A/N: so a lot happens in this chapter...and i feel like yall are gonna hate me for this one. I'm so sorry!
"So how are things with Hyde?"
The question comes from Donna, who's sitting across from Jackie at The Hub during one of their weekly meetups. She's even more curious than usual since she's noticed that lately both Hyde and Jackie have been in surprisingly good moods.
"Things are good," Jackie says casually, playing with the straw in her soda cup, but the way she tries too hard to keep her voice even and her lips straight don't go unnoticed by Donna.
"Just good?" she presses, a knowing tone in her voice.
Jackie gives up the fight and allows a cheeky smile to spread across her face. "Okay, so things might be a little better than fine," she admits. "As you know, Steven and I have been trying to start over and be friends again. And honestly, it's been great. He's been great. He's been so nice to me lately...I can't help but wonder if we might be able to be more than friends again, too.
Donna gives a tight smile. "Jackie, I'm really glad to hear that, believe me, but just because Hyde isn't being a dick to you anymore doesn't mean you should take him back already. Being nice is kind of the bare minimum." She wants to see her two friends back together and happy again, she really does, but she also doesn't want to see it rushed and get messed up again. She wants to make sure Hyde has actually gotten his shit together. She believes he has what it takes, she just wants to make sure Jackie believes it, too.
"I know that, but he's been more than just nice," Jackie explains. "We've talked through some stuff and now there's more understanding between us. And he's just been so good with Betsy! He's really come around, taking full responsibility when he has her and helping out when I have her, acting like a real parent." A faint blush spreads across Jackie's cheeks. "He's been really good to both of us."
Jackie is only met with a thoughtful silence, so she looks up at Donna pleadingly. "Please say you believe me.
Donna takes in the expression on Jackie's face and the tone in her voice, and her own face softens. Okay, I believe you. Just...be careful, okay? Please."
"I will, I promise," Jackie responds. "I'm not looking to rush anything, I just want to see where things go. I told myself I won't take him back until I'm sure he's changed, and I plan on keeping that."
Donna smiles and nods, glad to hear that her friend is being smart about this. She wants to see Jackie and Hyde do it right this time.
"So how are things with Jackie?"
Eric is the one to ask the question while he's sitting in the basement with Hyde, usually straying away from the Jackie subject but feeling a little nosier than normal today. He can't help it; Hyde's been suspiciously less grumpy as of late, not to mention there's also the fact that Jackie's been openly hanging around with him and Betsy.
"Things are cool," Hyde shrugs off the question, but Eric can tell he's holding back. His best friend always needs a little prying in order to open him up.
"Come on, man. Just cool? You've been hanging out with her all the time. And don't give me that 'it's because of Betsy' crap, because I know it's more than that," he points out.
Hyde rolls his eyes. "Alright, fine. So things have been actually kind of nice between us for once. There, I said it."
"Aaand?"
"And what?"
"Have you guys talked about maybe getting back together?"
"What? No way, man. Why ruin a good thing?"
Eric gives Hyde a look. "You're really saying you don't want to be with her? That's what you're going with?"
Hyde sighs, frustrated. "No, that's not what I- listen. What I mean to say is, I finally have something with her again, okay? Even if it's just friendship, that's more than what I deserve. So I'm not gonna push for more."
Eric watches his friend carefully. He does sound grateful for what he has now, but Eric can see the dejection on his face. Hyde clearly still has feelings for Jackie and wants more with her, but he doesn't think he deserves it. Or he doesn't want to risk it. He doesn't want to hurt Jackie again, even if it hurts himself in the process.
"Don't you think Jackie should have a say in that?" Eric asks. He's seen how much happier both Jackie and Hyde have been now that they're on good terms again and he doesn't want them to miss out on a second chance at love just because they're scared to try again. He knows all about second and even third chances, especially after everything with Donna...All he knows is, after Africa he'd thought he messed with things with Donna beyond repair, and he considers himself more than lucky that they managed to rekindle their relationship. He doesn't take that for granted, and he figures that if there was hope for him then there's hope for Hyde. "I'm pretty sure she can decide for herself whether or not she wants to give you guys another shot."
Hyde leans forward in his chair, moving closer to Eric as his voice becomes deadly serious. "Forman, I fucked up everything with her. I can see that now and I don't want her to stop seeing it. She can do better than me, so that's exactly what she should do."
"But what if she doesn't want better? What if you are enough for her?" Eric can see that Hyde wants to be with Jackie, he just doesn't think he deserves her. It breaks his heart to see his best friend like this, but it's also the very reason why he believes Hyde does deserve her now. Hyde may have messed up in the past, but he still deserves to be happy. Maybe he didn't deserve that a year ago, but by now Eric has seen Hyde change enough that he truly thinks he should get another chance at least. "I think you should just go with it and let things happen as they happen."
