Chapter 7
To say things with Jay had been awkward would be the understatement of the year. They tried their hardest to remain professional when they were at work, especially in front of Voight's watchful eyes; but outside of work, they were practically strangers. Erin wasn't sure if other guys had picked up on the change in their relationship and that they never accepted the offer to hang out if the other person had accepted. She thought she saw a couple of strange looks thrown her and Jay's way by Al but she tried not to pay it too much attention. Al was Voight's closest friend and despite the older man's tendencies to stay out of people's business, Erin couldn't help but think that he knew entirely too much. She didn't even want to think about the possibility of Al reporting back to Voight about whatever he thought was going on between her and Jay, even if it wasn't part of his personality. But he was entirely too loyal to Voight.
Not that there was anything going on. At least not anymore. Not since she had pretty much pulled the rug out from under Jay last week. But what the hell was Jay thinking? He had actually wanted to tell Voight straightaway about them and she had been struck with panic at that idea. She couldn't even picture it. Like she and Jay could sit down in front of Voight in his office with their hands laced together to ask for his blessing for them to be together and not expect Voight to go crazy with anger at them for breaking his rules. The idea of Voight being fine with her and Jay dating while they were both in his unit seemed like a pipe dream, even if Jay and Voight had somewhat of a decent relationship. But that couldn't have been further from the truth. She didn't fully understand the disdain and tension that Voight and Jay had with each other but she wasn't keen to be another source of problem for both of them.
She entered the locker room to grab her things. They were done for the night and she had plans with Kelly.
Kelly Severide.
She ignored the feeling that appeared in the pit of her stomach whenever she thought of Kelly. He was a good guy— good looking and nice and he seemed to share her feelings when it came to casual relationships and its benefits. Maybe under different circumstances, she and Kelly could be something. Maybe in a world where she didn't have complicated feelings for her partner. Her life sure would be easier if that was the case and she sure wouldn't be going out with Kelly with hopes that he could be enough of a distraction for her to completely forget about Jay.
She stopped in her steps when she heard Jay and Adam talking in the lockers. She debated going in, not wanting another awkward run-in with Jay in a small space. Especially if Ruzek was there. Not that the guy was real perceptive but she didn't want to risk it. But her decision seemed to have been made for her when she overheard them talk about their plans for the night.
"That's what I'll be doing. Dinner with the old ball and chain," she heard Ruzek say to Jay.
"A piece of advice Ruzek. If you actually want to make it down the aisle, don't call your fiance the old ball and chain." She nodded to herself, agreeing with Jay. The idea of Ruzek getting married still seemed ridiculous to Erin. She liked Ruzek in that little annoying brother way but she couldn't see him as a married man. But that wasn't her business.
"Yeah sure. I'll take relationship advice from a single guy," Adam shot back at Jay. "So what are your big plans for tonight? You finally managed to convince a girl to go out with you?"
She heard Jay mutter a few cuss words at Adam for his remark before telling him his plan for the night. "Just dinner with Ally."
"Ally? Isn't that the same girl you went out with last night too?" Adam asked. "Ah, things are getting serious with you two? Halstead, did you finally snag yourself a girlfriend?" Adam sounded amused at the thought of Jay getting a girlfriend while Erin stood paralyzed, feeling anything but. She knew it was ridiculous— even unfair— for her to feel any type of jealousy at the idea of Jay and Ally. She didn't even want to entertain the hint of betrayal she felt at Jay going out with another girl because she didn't have the right to. She'd be the world's biggest hypocrite if she did when she was the one that hurt him and was going out with Kelly or whatever the hell they were doing.
"I told you we're just friends," she heard Jay say and she couldn't deny the feeling of relief that passed through at her, hoping that he was being truthful and not just trying to get Adam off his back. "Besides, her family is going to be there."
"So you're meeting her family then! Getting that serious huh?" She rolled her eyes at the joke, suddenly getting the urge to smack Ruzek over the head for pushing Jay and Ally together. He didn't know the whole story about Jay and the Corsons.
"Sure. We're just days of eloping," Jay sassed before slamming his locker closed, indicating he was done with whatever he was doing in there. Erin knew she needed to leave before Jay found her eavesdropping on his conversation with Ruzek so she turned around and scurried off, not bothering to get her things she needed from her locker.
