"The Logic of Going with the Flow"
Emily Prentiss sat on the edge of her bathtub staring at the white stick in front of her, the two pink lines flashing back at her. This was never in the cards for her life, she wasn't supposed to be pregnant, she was on birth control, so how had things gotten so complicated. She wasn't ready for a baby since she had never wanted to be a mother in the first place…how could she have been so reckless and stupid. What the hell was she supposed to do now? It was not like she couldn't go to the father and that he would turn her away…no, he was a good man. The problem was they weren't even together "together", they'd just had a one-night stand a couple of months ago and that was all it was supposed to be. They hadn't even talked about it since it happened. It was probably better for both of them that they didn't because, after all, they did work together and they couldn't afford a scandal. That night had been great, she couldn't not deny that, the sex had been phenomenal and magical, but it could never happen again and they both knew it. There was so much to lose, their jobs would be at risk, their friendship…it was better that they kept going on with their lives, that had been the agreement. Now what? What was she supposed to say or do? And how was he going to react about the news? He was probably going to be pissed and blame for her for everything. She didn't even know how was she supposed to tell him or when. Abortion wasn't an option, she couldn't do that again, not after what happened to her when she was fifteen. But she wasn't sure if she could be a single mother, not with the job they did, and the baby didn't deserve this either. She sat there on her bathroom tub crying for several hours because she didn't think she could face him tomorrow. He would probably accuse her of doing this deliberately to lure him into doing something he didn't want to do, he was going to be furious!
Emily avoided him during the following days while they were on a case, and she couldn't even look him in the eyes. She felt terrible…like somehow, she had betrayed his trust. She knew the minute he found out about the pregnancy, he would hate her forever.
Aaron Hotchner was trying his hardest to focus on the case at hand because more people were dying each day, and he needed his full attention there in the field. And yet, the only thing on his mind was Emily; she had been acting strangely for several weeks now, in fact, she had been acting strangely for a couple of months now ever since they had slept together after a drunken night of drinks. They really hadn't planned it, it just kind of happened. They were physically attracted to each other, and the chemistry between them was phenomenal, so it was bound to happen at some point. But it didn't make it any less awkward, so she had distanced herself from him, and now she could hardly look him in the eye. In fact, the past few days, she had avoided him like the plague, and he couldn't figure out why. Had he done something to offend her, did she not enjoy herself that evening? Why was she acting like this? He needed to find out if he had done something to ruin their friendship. Thankfully, the case ended soon enough giving them the opportunity to go home.
Back at Quantico, Hotch went around the bullpen handing out several files the team needed to complete before they went home.
"Prentiss, may I talk to you for a moment, please?" He asked her from the step.
"Um, I was actually about to go home…it has been a long day."
"This will only take a few minutes." He stressed walking toward his office.
"Okay." She agreed feeling nervous and uncertain.
"Come in, sit down," Hotch said as he went over to the couch; Emily followed him sitting right next to him.
"Is everything okay with you?"
"With me?" She asked opening her mouth slightly. "Yeah, everything is great."
"You're acting strange." He told her analyzing her, trying to see through her eyes.
"I'm fine, Hotch, I'm just tired."
"Are you mad at me?" He queried, looking at her frowning realizing sometimes Emily Prentiss was a total enigma to him.
"What?" Her eyes widened. "No, of course not!"
"Then what is it, Emily, we used to be friends, is this because of what happened that night?" He questioned. "Emily, if I offended you in any way, it wasn't my intention."
"No, it's not that."
"Then what is it?" He further questioned. "You've hardly looked in my direction the past few weeks."
"Hotch…" She said nervously when she wasn't sure how to put the words together. "I'm pregnant!"
Everything stopped moving around him, this was definitely not what he was expecting.
"Wow…I…."
"I know, I have no idea how this happened, we'll I mean I know how it happened." She started closing her eyes in a mocking way. "I was on the pill, I didn't lie to you about that, and trust me, Hotch, this isn't some sort of plan to tie you down or anything, you have no obligation to me, I promise you that, and I don't expect you to do anything. I honestly never wanted any of this to happen, and I certainly don't want to hold you back and be a burden in your life."
"Hey…slow down for a second," Hotch said reaching out for her hand to stop her from talking. "I never said that."
"Are you sure you're pregnant?" He questioned.
"Yes, I took four tests and my doctor confirmed it."
"Okay." He said, taking a deep breath. "Well, how do you feel about this, do you want to keep the baby?"
"I don't want to have an abortion, Hotch; I had one when I was a kid and it really fucked me up."
"I wasn't suggesting you have one, I just wanted to know how you felt."
"Honestly, I'm terrified because I have no idea how I'm going to do this, but please, Hotch, don't feel obligated to be a part of this in any way…this isn't your fault, you don't have to be involved."
