Chapter 5

"Yo! Did you guys catch the game last night? 18 seconds into overtime, Kane scores the backhander. Guy's on fire this season."

It was supposed to be a normal morning. Well, maybe not so normal as of late because he didn't wake up next to Erin like he had been doing pretty much every morning for over a month. Given their fight last night in the break room, they both decided that it was better for some space. A chance for him to pull back and get his feelings in order. He didn't want to be the only one putting himself out there while Erin was going around denying her feelings for him. So as hard as it was to go to sleep in his own bed alone, he had done it.

"What's with you two?" Erin and Al approached his desk with their faces all looking like they were about to tell him that his puppy had died. It was unnerving. Before Erin could tell him what the hell got her and Al looking so worried, Voight was calling his name.

Jay knew something was up the moment he entered Voight's office, especially after seeing Commander Perry inside waiting for him.

"Halstead. Have a seat," the Commander directed.

"I'll stand." He knew whatever that was about to go down, he'd be better on his feet.

"Where were you last night after your shift?"

"Home. Why?"

"So you're telling us you didn't go out at all last night?" Commander Perry continued his questioning, like he was fishing for something.

"I'm telling you that I watched the Hawks game last night and I was in bed by midnight."

Commander Perry looked like he didn't believe his answer. Not that Jay had any idea why it seemed so implausible to the man. Did he want evidence of his empty beer bottles that were still on his coffee table when he drank himself to sleep after the game ended and the sleep didn't come?

"This was taken last night by Broadview and CIcero." Commander Perry held up a surveillance picture. Jay zoomed in on the familiar looking car in the picture. The car that he had been tracking for the past two months. "The car's registered to Lonnie Rodiger. And that's you. Two cars behind."

Jay knew he'd been caught with his off-hour activity. Annoyance built up in him when he realized that there was only one person who could've turned him in and it was the man standing next to him. Voight. He wouldn't put it past his Sergeant to throw him under the bus. After all, Jay seemed to be the only one who didn't blindly follow whatever off the script, Voight's brand of justice was. The only one who didn't think the sun shone out of Voight's ass like everyone else seemed to think. Not to mention, Voight had never trusted Jay around Erin and this seemed like the perfect way to get Jay in hot waters and maybe even kicked off the unit and back to Gangs.

"Ok so I happened to be driving home behind a pedophile," Jay replied, hoping that his casual tone was enough to make his tracking of Lonnie completely coincidental.

"Well, your alleged pedophile was found dead this morning. LaFollete Park."

"What?" Jay thought he must've heard wrong.

"Someone tied a cord around his neck," Voight added. Jay was shocked. Whatever he had been expecting, it certainly wasn't this. Lonnie was dead? After all this time, someone murdered the sick bastard?

"So i hope you have a better alibii than watching a hockey game alone." Jay whipped his head up, eyes narrowing at the accusation that dripped from the Commander's voice. Surely, they weren't thinking that he was the one that killed Lonnie.

Before he could even begin to defend himself, Voight spoke, "Until this is straightened out, you're officially stripped."

"So expect a call from Internal Affair. They're gonna want to interview you as soon as possible," Commander added, as though Jay didn't know the protocol. He just never expected to be in this position. He robotically took off his badge from his waist and handed it over, immediately feeling a huge loss. He was innocent. He deserved that badge and there was no way he was going to go down for something he didn't do.

"You mean an interrogation," he snipped. He wanted to punch the smug look off Voight's face, standing there as though he was an upstanding police. It was laughable when Voight barely got out of his own cuffs just a few days ago. But the man had no shame as he held Jay's badge in his hand. Jay just shook his head, trying to control his anger and quickly walked out of his office. It wouldn't do any good to let his anger out and it was far smarter to get the hell out of there right away.

Jay snatched his leather jacket off his chair and headed quickly for the exit. He needed to get out of the bullpen. He needed to do something to prove his innocence and the only way he could do that was to get Lonnie's file. He was innocent, god damn it!

"Jay." He was so distracted that he didn't even see Erin come out of the breakroom like she was waiting for him. She held onto his arm, stopping him.

