Disclaimer: see my profile.

A/n thank you for your patience. I am sorry for the delay in posting. I have been dealing with work and health issues this week that has made it impossible to think about writing. I hope that I'll have another update soon.

Waiting

JJ stared uncomprehendingly at the colorful magazines spread over the faux wood coffee table. The waiting area was softly lit and empty except for Hotch. Gideon, Morgan, Emily, and Garcia had left because Hotch threatened to have security haul them out. They all promised to return the following day. JJ stayed because Hotch's threats fell on deaf ears.

How could she leave this place when Spence slept in a room down the hall?

The ER doctor said he had bruises, broken bones in one foot, injection marks in one arm, and cracked ribs from – JJ closed her eyes and forced the memory of Spence coding on a dirty cabin floor away. The nurse told them that he slept without pain, but JJ wondered.

"JJ," she looked up to see Hotch.

"I'm not leaving."

"Understood, but I need to step out for a while. I have to call Hayey. It's all over the news. You'll need to deal with the press soon."

"I know, but I can't leave."

"I know," Hotch nodded. "Reid needs us, especially you."

JJ wiped a tear from her eye. "Yes, sir."

"I'll be back shortly."

JJ didn't watch him leave the room. Instead, she stood, strode down the hall, flashed her badge at the night nurse, and walked into Spence's room.

He did sleep, and his quiet breathing nearly fooled her into believing that he was only resting from a complex case.

JJ pulled up a chair next to him and reached for his hand. She swallowed hard at the sight of bruises on his wists and forearm. The angry redness and bruising from where Tobias Henkel had forcibly injected him with Dilaudid broke her heart.

"I'm sorry," she whispered and leaned over to kiss him gently on the lips.

He didn't respond, and she felt – glad that sedation kept him from the reality of his world.

Later – Hotch finally convinced her that they needed to get some sleep.

JJ began to undress as soon as she entered her hotel room. She winced at the pain in her arm from her encounter with killer dogs. It could have been worse.

"It was worse. Spence died."

JJ lay down on the impersonal hotel room bed and began to cry. She didn't know when her crying became sleep.

Darkness gathered around her as though she'd found her way into a lightless tunnel or cave. She tried to see something, anything, but the ebony darkness around her pushed on her eyeballs like a living presence.

JJ's breathing increased until she couldn't hear anything but the ragged intake and exhalation of oxygen to her lungs.

Then something did overpower her rapid breathing. She heard music far into the distance. It was organ music, and the tune was familiar, but she couldn't remember the piece's name.

JJ realized that she was walking toward the music because somewhere ahead, a light appeared. She homed in on it like a beacon. As she drew closer to the golden light, the music swelled around her. It grew louder, and then she realized that she saw other people in the brightening light.

The people were sitting in rows. They were pews in a church. JJ realized that the people were all dressed in black, and they were singing. A hymn. "Amazing Grace." The organ music swelled louder and became discordant around her as she walked up the center aisle toward – oh, god. It was a coffin!

JJ tried to hesitate, but the room around her continued to slide past as if she were on a moving walkway found in airports. She couldn't stop even when she noticed Garcia crying into Morgan's shoulder, Emily with Gideon, and Hotch with Hayley. They all ignored her as if she didn't exist. Where was Spence?

JJ tried to back away from the coffin, but some force drew her forward to the polished gleam of wood that was an open casket. Finally, she came to a stop. She tried to close her eyes, but – Spence. JJ looked into the coffin and screamed.

It was Spence, but not dressed in a suit, with his hair neatly combed back from his face and makeup to hide the grim pallor of death. No, he wore the same clothing from the graveyard. There was dirt caked into his hair and streaking his face and hands. Dead leaves stuck to his hands and his clothing. Worst, his face was grey, and worms crawled through his hair and over his mouth.

JJ screamed again and tried to turn aside before she retched, but Spencer opened his eyes and – JJ's eyes flew open, and she realized that she was trying to scream, but the sound left her mouth in a hissing rush. She turned to her back and began to cry.

It was two hours before JJ felt like she could go back to the hospital or even check her phone for an update. What if something had gone wrong in the night and Spence was dead?

JJ turned again and hissed in pain. Her arm throbbed, and she knew she wouldn't go back to sleep again. She got out of bed and went to her go-bag. She rummaged around for the pain killers the doctor had given her but couldn't find them. Impatience heated her blood, and she dumped the bag onto her bed.

The bottle of pills fell out and landed on top of a folded piece of paper. JJ ignored the prescription bottle and grabbed the paper. She always carried it with her as a kind of good luck talisman. This time, it hadn't worked, but she unfolded it anyway and read the first letter Spence had written her.

Tears fell and splattered on the page until she couldn't take it, and she tossed it into her bag on the floor. She reached for her notepaper and a pen.

JJ wrote, and then she read it and ripped the letter to shreds. She dropped it into the trashcan next to the desk and put her head in her hands. She couldn't write a letter this time. Anything she said sounded trite and – oh god.

JJ picked up her pen.

Dearest Spence.

I love you.

JJ.

JJ thought about tearing the note into tiny pieces, then she put it aside and went to take a shower. When she returned half an hour later, she picked up the letter, read it, and crumpled it into a ball with trembling hands.

She reached for her bag and turned back to look at the wastebasket. She walked back and nearly reached inside but then pulled her hand back and strode out the door. Maybe someday she'd write Spence another letter. One day, when all of this lay far behind them,