"Another beer?" No reply. "Erin?" Kelly tapped his finger on the table to get Erin's attention. She quickly shook her head out of her thoughts and tried to smile at him.
"I'm sorry. What did you say?"
"I asked you if you wanted another beer?" Kelly asked her, his eyes watching her with worry. She shook her head at the offer, wanting to stay sober. She definitely didn't want a repeat of what happened the last time she got drunk. Not only because she didn't want to somehow end up at Jay's door and hurt him again but because she was pretty sure Jay would slam the door in her face and toss her out of the streets this time.
"I'm good." She gave Kelly a tight smile.
"Are you okay? You seem distracted."
"Yeah, I'm fine," she said, trying to sound convincing. She felt bad. Here she was, out with Kelly, and her mind couldn't stop thinking about Jay. What he was doing right now. Who he was with. She couldn't stop imagining Jay with Ally. She had seen his high school sweetheart once before when she came to visit Jay at the station and she was certainly pretty. It was obvious even then that she and Jay had a long history and from the little that Jay had told her about his relationship with the Corsons, she knew they had long and complicated ties with each other.
She could just imagine in her head of Jay and the Corsons sitting around the dining table, talking and laughing. Jay and Ally reminiscing about their old relationship while her parents looked on happily, approving of them and cheering for their reunion. She could see them being so picture perfect that it made her ill. Especially when she could picture the totally opposite when it came to her and Jay...and Voight.
"You sure?" She met Kelly's eyes and saw the genuine concern in them. Guilt rose in her stomach again. She didn't even know what the hell she was doing anymore.
"Yeah. I'm good."
"I know that we're taking things slow and keeping things pressure free but you can talk to me about things that are on your mind. You know that right?" She nodded, giving Kelly a smile. He was being sweet and caring while she was too busy thinking about Jay.
"Thank you Kelly. Really." She reached across the table and placed her hand over his. Kelly turned his hand over to lace their fingers together and gave her a killer smile across the table. She just wished with everything she had that she could get lost in his blue eyes completely and not wish that it was Jay looking back at her.
"She'll be okay, Erin." Erin stopped her fingers tapping on the steering wheel and turned her head to look at Jay.
"Yeah, maybe." She couldn't help but be worried about what they were doing. Burgess was still green at the whole undercover thing and she and Nadia were pretty much going in blind as undercover call girls since the wire wasn't working. She felt responsible for Nadia and if something happened to her because she was trying to make amends to Erin, Erin knew she'd never forgive herself.
She could still see Jay looking at her from the side of her eyes. This short conversation was pretty much the most they've talked in over a week.
"It should be me in there," Erin muttered as they sat in the car, waiting for Kim's call that she had eyes on Rolo Ramirez. "They're too dangerous and Burgess is too green. If she or Nadia get hurt in there..."
"Hey," Jay called, Erin's eyes still on the house that Kim and Nadia went into. "Hey Erin, look at me." She slowly turned her head to meet his eyes. "They're going to be fine. I know you're worried but they'll be okay." She nodded, letting his words comfort her. Even after everything that had happened between them, he was still there for her when she needed him. She was about to reply, thanking him for calming her down and still being there for her, when they got the signal they'd been waiting for. The thank you went unspoken as they quickly exited the car and made entrance into the house, ready to arrest Rolo and his friends.
In the frenzy of trying to stop the guys in the house from escaping and Erin trying to make sure Nadia was okay, she lost sight of Jay and what he was doing. Nadia had to take a line of coke to keep her and Kim's cover and Erin found the girl shaking and trembling in the corner. Erin knew that her focus had to be on making sure Nadia was alright.
She had taken Nadia to the hospital for a quick check-up to make sure she was alright and afterwards, she had driven her to the rehab center that Erin had taken her to before. Only this time, Erin had gotten out of the car and had walked in with Nadia, making sure that the girl had actually made it in. She couldn't stay long, the person at the center reassured Erin that Nadia was in good hands, so with a hug and a promise to be there for her, Erin had left and made her way back to the station. She didn't know what happened at the crime scene after she left or whether they even caught Gustav Munoz after he had run away from the house.
The bullpen was empty when she went up the steps, even Voight's office was closed. She took that as good news that they wrapped up the case and made her way into the locker room to get her things that she didn't take the day before. She was expecting the locker room to be empty too so she certainly wasn't expecting to find Jay still there.