"I'm the one who tried to stop that freak, now I'm the target," Jay spat. He knew Lonnie was up to no good and he was targeting another kid. He tried to warn Voight but was brushed off.

"I know," Erin replied, holding out a business card for him to take. He could only stare in shock at her. "Take this number for Dan Hanes. He's the best police union rep there is. You call him and then you tell me how you want to handle this."

He just continued looking at her— his eyes filled with hurt and shock. Did she actually think he did it? That he was capable of murdering someone? He wasn't Voight. No matter how much he wanted justice, he wasn't the type to take it into his own hands.

"This is unbelievable," he only uttered, unable to keep the hurt and anger out of his voice. He couldn't believe this was how Erin was reacting. Giving him a phone number of a police rep like he was on trial or that he needed to defend himself. Maybe Erin was used to things being a certain way. She had looked the other way for Voight so many times that it was now second nature to her but it was him. She should've known him better.

He shook off her hold on him and stalked out of the bullpen. He headed toward Jin's office quickly, not wanting to acknowledge the disappointment and hurt that filled his chest at Erin.

"Jin, I need the Rodiger's homicide file," Jay shouted but the tech expert saw Jay coming and quickly closed his office door.

"As a suspect in his murder, that's highly unauthorized."

"Come on man!"

"We're done! Voight said if I help you one more time, I'm back to manning traffic patterns at streets and sans," Jin finished, slamming the door shut.

Never in a million year, did Jay think he'd be in this position. That he'd be accused of murder and was now left to twist in the wind and left hung out to dry. By everyone. Especially Erin. For some reason, that hurt the most.

It wasn't as though he wanted her involved in his mess. He had tried to keep her out of it for so long. She had asked him over and over again about what was going on with him and the Rodigers but he kept her in the dark. Probably because he knew a mess like this was a real possibility and he certainly didn't want to implicate her. He cared about her far too much to bring any harm to her.

It was just a shame that she didn't care about him nearly as much.


"Erin! Get in here!" Erin sighed inwardly, bracing herself as Voight practically barked at her from his office. She knew what was about to come.

She got up and entered his office, Voight pointing at the door for her to shut. She did as he asked and sat down in front of him.

"What?"

"I don't think I need to tell you this but then again maybe I do," Voight set his eyes on Erin, stern and demanding. "Stay out of this mess with Halstead. Don't get involved and let him drag you down."

"Hank, he's my partner." Did he just expect her to completely abandon Jay? Erin would never. Jay had ran out of the bullpen, angry and pissed, and she was worried to death about him. She knew most of the story about Lonnie but she was never able to get the full story out of him. But it didn't matter because she knew, without a doubt, that Jay didn't do it. Her Jay would never be capable of murdering someone in cold blood. She just hoped that he wasn't out there, doing something crazy on his own. She was his partner, she was the one who was supposed to have his back.

"I don't care if he's your goddamn bosom buddy. I'm your damn Sergeant and I'm ordering you to stay the hell out of it."

"So you're gonna just leave Jay like that? He's a member of your unit Hank." She knew Hank was never a huge fan of Jay but she'd never thought that Hank would just abandon a unit member so callously. Even if it was Jay.

"He got over in his head is what he is. I've warned him several times to leave the Lonnie Rodiger thing alone but he didn't listen. Because you know why? That partner of yours thinks he knows better. Now he's gonna learn that maybe he doesn't have all the answers."

Erin shook her head. "I get it, you don't like Jay. But this isn't just him going against you on a case Hank," Erin crossed her arms, staring Voight down. "He's being accused of murder. Murder. You and I both know that Jay didn't do this."

Voight stuck his tongue to the side of his mouth, returning Erin's stare. "There's only two things I know, Erin. One is that the sun will rise again tomorrow. And two, if you don't stay out of this, you'll be bumped back down to patrol. There are lots of beat cops who want in on this unit and I'll replace you like that with someone who'll actually listen to my orders. You understand me?"

Erin scoffed at his threat. "Fine," she relented, knowing that she'd never win this fight and there was no point in continuing this conversation with him. She stood up to leave. "You know Hank? Maybe it's idealistic and naive of me but I actually thought this unit was like a family. We rallied around Antonio when his son got kidnapped and we did the same around Lexi. Yet we can't do the same for Jay when he needs us? That's a damn shame."

