Yes, it's been a very long time, but I will finish what I've started. This chapter has a rated M ending.
Still don't own anything by the story itself.
Reviews are welcomed.
Blow Me (One Last Kiss)
Riku scowled at the King, even though it wasn't really Mickey he was irritated with. "I'm not doing that. It's overkill."
"They're just suggesting it," Mickey's voice was soothing. "You don't have to do anything, but it could make the process easi-"
"No, it won't."
Mickey sighed. "Okay."
"I know you're just trying to help, but please... Just stay out it. I know my limits and this daily session mess is just within it." To be honest, Riku felt more out of control than ever. Wasn't therapy and psychiatric care supposed to fix that? "I don't think any of this is helping me, anyway."
Riku had been at Disney Castle for three weeks now. "What do you mean?"
"The medication makes me feel like shit, I only feel angry talking to the therapist, and I don't think the doctor has an actual clue. It's like everyone is just throwing diagnoses at me and hoping one or two stick."
"It's my understanding it can feel that way at first. Getting the full picture takes some time, and people are pretty complicated."
Riku's laugh was bitter. "Well that's one thing everyone has always said about me."
"It's not a bad thing to be a little complicated, Riku."
Sure it wasn't. Riku moved away from his friend to leave the library. "I'm going to call Cloud."
He didn't wait for a response and made the long trek to the room he had been given for his stay at the Castle. For a building supposedly housing several hundred people and beings he rarely saw anyone wandering the hallways or grounds. Meals tended to be crowded, and the public libraries and galleries usually had a fair amount of activity, but outside of that the palace was surprisingly empty feeling. Most of the time, Riku appreciated that. Other times...
Riku's room was fairly plain in decoration though Mickey and Minnie had attempted to give a few personalized touches for him. The painting was of Radiant Garden and the sheets and drapes were of a design commonly seen on the islands. They had remembered some of the drinks and snacks he enjoyed the last time he had stayed so those were in a basket to take whenever he liked. It was nice that they wanted him to feel at home. What they didn't understand was he didn't feel at home anywhere, especially not at home.
Laying on his bed, he stared at the ceiling. It had been a long time since he had felt this lost and angry- not since those days leading up to his possession by Xehanort. Back then, maybe psychiatric care would have helped and prevented what was to come. Somehow, he didn't think so. And he didn't think it was helping in this situation either.
But what did he know?
With a sigh, Riku sat up and reached for his phone. He hoped Cloud's day had gone well and things were good back home. There was a strange loneliness to his time away, an isolated feeling that really didn't make sense for him to feel. He had contact with anyone he could want to talk to. He had chosen to leave and could return anytime he wanted.
It took an extra minute for interworld calls to connect, but he was just grateful that they did. He didn't pretend to understand how any of the gummi technology worked (though he was positive it didn't actually run on happy faces). That was for people smarter than him.
"Hey. I was just thinking about calling you."
Riku smiled. "I guess I beat you to it."
"How was your day?"
"Everyday is about the same here." There was a hint of annoyance in his voice, but Riku moved on. "What have you been doing?"
Cloud sounded surprisingly tired for the time of day it was there. "That's about the same here. Picked up a few extra patrols for security to keep busy."
"I guess that's good? I mean, we're both bored, but no crises."
"Yeah."
"At least I'm not missing out on anything important."
"Not really, no. That's not a bad thing, either."
"I'll never complain about things being stable." Riku laughed. "At least something is. Eventually, hopefully, everything will be."
"It will. Is the medicine still giving you a hard time?"
Riku didn't want to talk about it. "Yeah, but they swear it will get better so I gotta believe them. I think they want to make more adjustments to the overall treatment plan... I guess we'll see what. That's all a lot of this has been, adjusting and waiting."
"You're still doing the therapy part, right?" Cloud honestly didn't think Riku needed medication, just someone to talk to and sort out all the thoughts and emotions that he held onto in a tangled mess.
"Yeah, of course."
"Good." Just keep at it. "I'm sure your getting frustrated just waiting."
