A/N: okay, I gotta address something first. Lately I've gotten a few...hmm, not great comments. Just been some bad vibes. And I just want to remind you all that this is a SLOWBURN that, yes, will end happy with Jackie/Hyde together. If you don't like how im doing things then you dont have to read it. Its that simple. Also, I want to give a quick shout out to a beautiful, longass, detailed comment by a guest of the name Hannah on last chapter (over on AO3). I think it wonderfully describes my perspective on this story and its characters, and it is a good summary of my approach to it (seriously, i feel so understood). So if you're feeling unsure then I recommend you go read that comment (hope you don't mind Hannah, lmao). Anyway, to everyone who has been kind: ilysm :)
Week One
Day Two
"So you really think you and Jackie can get along from now on? Enough to convince Carolyn that Betsy's in good hands with you two?" Donna asks Hyde. It's the day after Caorlyn Rockwell's visit and Hyde is filling Donna in on what happened after she left. They're sitting on a bench at the park watching Betsy have fun on the playground, the happy chatter of children filling the background.
"We have to," Hyde shrugs like it's no big deal. "It's not like we have a choice." And they don't. Jackie and him can't afford to keep messing up because now they're threatened with the risk of losing Betsy for good. That's all there is to it.
"Wow," Donna grins at him and his determination. "Carolyn really must have scared the crap out of you."
Hyde keeps a careful gaze on Betsy. "You know, usually I'd tell you that nothing scares me, but I really am scared of losing Betsy. In fact, I'm kind of terrified."
Donna studies her friend's face. He rarely shows his vulnerable side, and although she has seen it before- they've always shared a connection that allows them to confide in each other- this is something new even for her. It means something- everything - to hear him say such a thing out loud. She smiles softly.
"I've gotten pretty attached to her, you know?" Hyde continues, still not looking at Donna. "And the fact that she's gotten attached to me...I don't know, man. It's weird, but a good weird. I've always had to take care of myself 'cause there wasn't really anyone else to do it for me, but I've never had to take care of someone else like this until now. I guess it's been kind of nice, because now I don't want to have to stop." He takes out his lighter and starts fiddling with it, clicking the starter. "But it looks like Jackie and I have done a pretty good job of screwing up Kelso's wishes so far, huh?"
"Sure have, based on what Carolyn and I witnessed last night," Donna agrees. It had been a very uncomfortable situation and even a hot shower hadn't washed off the lingering uncomfortable vibes.
He looks up at her. "Okay, but you guys just caught us at a bad time. It's not like Betsy should be taken away just because of that one incident."
"Hyde, to be fair, it was a pretty nasty fight. I mean, you practically called Jackie a whore," she points out, nose crinkling in disgust at the memory. "From what I heard, it sounded like you both were saying things you didn't mean, but that doesn't make it okay. Like, at all. You need to have better self control and communication if you're going to make this thing work." She holds his gaze, trying to let him know how serious he needs to take this. "You do see how you and Jackie fighting is a toxic atmosphere for a child, right? I think you would know that better than anyone, so what's up with that?" In fact, she's certain he knows that better than anyone. She's known him since they were kids, and that means she knows the hell he put up with in his childhood.
Once again, Hyde moves his eyes away from Donna. He stays silent, jaw clenched.
He's wearing his sunglasses as usual, but Donna's willing to bet he's blinking back tears. "Hyde?" she presses. She needs him to do this, for himself at least.
He takes a deep breath. "I know that I went too far. And I know that I can't let that happen anymore. It's just...you know, my whole life I've tried not to become like Edna and Bud. As a kid, I hated them so much that I promised myself I wouldn't be like them, that I wouldn't scream or hit like they did. But I think that in a lot of ways I've failed at that. I know what to say in a fight, I know how to make it hurt." He's not proud of it, not really, it's just something he learned better than most people. Communication didn't really exist in his household, except for yelling and passive aggressive comments. Hurting others like they were hurting you. "And I guess that's what I did to Jackie last night." Hyde winces thinking back to it. The more he thinks about it, the more sick he feels. "God, I really was an asshole, wasn't I?"
Donna nods sadly. Ah, and there it was. An abused kid picking up some abusive tendencies. Classic tale. But the cycle needs to end there, that's all there is to it. And he needs to understand that. She gently touches his arm. "Hyde, the only person who's going to stop you from being like Edna or Bud is yourself. You're right, you were an asshole to Jackie, and I'm glad you acknowledge that. I think that's enough to show that you're not the same as your parents, 'cause they clearly didn't give a shit. But that's not enough; you first need to take responsibility and apologize to Jackie, and then you need to make sure it doesn't happen again. Especially now that you have Betsy around, because Carolyn wasn't wrong about what she said. I'm pretty sure you know that, too, and that's why you're so scared."