Erin slammed his door hard as she left the office, heading down to the rollup to talk to Jin. She needed to do something to help Jay. Despite Voight's warnings and threats, she knew she couldn't just ditch Jay right now. She took out her phone and tried calling Jay. After several times of just getting his voicemail, she knew he wasn't picking up her calls on purpose. She could just see his eyes, filled to the brim with hurt and frustration when she gave him the phone number for the union rep earlier.

But she had nothing but good intentions. She was just caught so off-guard when Al filled her in on what was going on and honestly, she was terrified for him. Before she could even think of a way to help him, Jay had arrived at the office and was stripped of his badge. The only way she could think of helping him that quickly was to give him that number— to get him a good lawyer that could prove his innocence. But he had obviously seen it in another way, like she didn't believe him. Like she didn't trust him. That couldn't be further from the truth.

She just hoped that wherever he was right now, he wasn't doing anything rash or stupid.


Jay walked out of the Corson's house, defeated and lost. There was a huge part of him that thought that Danny had done it. Not that Jay would blame him if he had. He knew just how much the Corsons were still hurting over Ben's death and that kind of grief was excruciating. Jay could understand if Danny had done it and would've helped figure something out. But Danny hadn't and Jay believed him so he was right back where he started.

"Hey!" He turned his head and saw Phil Rodiger and his wife came barreling down the street at him. "This is all your fault! If you had just left things alone, he'd still be here!"

Jay didn't have the energy to deal with it. Not anymore.

"Lonnie brought it on himself and you know it," he just replied, getting into his car and driving away.

A few minutes later, he was sitting in the Ivory Tower, Stillwell staring him down, thinking he could intimidate him into a confession. Jay held his ground, a neutral expression on his face, waiting to call the IA bastard's bluff.

"Why don't you make it easy on yourself and just give us a formal statement?" Jay snorted at the offer. He wasn't a fool and he certainly wasn't going to admit to something he didn't do, especially when the evidence against him was thin.

"All you have on me is a few pictures of me driving and you know it," Jay stated, challenging Stillwell to stop him from leaving. But the latter knew he had no leg to stand on so he let Jay go.


Erin couldn't wait to get the day over with. It was not even afternoon yet and the day was already too long. Her mind was still occupied with Jay, especially since she still wasn't able to reach him. God, he could be so frustratingly stubborn sometimes. Like whenever he had an idea stuck in his head, he wasn't willing to listen to anything else. She recalled their fight last night in the breakroom and the harsh words they exchanged. Or the harsh way she regarded their….relationship.

She could still see the way the light went out of his eyes the moment she had categorized them as just fuck buddies. He looked like she had stabbed him with her words and maybe she had. As hard as she tried, she wasn't blind that his feelings for her were growing and their thing that started out as casual and no strings attached had evolved into something...more. And that was the last thing Erin had intended.

She knew it was a bad idea to cross the lines with Jay but she couldn't help herself. He was so irresistible and Erin was tired of fighting her attraction to him. It was a losing battle and they both knew it. So they had given into each other. And she had tried to keep him at arm's length by keeping things casual, no feelings involved. But she should've known that it was never a possibility with someone like Jay. He would always be something more.

So she did the only thing she knew how to do— run. Run from her feelings, thinking that if she could just ignore her heart, it'd be okay. That she could actually have her cake and eat it too. That she could have Jay in her bed and by her side at work and it would all go seamlessly. She should've known that nothing would ever be easy for her. Especially when the two most important men in her life hated each other and she was stuck in the middle, teetering between the two pulls. Jay or Voight.

"It's good to see you," Kelly said as they walked side by side back to the bullpen.

"Yeah you too. Wish it was under better circumstances though." Kelly smiled and placed his hand at the small of her back. Erin tried not to pull away at the sudden touch. Kelly was such a flirt and he had made it more than clear in the past that he wouldn't be opposed to them starting something.

She met Kelly's eyes and his grin widened. That grin had probably driven many women crazy and Erin wished she was one of them. He was a master of casual relationships, they didn't work together and most of all, he and Voight wouldn't be at each other's throat every day.

