Did you just get engaged to that pretty bird?" someone was shouting.
Jack looked away from her to answer their call.
She stepped on board and was gone.
Author's Note: There's one more chapter left in Vol 1. Vol 2 will be posted shortly after and follow the same posting schedule. I hope you've enjoyed it. Please let me know what you think!