"Definitely. I've never done well sitting around."
"Yeah, same." Cloud laughed. "This has been just as difficult for me."
"No, it hasn't," muttered Riku. The traitor makes everything about him. "I'm going to go now, Cloud. I hope tomorrow goes better for you."
"...oh. Yeah, should be fine. Like I said, boring. I miss you."
"I miss you, Cloud. I'll be home soon." And with that Riku ended the call, dropped his phone beside him and stared at the ceiling for a minute. Getting up, he left the phone where it was and left his room. He didn't know where he was going, but it was better than stewing alone in his room all night.
-0-0-
Though he knew he would be hearing later about how rude he was, Riku ignored the friendly waves of the beings he passed. He was tired and just wanted to get back to his room to maybe try to get a little sleep. His wandering had taken him to parts of the castle he'd never seen and while it was interesting, it had done nothing to hold his attention. His thoughts were as scattered as ever and his emotions were just... muted. With the exception of frustration; that he felt perfectly well.
Rounding the path the lead outside to the courtyard, Riku considered just going to Mickey and telling him he was leaving. He wanted to go home and be back around the people who were familiar and the routine he knew. If Cloud wanted him to keep doing the therapy process, there was no reason it couldn't be done over the phone. They could even do video calls. Why should meeting face-to-face matter?
"Riku."
Riku blinked after looking up, a complicated mix of emotion and thoughts at the man standing before him suddenly overwhelming him. "Why are you here?"
Leon's answer was short, but his expression was calculating. "I have a meeting with the King."
"Oh. He didn't tell me." Not that it was really any of Riku's business. Subtly, he looked around the courtyard. "You came all this way alone? I thought you hated flying."
"That doesn't mean I can't, and the solitude was nice." Leon folded his arms. "Some people back home have been abnormally obnoxious lately."
"Fair enough. It's good to see you." And it truly was. He was certain that Cloud had told the man what Riku was doing here, and even if he hadn't, Riku didn't doubt Leon had it mostly figured out. "Everything okay back home?"
"Currently, yes. Cid and Tron got the security system functioning by bypassing what was in place and building a copy replacement."
"Good. I was worried about that." He had felt bad about leaving in the middle of that project. "Cloud said he and Zack have been clearing out the Maw and Ravine."
Leon nodded once. "It's one of the things they're best at. There's been an odd spike in activity we've been monitoring... And there's been monsters appearing."
"Monsters?"
"Small ones, but nothing in the files or history says anything about Radiant Garden having ever had those. Zack claims to have seen something like them on their homeworld, but Cloud doesn't remember them."
"Well, that's not surprising considering Cloud's memory is still messed up from all of that." Monsters seen on Gaia... That was interesting. "They haven't been seen in town, have they?"
"Not yet and with luck and effort, we won't."
"Yeah," agreed Riku. "Well, if we can arrange it, we could go into town and get lunch or something... If you have time."
"I've never been to the town."
"It's about as weird as you'd expect, but it's nice." Riku shrugged. "There's some cool places to visit and see. I got time this evening and tomorrow morning..." He had a session at one which he didn't want to attend.
"The King mentioned dinner tonight." Leon looked like he wanted to laugh. "I've never been a formal dinner man, but checking out local places is always of interest."
The corners of Riku's lips turned up; it felt the first real smile since arriving. "Pretty sure I can make that happen."
"Alright. I'll be waiting to hear from you." Leon moved on.
Looking after him, Riku exhaled softly. Today was looking much better than it had, but that nag remained. It was... Whatever the fuck it was, he wasn't going to dwell on it. He was missing his friends, his family, and one was here so he was going to take advantage. It would do more for his mood than any therapy session could.
-0-0-
Late afternoon they met up at the monorail station and boarded it to take the short trip into town. The compartment was crowded so they didn't talk more than necessary to communicate where to go, but neither of them were much for talking anyway. Once the vehicle came to a stop, they waited for the car to empty before they made their own exit, avoiding a bulk of the platform crowding.