Erin knew things would certainly be easier with Kelly.

After Kelly had identified the suspect and had left, Erin made her way down to Jin's office.

"Hey Jin." Jin looked up from his computer as Erin leaned on the counter. "You got what I asked?"

Jin sighed and stood up, handing Erin the file. "You know that I'm putting my ass on the line for this right?"

"Yeah me too," Erin returned, holding onto the file. "Thanks." Jin just shook his head, probably tired of doing all the side projects for the unit.

Erin made her way back to the bullpen, covering the cover of the file just in case Voight was milling around. She spotted him in his office with Antonio, giving the latter a tongue lashing for bringing Jay into the unit in the first place. Erin stood by the door, eavesdropping on their conversation.

Antonio came out of the office, steaming.

"Hey," Erin whispered, calling him over to the break room. He huffed, still angry about his conversation but he followed her into the break room, closing the door.

"What do you want Erin?" She handed him the file. "What's this?" She just tilted her head and raised her eyebrows. Antonio flipped through the file. "Seriously? Didn't Voight get on your ass about staying out of this?"

"Yeah. This is me staying out," she replied, holding her hand up. Antonio shot her a look. "Me not running out of here and chasing after Jay is me staying out of this, like Voight said." She sighed. "Just get this to him."

Antonio held the Rodiger's homicide file in his hand, his eyes studying Erin. "You really think he's innocent?"

"Of course!" Erin replied immediately. "What? You don't?"

Antonio smacked his lips, shaking his head. "I'll judge for myself when I see him." He held the file up. "I'll get this to him."

Erin gave him a small smile as a thank you. She was relieved that if she couldn't be there for Jay in person, she could at least do this small thing for him. She just hoped that it would help somehow.


Jay was surprised that Antonio had wanted to meet him. The guy seemed like he had made up his mind about Jay's innocence at the parking lot earlier so Jay certainly wasn't expecting a call from him. And after dodging and ignoring Erin's calls all day, he had almost missed Antonio's call.

"Hey I appreciate you meeting me," Jay began as they walked toward each other. Jay hated to admit it but he could really use a friend right now. He wished he could just turn to Erin and just buried his head in her arms but his hurt and his stupid overprotectiveness over her were stopping him from reaching out to her. He could get through this, he repeated in his head. He didn't need her. He just needed to remind himself of that.

Jay held his hand out to greet Antonio but was caught off guard when he was being slammed down to the hood of his car.

"What the fuck!"

Antonio gripped his shirt collar, getting in his face. Jay pushed him off, wondering what the fuck he was doing but Antonio slapped him across the face.

"What the hell?!" Jay was ready to fight, return the punch with a punch of his own but he stopped himself.

"Did you do it?!" Antonio shouted, demanding an answer. Jay's fury grew yet again at being accused.

"No!" Antonio gripped his shirt tighter, his eyes set on Jay's like he was searching for the answer in his eyes. "If I was going to kill Lonnie, I would've done it the night I found him raped and killed Ben Corson! And I was this close!" Jay couldn't contain his anger anymore, a storm raging in his blue eyes. He could easily see the image of Ben's body in his head and he remembered losing it. He had wanted to kill Lonnie with his bare hands that night, wanted to rip that bastard's head apart for laying a hand on an innocent boy. Jay had wanted to take justice into his own hands but he hadn't.

Antonio finally let his tight grip on him go, Jay stumbling back. Then he took out a file from underneath his leather jacket and shoved it in Jay's chest.

"Rodiger's homicide file. You have no idea where you got it," was all Antonio said before he got in his car and left. Jay was breathing hard, the encounter not going the way he had expected. He clutched the file in his hand and got back in his car, ignoring his ringing cell phone for the umpteenth time that day.


Jay leafed through the file, going over every details looking for anything that can help his case. Prove his innocence. If anything, he wished that Erin was here with him, helping him out. She was so smart and easily the sharpest person he knew. And somehow they always seemed to be on the same wavelength when it came to cases and he just knew that she'd find something in the file that could prove his innocence.

