AN: Some ROGAN coming at the end of this chapter for those who have missed it. Sorry, I just needed to develop the Celeste/Jess issue a little further first.


Chapter 7

Celeste squinted at the sunlight that had emerged from behind the cloud, now radiating onto her pillow, which seemed utterly despicable in that moment. Her head throbbed, her mouth felt sticky and lips dry, making her groan into her pillow. She was too old for this. Every cell in her body was telling her to stay in bed, but she was a mother - she couldn't just check-out like that. Besides, the realization that Jess had promised to take Evie to Stars Hollow that day to celebrate her birthday with Liz, TJ and Doula, gave her more incentive to try to pull herself together, however daunting the task might seem.

With a deep sigh, she pulled herself up to sit, realizing pretty sure it hadn't been the best idea, the sharp pain that pierced her skull made her want to reconsider the whole plan. Thankfully she saw the glass of water and the small pill of Ibuprofen on the night stand, gulping it down as quickly as she could master, feeling grateful. Now it just needed to kick in. It was only then she realized she was wearing just her panties, pondering for a second how she even got to bed. The answer was obvious of course - and she felt ashamed. What was she thinking? She heaved herself up and wrapped her bamboo robe tightly around her, getting annoyed at the belt that was tightly tied in a knot that took her a good minute to untie in the process, and carefully dragged herself downstairs, hoping to keep it together.

She could see Evie's diaper bag already packed and ready to go by the front door, Evie's favourite Elephant blankie waiting on top of it.

"Momma!" Evie, to whom Jess had just finished feeding her oatmeal, exclaimed, a little too loudly, making her finch for a second as the pitch of her voice hurt her brain, but she corrected the expression soon enough.

"Hey, mon cherie," she replied in a low raspy voice, stroking Evie's little head along with an apologetic glance towards Jess, and headed over to the kitchen to grab herself some orange juice. She could sense Jess observing her, but if anything it was a look of worry than judgment, and for that she was grateful to begin with.

Jess didn't say anything. He wanted to understand, read her, but right now he just saw someone pale in the face and clearly in need of a few more hours of sleep. There were no obvious clues.

"Sorry about last night," she sighed, carefully looking him in the eyes.

"I'm just glad to see you are still among the living," Jess noted, calmly. There was no point to reprimand someone who was clearly in pain already, and he believed he really didn't need to bring up her behavior either.

"What time is it?" she pondered, not quite recalling where her phone was even.

"10-ish," Jess replied, offering Evie a slice of apple, he'd been just eating himself.

"Ugh…," she exhaled, knowing she needed to switch gears they wanted to make it to Stars Hollow before Evie's nap time.

"I could just take her, you know," Jess offered, seeing she was clearly in no shape to come along straight away. It was his mother and half-sister after all, and while surely they would've loved to see Celeste too, but they'd live. Maybe it was some space that she needed?

"I really should... I'd just need to shower," she began, meaning well, but obviously Jess was right.

Jess cocked his head at her, the look speaking for himself.

"Are you sure?" she hesitated, feeling like she was letting them down. His accommodating gesture made her feel even more guilty.

"Yes. Sleep, order tacos, and drink the rest of that orange juice," Jess assured practically, gesturing towards the fridge. "And then if you feel up to it, I'd love your take on the first five chapters. They're on the desktop under 'Clean sheet'," he added in a different tone, emphasizing that this was something more significant than daily shores or caretaking. She knew his password, but unless he specifically asked he knew she would never just go snooping on her own.

That suggestion certainly raised her interest, and deep inside she was grateful that he'd offered her an 'out' and an 'in' at once. She did want to read it - god, it had been at least a year and a half since he'd written anything that she knew of and he'd offered her to read anything like this. For a split second she felt like back then - the pride, the intimateness of it like being let in on a secret.

Jess got Evie ready to go, and as she hugged Evie goodbye, her little face clearly a little disappointed for her not coming along, but Celeste almost felt she kind of deserved that guilt that it left her with.


Jess returned late with Evie, who was already asleep on his shoulder, the active day with Doula keeping her occupied and a two and a half hour ride home in the dark having done their job. Celeste smiled weakly as she watched him carry their toddler up to her room, following them in silence.