"I shouldn't be enough for her." Hyde goes quiet, thinking everything over. "But I suppose...I'm at least willing to see where things go."
Eric slaps him on the back. "That's all I wanted to hear, buddy."
It happens one day when they go to the park again. Hyde should have known the day was not going to end well when Jackie showed up with a picnic basket. "I'm not having a picnic in the grass like something out of Little House on the Prairie ," he'd told her sternly.
"Yes, we are. That's actually where Betsy and I got the idea from! Right, Betsy?" Jackie had asked.
"Pic-nic!" the toddler had replied in a singsong voice.
Jackie had looked at Hyde smugly and expectantly and somehow he'd given in.
Now he's sitting in the grass in the park eating a sandwich for lunch. Jackie and Betsy are sitting on a blanket Jackie brought, but Hyde refuses, as if by not sitting on it he's somehow taking part in the picnic less. "Why couldn't we have just picked up some burgers from Fatso Burger," he complains.
"Steven, you can't eat fast food for a picnic. Everyone knows that," Jackie says matter-of-factly.
"Whatever," he says.
"Why? Do you not like what I packed?" she questions, frowning. She's not a good cook, but she can make a simple sandwich. If it turns out she can't even do that then she's going to have some problems feeding Betsy during her school years.
"It's not terrible," he says carefully, not wanting to admit to liking her food but also not wanting to set her off.
She smiles at his response, relieved. "Well, thank you."
"All done," Betsy announces, putting down what's left of her cookie. She stands up. "Can I go play?" she asks, pointing to the playground.
"Okay, baby. Just stay where we can see you," Jackie says, brushing some crumbs off the toddler's face. The two year old runs off and Jackie smiles after her. "You know, I think she's gonna be alright," she comments.
Hyde looks at Jackie before following her gaze to the little girl happily playing on the playground. "Yeah, she's a good kid," he says fondly.
"She is. But what I meant was, she's been so happy lately. She almost never asks for Brooke or Michael anymore," she clarifies.
Hyde's jaw clenches at the mention of Kelso. He doesn't like to talk about his late best friend, more so than the rest of the gang. It's just too painful. "She shouldn't forget them. They're her real parents, you know," he states. Unlike his own parents, Betsy's parents were good people and loved her, and he doesn't want her to forget them.
"Yeah, I know," Jackie says softly, "I just mean that I think she's accepting that they're gone. And you know, we're like her parents now."
Hyde stays silent.
Jackie can't help the bittersweet smile that creeps across her face as she excitedly turns to sit facing Hyde. "The other day, Betsy called me 'Mom'!" she squeals. "Like I think it might've been an accident, but still! I was just putting her down for bed and she was like 'goodnight, Mommy'. Can you believe it?" She looks conflicted, excited yet guilty.
"Wow," is all Hyde manages to say. The idea of Betsy seeing either of them as her 'real' parents to the point of referring to them as such is a surreal thought. They both knew this would happen eventually; kids as young as Betsy naturally associate the terms 'mom' and 'dad' with their caregiver, so it wouldn't take long for her to recognize Jackie and Hyde as just that. Of course, it's good to see her adapting and moving on, but that doesn't make it any less painful to explicitly hear her 'replace' her biological parents. It makes the reality of Kelso and Brooke being gone that much more...real. And final.
"I know!" Jackie continues, still just as excited, "At first I really didn't think I could do this whole parenting thing, but now I really feel like I'm okay...And I have you to thank for a lot of it. I'm not sure I would've been able to do it without you." She smiles genuinely at him, reaching out to touch his arm.
Hyde clears his throat, a little uncomfortable at the sentiment. He and Jackie both know that she's been doing a better job than him, and if the situation had called for it, she would've been able to do it by herself. "Alright, let's not get sappy about it. We still have a long way to go."
Jackie laughs. "Okay, okay. You're right. But I really think that as long as we keep working together like we have been, we're gonna be okay."
"Cheers to that," he clinks his beer bottle to her pop can.
They fall into a comfortable silence before they're interrupted by Betsy running up to them. She's holding a dandelion in her hand. "Here you go," the little girl says, holding out the flower to Jackie.
"Oh my goodness, is this for me?" Jackie says enthusiastically as she takes the flower, causing Betsy to beam. She makes a show of sniffing it and Hyde watches in amusement. "It's so beautiful, thank you Betsy," she says.
"You're welcome," the two year old says abashedly before running off again.
"She's so sweet," Jackie gushes.
"You do realize that's a weed, right? And not the fun kind of weed," he jokes. He knows that if anyone else besides Betsy had tried to give her a dandelion she would have had an attitude.
