Over in Apartment 4A Sheldon is at his desk, surfing the net for information about random things that had popped into his brain. He loved the way everything was connected, just a few steps from the way blood flowed up the neck of a giraffe to the economics of a canal network to the amount of water that flowed into New York every day and the amount of sewage that flowed out. His disaster sense told him that just a few hours blockage could flood the city, filling the streets with sewage, rats and angry New Yorkers. If he ever went there a flood emergency bag with fishing waders and mace spray would be a good idea.
Penny was lying on the sofa, reading Sheldon's comics. She wore her sweat pants and had 'appropriated' Sheldon's Reddit t-shirt this morning, well she called it 'borrowing' but he loudly protested, claiming it was sex fuelled highway robbery. But a few kisses and a promise not to stretch it out of shape made him smile, as did the fact she wasn't wearing a bra under it. That did puzzle him, why was hidden or partial nudity hotter than full nudity? and why was it a social convention that your girlfriend stole your clothes?
Leonard was sat in his chair, working on his laptop, scratching his head as he read through the latest translation of the Italian journal of particle physicists .
Penny frowned "damn, the movies really screwed Jane Foster over didn't they?"
Both Sheldon and Leonard look up.
"In Thor?" Leonard asks.
"Yes, in here she gets to do all sorts of cool stuff!'
Sheldon pauses, mentally comparing the comics timeline to the movies "It did seem strange to do that to an actress of Natalie Portman's calibre, she was underused in the first Thor and hardly did anything in the others."
Leonard shrugs "I guess they wanted to keep it all about Thor? "
Penny is pissed "She never got to swing the hammer!"
Sheldon points out "Neither did Black Widow"
"She got to swing the hammer? I'd so watch that movie!" Penny pauses, thinking back "Is that why she said "That's not a question I need answered" when they were trying to lift the hammer in Ultron?"
"Most likely, though it's not main continuity, it was in one of the 'What if' stories from Age of Ultron." Sheldon points to a box on the shelf " What if #3, 2014" Penny dives for the box, eager to see what a Thor/Widow would be like.
Leonard thinks "I guess it was because the old continuity made a lot of the story about the hammer and who can wield it. Anyone worthy gets turned into Thor. The Ragnarok film story wanted to make it about Thor the Asgardian thunder god and drop the hammer mythos. So no Frog of Thunder"
From the back of the room Penny shouts "FROG of Thunder?!"
"In Thor No. 364" Sheldon says, pointing to another box then goes back to his browsing. He browses for a few moments then looks up in surprise "Leonard, you'll never guess who I just found online."
"The frog of Thunder?"
"No, Professor Proton!"
"You're kidding. He's still alive?"
"Yes. He is 83 but still very much alive"
Penny looks up from the Thor Box "Who's Professor Proton?"
Sheldon is grinning like a happy child "Professor Proton hosted my favourite science show when I was a child. I never missed an episode. He demonstrated scientific principles using everyday objects."
Leonard adds "It was pretty cool."
"Aw, it's so cute when you use the word 'cool' wrong. Like when Benedict Cumberbatch tries to say Penguins."
Sheldon is getting more and more excited "Oh, dear lord, Leonard, look. He's still available for parties and events. We could hire him!"
Penny mocks "Penglings!"
"Hire him to do what?"
"Well, whatever we want. we could hang out, talk science and do experiments
"It would be pretty awesome to hang out with him. Do you remember his old theme song?"
"Of course I do"
Together Leonard and Sheldon sing;
"Grab your goggles,
put your lab coat on,
here he comes,
Professor Proton!"
Penny laughs and goes back to rooting (carefully) through the comics boxes
Distracted by the Frog of thunder Penny forgot all about Professor Proton then, but that Saturday morning Sheldon insisted they go grocery shopping.
He had one of his weird non-alphabetic lists. He usually puts things in alphabetical order, but when shopping he's memorised the store lay out so he could lists things in walk order. This was fine as long as you want the same route and they don't move things. So every time they moved anything he noticed and complained.