He placed her down carefully, gently pulling off her jacket and booties, holding his hand on her stomach for a minute or so to ensure she felt secure and didn't wake, as Celeste observed them from the doorway, feeling a little sentimental - having actually missed them.

Celeste had done like Jess had advised - slept a few hours, followed by a shower and a hearty lunch before heading upstairs to the study. It felt like such an important task to open his laptop and click on that file, it had taken her a few deep breaths to actually dare to do it. And she'd loved every word of it and could definitely see how she was in there, not in her real-life form, but her mannerism, the things she sometime said or did.

"You okay?" Jess asked in whisper as he was passing her, seeing her keep staring at Evie who was sound asleep in her crib.

"Yeah," she replied, feeling a bit emotional.

His fingers brushed her palm gently, the stroke forming into a firm grasp that led her along the hallway, the determinedness of it shocking her momentarily. He too had had time to think while he drove, but all of that went out the window the moment he saw her again. He'd wanted to demand explanation, and then again just beg her to tell him what was going on, and part of him wanted to just pretend everything was okay, being too scared to find out.

He wasn't even sure what he was going to do, but he brought her to the bedroom, shutting the door quietly behind them. However, before he had a chance to say anything, she broke the silence having had the day full of pondering as well.

"I'm really sorry. It was so irresponsible of me, I was acting so selfish," she began, with a deep sigh. "I'm not even sure why. I just feel like I'm such a bundle of emotions I don't even know how to unravel them. I felt like I needed a break, just to pretend to have another type of life for an evening, but that didn't really work. Finny kept reminding me of Evie and the only thing that seemed to help was that damned Prosecco," she blurted.

Jess sighed, walking back and forth the room quietly, running his palms over his face. He was tired. This was one of the things with having a toddler around did - they were always tired by the evenings, and these discussions were not something to have while Evie was awake, hence they were simply not had, they were postponed, now bursting out of her like a tsunami while they were both still exhausted

"And I see you trying, I really do. I see you being attentive and thank you for sharing the chapters with me. I just don't know what's wrong with me," she said, stopping to inhale, looking up, trying not to burst into tears. "Maybe I'm just blaming you for my problems, I don't know. It's like I have everything I wanted but I don't know why I am not satisfied with it - maybe I need to work, do something more, I don't know. I believed Evie, home… it would just be enough. I just feel like I don't exist, like I'm just this anonymous empty spot," she continued, her mind having gone through so many versions of her theories of what she was going to say.

Jess didn't have a reply prepared, hence not really knowing what to say to that speach. He took the liberty to simply wrap his arms around her, hugging her close. Whatever this was - he just needed to be there, he needed to hear her.

He could hear her sniffle into his shoulder quietly, hoping he knew what to do.

"Just keep talking to me, okay? Whatever is going on, just don't hide? You're so not an empty spot, not to me, not to Evie - you're our world, and I'll help you in whatever way you need me to," he assured, kissing her hair.

"I'm just so sorry, I'm like this," she sobbed, while Jess stroked her back.

"Let's just go to bed, okay? We'll figure this out, I promise," he assured. He wondered whether he was equipped to figure this out, working through complicated feelings never having really been his strong suit. Maybe she needed a professional? But that made him feel even more insecure - what if some random therapist made her realize that she didn't want to do this with him anymore? That it was too far gone? He realized of course that she could probably have realized that on her own too, and against that he felt utterly defenceless.


Across town Finny had been put to bed, still a little behind his normal schedule, but as Rory had taken a lunchtime nap with him, clearly needing a break herself, she was feeling not half as tired as she usually did by this time of night. Logan was a classic night-owl, having clearly inherited the need for very few hours of sleep much like his father, going usually to bed past midnight and getting up often before six. Sure, on occasion, he too liked to linger, but his body seemed to have adapted to less.

"You're starting to show," Logan noted, having just emerged from his study finishing up reading a market risk analysis for tomorrow's meeting, as he now observed his wife in a tight fitting tank top and leggings, who was just cutting herself a piece of cherry pie.