"Oh hush. You're just jealous she didn't give you one," Jackie teases.
Hyde rolls his eyes. "Oh yeah, that's it. How do you know me so well?" he asks sarcastically.
"I just do," she shrugs, playing along. She tucks the flower behind her ear, gently feeding the stem through her hair. The bright yellow color against her dark hair contrasts beautifully. "How do I look?" she asks, cocking her head in a pose.
Hyde doesn't at first respond because all the air suddenly leaves his lungs. She's smiling so brightly and with the sun shining on her like a spotlight, he doesn't think she's ever looked more beautiful. Fez got one thing right at least; she's a goddess. Nothing less. He doesn't even know how he came to be here, sitting next to her, let alone be raising a kid with her. He swallows hard, trying to find his voice. "Jackie...you're beautiful," he manages to say with his short-circuited brain. He doesn't even realize what exactly he's saying until the words come tumbling out.
Jackie's eyes soften, and her smile fades. They don't know who starts leaning first, or if they both do at the same time, but before they know it their lips are on one another's. Hyde can't process what's happening, all he knows is all of the sudden her lips are on his, and he swears it's something out of one of his dreams. She tastes so sweet, and it feels like it's something that he's been deprived of for years, yet so familiar that he remembers it from yesterday. She's truly the best drug he's ever had.
When they pull away, their eyes meet, both wide with surprise, but then Jackie smiles shyly at him and it feels alright. Hyde finds himself smiling back.
A sudden chorus of children's laughter coming from the playground bring Jackie and Hyde back down to the ground. Jackie turns away from Hyde to see if she can still catch sight of Betsy. He just watches her, still smiling.
And he's still smiling later that day when he and Betsy are back at the Forman's. Before Jackie had gone back to her apartment she'd said, "I had fun today. Thanks for coming along," before kissing him on the cheek. Hyde feels like he's riding on a high.
Later that night after Betsy is asleep in her bed, Hyde is in the basement watching TV with Eric.
"So, did you have a fun time on your picnic today?" Eric teases, stressing the word 'picnic' with fervor.
"It was alright," Hyde answers his friend.
Eric fakes a gasp. "Steven Hyde calling a picnic in the park 'alright'- the world must be coming to an end," he says, shaking his head.
Hyde rolls his eyes. "I just meant that it wasn't bad, okay? Betsy got her energy out so I wouldn't have to deal with it later and Jackie and I are still getting along," he explains.
"Getting along, huh?" Eric presses suggestively.
"Yep. Getting along," Hyde says nonchalantly with a shrug. He keeps his eyes on the TV.
Eric eyes him suspiciously. "Alright," he concedes.
After a moment, Hyde gives in with a sigh and decides to confide in Eric. "We kissed, alright?"
Eric's head snaps to Hyde, eyes bulging. "You and Jackie kissed today? No way, man! How are you not jumping up and down right now?"
"Because, unlike you, I'm not a girl and can contain my emotions," Hyde deadpans.
He shuffles closer towards Hyde on the couch. "So come on, how did it happen?"
Hyde rolls his eyes. "We were just sitting there and then we kissed. That's it, end of story."
"Wow," Eric breathes as if Hyde had just told a touching, detailed story. "That's crazy."
"Yep."
"Damn, when I told you to just go with it and let things happen, I didn't think it would happen this soon," Eric comments, more to himself than to Hyde.
Hyde goes silent, but inside of his head alarm bells are going off. All his Zen goes out the window as Eric's words sink in. No, no, no . He let this happen way too soon- or at all- and now he's going to mess things up. Again. He said he wouldn't do this, he couldn't do this, but here he is. He suddenly feels sick to his stomach. This can't be happening. He won't let it happen. Not again.
He gets up and makes a beeline for the door. He knows what he needs to do.
"Hyde, where are you going, man?" Eric calls after him, but he's already halfway up the stairs.
In the moment of kissing Hyde, Jackie had felt warm and happy because it'd brought her back to how things were before, back when her and Hyde were together and happy. But now that she's back at her apartment she feels dizzy and nauseous as she remembers the reason they broke up in the first place, and everything that followed.
Hyde broke her spirit and her heart. He'd gone and married a stripper, dropping her like he'd found the next best thing. He'd acted like he never loved her at all, forgetting everything that they had between them. If that wasn't enough, he'd treated her like shit in general, throwing away their very friendship. The person who she'd loved and trusted the most turned on her in the worst way, leaving her alone, sad, and confused.
And just earlier today she'd kissed him again. After she'd promised Donna she'd be careful and not rush into anything, that she would wait until she was sure Hyde has changed. She'd promised herself she wouldn't put herself back there, that she wouldn't take him back so easily, that she would be strong.