That happened a lot.
Pushing the cart, Penny watched him scurry back and forth. Why was he so excited?
Sheldon stopped, having selected the four best zucchini and stared at the cart a moment. "in a store lay out why are tinned goods not first, so they go at the bottom of the cart and then softer things are placed on top? It would save bruised vegetables."
"But then the soft stuff would be first out of the cart at the register and at the bottom of the bags when they pack." Penny pointed out. "so, what are we shopping for? "
"I'm making my zucchini bread"
"Oh, great! That stuff is wonderful!"
Scene: The apartment.
Sheldon is checking the time over and over again. He's taken the zucchini bread from the oven, checked a toothpick pushed into the centre comes out clean and put it to cool. "I'm worried. He's late"
Leonard checks the time on his phone "Relax, Sheldon, he's only a few minutes late."
Penny looks up from the Thor collection." Who's late?"
They both glance at each other and look guilty. Penny frowns "Oh, I know that guilty look. What have you done?"
Sheldon takes a deep breath "You remember Professor Proton?"
"Your childhood TV science buddy?
"The very same. well, I invited him to come over."
"How the hell did you manage that?"
Leonard elaborates. "He wrote him a big fat cheque and hired him for the afternoon. "
Sheldon shrugs "I did. And now he's late." Sheldon goes back to fretting "Professor Proton was never late when he was on TV. You know, every day, at four o'clock, he was there. Unless tornadoes were ripping apart East Texas, in which case we'd join him in progress." He goes to look out of the window, as if he might see a tornado in Pasadena.
Sheldon's mobile phone rings, making him jump. "Hello?". Sheldon covers the phone, excited, and mouthed "Its him!" "Well, I see. Yes. All right, we can come get you. See you soon. Bye."
Leonard is already at the door "Where is he?"
" He just got here, he's downstairs"
They hurry down to the Ground floor, where a elderly man is sitting on a suitcase and frowning at the warning tape over the elevator door. As usual, Leonard is the first to apologise "Mr. Jeffries, I am so sorry. We should've told you about the broken elevator."
Sheldon is between oblivious and awestruck. He sticks out his hand "Professor Proton, it's an honour to meet you."
The old man coughs and stutters, saying " Just, just call me Arthur."
Sheldon grins in delight "Penny, you hear that? Professor Proton said I should call him Arthur. " turning back he asks " May I have a picture with you?"
"su Sure."
Sheldon stands next to the bemused old man with a huge dopey grin on his face
Penny laughs and snaps a picture while explaining "you're kind of like his childhood hero".
Sheldon stands with his face pressed to Arthurs chest and laughs happily "Look at me. I can get as close to you as I want without my mom saying it's going to ruin my eyes." Penny sighs and covers her face with her hand.
The elderly man looks worried "Is, is he dangerous?"
Leonard sighs "Actually, he's a genius."
" That doesn't answer my question."
Penny smiles and pulls Sheldon back a bit "he's harmless, just excited to meet you"
Leonard offers his hand "Hi Mr. Jeffries, I'm Leonard."
" Oh where are my manners? Arthur, I'm Sheldon and This is my girlfriend, Penny."
"er. Hi."
Penny gives him a little wave " Hello."
" Well, I hope I haven't, uh, kept the kids waiting too long for, for the show."
Sheldon pauses on the bottom step "Oh, there are no kids. The show's for us. Come on. We'll carry your case."
"For you? what do you mean ? just you three?"
"yes, just us three"
"and Is the, is the blonde girl really you, your girlfriend?
Sheldon grins happily " Yes, sir"
"well, maybe You really are a genius."
Sheldon heads into the kitchen area, asking "Would you care for a hot beverage? I've baked some zucchini bread, would you care for some "
Arthur sits down, confused. Penny asks "So, do you do a lot of appearances like this?"
" It, it's hard to say. I'm, I'm still trying to figure out what, what th, what this is."