But she wasn't here and Jay had to suck it up. He needed to help himself out if he had any hopes of getting his badge back. He could be a brokenhearted lovesick fool later, he needed to focus on this first. He scanned the statement that Phil Rodiger had given to the police, his eyes pausing when he came across a small detail. He reached for his camera and flipped through the pictures he had taken last night. Huh, this could be something.

But his thoughts were interrupted by a knock on his door. And for a quick second, his heart leapt, thinking it was Erin on the other side. But his hopes were dashed when instead of the hazel eyes of Erin's greeting him, it was Al's. If the older man noticed the flash of disappointment that came across Jay's face, he didn't comment on it. Instead Al just made his way into his small place, saying something about how Jay shouldn't be drinking alone.

Jay handed him a glass of the wine that Al brought over, pouring one for himself. He needed a drink. If there was ever a day that called for a drink, it was a day where he was being accused of murder, got his badge stripped and realized that the girl he was falling for had no faith in him.

"What? Were you raised in a trailer park?" Al asked, holding up the glass.

Jay leaned against his kitchen doorway, shrugging. "Works the same right?" Al just shrugged, taking a sip of the liquor.

Al just took a sip, both of them sharing a small chuckle. Liquor was liquor and sometime that was enough.

"You know, I've had my piece and my badge taken away from me before," Al revealed. "It's the worst feeling in the world."

"Was it the Browning thing?" Erin had filled him in on what she knew about Browning. Jay knew Al and Voight were tight and that they went way back. But as he stood, studying the older man, he couldn't help but think how different Al and Voight were. They both had done things that were unsavory to say the least and had blood on their hands.

"Well, no one expected us to deliver him that night so we decided not to deliver him at all," Al said, making it clear that he, Voight and Jimmy had taken justice in their own hands when it came to Browning.

"Did Voight make you do it?" Jay questioned. He could certainly see that happening. Voight barking out orders, trying to convince Al that his brand of justice was needed.

"No one made anyone do anything that night," Al replied, looking at Jay like he'd understand if Jay had killed Lonnie.

"I didn't kill Lonnie," Jay stressed, wanting to make it clear that he was innocent. He wasn't like Voight.

"Hey," Al waved him off. "No sweat."

"Can I run something by you?" Jay picked up the file he had hidden on the couch. He knew he was taking a risk with this, letting Al in on the fact that he had somehow obtained the homicide file, knowing that it wouldn't take much for Al to run to Voight and tell him. But for some inexplicable reason, Jay trusted Al and knew that the older man would keep his secret. And let's face it, Jay needed all the help he could get.

"Sure."

"So Phil Rodiger gave his statement and he said that his son never came home that night,but I know he did." Jay remembered following Lonnie into his neighborhood and watching as the pedo climbed up the steps to his house. It took everything he had not to follow him up those steps, knowing that Lonnie had been out hunting for his next victims.

"So what are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking if Phil lied about this, then who knows what else is he lying about?"

A couple of hours later, Jay was exhausted and he knew that Al was too. He stretched his body out, yawning.

"Alright, I'm gonna get going," Al said, getting the hint. He stood up and headed for the door. "Just be careful when you confront Phil tomorrow," Al advised.

"Yeah," Jay agreed.

Al opened the door, ready to leave but he turned back. "Also, you might want to think about giving your partner a call." Jay bristled at Al bringing up Erin.

"Uh…" Jay stammered.

Al gave him a knowing look and for a second, Jay wondered just how much Al knew about him and Erin. Al reached over and squeezed Jay's shoulders. "She's been trying to reach you all day right?" Jay nodded, wondering just how Al knew. "She's worried."

Jay sighed, avoiding Al's gaze. "I don't…"

"Voight's keeping her on a pretty tight leash," Al continued, keeping his tone casual. "You know Voight. He's overprotective of Erin." Jay could only scoff. He didn't know if Voight wasa keeping Erin on a tight leash because he was overprotective or just because it was Jay and he didn't want Erin anywhere near him. But even though he didn't want to admit it, he understood where Voight was coming from. He had his own overprotective streak and that was the biggest reason why he had been ignoring Erin all day and hadn't reached out to her. This was his mess and just because he had gotten a lead, it didn't mean everything was peachy. He knew just how much the job meant to Erin and he'd hate himself if he'd ever jeopardized it for her. Maybe when all this was over, they could talk and clear the air.