She also certainly wasn't expecting to find him in such a state.
Her eyes widened in horror when she saw the corner of his lips all cut up and a huge bruise right underneath his eye. He looked like he went ten rounds in the boxing ring and came out a loser. He looked terrible.
"What happened?" she gasped as she rushed over to where he was standing by the sink. "Are you okay?"
Jay winced as he moved his jaw back and forth but he nodded all the same. Erin shot him a disbelief look at his answer, not believing him for a second. He certainly wasn't okay but she knew Jay and how much he hated to look weak in front of others. She turned him around by his shoulders so she was looking at him, her eyes taking in his injuries. He tried to squirm away, not wanting her to get a good look, but she held him down.
"You need to ice your lips," she told him, ignoring his protests of not needing it. She left the locker room in search of ice and when she returned a few minutes later with an ice pack in her hands, he was still trying to protest that he didn't need it.
"I'm serious, Erin. I'm fine." She rolled her eyes and pulled him so he was sitting down on the bench. Then gently, she placed the ice pack on his lips, Jay wincing at the sudden coldness. "It's not necessary," he mumbled, even with the ice pack on his face.
"Shut up," she chided him, holding the ice pack to his face. She brought her other hand around the back of his head and pressed the ice pack closer. He mumbled something incoherent but she just ignored him again. "Will you just shut up please? And just let me do this for you?"
He sighed, giving in and he remained quiet as they sat on the bench, Erin icing his cuts. She tried to ignore how it felt to be this close to him again. She missed him, that was obvious. It didn't feel right to not hear his smartass remarks that made her laugh, not see his mischievous grins that should've really annoyed her more than they did, and it didn't feel right to not have him by her side at all times. She just wanted things to return to normal and maybe she was the one who needed to make the first step for it to happen.
"Jeez Halstead, one time I'm not watching your 6 and this happens," she joked, hoping to break the tension and have things go back to where they were. "Face it, you need me."
His eyes met hers and his mouth parted like he had something to say. She waited to hear what it was but he closed his mouth. Before she could ask, his face softened and he gave her a small smile as best he could manage. "Yeah, I guess I do."
They held each other's gaze, Erin's hands still holding the ice pack on his face. Before she could say anything more, her phone buzzed.
"You should get it," Jay told her as he shifted backward, breaking her hold on his head and breaking the moment. She pulled the phone out of her pocket with one hand and checked who the message was from. Jay didn't need to ask who was the one that interrupted their moment, the way Erin had quickly shut the phone off and shoved the object back in her pocket made it clear that it was the firefighter that had interrupted them. "You should reply back. You don't want to keep the firefighter waiting."
Erin looked like she had been slapped in the face by his comment. She stammered through her words, not knowing what to say. It had been Kelly who had texted her, wondering what she was doing and if she was free for a late bite. She tried to keep the fact that it was Kelly away from Jay but he knew. He was always able to read her so easily.
"It's fine," she dismissed him, wanting to change the topic. She tried to hold the back of Jay's head again but he moved his head out of her hold. And she knew right away that Jay was pulling away again, closing himself off from her. He took the ice pack from her, causing her hand to fall away from his face. He was putting the distance between them again, the earlier moment between them gone the second Kelly's text came through.
"If you need to go, it's fine Erin." He tried to sound unattached and aloof, like he was totally fine with Erin meeting up with Severide.
"Jay," she started, wanting to take the ice pack back from Jay so she was the one holding it to his face. She wanted to be the one that nursed his wounds and to be the one that took care of him.
"How's the fireman anyway?" Erin didn't think he'd cared one way or the other. But they could no longer ignore the Severide-shaped elephant in the room.
"Good," she replied. If he was going to ask, then she might as well give him an answer. "We're taking things slow." He just nodded and Erin tried to not notice the way his breathing had sharpened. The silence stretched on and Erin didn't know what else to say. She knew it was a better idea to just leave him then and go with Kelly but she couldn't find it in herself to get up. Instead, she slowly reached out to him again, gently taking the ice pack from his grasp and held it for him. She let out the breath she was holding when he didn't move away this time, letting her help him.