"I've only had two pieces today!" Rory shot back knowing too well that was not what he meant. Sure she'd gotten most of the baby weight off - the Gilmore metabolism still working as it should, thankfully - but she was definitely a little rounder around the edges than a few years ago. And now her body was clearly much more adapted to this type of growth.

Logan smiled smugly at her - there was just something ever so satisfying in the sight in front of him. With Finny, she hadn't really shown for a while, and it remained a lot less tangible for quite some time. But this was clearly different - and while the big milestone appointment lay just a head, it was clear that she was growing little people inside of her and while many risks were higher than last time, Logan couldn't help but to get a little ahead of himself by dreaming of the times to come.

He'd observed Rory with caution as she seemed to be pushing herself to work while going through all this, as if short of time. Sure he understood that she probably felt that she was, but he'd expected at least some endearment from Rory, that she'd had with Finny - the quiet pondering, worrying and getting attached no matter how much she'd knowingly tried to avoid it early on.

"Do you have a feeling whether it might be boys or girls or one or each?" Logan asked as they settled onto the couch they used for tv-watching, without bothering to switch anything on.

Rory had just taken a big bite of pie, and the chewing took her a while to answer.

"Honestly? I haven't really thought about it," Rory began, "I'm not sure if I had a good hunch with Finny either, until it - they - start kicking, it's pretty vague really," she added. Her feelings were still a little conflicted - sure, she wouldn't wish them harm in any scenario, but she struggled to get to that point of excitement she could see Logan experiencing already.

"I kind of would like a girl…," Logan admitted a little hesitantly, stealing a piece of crumb from her plate.

Rory raised her eyebrows curiously. He'd really thought about this.

"Well, chances are good - statistically speaking," Rory noted, taking another bite.

"I kind of like how Jess is with Evie - it's a little different, like more affectionate or protective or something," he explained.

"I guess - 'daddy's little girl', or girls," Rory pondered, still feeling unused to the idea of having to speak in plural. But the thought did appeal to her - Logas was really good with Finny, and now knowing how much he wanted more of that, she felt glad she could offer it, despite the complications that it brought to her career.

"You're going to find a way, you know. To keep doing what you want to do, it's not the end," he assured, as if reading her mind.

"I know," Rory replied, knowing that it probably wasn't but that didn't mean it didn't feel like it.

"We'll probably have to get a live-in nanny though," Logan suggested, with some reservations, knowing how she really didn't like that scenario.

"I know," Rory reflected, her mouth still half-full. "I might be stubborn but I'm not self-destructive," she noted, feeling like she needed to explain herself after fighting the idea for a year or so. She knew she probably was delusional, but she actually hoped to continue working part time as soon as she could, and this was definitely not going to happen without getting someone to help out on a more permanent basis. They had the space - for now at least, but with now two babies on the way - they'd filled up the bedrooms of the penthouse that had seemed so enormous just two years ago with the flick of their fingers.

"Do you know what day it is?" Logan asked, his smile turning even more smug.

"Sunday, why?" Rory asked.

Logan didn't reply, but observed her mind frantically searching for the date.

"Oh, fuck," Rory muttered after some seconds. "I forgot, I'm sorry," she apologized.

"Well it's a good thing you can blame it on the pregnancy brain," he laughed in return.

"Yeah, but what does that say about me - we've been married for just two years and I forgot our anniversary!" Rory scolded herself.

"Yeah, but what is really our anniversary? Should we count it from Emily's and Richard's vowel renewal or when we agreed to go exclusive or when you moved in or when you promised you'd wait for me, " he discussed, surprising Rory that he'd actually remembered the latter from that one night in Maine.

"I think most people would agree that the day that's on the wedding certificate is the one that counts," Rory argued, still feeling terrible for having forgotten.

"If that's what you want, though I do agree that two years as a track record hardly does us justice either, not even five, I would say," he added, adding up the years they'd officially been together.

Rory rolled her eyes at him.

"And I really don't care if we celebrate our official anniversary or not, you're here, I'm here, that's what matters," Logan concluded forgivingly, brushing the cherry stain from the corner of her mouth, just as he leaned closer to kiss her.

The kiss was slow, deliberate and celebratory, the kind that made one forget time and place.