CHAPTER 3

Rick walked across the prison's courtyard with his jacket buttoned up to his throat, his Colt Python revolver strapped to his side, and a shovel on his shoulder. He stopped for a minute to look downhill and watch John and Glenn's group, standing with their makeshift polearms along the fence line, while on the other side of the fence line was a small pile of dead walkers.

How many walkers are in those woods, making their way towards us today? Rick thought worriedly.

Rick shivered, and adjusted the collar of his jacket. I can't be afraid of that. I can't let everyone think I'm afraid of that.

Rick resumed his walk, stepped off the courtyard, and proceeded to walk through the overgrown field. A few moments later, the small cemetery Glenn and the convicts Axel and Oscar built came into view: Glenn had told Rick that he chose this spot for the cemetery because it was out of site from the cellblocks, the gate, and where the group would be planting crops, but Hershel agreed with Glenn because he felt this spot 'Offered a sense of peace from the torment we have to face'.

Rick shook his head in amazement. I don't know how Hershel can still have Faith after all he's lost: his wife, his stepson, his friends and neighbors, his farm. I never really gave much thought about God; the last time I asked for His help was when Sophia was missing, but she was already dead.

Maybe Hershel's stubborn; he thought the walkers were sick so he kept them inside his barn, but it took Shane breaking them out and shooting them down to realize they were dead!

Rick arrived at the cemetery and looked down at one of the crosses. Lori's cross. Rick sighed sadly. Or maybe Hershel isn't stubborn, maybe he's strong.

Rick knelt down before Lori's cross and placed the shovel on the ground beside him; tears of grief ran down his face, and he wiped the tears away, and when he composed himself, looked at Lori's grave.

"Good morning, baby," Rick said softly. "I'm sorry that I haven't paid you a visit these last few days, but it's been busy around here."

The silence from Lori's grave screamed into Rick's ears; he smiled and replied, "Yeah, I hear you loud and clear: 'For a small town cop, you certainly are busy."

Rick glanced around the empty field to be sure John or any of the Woodburians weren't watching him talk to Lori's grave before he resumed their conversation.

"We replaced the gate, Lori. It took a lot of work, but we did it. A few of the men from Woodbury were young and strong enough to help us out. One of them is a foreman named Henry, and he supervised the project. We used the iron doors from the motor pool and rigged a pulley system to open and close them."

Rick stopped talking and remembered the day the new gate was installed was also the day a herd staggered out of the woods and attacked the prison. Rick also remembered Carl fired a gunshot over the heads of Sam and his three cohorts who tried to steal the rifles placed on the courtyard in case of an emergency. Rick knew he couldn't tell Lori that Carl fired a warning shot at people, even if Sam later proved to be a coward waiting for the chance to kill him, so he decided to tell a lie.

"Carl helped too, Lori. He stood guard for us on the courtyard."

Now Rick had to tell Lori about the run to the El Dorado, and this time he knew that he couldn't lie about the beating Carl suffered at the hands of the Japanese gambler Sora Miyaguchi.

"There's more I have to tell you, baby. I…led a group on a run to that new casino outside Atlanta. You know, the one they called 'The El Dorado'. Carl went with us, Lori. He asked to go, and…and I thought he earned it. Carl's a strong boy, Lori. You know that. Carl survived getting shot. He survived the war against the Governor! Besides, I can't…I can't…just lock up in this prison! If I did that, he'd grow weak. I can't let that happen to him, Lori. Carl needs to be strong. He needs to be smart and see how the world is now. He needs to be there for Judith. He needs to be ready for when I—"

Rick stopped talking. He looked at the grey sky, took a deep breath, and looked down at Lori's grave.

"Lori, the other reason why I let Carl come along was that I thought the El Dorado would be empty, but I was wrong. We found a group staying there; most of them were employees who'd been hiding in the casino since the day Atlanta got overrun. I met with their leader; a gambler from Japan named Sora, and I worked out a deal: The El Dorado Group could move into the prison in exchange for all the supplies we could carry. In the morning, we loaded the supplies into our convoy for the trip back, and that's when the El Dorado Group pointed their guns at us.