"I don't think Minnie was very happy about the change in plans, but Mickey wasn't bothered." Riku had his hands in his pockets as they walked away from the transportation center and onto Main St. "He understands me, though, and I think he knew I really needed this break from there."
"I'm sure he did. He said you've been frustrated here."
Anger flew to life in Riku's chest. "...you talked about me?"
"For a minute." Leon's tone didn't change. "I had to apologize for being late to our meeting."
That didn't necessitate a conversation about him. Riku took a breath for he knew he was being ridiculous. What Leon said was completely reasonable; they had no reason to be talking about Riku behind his back. This paranoia was as pointless as ever.
"He suggested we visit some place called Liberty Landing and ride the riverboat."
"If you want we can. The last run goes out at sunset. It's pretty... and relaxing."
"Sounds nice. I could use a calming boat ride."
Riku glanced over. "I didn't know you were into boats."
"Can't say I'm particularly partial to them, but there's a soothing quality to the water. I can understand why you're so attached to it."
Of course the suggestion lead back to him. "Okay, we'll get tickets, then explore, get dinner, and go on a ride."
-0-0-
There was a tiny refreshment station on the Liberty Belle to get drinks or a light snack. Leon purchased each of them Dole Whip Floats at Riku's recommendation, and they found a spot near the front of the boat to stand at the railing. The sun gave everything an orange hue which would go to red then gray as it continued setting. As the riverboat cast off on it's evening run, Riku took a quiet breath watching the water begin to move around the hull.
"You were right, DisneyTown is...interesting."
Riku grinned. "Yeah, but it's fun and everyone here is happy."
"Almost too happy." Leon was looking ahead just as Riku was. "Fruit Smash is a ridiculous sport."
"Right? Like, who even comes up with that? The mess alone counts against it and it's just dangerous. Imagine getting hit in the head with a watermelon?"
"Have fun explaining that injury."
"Yeah."
There was only a slight pause to indicate the change of conversation. "Any idea how long you'll be here?"
Riku sighed, leaning on the rail. "As long as it takes is the only answer they give me when I ask. I get that everything is a process and there isn't time limits to that process...but I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere with it. I'm just as... frustrated as before. In some ways, I think I'm doing worse here than at home."
"That's understandable, and I think that's expected. I don't know much about mental health, but I hear that therapy and treatment can be that way."
"I'm still angry and frustrated. The nightmares are just as terrifying, and the voices never stopped."
Leon glanced over. "You're hearing voices?"
"..." Damnit.
"That explains a lot."
Riku slumped. "The doctors are flipping around between Biopolar disorder, Borderline personality, and straight-up schizophrenia. With post-traumatic to complicate that. It'll probably be a combo."
"Maybe. Those are all very treatable, at least, though I think I know how you feel about medication for the rest of your life."
Medication could fuck all the way off. "I'll do it if I have to."
"You will. We'll be here for anything you need."
"I- thanks, Leon. For not getting weird about this."
"Why would I be? We don't control the genes or traits we're born with, only what we do with them and how we use them."
Something in Riku's gut twisted and he swallowed. "Yeah, that's about it. Whatever's going on probably came from one of my parents... Makes me wish I knew something about them."
Leon faced him. "You didn't know your parents?"
"I'm adopted." Riku shrugged. "I've know since I was little. My parents knew nothing about my biological parents. I guess it was arranged by a third party or something... I never bothered to ask. My parents were just my parents."
"Fair enough."
"Honestly, I'm not sure Cloud knows that... I don't think I ever told him. Never thought it was important."
"That's for you to decide, but he'd probably like to know." Leon showed that tiny half-smile of his. "In case you haven't realized, he hangs on to every detail when it comes to you."
"For better or for worse." It all depended on the day. "I'm going to do better talking to him and my friends. I've been feeling...isolated from everyone, and part of that has to be because of me. I don't want to withdraw from the people I love."
"It's not a bad goal. You don't have to share everything, but let us know if your having a hard time. We can at least be on stand-by for when you're ready for us."