"Better?" she asked and he gave a small nod in reply. She couldn't help herself and she slowly brushed her fingers through his hair before letting them travel down to his face, softly stroking his jaw just over the cuts. His stormy eyes were regarding her carefully, watching her every move. Her touch lingered on the cut just below his lips and she couldn't help but think how nothing should mar his beautiful face. She didn't even notice she was leaning into him— or rather they were leaning into each other— the distance between their faces closing, until her lips were just about to touch his. Her eyes closed involuntarily, almost as if they were in anticipation of the moment that was about to happen. She felt his warm breath on her face, her heart thudding against her chest as she waited to finally taste him again.
But the sharp gasp from him had stopped the moment and she felt a breeze brush over her face when he suddenly pulled his head back. Her eyes snapped open at the abrupt stop and she saw him stumbling back in his seat, away from her.
"Jay?" she began hesitantly, wondering what caused his sudden change.
He clenched his eyes shut, teeth grinding against each other. He looked like he was in agony and his fists were turning white from the way he was clenching them.
"You can't do this to me," he gritted out, sounding tortured.
"What?" she asked, confused. She thought they both wanted it. She was sure they were both leaning in, about to kiss each other.
He stood up suddenly and started pacing back and forth in the locker room, his hands cocked on his hips. "You can't do this to me," he repeated. "Again!"
"Do what, Jay?"
"You can't just jerk me around,Erin!" he exclaimed, standing in front of her. Her eyes narrowed in confusion. She wasn't jerking him around, was she?
"I'm not!" she tried to defend herself. She knew she fucked up when it came to him but she wasn't cruel enough to hurt him intentionally or jerk him around like he was accusing her.
"Then what do you call this?! You're dating Kelly when you can't even give us a chance yet you're here trying to kiss me? I'm not someone that you can pay attention to when you're bored or when things are going the way you want with the fireman!"
"That is not what I'm doing," Erin retorted back, her own anger growing at the accusations Jay was throwing in her face.
"Then what is this? Why are you here, Erin?" he asked, waving his hand between them. He was panting hard now, his anger turning his face red as he waited for her answer.
"Because I care about you," she answered honestly. He scoffed at her answer and she fumed. "You don't believe me that I care about you?" she demanded, standing up to match his height.
"I just think you have a funny way of showing it, that's all." Jay shrugged, dismissing her. She wanted to throttle him. He always knew how to push her buttons and how to get her blood boiling. God! He frustrated her to no ends, his stubbornness matching her own and all she wanted to do was push him against the lockers and kiss him. Just take all of their anger and let them collide until they explode and burn.
Jay sighed, dejectedly and the way his shoulders fell got Erin's attention. Suddenly, Jay was no longer angry. He just seemed tired and done. She frowned, wondering why his demeanor suddenly changed.
"I can't do this anymore, Erin." Hearing the dejection in his voice stabbed her heart. "You can't keep doing this to me. I can't…" She parted her mouth, wanting to say something to fix the situation but he held his hand up, stopping her. "I told you it's all or nothing so unless you're ready to give me everything, I think it's better we keep our distance." She was paralyzed in place, her mouth still open but no words came out. He took a step towards her and looked at her, his blue eyes begging her to give him the answer he wanted to hear. That she was ready. But the words wouldn't come out of her mouth and she saw the lights dimmed out of his eyes and his lips curled in a sad smile— like he was expecting her answer. "I got my answer then." With one heartbreaking half smile, Jay shook his head slightly and walked out of the locker room.
It wasn't like anything they had ever seen or ever wanted to see. It was supposed to be a normal day but by the time the clock struck 8:00, it became clear that there would be nothing normal about today.
The scene that they arrived onto was chaotic. Erin couldn't take her eyes off of the building that used to be Chicago Med. Perhaps it was a good thing because it kept her eyes off of the blood and what she could only assume was body parts that were on the ground. She didn't even want to think of someone's toes or fingers being tossed on the ground after the person was caught in the bomb explosion. The stern faces on her team showed just how determined they were to catch the animals that did this. The animals that thought it was okay to blow up the place where people felt safe, where people came to get medical help.
"Hey," she greeted Kelly who was taking a break, soot covering his face. He was gulping down water like he had been stuck in the desert for a year. He tilted his head, greeting her back.
"You guys know who did this?" Kelly asked her. Erin shook her head, telling him that they had just gotten there. But she offered him a solid hand on his shoulder, an unspoken promise that they wouldn't stop until they caught whoever did this. With one last smile, she made her way inside the hospital.