"I think it's a good idea for me to keep my distance." Al quirked his eyebrows. "I….I don't want to bring her into this. Not until it's completely over." Al squeezed his shoulder again, nodding to let him know he understood Jay's intentions. "Night." Jay watched as Al left.

Jay closed the door, exhausted. Even though, he'd be sleeping alone tonight, he'd hoped that sleep would come easier for him. After all, he had a big day tomorrow.


Erin slammed her drawer shut. "Where the hell is damn grenade?" she mumbled under her breath, catching Sumner's attention. Erin explained to her how it was a paperweight and a gift from her Academy graduation.

She was annoyed and angry. She had half a mind to go over to Jay's place and bang on the door until he opened up. Just so she knew he was okay because he was obviously ignoring her calls and messages. She knew he was angry and hurt but seriously, he should've known that she'd be worried.

"Al!" she gasped, almost having a run-in with the older detective as she made her way to the locker room.

"Calling it a night?" Al asked. Erin nodded, tiredness showing on her face. She turned back to leave but Al's words stopped her. "He's okay." Erin whipped her head around to stare at Al. "your partner, he's fine," Al repeated.

"I…" Erin swallowed. "He's fine?" she asked when her voice was more steady.

"He got a lead." Erin let out a breath of relief. At least it was something.

"Good," Erin smiled, thanking Al. Now she could go home with a little bit less worry in her chest.

"The file you got him really helped," Al's words got her stuttering, her eyes widened with panic at just how he knew that it was her that got the file for him. Al came closer, holding his hand up. "Don't worry, I know how to keep a secret."

And just like that the detective turned and left, leaving Erin with her heart beating out of her chest behind.


The whole thing was a damn tragedy. That was the conclusion Jay had come to as he confronted Phil Rodiger, watching the man break down as he admitted to killing his son. Lonnie was sick and definitely deserved punishment. Jay certainly wasn't mourning the sicko's death but he certainly wasn't rejoicing in his parent's pain. He just wished the whole damn tragedy never happened. That Ben was still alive and Lonnie was getting the help he needed.

He brought Phil to the district, the latter ready to give a formal statement. Jay climbed up the stairs to the bullpen and immediately his eyes connected with Erin. She stood up from her desk as soon as she saw him, relief filling her eyes.

"Jay!" she made her way over to him, her hands reaching out like she wanted to hold him but she stopped herself, her eyes glancing over to Adam to see if he noticed. But of course, Adam remained clueless as always, not noticing the tension between the two partners.

"This is Phil Rodgier," Jay said, pointing to Phil. "He wants to give a statement about Lonnie's homicide." He wetted his lips. "Can you...can you take his statement?" Despite everything, he still trusted Erin and she was the one he wanted handling the case.

"Yeah, of course." She nodded, like she was surprised that he had came to her with this. "Um, follow me."

Jay watched from the observation room as Phil gave Erin his statement, confessing to killing Lonnie and pretty much letting Jay off the hook. Erin was being Erin as always, empathetic to Phil's pain despite everything. She had such a big heart. It just hurt that she just didn't seem to have any room in her heart for Jay. At least not in the way he wanted.

Just like sudden as it started, his nightmare was over just as quickly. Phil's statement was enough to stop the IA from investigating him and Jay had gotten his badge back.

Despite Voight's platitude as he handed Jay's badge back over to him, Jay wondered just how much Voight was hating Jay returning to Intelligence and Voight missing out on the chance to get Jay out of his unit. But Jay had his badge back and that was a win.

He felt Erin's presence next to him, like she couldn't be apart from him. Jay wanted to pull her into his arms and just have her hold him up as he break down in relief that the whole ordeal was over. But he just restrained himself, heading out of the bullpen, ignoring the heat he felt when she patted his shoulder.

"Hey we should get a drink to celebrate!" Adam spoke out.

"That's okay. I got somewhere I got to be," Jay replied, glancing back at Erin and found her questioning eyes at where he was going. But he knew he wasn't up for celebrating tonight. He wasn't up for putting up a fake happy smile, pretending like everything was fine as he sat across from Erin at Molly's. He needed time.


