Again, I jolted awake. That damn dream, it's too much. I could feel my fear bring pushed up to the front of my being, nearly trapping me in shock.
This is still happening. I still get offered by my father if I want to embrace his ideals. I was able to help Sōma a little while ago, but this problem is still persisting. Sōma even was ready to hear me out, listen to what my father was telling me.
Ready to hear that my father "wanted" my skills.
But I don't. I refuse to join those horrible ideas. I want to fight!
…
Damn it, I can't sleep anymore. It's happened so close together. I feel that this bed is cursed; that I will never be able to get away from this nightmare while I'm in its grasp.
I got up once again. I felt weak, both physically and emotionally. The fear was still present, making my steps feel like lead, while the conflicting dream was haunting me every single heavy step I took. Nevertheless, I walked out of my room, desperate to find something that wouldn't bring back those memories.
My steps were slow, as I traversed the train cars once again. I took out my phone, checking the time. 1:30 AM. God, I criticize Sōma for sleeping so late, when recently, I end up being no better than he is. I also took some time to look over that photo of Haru, Sōma and I. Despite the fear of my father looming over me at the moment, I still could find some sort of calm when looking at Haru's innocent face, Sōma smiling along with him.
"Nakiri?"
I was broken out of my trance, as I heard the voice of Sōma echo throughout the train car. I looked up, and there he was with his spiky red hair, golden eyes, and a tired, but still bright smile.
"Oh… hello, Yukihira-kun. What is keeping you up this time?" I asked, remembering the last time we met in similar conditions. I sincerely hoped it was not some sort of deeply rooted dissatisfaction, as this time, in my state of unrest, I don't know if I could comfort him the way I did a few nights ago.
Fortunately, he didn't show any signs of melancholy, as he just grinned. "Well, I was getting ready to cook something. Come with me, I want you to try this." He gestured for me to join him. While it was unexpected that I would be meeting up with Sōma for the second time within so soon at night (although with the various meetings we have during the day, this might have been more of an assurance than I originally thought), I couldn't deny him this.
Not when I helped him realize what he was cooking for by reconfirming the promise he made to me.
"Alright then." I agreed with a small smile on my face, and joined him in the kitchen, where some ingredients were laid out already.
Steak, eggs, cheese, peanut butter…
"What are you making, Yukihira-kun?" I asked curiously, and like at the entrance exam, he started laughing. Not the full-blown cackling which no matter what, would irritate me, from when we first met to now, but a gentle, but no less amused, chuckle.
"Can't tell?" I shook my head absentmindedly, forgetting that Sōma had his head turned towards the onion he was currently cutting.
He might have seen it though, as he let out a small chuckle again. "Well, it's an omelette."
…
Wait, what?
"So… what, it's a stuffed omelette, with some peanut butter abomination to accompany it?" I mockingly asked, knowing his tendency to use peanut butter (or other condiment) with some seafood to create a stupid "test recipe".
He shook his head. "You got most of it right. Just watch though, and I promise you, I won't make anything bad."
Before I could retort and deny that claim, he held out a hand, silencing me. "I promise. Just trust me, I won't."
I looked suspiciously at Sōma, not full believing that promise, but tentatively nodding.
"Alright then." Before I let him continue with his work, I wanted to promise one more thing to him. "If you make some stupid seafood and peanut butter combination, I will not hesitate to end you."
He let out a laugh, still quiet as to not disrupt anyone else who was sleeping, but a heartier laugh than before. "Yeah, I'll remember that."
We then fell into a comfortable silence. Sōma was cooking cheerfully, I was watching him with interest. This silence, like the last time a silence was between us, made me think of my nightmare, and I could feel the shock coming back.
My father's lessons were still lingering in my mind, haunting me. What would happen if I went back? Would I be subject to more tastings?
*Snap Snap*
Would I get abused again? What if it'll be worse since I became a part of the rebels? I can't imagine it. I-
"Nakiri."
Again, I was broken out of my daydream by Sōma, who had a face of concern.
"H-huh? Oh, um… yes, Yukihira-kun?" I said, but his look of concern did not go away.
"Everything alright?" While it was only a few words, it held so much weight.
