I couldn't get the image of Sōma's distressed face out of my head. Knowing that something was going on with him and not being able to do anything about it was driving me mad, and Sōma's actions have only instilled more concern in me.
Sōma has stayed inside his room since then, and anytime I ventured into the various cars during my nightly excursions, I became increasingly concerned. I just wanted to know what was wrong, but of all times, now Sōma was staying in his room instead of cooking. My hope was that he was sleeping soundly, but I didn't hold much hope for that theory.
I even felt the need to talk to Megumi about this problem; knowing that she was his best friend at Tōtsuki gave me a bit of hope that she would know what to do. She didn't leave much for me to expand on, however.
"You're right, that is weird for Sōma-kun to do…"
During one of Megumi's check ins, I pulled her aside, and told her the details about that night. Minus some of the… intimate details; I would never tell her that I was in Sōma's room! That would be unbecoming of me.
"Indeed. I've tried to talk to Yukihira-kun about it, but I haven't had much luck." I said, a furrow in my brow forming at how difficult Sōma was being. I didn't reveal what methods I've been doing to find Sōma, again to shield my own pride.
"Well, I think if you keep at it, you'll eventually find out, Nakiri-san!" Megumi said with a gentle smile. Her positivity confused me.
"I'm surprised that you're relying on me to help Yukihira-kun, Tadokoro. You are his closest friend at Totsuki, after all." I felt melancholic as those words left my mouth. Since their backgrounds were similar, they were able to grow into such close friends, while I haven't had that opportunity.
"Don't sell yourself short, Nakiri-san!" Megumi said, waving her hands in disapproval. "You and Sōma-kun have been getting closer as well! I'm sure that you can help him out!"
Those words didn't inspire much hope, but thankfully, my prayers would be answered soon after that day.
For what felt like the nth time this week, I was walking around the Moon Shadow, hoping that I would be able to find the person of my concerns. I didn't hope for much, knowing what transpired, and how awkward our sessions became in the days after. I felt our friendship slipping away, a thought that I couldn't handle. It took so long for us to become friendly in the first place, and here I was, continuing to mess up again and again. As I was pondering my lacking abilities as a friend, I was shocked to see Sōma resting at a window seat.
Finding him at one of the tables was a bit confusing, considering his efforts to hide from me for the past few days. As I approached him, I could still see that distressed expression that was etched on his face before.
These emotions seemed to have a higher intensity than last time, looking to be on the verge of tears. While his last outburst left me with a sense of concern, this time left me scared. I didn't know what was causing Sōma so much pain, and at this point, our friendship was second to finding out why my happy-go-lucky idiot friend was like this.
I went beside his trembling frame, and gently shook him awake.
"Yukihira-kun." I didn't get a response to my attempt to wake him up. It seemed that shaking him only made it worse.
"… Mom… wake up… p-please…" As those words left his mouth, my fears grew. This was something much deeper than I thought. Hearing his small, almost broken voice was heartbreaking, and I just knew that he needed to talk about this, friendship be damned.
I shook him, a bit more force behind it this time, hoping that it would do the trick.
"Yukihira-kun… please wake up." A few more shakes, and Sōma jolted awake, head zipping from place to place until his eyes fell on me. He wiped a few stray tears away, trying desperately to keep some semblance of his usual nature. Frankly, that effort was pitiful to watch.
"N-Nakiri… What's up?" He said, voice shaky. He still had that pained expression on his face, causing me to frown.
"Yukihira-kun… is something wrong?" In response to my question, Sōma couldn't give anything but a shake of his head, looking at the floor instead of me. I sighed, a small smile on my face to try and create a cheerier environment.
"You know, you're not really good at lying." I was hoping for some sort of retort from my friend, but his lack of a response deflated me even more than I already was. I knew that there was no getting around the problem at hand. I just had to go through with my questioning.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I put on a softer tone, at this point not wanting to provoke any hostility from Sōma. It didn't really work, however; Sōma still found the floor more interesting than me.
"… I'm gonna head to my room." As he tried to get up and walk past me, I stopped him, putting a hand on his shoulder as our paths intersected. If Sōma's shocked reaction was any indicator, it was an unexpected decision from me. Admittedly, it was a bit embarrassing to be so bold in my actions, even though Sōma did so much more to help me all those nights ago.
His selflessness was why I decided to do this now, no blush forming on my face. I didn't want to be the one who was being helped every time. I wanted our friendship to truly be mutual, not just me accepting his care while giving nothing back.
"No, you're not." I stated, again surprising Sōma.
"Nakiri, I-"
"Yukihira-kun, I'm not stupid. I can tell that something is going on. And I want to help." I squeezed his shoulder, a wry smile forming on my face. "Believe me, it feels a lot better to let out your feelings." I inwardly facepalmed. It must have been so hypocritical to tell him this, despite how long it took me to convey my problems to him. But I knew that what I was saying was true, at least to me. Telling Sōma about my troubles was an uplifting experience. It felt as though a weight was lifted from both my heart and body, and I wanted to do the same for the one who gave me that opportunity.