Leon had no idea how difficult that would be for him. Riku looked over the water. "Yeah. I will."
-0-0-
Riku finished packing his bags, closing the last one up. After three months of therapy and several medication changes, he was finally able to go home. A schedule was being made so he continue with the therapist from Radiant Garden via gummi phone, and he had enough medicine for three months. When that ran out, he'd have to come back, but that was fine.
He was going home.
He hadn't told Cloud, or anyone else, deciding to surprise them. He would be arriving in the early morning, and already had so many ideas about what he would do once he got to the house. Even though the medicine messed with his sex drive, he was determined it would not interfere with any of his plans How excited would his boyfriend be to wake up to Riku blowing him on his birthday?
The knock on the door wasn't unexpected and Riku knew exactly who it was. With a sigh, he granted Mickey entrance and returned to the bed with his things piled upon it. "I don't really care what your opinion is, Your Majesty."
"I know, and I'm not going to try to change your mind." Mickey looked at the floor. "Just promise you'll do what you said, and don't give in to what those voices tell you."
Riku's eyes narrowed. "You think I would listen to an imaginary voice?"
"I'm not so sure they're as imaginary as you want to think, Riku."
"I'm not a stranger to voices. These aren't outside forces trying to get in and take over."
Mickey looked like he wanted to say more, but he didn't. "Just, please remember who you are."
This was a really weird conversation. "That's not something I can forget."
"Good. We'll miss you here."
He wouldn't miss being here. "I'll miss you guys, but I'm coming back in a few months."
"Minnie will hold you to that." Mickey laughed. "We'll keep your room ready for you. Next time, you can bring Cloud with you and take him around."
Cloud would hate DisneyTown...though that could be it's own type of fun. "Yeah, I plan to bring him with."
"Whelp. I guess that's that." Mickey still seemed troubled about Riku's departure. "I'll see you to the gummi garage."
Riku nodded and gathered up his bags. He knew this was the best decision for him, and it didn't matter what the professionals thought. It didn't even matter what his friends though for they didn't know him. Only he truly knew himself and what he needed.
-0-0-
Finally making your own choices.
Not much longer and you'll be ready.
-0-0-
The sun had yet to rise when Riku crept into the bedroom. He had left his things in the hallway to lessen the chances of being heard as he came in and approached the bed. Cloud had one foot sticking out from under the blanket, and his chest was bared to the room. Taking this as a positive sign, Riku carefully lifted that blanket to find Cloud was indeed naked beneath it. That made things so much easier.
It was an extremely delicate process to not only get Cloud's legs further apart, but to maneuver himself between them. Eventually he succeeded and leaned in close to blow a light breath over Cloud's flaccid penis, hoping to wake it up a little without awakening Cloud. He was rewarded with a slight twitch of muscle. A few more breaths and a slow lick along the shaft brought Cloud to enough of an erection for Riku to get down to business, taking the appendage into his mouth and sucking gently. As it grew harder, his actions became more forceful.
He heard Cloud groan, then moan, shifting his hips against the mattress. Teal eyes flicked up but it was obvious Cloud had quite woke up. That was fine for Riku would draw this out as long as needed and soon enough the sleepy moans evolved into more concise groans, which almost sounded like words trying to be said.
Riku grinned, never letting up on the sucking and licking, enjoying immensely how Cloud's body was coming alive. He couldn't be sure if Cloud was aware this was real or was in the grip of a very intense dream, but it didn't matter. Riku could taste the pre-cum and Cloud was panting, muttering inaudible words... Until he came with a gasp and a jerk of his entire body. Riku swallowed what he could, letting the rest dribble from the corner of his mouth, then released the softening organ.
He heard Cloud's breath as his chest heaved, and amused, Riku lifted his head so he would be easily seen. "Happy birthday."
Blue eyes, hazy from orgasm and recent sleep blinked."...wha... Riku?"
Riku laughed, happier than he'd been in months. Climbing up over Cloud's body, he gave him a deep kiss. "I'm home."