"Will you please stop." He said annoyed. "Emily, this is as much my fault as it is yours, and I would never walk away from my own child, you know that, don't you, and the fact that you even think that I would really offends me."
"I know you won't, but I don't want to ruin your life because of this mistake."
"Is that what you think this is, a mistake?" He asked hurt…standing up from the couch and walking away from her.
"Well, we certainly didn't plan it, Hotch."
"Maybe not, but this is real, and we both need to find a way to do this together," he told her turning to look at her again.
"So, you want to do this?" She asked confused. "You want to have a child with me?"
"Well, it's not like we have any other choice. Look, this might not have been planned, but under better circumstances, I wouldn't be opposed to the idea."
"Are you saying that if this had not happened, you would still have had a child with me?" Emily asked.
"I mean, it's not like I would wake up planning to get you pregnant, but you are an amazing woman, and I think you will make a great mother. "
"Hotch, be serious, please." She begged beginning to feel nauseous.
"I'm being serious, look, I know we didn't plan this, but it's real and it's happening, and unless you have any better ideas, we need to do this together."
"What about the team?"
"We'll worry about the team later, why don't we just take it a day at a time and go from there."
"You are awfully calm after just finding out you're going to be a father."
A few months later, Emily was lying on the examination table at her OB-GYN's office, having had to reschedule several appointments because to work, but she had finally been able to get away from work for a few hours, and to her surprise, Hotch had told her he wanted to come with her when Emily explained why she needed the morning off. At first, she was surprised…it wasn't like they were a thing now. They simply had agreed to keep the baby and to do the best they could to be good parents when the baby was born, but he had explained to her that he had missed a lot while Haley was pregnant with Jack and that he wanted to be as much part of this baby as he could.
"Stop fidgeting." He admonished as he watched her with exasperation, her knee had been bouncing since they arrived at the clinic, and it was beginning to get on his nerves.
"I'm sorry," She apologized, "I'm just…"
"Hey, it's okay, it's normal to feel anxious." He told her calmly reaching for her hand in a supportive way.
"How are you so okay with all this?" She asked, looking at him in disbelief. "All of a sudden you're going to be a father, and your life has been turned upside down yet you act like you just won the lottery."
"Just because I don't walk around panicking, that doesn't mean I'm not scared."
"You are?" She asked, looking into his eyes.
"Sure." He told her gently. "This is new for both of us; I mean, we never expected any of this to happen, but we both made a mistake and our lives are going to change forever because of it." He watched as her face dropped at his choice of words.
"Let me rephrase that…" He told her coming closer to her and holding her hands. "Being with you…that wasn't a mistake; what I meant to say is, things would probably have been easier if we had been in a stable relationship, but it doesn't mean we can't make this work."
"You don't regret that night?"
"Of course not, Emily, you're beautiful and any man would be lucky to raise a baby with you. I know this isn't exactly ideal, but I think we both only want what's best for the baby."
"How can we give the baby that, we're not exactly an ideal family." She said sadly.
"And what exactly is an ideal family?" He asked her, laughing. "Look, we might not fit the definition of a perfect couple, but I'm sure we're willing to do anything to raise this child right."
The nurse walked in before he was able to say anything else to start the exam, and it turned out she was exactly eighteen weeks pregnant, and that the pregnancy was healthy, as expected. They weren't able to find out the gender of the baby that day, but Emily was happy….she had been worried about what kind of life she would provide for her child, but she knew Hotch was already a great father to Jack, and that he would be the best father to their baby, as well, even if they weren't exactly together.
Hotch became more protective of her after that, constantly watching her in the field and pairing her with him, and bringing her breakfast and decaffeinated coffee, and even those nasty processed cakes from the store because he knew how much she liked sweets and how badly her cravings got during the pregnancy. He tried taking her out for dinner whenever they had time available, with the excuse that she needed to eat properly, and that she looked too thin. She fell asleep several times while he drove her home, and he ended up carrying her inside her apartment and placing her on her bed. He realized how beautiful she was and how much he missed the company of a woman…the heat her body provided, the idea of having someone to come home to every day. He was fascinated by the fact that she was growing his child inside her, she was glowing and she became more beautiful each passing day. He didn't want to admit it, but he might have been falling in love with her each passing day. Of course, he was oblivious to the fact that she enjoyed his company just as much as he did hers, that sometimes she faked being asleep just so he could carry her upstairs because she was too damn tired to walk. That sometimes, the little hostess cakes he brought her made her really sick, but she ate them anyway because they came from him, and that whenever he spent the night at her house, she would wake up in the middle of the night just to watch him sleep, dreaming of what it would be like sleeping in his arms.