Erin felt like she was everywhere in the hospital or what was left of it, trying to interview and get information from as many people as she could. Most of the information was useless but her stomach dropped when she heard about Burgess and her niece. She didn't want to be the one to tell the team the bad news but they practically considered Burgess an honorary member of the team at this point and she knew everyone would want to be there to give her support.
They found Burgess sitting by her lonesome in a waiting room and as soon as Erin entered, she squeezed her shoulder, telling her that she was there. She saw Adam pull Burgess into a tight hug and Erin saw how Voight's eagle eyes immediately zoomed into the display of affection between the two. He really didn't miss anything. It was hard for her to stand there and listen to Burgess talking about ruptured livers and donors when the victim was just nine years old.
"We're going to ask for forgiveness instead of permission today. You understand that?" Voight spoke to the group, everyone nodding in agreement. "We're not slowing down for anything." With that and an agreement among the group that they would do whatever it took to catch the guys, they left to chase the lead that Jin had given them.
Erin rode with Voight just like she had been doing whenever she got the chance lately. After the way they had left things in the locker room, spending any time with Jay in the small space of the 300 didn't seem appealing to Erin. If Voight had any questions about why Erin was suddenly keen to ride with him, he didn't voice them. Erin shook her head and went back to looking at the information Jin was sending to her iPad. They had bigger things to worry about than her fractured partnership with Jay.
"Whoa, whoa, wait a second. Go back," Al instructed Jin as the latter scrolled through different pictures of the associates Paul Watts had contact with on the anti-government website. It was the best lead they had so far. "That's him. That's the guy."
"What guy?"
"The guy that told me that he saw two dark skinned guys in sunglasses leaving the scene. That's the guy. He's here."
They all exchanged looks with each other before going in search for this Pat Vaughn. The guy who had given Al false information, hoping to send the authorities off the track in their investigation. They all headed to his room and found it empty, the guy already being discharged.
"We got to stop him before he gets outside," Al said as they continued their search. Erin walked as fast as she could, keeping the image of the guy in her head, and searched for him. She turned the corner and stopped as she spotted him, talking to a nurse.
"Found him," she spoke into her radio, telling them the location and waited for her team to arrive. Jay had arrived first and she gestured with her head to where Pat Vaughn was. A few seconds later, the rest of her team arrived. "We need to stop him before he leaves."
Voight nodded, gesturing Erin to approach the guy. She tried to catch Jay's eyes, hoping that he would go with her and be her backup but he wasn't meeting her eyes. Not that it was surprising for the past couple of days. She sighed, not wanting to make a big deal of it in front of people. Instead, she asked for Al to be her back-up, especially since he had talked to the guy before.
They slowly walked over to Pat, overhearing him say some bullshit to the nurse.
"Pat Vaughn?" Erin called his name, the blonde man turning his head.
"Yeah?"
"Would you mind coming with us for a few minutes?" Erin asked, trying to keep her voice calm and collected. They didn't want to give away the fact that they were onto him.
"I just checked out," Pat replied.
"Just for a few minutes. We just have a few follow-up questions," Erin returned back, hoping that the guy would cooperate before they had to make him come. Either way, they were going to get their chance to talk to him.
"Of course," Pat nodded, smiling. Erin moved in to lead him but Pat had a plan of his own. She had no idea how he got the knife out of his pocket that fast but before she knew it, he had her in his grip, a knife on her throat. Her team clamored, shouting at him, ordering him to let her go. Her hands were around her back, Pat gripping them, and she couldn't move. Not unless she wanted to slit her own throat with the knife on her neck.
She noticed Jay immediately took his gun out, pointing it at Pat, ready to shoot if need be. She was struggling against Pat, hoping that she could somehow shake the guy loose. Jay still had his gun pointed, slowly taking a step forward for every step Pat was dragging them back.
"Take it easy," she heard Voight say but she couldn't really process the exchange Voight was having with the guy. She was too busy trying not to panic herself and trying to get herself away. She winced when Pat put more pressure on the knife, feeling the weapon press against her neck.
"I've got nothing to lose," Pat spat, pulling Erin backward like he was ready to use her as a shield until they made their way outside. She saw Voight tried to negotiate with him some more, telling him that there was no way they were going to let him walk out of here with her.