He sighed, and I feared the worst, thinking that Sōma would shrug my hand off after realizing my hypocrisy, and leave me here, our friendship permanently fractured. Thankfully, that didn't end up being the case. Instead, he gave a weak nod. "Yeah… makes sense."
His weak response was still worrying, but I smiled. There was progress being made.
Soon after, we were in one of the booths, a curtain separating us from the world outside. It was against a window, so we still received some of the faint blue light of the night sky, a welcome addition considering the mood inside.
There was a tense silence between me and Sōma. Sōma was pensive, his face still not looking towards me and aimed at the ground. I was on thin ice at this point, so I kept quiet.
This situation felt familiar. This felt like what happened the last few times we were inside one of these booths; a silence coming between us, one waiting for the other to bare their souls. This happened when I learned of Sōma's uncertain future, and when he learned of my troubled past. Any sense of amusement I could have had vanished, however, knowing what I've seen and heard. I thought that the most Sōma had to worry about was his place at Totsuki, which was not hard to fix. But whatever was happening now went far beyond that simple, almost silly concern.
I reached out, gently shaking Sōma's arm. That seemed to get him out of his thoughts, as he looked at me for the first time in what felt like an hour.
"Yukihira-kun…"
"… Yeah. I know." With that, Sōma put his hands on the table, and took some deep breaths, as I released my grip on his arm, putting my hands to my sides. He closed his eyes again, taking some time to compose himself before reciting his story.
"Nakiri… do you know how I got this scar?" He pointed a finger at said imperfection, looking directly at me. It was the first time in days that he looked at instead of past me. I shook my head, taking that opportunity to let a small smile grace my face while it would be covered by my hair. More on the question however, I didn't know.
That scar was central (pardon the pun) to Sōma's character. It was one of the many signs that I saw when we first met that hit some nerve. His scar made him look roughish and rough, which was far from the truth. When we first met, it made me dislike him, along with his diner background. But now, it was one of his defining traits; it was a visual aid that showed to the world that he was Sōma Yukihira.
Despite all this, it was also mysterious. No one knew what caused that scar to show up…
Although, I guess that was changing today.
Sōma let out a dry chuckle at my response. "Yeah, that makes sense. I don't really like talking about it much." He looked to me again, apologies in his eyes. "And, I just want to say sorry about the past few days, Nakiri. It's just… after what happened a few nights ago, I needed some time to think to myself. But I guess fate is telling me something." He gave a sad smile to me. "We're good enough friends that I want to talk to you about this. After you told me everything about Nakamura-senpai… I feel that it's only fair."
The thought warmed my heart. It was nice to know that Sōma thinks our friendship is that close. But… this felt off, somehow.
"Have… have you told Tadokoro about this?" I asked, that question being the first thing to spring to mind. Megumi was Sōma's best friend, right? I can't find a case where she wouldn't know before I did.
To my disbelief, Sōma shook his head. "Didn't want to give her more to worry about." I couldn't help but sigh at that, raising an eyebrow at him.
"And you think I need that?" I asked, glaring his way. My prodding made him laugh, a sound that I appreciated to lift the spirits in the booth.
"Like I said, you told me about everything from your childhood. I thought that…" Sōma shook his head, seeming to realize something. "Oh… you're right, this might be-"
"Hush." I quieted him down quickly, cutting him off before he could try to avoid his problems again. I was trying to tease him a bit, as in reality, I wanted to do anything to help Sōma out. I didn't expect him to try and shy away from telling me, though I should have seen it coming with how he was acting up to now. I saw a bit of my old self reflected in Sōma's hesitance, and it hurt, knowing his normal personality. "I told you that I want to know. I was just teasing."
Sōma smiled a bit a that, not expecting my attempt to lighten the mood. But it soon changed into a serious expression. His hand grabbed onto mine, and he tightened his grip a little bit. It didn't hurt, but I knew there wasn't going to be much more stalling. A somber look was on his face now, as he looked to me.
"It's your last chance, Nakiri. It's some pretty heavy stuff." I shook my head. If I wanted to be as good of a friend that Sōma was for me, I had to do this for him. It was the least I could do.
"Yukihira-kun, I'm not leaving you alone like this." I squeezed his hand, smiling to assure him that I would be there for support. I tried my best to keep my blushing under control. While holding Sōma's hand was embarrassing, my determination to help him felt stronger. Sōma gave me one last wry smile, before taking a deep breath, calming himself before the storm of emotions that were bound to appear.
"Well… I got my scar when I was 8. Our family didn't have much money to throw around, as you know." I gently smiled at his small joke. "So, we didn't get to eat at all of those fancy places that often. But one day, I asked my mom and pops if we could try eating at a high-end restaurant. I felt so happy when they said yes."