Hyde nods before looking her in the eye. "Yeah, I know," he says seriously, because he does know. "Thanks, Donna."
Donna reaches over to squeeze his hand. "Of course. I really believe you can do this. And I hope you know you're not alone."
He pulls his hand away. "Alright, alright, I get it," he says, but he's smiling. Donna just laughs and lightly shoves him with her shoulder.
The moment is interrupted when they see a kid a little bigger than Betsy roughly push her down near the playground, causing her to fall face first in the mulch. Donna and Hyde both stand up immediately, Hyde making a beeline for Betsy. When he reaches her, he picks her up and sees that she's crying. "Hey, hey, are you okay, Bets?" he asks, looking for any injuries and not finding any. He quickly brushes off the mulch sticking to her hair and clothes. "Shh, you're gonna be okay," he tries to calm her, giving her a kiss on the head.
Donna reaches them at this point and picks up Betsy. Hyde takes the opportunity to turn around and look for the culprit. He spots him a couple yards away and walks towards him. "Where the hell are your parents?" he demands. The kid takes a step back, having not expected a confrontation. A woman who Hyde guesses is the kid's mother starts walking up to them. "You think it's okay to let your kid push down other little kids? Jeez. Just keep your kid away from my kid," he scolds in distaste, going back over to Betsy and Donna.
Betsy reaches out for Hyde and he takes her from Donna. "You good?" he asks. She nods, sniffling a bit, but not crying anymore. Hyde wipes the remaining tears from her chubby cheeks. "Hey, if we go get you some strawberry ice cream, will that make you smile?" he offers, knowing her weakness for the strawberry dessert.
"Yes," she replies, already smiling a little.
"Yeah, there we go," Hyde smiles back. "Just don't tell Jackie I took you out for ice cream before dinner."
Donna just watches the wholesome interaction, trying not to let Hyde see how cute she thinks it is. Yeah, she thinks he's going to be alright.
After having wiped off any evidence of ice cream from Betsy's face, Hyde enters the apartment with her. He sets her down and tells her to go play while he gets dinner started, but when he walks into the kitchen he's surprised to find Jackie there. She's bobbing along to ABBA while watching a pot with what appears to be pasta in it boil on the stove. As often happens when he catches Jackie in a cute moment, Hyde's breath catches in his throat at the sight. How did he ever let himself push her away? More than that, how did he ever let himself hurt her? Oh, God. He really needs to do better.
"Oh, hey," she greets when she catches sight of him. "I got off work early, so I decided to make dinner. I know you don't trust my cooking, but it's just spaghetti so I think you'll be safe." She throws him a casual smile and turns back to the stove, continuing to hum along to the music.
"Hey, Jackie," Hyde starts seriously, mouth suddenly dry, "we need to talk."
She looks back at him, confused. Then her eyes go wide. "Oh my God, is Betsy okay? What happened?"
"What? No, she's fine! She's playing in the living room," he explains.
Jackie puts a hand to her heart. "Oh, thank God. Don't scare me like that, Steven."
"Sorry. But listen, I really do need to talk to you," he tries again.
She side glances him, unsure of where this is going. "Okay…"
"It's about last night."
She shakes her head. "Steven, I don't want to talk about last night. I just want to move forward and focus on doing what we need to do to keep Betsy with us."
"Jackie, please , I really need to say this, alright? I-I messed up, bad. I've been thinking about our fight and," he swallows hard, "I said some things that were really uncalled for. I'm sorry for saying you haven't been doing a good job with Betsy and that you wouldn't make a good mom and for calling you a whore like your mom and for literally everything else."
Jackie doesn't meet his eyes, instead choosing to focus on the boiling pot.
"Because none of it was true and I didn't mean any of it," Hyde continues. "I was just upset and wanted to hurt you the way I was hurting, 'cause growing up in my house that's what I learned. But that's not an excuse and it doesn't make it okay. I'm not gonna create the same environment my parents created for me. And I'm just- I'm really sorry I said those things, and I swear to God it won't happen again. And I know that probably doesn't mean much coming from me at this point, but-"
"Steven! I get it," Jackie stops his uncharacteristic rambling, a soft but sad smile on her face. "I don't want your apology. Well, okay, I do, but-" she sighs. "Look, I'm tired of this, of everything. I want actions, I want to see it. You want to convince me that you can be a better person? Okay, then be a better person. That's all. And anyway, I know you didn't mean those things. I mean, that doesn't mean it didn't hurt, because it did. So thank you for the apology, I appreciate it."
Hyde can almost physically feel the weight he's been carrying all day being lifted from his shoulders. He thought it would've taken more than that. Hell, it should've taken more than that. Maybe communication is really worth the effort after all.