Leonard sits down and explains "We just wanted to hang out with you, do science and maybe learn a little about your life."
Well, there, there really isn't too much to tell. After the TV show was, was cancelled, nobody in the scientific world would, uh, would take me seriously. So I was forced to do things like these, uh, children's parties to, to make a living. Let me see if, if I have this straight. You, you two are, are physicists, at Caltech and you, youre an actress and you want me to do a children's science show? You do know, I'm a real scientist. I, I have a PhD from Cornell University."
Sheldon explains "Yes, i read everyone your Wikipedia page. oh, oh, Did you bring your puppet?"
"Oh Gods, no."
" Good job I have my own Gino the Neutrino. I got an vintage one off Ebay " He holds up a purple hand puppet wearing a lab coat, with a stripy shirt and a red bandanna round it's neck
"AH, I hate that puppet. This This whole thing is absurd. Is this really happening?
Penny caught Sheldon's eye, shakes her head and subtly signed Change .
Sheldon smoothly dropped Gino behind the sofa and asked "will you show us an experiment? "
Arthur nods "Ah, now this i remember. He gets his lab coat from his suitcase and puts it on.
Sheldon gets his own lab coat then picks up a package and holds it behind his back
"Penny, I have a present for you."
Penny gives him a nervous grin. "Great Honey, what is it?" She's used to most of Sheldon's weirdness, but eating zuchinni bread while an old man gets science glassware out of a battered suitcase is odd even by his usual standards.
He gives her the package. "For you"
She opens it to find a pristine white lab coat, freshly pressed and embroidered with the Professor Proton logo of two letter P's surrounded by an atom stylised swirl on the breast.
"as I got ink all over your old lab coat I thought I'd get you a new one"
"thanks sweetie, that's so thoughtful of you"
They put their lab coats on and settle down to watch
LATER
Arthur has a Conical Flask in one hand and a Boiled egg with the shell off in the other.
"Ready?" he puts the flask on the table, lights a match and drops it in then puts the egg in the mouth of the flask as a stopper " Okay, as, as I put the egg on top, and, and the flame goes out and, and, and the air pressure decreases in, in the flask, what do you think will happen?"
Penny frown and watches, saying slowly "I think I know..."
Sheldon is bouncing up and down in excitement "It's gonna get sucked in. It's going to get sucked in."
Penny watches, open mouthed. as the egg is slowly sucked down into the flask. "Wow. Will you look at that. That's weird." She furrows her brow " Okay, . So. Heat makes things expand but a match is not that hot. The Flask stays a constant size. So does burning make the air smaller?"
" Yes!".
" i got it!" She turns to Arthur and explains " See, I'm not a scientist like them."
" I, I figured that out."
Sheldon is having a wonderful time "Oh! Oh ! Potato clock! Can you do potato clock.?"
Penny looks at him "Potato clock? What's that?"
Arthur explains "I, I power a clock with a, with a potato."
Penny laughs, astonished "Shut up. You can do that? Hold on. Two different metals, right? and potatoes are acidic?"
"Well done"
"Sheldon had to explain electro chemistry after I saw a guy on the internet start a fire with a lemon"
"A lemon?"
"Yeah, lemon, loads of zinc tacks and copper nails, wired in series then through steel wool. Electrons flow, wool gets red hot and boom! Fire! "
Leonard is astonished watching Penny. She's actually been learning science and enjoying it.
With a guilty start he realises that when they were together he had never really paid that much attention to what she knew, or tried to share his love of stuff, just let her assume it was out of her reach. Sheldon was actually encouraging her and he was right, she was pretty smart.
Arthur sighs and looks into his case of props then shuts it sadly "No. Look, guys, I, I think, uh, I, I think I'm done.
" what's wrong? no potatoes? we can get you potatoes"
"No , it's not the potatoes"
Leonard looks concerned "Then what is it?"
Arthur looks tired and old. He sits down heavily in the chair " I don't know. I think I'm just, I, I just, I just don't want to be Professor Proton any more.