Now maybe she messed everything up.
Hands shaking, Jackie reaches for the phone and dials her best friend's number.
"Hello?" Donna's voice comes through from the other end.
"I kissed Steven," Jackie blurts out, her voice wavering with anxiety.
"What? " Donna asks in surprise.
"I kissed Steven! I know you told me to be careful, but I got caught up in the moment and it just happened, okay? We were just talking and we were happy and suddenly we were kissing! It felt so nice when it happened, but now I'm afraid I ruined everything," Jackie wails.
"Okay, Jackie, calm down," Donna tries to stop the brunette's anxious rambling and get her to think clearly, but she doesn't let up.
"No, Donna! We were finally friends again and we were happy, why did we have to go and mess that up? Trying to be more than friends is just gonna bring more hurt! This can't happen again. I-I have to tell him it was a mistake," Jackie concludes, resolve now in her voice.
"Jackie, wait-"
She hangs up the phone, not needing to hear what Donna has to say. She knows what she needs to do.
Grabbing her car keys, Jackie rushes out of her apartment.
It's starting to rain as Jackie drives her car to the Forman's. It's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay, she tells herself. She just has to tell Hyde that kissing him was a mistake and they should stay friends for now. That's all. He'll understand. It might hurt him a little bit, but that's okay. In fact, that's good. Let him be a little hurt for all the hurt he caused her. Let him know what it's like to be rejected. Yeah. This is a powerful moment for her.
She smiles to herself. She's just setting boundaries and now things will go back to how they have been lately. They're friends and they're happy and content with that. Well...sort of content. But they'll have to live with that, at least for now.
Just as Jackie is feeling confident in what she's about to say to Hyde, she sees him in his El Camino coming from the opposite direction. She slams on her brakes just as they pass each other by, noticing that he does the same. Fumbling with the seatbelt, Jackie gets out of her car and meets Hyde in the middle of the street.
"Steven, I was just coming to talk to you," she says.
"Yeah, me too," he explains, and Jackie feels a slight flutter in her stomach.
"Is everything alright?" she asks, concerned.
"No," he starts, tension evident in his voice, "everything is not alright. I can't believe we ever thought it was."
"Steven, what are you talking about?"
"Oh, come on. You know exactly what I'm talking about. What happened today-"
"You mean our kiss?" Jackie crosses her arms.
"Yeah. That." Hyde clenches his jaw. "It wasn't supposed to happen. And let me tell you, it won't happen again. I won't let it."
Jackie winces at his words. Wait, so he was coming over to break things off with her ? No, no, that's not how this was supposed to go. She was supposed to be the one doing the breaking off. And why'd he say it like that? It wasn't supposed to happen. Like he's mad that it happened. Is there something so wrong with kissing her? Is she still not good enough for him? She clenches her jaw, now angry as well. "You're right, it can't. That's what I was on my way to tell you; it was a terrible mistake and if you think I'd take you back that easily you've got another thing coming. I can't believe I even let you kiss me."
There's a brief look of hurt that flashes across Hyde's face before he masks it with anger. "See? I knew this whole 'starting over' thing was a bad idea, I don't know why we agreed to it in the first place."
"Me neither!" she yells. The rain is coming down harder now, drenching the clothes she's wearing and causing her to shiver from more than just the adrenaline of the argument.
"Then maybe we should just stop and forget about whatever's been going on between us these past few months," Hyde says in response.
Jackie purses her lips and nods. "Okay. One step forward, two steps back, huh?" she asks bitterly.
"We never should have taken that one step forward, so we're just going back to how things were supposed to stay," Hyde shoots back.
"Fine. Good to know we're giving Betsy a dysfunctional family to match our own," Jackie says.
"Is that what this was about? You just wanting to give Betsy a perfect little family?" Hyde accuses, new hurt fueling his anger.
"No!" Jackie yells. Shit, that's not what she meant at all. "How can you say that?"
"Well why should I believe you? You're devious and I wouldn't put it past you," Hyde spits.
"Steven-" Jackie starts, her voice shaking with hurt and anger.
"No," Hyde cuts her off, "You know, whatever, it doesn't matter anyway. We're done playing this game, we're done playing house. Let's just go back to raising Betsy separately . It's better that way."
Safer that way.
"Fine!" Jackie shouts over the sound of the rain. "In fact, that sounds great to me, 'cause why would I ever want to raise a kid with a monster like you anyway?"
Hyde winces and he looks like he's about to say something just as hurtful back to her, but decides against it. He just nods in agreement. "I guess, it's settled then."
With that, they both walk back to their respective cars, faces wet with more than just rain water.