Since then, when we were alone, and I had a glum or concerned face (for any reason, mind you, not just because of my nightmare), he would ask if I was alright, and if I wanted to talk. I would always decline, gently telling him that I wasn't ready yet.
This time wasn't any different, although the comfort level I have with him has been increasing steadily.
"Y-yes… s-sorry, Yukihira-kun." I meekly said to him, and he gave a light smile; no signs of irritation or anger evident. I have to commend his patience, that he's willing to put up with my shy side for so long without being angry.
Frankly, I've never seen Sōma with any emotion other than joy… in other words, I've never seen him be cold or unforgiving. Melancholic and sad… unfortunately, yes, when he was talking about his Tōtsuki doubts. But never cold; never mean.
"It's alright." He said as he clasped my shoulder and continued cooking. Despite his short response, it had that underlying message he first mentioned to me when my nightmares first surfaced.
"I'm ready to listen, anytime you need to talk."
Those words made me curse my reserved side even more. He was so open to telling me his problems and was ready to hear mine. And yet, I don't say anything, like a coward.
But I'm happy that he respects my privacy, despite my heart's desire to tell him. I just need my mind to be prepared.
A few minutes after our small confrontation, the dish was finished.
"Alright, it's ready." He said, putting the finishing touches on the dish, and he presented it to me.
The appearance was plain, just an omelette with some sauce on the side. When I cut into it, I could smell the various spices and other scents that bombarded my nose. It made my knees feel weak, smelling something so flavourful.
"Thanks for the food." I said, putting the omelette into my mouth.
And as I did so, I was blown away. It was so strong, but not overpowering. They harmonized together wonderfully, creating a comforting, yet flavour packed taste. As I took a second bite with the now apparent peanut butter sauce (which thankfully, did not have seafood in it), it added another layer of harmony to the dish.
It was a very good dish. Not the best thing I've ever had, mind you, but it was very good. More than that however, the taste… it felt comforting… it felt like I was eating at my home.
This is what I want from cooking. While the high class, premium cuisine is good and all…
Really, I just want food that I would be happy to eat. Food that I would want to give to my friends, my family.
I looked to the one who made the dish. Sōma has given me so much hope, so much care…
I didn't want to lose all of this. I didn't want to lose this feeling.
"So, how… hey, Nakiri. What's wrong?" His look of happiness faded as soon as he saw my tears. Instantly, he moved to my side, putting a hand on my shoulder and shaking me gently. The motions just made me cry more.
He made me feel even more at home. It was this, that broke that cowardly illusion I had.
"Y-Yukihira-kun… can we talk?" I mumbled out between my sniffles. I finally found that courage that I needed. Realizing that there's a chance that I could lose all of this… it became too much.
Another gentle shake, and him softly getting me to stand up, and I could just feel his relief. "I've been waiting for you to say that."
Back again, we sat in the same booth that we did a few days ago, but this time, our positions were much different.
Sōma was silent, letting me fully invest in the terror that I was feeling from thinking about my father. I was leaning on his shoulder, just glad that I could let out all of my tears and cries, away from the rest of the world. I was grateful, as I probably would have snapped at him harshly if he tried anything at the moment. And if I snapped at him… I would feel awful, that after being so patient with me, I can't do anything but hurt his feelings.
A few minutes later, I felt the tears stop, and the shivers went away. I felt calmer than before, but not by much.
"Hey."
I slightly jumped at the sudden intrusion on my thoughts. I looked up, and Sōma was still looking at me gently, patiently waiting for me to calm down. My head went back down, resting on Sōma's shoulder once again, as I looked forward, looking at the curtain separating us from the rest of the train car.
"You ready to talk now?" He asked, and I gave a nod in approval, not moving from Sōma's shoulder. It just brought another layer of the homely feeling that made me feel so happy.
"Well… when we met all those nights ago… the time you cooked for me in your room. I told you about my first meeting with Saiba-sama. I also told you that after that, my father's training began."
I could feel my body tensing just remembering of my father's training, but Sōma's mere presence was working, and my body relaxed soon after.
