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A/n thank you again for your kind support of this story and for your patience with updates. I've been suffering from a bit of writer's block. Please enjoy and stay cool. This chapter takes place during the first season finale and the second season opener.

Going Home

Spencer decided that he didn't enjoy commercial flights across the country. He'd requested an aisle seat so that he'd be able to stand frequently, but every time he got to his feet, the food and drinks trolley blocked his pacing path. Then, he realized that getting up to walk the aisle caused other passengers to stare at him.

A friendly flight attendant asked him if there were anything she could get for him, and he said no. She couldn't get what he truly wanted, JJ by his side for his visit to his mother. Together they had discussed whether JJ should go to Las Vegas with him and meet his mom, but Spencer had lost his nerve.

You chickened out, as Morgan might say.

Spencer sighed and pulled a book from his messenger bag. He'd read for a while and try not to think about all the logical and factual excuses he'd given JJ about why it wasn't a good idea to introduce her to his mother – yet. Also, Spencer tried not to think about how easy it had been to convince JJ to stay behind. He refused to accept that his mother's condition might freak out JJ.

Do you blame her?

He opened his book and began to read.

Later, as the commercial airliner began passing over Utah and it was nearly time to start their descent, Spencer removed his writing paper and a pen from his bag. He tried to write a letter to JJ, but his thoughts continued to come back to the last conversation he'd had with her.

Spencer put away his writing materials and opened his book instead. He'd write something later – after he'd seen his mother.

For the first time in his life, he couldn't concentrate on the printed word. He shut the book and let his thoughts overtake his conscious mind.

CMCMCMCMCMCM

Spencer paced his hotel room instead of getting into his rental car and driving to see his mother. What if her "Professor" mode trapped her that day? He didn't think he could handle seeing her so disconnected from reality.

On the other hand, her days as a college professor had been some of her happiest days. If only – Reid shook his head. After all these years, he had to accept that his mother's illness had no cure. The meds she took controlled it but did not promise more.

Spencer went to his messenger bag and pulled his phone from an inside pocket. He needed to talk to JJ, and it didn't matter if she were in the office. He wanted to hear her voice and take comfort from her gentle nature.

JJ didn't answer her phone. Spencer left her a short voicemail and dropped the phone back into his messenger bag. His hands shook a little as he consulted his watch. It was time for him to visit his mother, but – what if she didn't want to see him? What if she turned her back on him as she had the first time he'd visited her after forcibly committing her?

"I need you, JJ," Spencer said to the empty room.

He did need her as a buffer. He couldn't deny it. It didn't matter if the two most important women in his life we're ready to meet each other.

Spencer's hands continued to tremble, but he stopped pacing and strode out of his hotel room. He had to see his mother even if only to prove he could walk through the door.

CMCMCMCMCMCMCM

It was over.

Spencer knew he reeked of smoke and looked like he'd been – well, blownup, but he had to find his mother and show her that he was okay.

He started to climb to his feet when he saw JJ standing at the top of the stairs to the second level. She lifted a hand and smiled. There was a sadness he'd never seen in her face and it made his heart thump. Then she mouthed to him. "Love you, see you later."

Spencer stared at the empty space where she'd stood until Morgan entered and grabbed his leather jacket. "Pretty boy, you gonna go get cleaned up, you reek."

"Yes." Spencer said. "See you later."

Morgan shrugged and left. Spencer grabbed a sheet of printing paper and wrote in a hurried hand.

My beautiful JJ,

I'm sorry. I love you.

Spence.

He folded it, and hurried to her office. She was gone, her office dark and blinds pulled closed over the window. He crouched and slipped the note under her door, then stood. It was time to go see his mother.

Spencer hoped she'd recognize him, but if she didn't he'd accept it and know that any time spent with her was a blessing.