"That night, we went out to some fancy French restaurant, and I swear… something about that food was enlightening." Sōma looked out the window, a smile and spark in his eyes that has been missing the past few days. "It was some of the best food that I've ever had. I saw that mom and pops were enjoying the food as much as I was, and we were able to just talk about everything that went into it to make it taste so good. I knew from that moment… that was my end goal. To make food that was so good that everyone would talk about it."
As Sōma was retelling his story, it brought a smile to my face. I never really understood Sōma's drive for cooking beyond his promise to me. I always thought that he had skill, but no solid motivation. Finding out about this brought some clarity to his actions.
"As we finished up, we took a cab back home. It was far away from Yukihira's, so we had to ride both there and back. We were talking about the food, and how we could use some of the techniques pops figured out at the restaurant, when…"
As Sōma cut himself off, I looked to him again, snapping myself out of the story. His look out the window didn't have that smile from before. His eyes were staring out into nothing, the pain of a past memory coming to him now. This was a far cry from the Sōma I knew. He was scared and vulnerable. And that did not sit well with me.
My grip on his hand tightened, wanting to support him and snap him out of his reverie. It did the trick, as Sōma shook his head a bit, and looked at me, a small, sad smile on his face. I returned it in kind, silently urging him to go on. After another deep breath, he continued.
"A driver sped past a red light. My mom was sitting on my right, so when the car hit… she grabbed on to me, trying her best to protect me from getting hurt. A-a piece of broken glass caused my scar, and… s-she didn't make it."
Sōma's grip tightened like a vice, squeezing my hand tightly. I could see the tears that were struggling to fall, and his body that was beginning to shake from grief. I moved closer to him, and let him rest his head on my shoulder.
I stayed quiet, not knowing what to say that could help in this situation. Frankly, there was nothing that could be done. Sōma had such a dark secret hidden under all that positivity. And out of all the people he could have told… he told me, someone who couldn't stand him when we first met, who only started to become friendly with him recently. I didn't know how Sōma could be so comfortable around me, as to let me know something so personal. It was a lot to take in.
"Yukihira-kun…"
"When I look back then… I always wonder if it was my fault that she died." My eyes widened in shock at what Sōma was saying about himself. I looked to him, and his eyes were blank, looking past the curtain in front of us.
"Yukihira-kun. You had nothing to do with what happened to your mother." That thought was absurd!
I wanted to continue, but he shook his head. I let the words die in my throat, wanting to be there for him and listen to what he had to say.
"But think about this, Nakiri… I asked them to go to the restaurant. If we didn't go, then we wouldn't have had to drive home and… she would still be here." It made sense that Sōma would try to shift guilt to himself; his mother died while he didn't, only getting a small imperfection instead. But this still wasn't right. Sōma didn't deserve to have these thoughts invading his mind. I returned the squeeze he was giving my hand, and shook my head.
"There was no way for anyone to know what was going to happen, Yukihira-kun. All you wanted to do was enjoy some time with your family. The fault lies with the idiot who decided to run that red light, not with the 8-year-old who lost his mother." I voiced my thoughts to him, hoping that it would lessen some of that unearned burden he had. I tried my best not to sound too harsh, knowing how frazzled he was.
Accidents like that happen all the time, but I would not let Sōma leave this room thinking that it was his fault, just because he wanted to enjoy himself by eating some good food with his family. He must have had this thought on his mind for so long, hating himself for killing his mother, and I would not let that stand. His mind should not be plagued with undeserved self-hatred and depression; it should be filled with his creativity that allows him to think on the fly, when everything seemed to be against him, and with the positivity that allows him to smile in such situations.
I looked to Sōma, and he still had that pained expression on his face. Obviously, my words weren't enough to rid him of that undeserved guilt; something so traumatic wouldn't be gone that easily. Seeing his expression made my heart clench. This was just like a few nights ago, when Sōma was feeling that pain while trying to sleep. While my hand was still clutching his, it wouldn't be enough, with the words now out in the open and not just fragments in Sōma's mind.
I let go of his hand, and moved beside him, wrapping my arms around his shaking body. It felt awkward, hugging him; I was never much of a touchy person, but a hug felt like the best thing to do here. He tensed a bit, not used to this display of kindness from me, but I kept my grasp firm.
"Yukihira-kun, I know that it would take a lot for you to stop thinking like this. But I'm sure your parents would not want you to blame yourself. The only thing that your mother regretted was that she didn't get to spend more time with her family. She would be overjoyed that you are here, in this moment. But she wouldn't want you to dwell on something that you didn't do or control. This is hurting not just your mental state, but your physical health too."