Time was flying and by the time Emily was seven months pregnant, she could barely move around, she felt like an entire planet. She was stubborn as they come and refused to go on maternity leave or do her work from Quantico because she believed that would make her obsolete to the bureau. Hotch and her got into their first really big fight when he tried taking her out of the field against her will. It didn't turn as he had expected. It ended with her sobbing that she was a burden on the team and that the only reason Hotch hadn't fired her was because she was carrying his child. As crazy as she drove him sometimes, he had come to terms with the knowledge he had feelings for her, and he wanted to try raising their child together as a couple. He hadn't found the courage to tell her that just yet, but he knew he would eventually.
The opportunity came while working on a case in the San Fernando Valley. Several homicides around that area ended up being tied to a woman suffering from severe psychosis. While attempting to capture their unsub, Emily had gone into a warehouse where their unsub was last seen and ended up tripping on the stairs and landing on her butt. They apprehended their unsub and an ambulance was called. There were no signs of superficial injuries, but that didn't stop Hotch from sending Emily to the emergency room in said ambulance.
While she sat waiting to be examined, Hotch stood at her side with a very serious expression on his face. Emily wasn't in any major pain, her back and butt hurt, but she was sure it was all related to being the size of a planet. The nurse had already checked the baby's heart rate and everything seemed normal and there were no signs of bleeding, but they wanted to run an ultrasound just in case.
"We should just go home." Emily protested for the what felt like the tenth time. "Seriously, this is completely unnecessary."
"Can you just let them look at you," Hotch said a little harsher than what he intended. "I know you're used to doing whatever you want, but can you please just go along with me and let a doctor see you?" He said exasperatedly.
"Why are you mad?" She asked, looking at him with a frown.
"Nothing."
"Hotch?"
"Nothing, Emily…." He sighed running his fingers through his hair. "If something happens to you or the baby…."
Emily smiled; even though it wasn't an actual admission of love, it made her heart flutter, and she reached for his hand pulling him closer to her.
"I'm fine, Aaron." Instinctively, he placed his arms around her waist, and she leaned on his chest sighing. He kissed forehead and closed his eyes.
"I'm sorry." He apologized for losing his temper. Emily just reached for his face cupping his cheeks and pulling him in for a kiss.
"I love you, too, Aaron." His lips were on her again, kissing her and holding her close, the fear of the possibility of losing the baby or her suddenly being too much. They stood there kissing until there was a knock on the door, and the doctor walked in.
"Miss Prentiss." He smiled at her. "And you must be Mr. Prentiss?" The doctor turned to Hotch who didn't even bother to correct the doctor.
"Alright, let's go ahead and take a look at this baby."
Emily leaned back on the table lifting her dress shirt while the doctor applied the cold gel and pressed the sonogram wand against her rounded belly. A few minutes later, the strong heart beat filled the room and a smile spread across Hotch's face.
"Everything looks great, baby's sounds as strong as ever." The older lady said.
"Do you guys want to find out the sex of the baby?" She asked looking at them. Hotch's eyes focused on Emily's who reflected the same joy as him. She nodded looking at the screen again.
"It looks like it's a girl!" The doctor said pointing at the black bulb that resembled their child on the screen.
"A girl!" Emily said as tears filled her eyes.
"A little Emily," Hotch said with the same joy, then reaching for her hand and squeezing it.
"Congratulations! Your daughter is perfectly healthy."
A few minutes later, the doctor left handing Emily a tissue to clean herself and giving them some privacy.
"Are you happy?" She asked hopefully.
"Are you kidding me?" Aaron said, looking at her with sparkling eyes, "I've never been happier, except…Maybe…. Emily, marry me?"
"What?" She squeaked looking at him with shock.
"I'm serious, I know I want to do this, I've wanted this for so long."
"We can't just get married because we're having a baby, Aaron."
"That's not why I'm asking you." He told her reaching for her face. "I mean, yes, our situation isn't exactly conventional, but l love you and I want this, I want all of it, I don't want to just be your baby daddy." Emily laughed looking at him in adoration.
"Honey, you just used the word "baby daddy" in a sentence." She said entertained.
"I'm serious, Em, ever since you told me you were pregnant, I've wanted nothing more than to form a family with you."
"We've only been together once, Aaron, how can you say that?"
"We slept together once, but I've known you for years, I've loved you for longer than I can admit. I know it's you with whom I want to spend the rest of my life. The baby is what brought us together, but I wouldn't change a thing."
"So, what do you say?" He asked her again, grinning and helping her off the table.
"I think it might be worth discussing, you know when we get home and all…you know, really talk about that maternity leave you've wanted me to take, maybe get into another fight." She winked, reaching to cup the front of his pants.
"Only if you let me win."
"Not a chance." Emily laughed, pulling his hand and dragging him out of the hospital room, knowing they might not have all the answers but it was worth trying if he was by her side.