Jay took a sip out of the paper bag, the 40 oz can hidden inside, as he bent over Ben Corson's grave.

"It's over Ben," he spoke, his voice being carried along with the cold wind of the night. "He's gone. You can rest in peace now." His finger trailed the tombstone. Despite Lonnie finally getting some kind of punishment, it didn't really change anything. Sure, Lonnie couldn't hurt another child anymore but Ben was still dead. But Jay knew he should take whatever small victory he could get.

Suddenly he felt it hit him like a ton of bricks. Everything that he had been carrying about this case, the whole ordeal of the past two days came crashing down on him like tidal waves and he fell apart, snow falling down on his head. He tried to take a breath in but couldn't, his knees too weak to hold him up as he fell onto the snow covered ground. There was only one person who he wanted to reach out to. There was only one person who could take away this pain and replace with something sweeter. He was tired. Exhausted, really. He just wanted to be in Erin's arms and let her presence just wash over him.


"What are you doing here?" Erin asked, seeing Severide on the other side of her door. He held up the grenade she had been missing, giving her some line about how it fell in his pocket. It was so terrible and cheesy she couldn't do anything but laugh.

And she needed to laugh. For some reason, she had been expecting Jay to come or at least reach out to her now that the whole Lonnie thing was over. She had been the one that had been reaching out to him all day yesterday and she figured the ball was in his court. But he left the bullpen. He had practically ran out of there and he hadn't called. Erin tried to distract herself with watching t.v, trying not to call Jay. She knew he needed time and space and she didn't want to crowd him. But she couldn't deny the hurt she felt at how easily he could just ignore her.

She sighed, letting Severide continue to flirt with her. The only thing she had running in her mind was that he wasn't Jay. His eyes weren't as blue or as bright. His smile wasn't as mesmerizing nor did it look like it held a secret only he knew like Jay's. The smell of his cologne wasn't as intoxicating as Jay's nor did his closeness make Erin's heart beat out of her chest like drums.

But Severide was…..simple. He didn't come with all the strings attached nor the complications. It could just be a hook up between them and leave it at that. She wouldn't have Voight breathing down her back nor would she have to worry about someone finding out about them. And maybe that was all that she needed right now.

So she didn't fight it when Severide leaned over and kissed her. She kissed him back, trying to lose herself in the kiss and forcing her heart to beat as fast as it did when it was Jay's lips on hers. Maybe if she tried hard enough, she could almost pretend. So she kissed him harder.


Jay stopped in his steps, the wind knocked out of his stomach, as he watched the two figures in the doorway, lips connected, oblivious to the world. To his arrival.

He felt like he was being stabbed all over as he watched Erin and Severide making out. He was an idiot. He should've expected this really. He knew from that night at Molly's that Severide was interested in Erin. She had brushed him off then but clearly she was just as interested, considering she was pulling the firefighter closer to her.

He wanted to go over, pull the guy off of her but what right did he have? She had made it more than clear that she didn't have feelings for him like that. That she saw him as nothing more than just a fuck buddy, good for sex and nothing else. He could try to be in denial, pretend that it didn't hurt and ignore that ache in his heart but it was the truth.

Erin was never his. Not really.

So he did the only thing he could do. Turn around and walk away, trying to ignore the crushing weight in his chest at realizing he was alone in his feelings. Like a fool.


AN: I'm sorry! But I just love angst. And Severide has to come into the picture eventually right?

So rewatching the episode while I wrote the chapter, I have some thoughts on Severide/Erin relationship. I get that the writers probably put the two together to bridge the show somehow but gosh, what a mistake it was. Not because I don't like Severide or anything. He's fine. But the writers just half-assed the whole relationship and just kinda brought them together with no build-up and just as quickly after, they were done. I know that it was probably hard to give them screentime as a couple since they were on two different shows but there was almost pointless. Especially if Linseride was ever going to have a chance against Linstead. Like did the writers ever thought that people would prefer Linseride when Linstead had a much better chemistry and connection? Like at least give it a worthy opponent.

Anyway, that was my whole rant of Linseride which can be boiled down to one word- eh.