"Yukihira… my father would keep me in a dark room. He would force me to throw out food that was not up to his standard, and when I refused… h-he-"
I could feel the tears coming as I tried to tell him the horrible experience I had to go through. It was still painful to think about. Before I could fully break down, and finish explaining everything he would do to me, I heard him softly say "breathe." I slowed down my frantic thoughts, and took a deep breath, being able to calm myself enough. The gentle rise and fall of Sōma's arm as I was lying on his shoulder was also adding to the relaxing, almost therapeutic feeling as I felt the calm movements of his body.
The way he was treating me felt so different than the efforts anyone else would do to help me. Even Alice, the one other person who knows so much about my father… her treatment, while was as caring as a relative could be, just didn't match to the redhead sitting with me at the moment.
I hate to be redundant… but it honestly felt like home to me. A home that I have never had the chance to live in before. And it was odd, now that I think about it. I've never experienced this at what I always felt was my "home".
Living in the mansion is nice, sure. Having such a large area only for me was great. But it always felt hollow. Even with Alice, Hisako and grandfather, there was always a distant cold air that went through the entire area, through every room I went into.
Being with Sōma provided me with the warmth that was missing. Throughout our entire ordeal of going through the promotion exams, and training for the regiment, we've become close.
He's told me something deeply rooted in his dissatisfaction in his cooking life. I've been able to help him.
And with this… I can finally say that we are friends.
"Don't worry. You don't have to say it. I know what he did to you."
…
What?
How?
I voiced my concerns, and the redhead that was comforting me let out a small sigh.
"Your grandfather told me. He asked me to try and save you from Nakamura-senpai. At first, when he asked me to do that, I didn't really get it, you know? All I really understood was that you had some family problems with your dad." He rubbed his neck in embarrassment. "At that point, I was so focused on the whole "I'll make you say my food is delicious" idea that I didn't really care." I lightly scoffed at his story.
"You still are only focused on getting me to say that." That got a chuckle out of Sōma, and I smiled at being correct and the fact that Sōma was acknowledging it.
"Yeah, that's true." He grinned, before gently raising me up from his shoulder, so we could look at each other. "But looking now, at everything since then… well, I want to beat up your dad, for one thing." That caused a giggle out of me, breaking me away a bit from my immobilizing fear.
"But also… there's more to it than just getting you to say my food is good." At that, I looked at him, a bit confused. Maybe confused wasn't the right word, but surprised. I couldn't believe that Sōma was thinking beyond his narrow goal.
"I felt something more powerful when I made you that tempura don. Sure, I wanted you to say it was good, but when I saw you react in such a blissful way, I thought that that reaction was the true Erina Nakiri."
"It was then that your gramps' words started to leave an actual effect on me. Knowing that it was Nakamura-senpai that probably caused you to be so mean, it made me want to make sure that you wouldn't experience that again. That's why I know we're ready for whatever your dad throws at us at the regiment."
Sōma's words were reassuring, knowing that someone who (though I would never admit it) was so strong at cooking had a noble cause for going through with this seemingly impossible task. As I looked at his eyes, sensing that strong sense of resolve and joy, I knew that if anything was going to carry us through the regiment, even with all of the talent we had with us, it would be Sōma's determination that would drive everything forward.
Even with all that though, I still felt sick to my stomach, knowing the stakes of losing the regiment.
"T-thank you, Yukihira-kun. B-but I'm still scared." He let out a hum of acknowledgement, leaving me full reign to voice my fears.
"I-if we lose… one of the conditions was that I would have to go back to my father. H-he wants to control me again, and… I-I don't want that." I said, feeling more tears coming.
"I-I finally found what I want… and my father's ideals do not represent that at all. B-but if I go back to him… I'm scared that he will be able to control me so easily. And his training… oh god, his training. Yukihira-kun… I'm so scared. I-I don't want to go back…" Just when I thought my tears would fade entirely, they came back in full force, as the fear of me going back to my father petrified me, and left me a crying mess.
I felt my body turn, and the arm that was comforting me wrapped around my entire body, locking me in a strong, warm embrace.
"Y-Yukihira-kun…?"
"Nakiri… I don't know what it's like, being physically, emotionally… just hurt by someone who should care for you. My pops, he cares about me, beyond the times where he's just messing around. But I'm your friend." Ah, he said it.
Friend.
Indeed, we are. Now that all of our secrets are revealed, we can say that we are friends.