"And also, I know what it's like to pick up negative traits from parents, too," Jackie continues. "I don't know if you ever noticed this, but I could be kind of prejudice against poor people and ugly people and foreign people. And I really thought that you can buy love. Stuff like that. But eventually I learned how to outgrow it. Mostly. Sometimes I still find myself thinking or acting like them, and I hate it. But all we can do is try to be better." She gives him a small, reassuring smile. "And I'm sorry for the things I said, too," she adds with a sheepish shrug.
What? He hadn't been expecting an apology in return, he'd been so focused on his apology to her. "Jackie, I think you deserved to say those things to me. In fact, you have the right to say some more."
She pretends to consider it. "Tempting, but we're supposed to be a team. And that means that things like this go both ways. It takes two people to fight, and I know I said things I shouldn't have."
Hyde stares at her in awe. He's often astonished by how much she's grown as a person. They both grew up in toxic homes with neglectful parents, but so far Jackie's managed to turn it around much better than he has. "You're really something else, you know that?"
"Yep, and you're very lucky to have me in your life," she flips her hair with a smile on her face.
That's an understatement, he thinks.
"Yeah, I'm not gonna argue with that," he smiles back. "So we're good now?"
She rolls her eyes. "Yes, Steven. We're good. Just as long as this crap doesn't happen again. I'm not going to put up with it," she warns with a raise finger in his direction.
"I know, and it won't," he promises.
"Good," she smiles. She just wants to move on and focus on the present. "Now go set the table."
"Betsy, you've hardly touched your food," Jackie points out. "Why aren't you eating? You'd better not say you don't like the food." She's frowning. Goddammit, did she really manage to screw up something simple like spaghetti? If so, this is going to be a long 16 years of raising a kid.
"I not hungry," Betsy replies, poking at her food.
"Not hungry?" she asks, confused. "Why wouldn't you be-" she stops mid sentence as realization dawns on her. She turns to Hyde, who appears to suddenly be very interested in his plate. "Steven," Jackie starts, her voice threateningly sweet, "do you know anything about that?"
"Hm?" he says, barely looking up from his plate. "Uh, no. I don't think so."
"Steven ," Jackie tries again, dropping the nice act this time. She can tell when he's lying. "Did you take Betsy out for ice cream again? Answer me right now."
"Alright, fine," Hyde gives in. "I took her out for ice cream, but it's only because some jerk kid at the park made her cry."
"What?" Jackie asks, concerned.. "What happened?"
"She was alright, just shaken up," Hyde reassures her before she marches out the door to go fight the kid herself. "But yeah, some kid pushed her down on the playground."
"Did you yell at him?" Jackie wants to know, angered at just the thought of the sweet little girl being bullied.
"I yelled at his mom, if that makes you feel any better," he says.
"Hm. A little," Jackie replies before turning to the toddler who's still picking at her food. "Betsy, if you're not going to eat then you can be excused, but I need you to go clean your toys off the couch."
"Why?" the little girl asks.
"Because Steven is going to sleep there again tonight and because I told you to."
"Ok," she reluctantly agrees and scampers off to do as she's told.
"Thank you, baby," Jackie smiles after the sweet child. When Betsy is out of the room, she looks back at Hyde. "By the way, I think you should've pushed the jerk kid right back," she admits and Hyde can't help but smile.
"And then the prince's marriage to the sleeping beauty, Little Brier-Rose, was celebrated with great splendor, and they lived happily until they died. The end," Jackie concludes the fairytale she's reading to Betsy later that night. She closes the Brothers Grimm book and kisses Betsy on the head. "Now it's time for you to be a sleeping beauty and go to bed."
"Mommy?" Betsy asks, stopping her.
As always when Betsy calls her that, Jackie's breath catches and her heart flutters. It's still such a new thing- and it's only happened a few times- but she doesn't know if she'll ever get used to it. It hurts to so bluntly hear her getting over Kelso and Brooke, but it also feels good, feels like healing. Healing of what, she's not sure. Maybe it's Betsy healing, knowing she's able to move on and be okay. Or maybe it's the healing of her own heart.
"Yeah, baby?" Jackie finally answers, having found her voice.
"Why Unca 'Teve sleepin' here?" the child asks innocently.
Oh. Yeah. It should be expected that Betsy would be wondering that, yet Jackie hadn't come up with an explanation to give whenever she would ask. It's a difficult thing to explain, afterall. Betsy has been through so much in the past months, had to adjust to living with Jackie and Hyde, going from one home to two- and now back to one. "Well," Jackie starts, "Steven's going to be living with us from now on. At least for a little while. That way you don't have to go over to the Forman's house to stay with him. We'll all be here, together. Okay?"
"Okay."
"How do you feel about that?"
"I like it."
"Good," Jackie smiles, glad that Betsy is going to have some real normalcy and stability of family life for the first time in a while. "Me too," she whispers before she even realizes what it is that she's saying.