"I've got no problem slitting a throat, especially a cop's!" Pat threatened and Erin knew he was serious about it when he pressed the knife harder against her. She tried not to panic even more but it was hard when a guy had her by the throat, literally.
She met Jay's eyes as he stood behind Voight, his gun still drawn. But his eyes were on hers, not veering away like they were glued onto her. She tried not to show fear in her eyes but she knew he saw it all the same. She kept her eyes on Jay, not wanting to look elsewhere except the blues of his eyes that were trying to calm her down. But she saw the fear in them that he was trying to hide from her.
Pat pulled her to the side, turning them around and breaking her eye contact with Jay's. Then everything happened so fast after that. Mills and Cruz came to her rescue as they caught Pat by surprise and she got one good shot into Pat's nose and she scrambled away from him. She took a deep breath in, being able to breath now that he didn't have a tight grip on her.
She heard Voight whispered to Al about needing a room before they dragged Pat away, to do god know what. But Erin didn't really care much whether or not they would follow protocol. The guy had it coming anyway. In the frenzy of Pat shouting how he needed a doctor and Voight and Al dragging him away— Antonio and Adam following— it gave the perfect opportunity for Jay to pull Erin into one of the empty booth, Jay shutting the curtains.
"Are you okay?" he asked her, his hands coming up and patting her down like he was looking for where she was wounded. He sounded frantic, worried and almost angry.
"I'm fine, Jay." She tried to keep her voice calm because she knew if she didn't, Jay would go off the rails even more. He was breathing hard, his hands squeezing her shoulders, and he finally met her eyes. She softened as soon as she saw the storm that was brewing in them— full of fear and worry. He cared. Clearly. His fingers came to her neck and she couldn't help but wince at the touch on the sensitive spot. He stilled, the storm in his eyes growing larger at her show of pain. "It's okay," she said, trying to comfort him. "Really, I'm fine." Her hands came up to meet his— one on her neck and the other on her shoulder and she squeezed his hands to make sure he heard her.
He exhaled and shook his head softly. He deflated, the tension and fear in his body gone at her making sure he knew that she was completely fine. A little shaken but she would live.
"I'm sorry." She frowned at his apology, wondering why he was giving her one. "I should've been there to back you up." He sounded so small, guilt loud and clear in his tone. She didn't want Jay to beat himself for it.
"It's okay." She gave him a small smile. She wasn't mad. "There was nothing you could've done. We didn't know he was armed."
"Still," he tsked, angry with himself. She didn't like him blaming himself for something that was out of his control. Besides, she was completely fine. "I'm your partner. I should've been your back-up. Not Al."
She kept quiet, not knowing what to say to comfort him. So she just kept her touch on his hand, his thumb still brushing against her neck.
"We can't have this happen again." She frowned, wondering what he was talking about. "Whatever happens between us, it can't spill into our partnership." She nodded, completely agreeing with him. "I can't…..I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I let something happened to you because I can't keep my feelings separated." He clenched his jaw before he continued. "We're partners. We'll have each other's back. No matter what."
Erin nodded. "No matter what."
If having a knife to her throat was what it took for her partnership with Jay to go somewhat back to normal, she'd take the deal all day long. Not that she would Jay tell that. He'd probably yell at her for being reckless and she had scared him enough today. Erin knew Jay wasn't completely over the incident yet, his eyes looking over her every few minutes, checking to see if she was hurt. Even though, she had reassured him probably twenty times by now that she was completely fine, he still didn't seem convinced. He had tried to get a doctor to help and check her out— pretty much hunting an available doctor down and demanding that Erin be the next patient the doctor sees— but she had refused, not wanting to take up precious resources from the people that actually needed the medical attention. Especially since she was completely okay— only a few faint red lines on her neck that showed what she went through. Erin hated being fussed over, even if it was by Jay.
What she did love was this— her and Jay working flawlessly together again as they chased down Powell. It felt normal to kick ass with Jay— to have his back as he had hers. For the first time in weeks, she felt her world right itself.
They exchanged goofy smiles as they stood in the streets, exchanging small talks. She knew that he was feeling the same towards her. They were maybe getting back to normal. Before high school reunion and possibility of one day. Before they gave into each other. Before growing feelings and hurt rejections. She wanted to stay in this bubble for as long as she could. But she saw Jay moved away, his eyes looking somewhere back of her. She turned to find Voight coming up to them and she felt Jay leave before she could stop him. She tried not to look disappointed as Voight stood in front of her, telling her that she did a good job. She gave him a smile and a high-five, taking in the rare moment where Voight showed his approval.