"Friends don't leave their friends alone." The embrace continued, and I felt even more welcomed. "We will get through the regiment, with the rest of the rebels. But more importantly… We'll get through this together."
His hug tightened, not to an uncomfortable amount, but it held an intensity and warmth I've never felt in my life. The pure emotions resonated so well with me, that tears of relief nearly sprung up from the welcomed and joyful feeling.
Sōma's hold was nothing like my father's.
My father's grip was cold, and heartless. Like he only saw me for my talent, and not for the daughter I was.
Sōma's was warm and inviting. He's willing to bring me into his life, to be so close to him. I felt safe.
"And no matter what… I promise you Nakiri, from the bottom of my heart, that I will never let Nakamura-senpai touch you. Ever again."
The conviction in his words was so strong, that I knew he meant every single thing. No false promises, no empty words. He wanted to let me know that he will protect me.
And that was so nice.
"Y-Yukihira-kun… T-thank you s-so much." I cried, lightly sobbing into his chest, as he continued to hold me.
"No problem. I don't want to lose anyone… you guys are all so important to me. Our friendship… that's why we're going to win. That's why you will be safe, with all of us."
Sōma's honest words about the bonds that all of us share made me feel overjoyed. Even if I couldn't react accordingly, I was so happy that I could consider everyone around us as my friends.
This night made me feel at peace. The warm hold Sōma had on me was comforting, drowning my worries away. My now friend helped me, just like I helped him.
And now, I can say that we are more than just good acquaintances.
Like Sōma said, we're friends. Although, tonight made it seem like he's more than that.
He's family. The family I never thought I wanted, but desperately needed.
"Alright then, should we go to bed?" I heard Sōma ask, and I shook my head.
"Nakiri?"
"L-let's just stay here, Yukihira-kun. Please?" I looked up to him with a small frown, and he gave in instantly, with a small laugh.
"Sure. We can stay here for as long as you want."
I smiled, and retreating back into his chest, I listened to the train, as it chugged along.
And the sound of Sōma's heartbeat, that soothed me as time just slowed, leaving us alone for the night. I was able to sleep, with no nightmares invading my mind.
I woke up the next morning, still resting on the seat. Only now, my head was also on the seat, and not on Sōma.
I was about to worry myself with where he went, but a message on the table stopped me. I picked it up.
"Nakiri,
I just decided to leave you be after you fell asleep. Sorry if I worried you! But trust me, I'm still here. I'm just back in my room.
More importantly…
If you have anything you want to talk about, and I mean anything, come find me. I'm ready to listen.
…
And one more thing.
That promise? I mean it.
Sōma."
I gently smiled at his message, relishing the relationship that has now formed between us. While we may butt heads on certain things, we both know that we have each other's backs.
And honestly, that's all I need.
A/N: Hi everyone!
I know it's been quite a while since any updates from me, but life happens. This chapter, along with the rest of the story, has actually been done for so long, but I just kept putting it off. Now that it's been so long, I don't know if it is up to my standards, even though I've reread all the future chapters multiple times. At this point, I really just want to get the story out to you guys, so that I can actually wrap this story up and not leave you guys hanging.
Because of that though, I feel that if I put the rest of the chapters up soon or even now, the story would progress too quickly and a lot of stuff would feel out of place. So let me know if I should just post what I have, or try and add some stuff so it flows better. The main story beats are written out; if anything, I would write small stories like the last chapter so it doesn't feel too quick. But please let me know what you guys would want. It might take some more time, but I want it to go at a pace that you guys would like.
I don't have much more to say regarding the future of the story, but I did want to thank everyone who has been reading, liking, following, and especially reviewing. Even though I've been absent for so long, I still read every comment, even if I don't reply back anymore. The comments from everyone in all of my stories has been really reassuring, and inspired me to actually post this. Again, I don't know if it is as good as I want it to be, despite how many rereads I've done, but I truly mean this; Thank you guys. It's stressful times, both because of this pandemic, plus this being my last year of university and the future being very unsure. My stories still getting seen to this day and reviewed is astonishing and amazing to me, so thank you all.
Whatever happens in the future, I hope to see you guys soon! Please be safe!
(It Was You Ch 5: Our War - Uploaded November 17, 2020)