"We were betrayed, Lori, betrayed by Sam, Floyd, and Juan; they were three Woodburians who went on the run with us. I hated Sam and Floyd because they were cowards, but Juan wasn't like them; he…he was a good man."

Rick stopped talking for a minute and rubbed his hands together slowly.

"Sora was going to kill me, Lori, and then he was going to use Carl as his ticket into the prison. But Daryl had a gun no one saw, and he used it to shoot Floyd right between the eyes. We used the distraction to fight back, Lori, and a few in Sora's group helped us. They're still good people out there, Lori. Not everyone that's made it this far is like Sora or the Governor."

Rick lowered his head, and rubbed his eyes. He had put off telling Lori about Carl's kidnapping for as long as he could, and now it was time to tell her the most agonizing part of his story.

"I…need to tell you something, Lori: Sora…took Carl hostage."

Rick was quiet for a minute and said painfully, "I know, Lori. It's my fault! I should have been watching Carl! I…I thought I made a good deal, but I was wrong like I was wrong about a lot of things.

"Sora…that…that bastard put a samurai sword to Carl's throat, and he…he slapped Carl, too. He took Carl into the casino, and I went after him, but I…couldn't reach him because Sora's lieutenant Harold got in my way. I fought him; damnit was it was a tough fight, but I won. I still wanted Harold to live, but he opted out. Michonne was the one who saved Carl."

Rick smiled. "I haven't told you about Michonne yet, have I, Lori? She's a mysterious woman and she carries a samurai sword. I met her…I met her the day you died.

"Michonne ran after Sora as he dragged Carl deeper into the casino. Michonne rescued Carl, Lori. On the drive back to the prison Carl said Michonne and Sora fought a duel like in one of those Akira Kurosawa movies, and she cut the bastard's head off and left it to Turn."

Rick smiled again and he balled his hands into fists; he wished he'd seen Michonne slaughter Sora, while simultaneously he wished he'd been the one who wielded the blade.

"I…I'm a failure, Lori. I failed to keep you safe. I failed to keep Carl safe."

Rick glanced at the shovel by his side and remembered the other reason he was in this cemetery. "Floyd, Sam, and Juan died at the El Dorado, Lori. No one from the Woodbury group is upset about losing Floyd and Sam, but they're all mourning Juan.

"I…I lied to Juan's wife Marianna; I said that Juan died covering our escape from a herd of walkers, but the truth is Juan aimed a gun at my head and threatened to kill me before Sam turned and bit out a chunk of his neck.

"But Juan wasn't as good as everyone thinks; the night before we were to leave the El Dorado, Juan sneaked off to Sora and got him to break our deal. And Juan betrayed us because he thought I was like the Governor!"

Rick, his legs aching from kneeling so long, sat down on the field. He looked around the field again, and again he saw that he was alone. Rick touched Lori's grave and he sighed wearily.

"Do you remember the night we fled Hershel's farm, and I said "This isn't a democracy anymore"? Well, during a lull in the war, I spoke to the group and I told them it can't be like that. I told them that we are the reason we're still here, not me. I told them I'm not their Governor."

Rick closed his eyes for a moment and exhaled again.

"I've thought about stepping down and letting Daryl and Glenn run things, but then I think about the repairs this prison needs. This place can be a home, Lori. It's like all the pieces to the puzzle are on the table and all I have to do is put them in the right places.

"I have to get back to work, Lori. But before I go, I want to say that I was lucky to meet you. I was lucky to have you for my wife," Rick admitted as tears ran down his face. "Wherever you are in this universe I hope it's someplace safe and beautiful. I hope you're watching over Carl and Judith. Carl and I went back home and he found that picture of the three of us we gave the King County Café! I'll show it to Judith when she gets older. I promise that I'll tell her about you. I love you, Lori."

Rick, having poured his guilt and heart out at Lori's grave, wiped his tears away. Rick picked up the shovel, stood up, and walked over to a clear plot of land. Rick stuck the shovel's blade into the ground and started digging a grave for Juan.