They sat in the waiting room of the hospital in complete silence. Even though they had caught who was responsible for the bombing, there was still the matter of Burgess' niece and the surgery the little girl was going through. They were there as a show of support, to let Burgess know that she wasn't alone. She had Intelligence standing behind her.
Jay tried to sit still as they waited for news. After everything that had happened today and after all the running around, he just felt exhausted now that the action had died down. He was still trying to get over what had happened earlier with Erin. He couldn't forget how his blood ran cold as soon as he saw Pat take Erin into his grasp and held a knife to her throat. Jay was ready to shoot the bastard, rip his head off for even daring to threaten Erin. He turned his head to where Erin was sitting next to him and he resisted the urge to hold her hands, even just to feel that she was there next to him.
The door opened and everyone's heads turned, hoping that it'd be the doctor with the news about Zoey. But it was just Severide helping a woman. Jay tried not to let his feelings show on his face at the firefighter's appearance, especially when Severide came up to Erin and knelt down next to her. Jay squashed his jealousy down, giving Severide a small nod in greeting. It wasn't the firefighter's problem that Jay was heads over heels for Erin and couldn't stop caring about her. It wasn't his problem that Erin didn't want anything resembling a relationship with him. It was Jay's own problem and he would just have to deal.
After the doctor gave them the good news about Burgess' niece, Jay had left quickly, not wanting to be around Erin and Severide together any longer than he needed to be. He felt Erin's eyes on his back as he walked away but he forced himself not to turn around as he made his way out of the hospital.
He couldn't stay around to watch.
He heard the knocks on his door and Jay reluctantly left the comfort of his couch as he stumbled towards where the sound was coming from. He didn't know who it could've been on the other side but he certainly wasn't expecting to find Erin, standing.
"What are you doing here?" he asked her, confused at why she was there at his door when he thought she was spending the night with Severide.
Erin shrugged. "Can I come in?" He stepped aside, letting her in and he closed the door, his eyes following her as they made their way inside. She turned around and crossed her arms, giving him a small smile.
"Are you okay?" he asked her, wondering if she was hurt or if something had happened to her for her to show up at his door.
"Yeah." She didn't sound convincing and he stepped towards her, really looking at her. "I...I just..I thought we needed to talk." He frowned but agreed all the same, as he followed her to sit down on the couch.
"Today...crazy day huh?" He scoffed as she stated the obvious.
"What's really on your mind Erin? Because I know you didn't come here to state the obvious." he asked her bluntly. If she was caught off guard by his bluntness, she didn't show it.
"I just wanted to thank you. For taking care of me after what happened." She didn't need to thank him for that. "And for being my partner. It felt good, us working together again. I missed it."
He smiled. "Me too," he stated truthfully. He did miss working with her. They've always worked so well together and he missed the easy partnership they had. He just...he just missed her. Despite their rocky relationship as of late, he knew he didn't want to lose her. He had been so scared when he saw her in danger and he knew then that he'd never forgive himself if he had let her get hurt, just because he was too stubborn and caught up with his own feelings.
"Erin," he shifted so he was facing her. "I'm sorry for how I've been acting lately. I let myself forget about the fact that we're partners first and foremost. If you had gotten hurt today…"
"I'm fine, Jay," she interjected, squeezing his hands.
"Yeah. But you could've. All because I was too stubborn to back you up." He sighed and held her gaze. "But that's not going to happen again. I'll always have your back. I promise."
She smiled, promising him the same. "I'm sorry too."
He nodded. He knew she wasn't ready to give him everything he wanted but the last thing he wanted was to lose her...in any way. So if friendship and partnership were what she could only offer him, then he'd take it gladly. Because Jay could handle seeing her with Severide, no matter how much it hurt. What he wouldn't be able to handle was not have Erin in his life at all.
AN: So they'll be just partners for now but we all know it won't last long.
Fun little fact: the moment in 1x12 when Erin and Jay were sitting together in the waiting room and Severide came in to see Erin and how Jay greeted him was the scene that inspired me to write this fic. Yes, it was such a small moment and I was looking at it through my shipper goggles but i was like 'oh, imagine Jay being jealous!'