I thought back, thinking about Sōma's tendency to abandon sleep, and it all made sense. Sōma pushed these thoughts to the back of his mind, putting up his normal personality of our always cheery friend. It could only be while he was asleep that these events would plague his mind. It was the same reason that my father's training kept a hold on me for so long. And while that event was traumatic for me, it felt small compared to Sōma's pain.
I felt conflicted in my dreams; Sōma couldn't see anything but guilt. To him, he was the reason that his mother died. Naturally, it would be better to stay awake if possible, to stay away from those thoughts.
I felt my stomach churn, guilt rising in me.
"I now see that I was too harsh when I criticized your sleeping habits. For that, I apologize." I felt Sōma's body shift, no doubt looking at me, but I continued. "Even so, I want you to stop thinking of yourself as the suspect. Don't let that event put unnecessary stress on you. I want you to stay healthy."
As that last sentence left my mouth, I felt my cheeks grow a bit warm. I didn't mean for it to come out that way, but it was true. I wanted him to sleep soundly. After everything he's gone through, he deserves it.
"T-thanks, Nakiri. But… I don't think I can just stop thinking about this."
His words broke my heart once more. I understood where he was coming from; 8 years of self-guilt cannot go away overnight. It will probably stay with him his entire life. It felt impossible.
But if someone was up to the task, it was Sōma. Of course, not alone. That is unreasonable.
"That's fine, Yukihira-kun. But… please don't try and deal with it alone. If you need anything, I will be there for you." I looked to him again, a smile on my face as our eyes met. It was the least I could do for him. Sōma made such a drastic promise as to never let my father touch me again; it felt only fair that I did something just as important for him.
With how we were seated, when I turned my head to face him, he was right there, our gazes aimed directly at one another. I could feel that blush from before creep ever closer, more so when Sōma smiled at me.
"Thanks, Nakiri… I really needed this." His earnest words made me look away, coughing to try and rid myself of this stupid blush.
"D-don't worry about it, Yukihira-kun. I just couldn't think of anything better to say." I mentally facepalmed. Why would I say that? That would just make me sound disingenuous, and Sōma would just-
A laugh broke me out of my thoughts. It wasn't the broken laugh from earlier; that chuckle Sōma would do when he was teasing me was here, and for once, I felt elated to hear it.
"I know what you meant. And… thanks again." Sōma returned my embrace, wrapping his arms around me. I could feel how toned his arms were from working at the Polar Star farm, and his hug felt so warm and comforting…
Ok, ignore those thoughts, Erina.
"Also, Nakiri. You can call me by my first name if you want. We're friends, I don't mind."
I felt my brain starting to short-circuit. Calling him by his first name felt… so personal, it was odd. But… we are friends. And any way to break my cold exterior would be welcome.
"I'll call you by your first name if you do the same, Sōma-kun." I said his name with a teasing tone, telling him that I wouldn't be so easy to convince. Another small chuckle was his response.
"Alright, Erina. Happy?" He said with an equally teasing tone, causing me to blush harder. As he said it, I realized that Sōma was the first guy I've let call me by my first name outside of family. That thought alone was embarrassing; it made him feel like part of my-
"Whatever, Sōma-kun. Just try and sleep. I'm staying here, so stay quiet." I stated, trying my best to hide my blushing with stern words. I felt a nod on my shoulder, as Sōma leaned back onto it.
"Yeah, yeah. Night, Erina."
I did my best to stay awake. I wanted to make sure Sōma was able to sleep soundly. The entire time, however, I couldn't help but have a smile on my face. I thought that I knew everything there was about Sōma, but tonight, I was able to provide him with an outlet to express his sorrow. With some assistance, he used me as his rock, a place he came to when he was feeling lost, something which he's done for me so many times before.
And as my eyes fell, I felt at ease.
"Good night, Sōma-kun."
A/N: Hey, everyone!
It's been a while, but I finally got to a point where this chapter looks good to me! I ended up rewriting this chapter, as the first draft didn't read well to me. When I was following the series, I was always curious about Soma's scar, and I was among the many who thought that the scar = the event that killed his mother. So, don't think about what actually happened in canon, as I had this plan much earlier than we found out about it.
Even though the chapter looks a lot better now, I'm still a bit conflicted on how it all came out due to the serious nature of the crash and all. I hope it reads well for you guys, so let me know what you think as always. I'm always reading reviews that come, so keep them coming!
The next chapter should be the end, but again, if I put it out, it might feel too rushed. I might write a smaller chapter again to make sure the pacing isn't too quick, so expect 1-2 more chapters. It will probably take a while before they come out, with school inching ever closer to finishing and me having to write and rewrite stuff, so don't expect another chapter quickly. I want to make it feel right.
Again, please leave reviews; I always read through them, and I value every single one!
I hope to see you again soon, and stay safe!
(It Was You Chapter 7: At Night on the Galactic Railroad - uploaded March 25, 2021)