Sheldon can't believe it "What? how can you say that? Professor Proton's the best."
"Why? What, what has it ever gotten me? I mean, I'm, I'm an 83-year-old man who has potatoes in, in his suitcase. Doing kids parties and whatever this is. Other scientists think, think I'm a joke. And Gino, well the puppeteer who did, who did Gino, well, he slept with my wife."
Penny sits next to him and puts an arm around his shoulders " I'm sorry to hear about your troubles."
" Uh, thanks."
Sheldon says "Mr. Jeffries, I need to show you something." and heads off to his room. he returns with a framed picture of a young Professor proton.
" I wrote a fan letter to you when I was a child in Texas, and you sent this autographed picture back to me. Well, um, you may find this hard to believe, but I didn't have any friends growing up."
"No, I, I get that."
"But, um, I did have you. And every day at four o'clock, you'd come to my house on Channel 68, and we'd do science together. If it hadn't been for you, well, who knows what would've become of me? You know? Instead of a world-class physicist, I could've wound up as a hobo. a musician, Or a surgeon.
Leonard joins in "I bet there are important discoveries being made every day because you inspired millions of kids to pursue science. In a way, their discoveries are your discoveries."
" Yeah, it's true. A generation of young scientists are standing on your shoulders. As Newton said, we can only see so far today as we are standing on the shoulders of giants"
"It's important you know how much you mean to us."
Arthur has tears in his eyes "Well, thank, thank you, guys. That, that, that means a lot."
Sheldon sits down next to Penny and takes her hand, smiling at her then turns back to Arthur. "When My pop-pop passed no one in my family took My study of Science seriously except you. My Father had his worries and his whiskey, My Mother had Jesus, My sister had her doll and My Brother was as dumb as a jar of dirt. You kept me sane"
Arthur starts coughing
Sheldon stands and solemnly turns to Penny. "As I understand it, introducing your girlfriend to your family is an important part of a relationship."
Penny looks surprised. "well, yes..."
"Well, I've met your father. Penny, I'd like you to meet Professor Proton. He made me the scientist I am today. "
Penny looks at Sheldon, eyes bright with sudden tears. "Oh honey, you did all this to share this with me?"
Arthurs slumps back in his chair and puts a hand on his chest. " Uh-oh."
They all look over and Penny asks "Arthur, are you okay?"
"No... I, I'm having a problem with my pacemaker."
Leonard grabs his phone "I'll, I'll call for help."
Later, in a hospital room.
Sheldon and Penny have come to visit Professor Proton, who's lying in bed looking pale and grey.
"The doctors said you just need to take it easy and rest. is there anything I can get for you? Some apple juice? Jell-O?"
Arthur shakes his head "No. No, thank you. But I, I do, I do have a favour to, to ask."
" Name it."
" Well, I'm, I'm booked to do a children's party tomorrow, and, um, frankly I, you know, I, I don't feel up to it."
"Oh, you're not. You look awful."
"Thank you. Anyway, uh, I mean, you know my act better than anybody. I was, I was hoping that maybe, you know, maybe you'd fill in for me."
"Are you saying that you want me to be Professor Proton?"
" Yeah.
"Sir, it would be an honour. Who is it for?"
" a Korean family in Alhambra. Address is in my jacket"
"But they'll know I'm not you. Perhaps I could call myself Professor Proton, Jr.?"
"Sounds great".
"Thank you!"
As they're leaving the hospital Sheldon is thinking "Penny, would you accompany me tomorrow? I will need your help in handling the people as I don't like the idea of strangers watching me"
"You want me to do science with you?
"well, help with the science and stop the small children biting me"
"well, I do have a matching lab coat now..."
"You could be Penny proton!"
"Sure, I'll help. but you may need to jazz up the science to keep the kids interested these days. What burns really well? We need drama"
"From watching Wolowitz attempts at magic, stage magicians use flash paper, a form of nitrocellulose. We could make gun cotton."
"and set fire to it with a lemon!"
