Disclaimer: I do not own the Mortal Instruments series, if that isn't obvious yet.
Clary awoke in a lonely bed to the sound of ruckus and shouting, interrupting her deep sleep and with a tired groan she manged to open her eyes tiredly and look around at the strange room. She was all alone in the neatest room she has ever seen. It seemed so neat and tidy, she would have almost believed no one lived here if it weren't for the books organized by height and alphabetical order on the shelves.
She shook her head in hope of getting focused but it only shoved the pain of her hangover in her head to the very front of her brain, Clary clutched her head as she graoned in pain at the pounding headache bumping across her forehead. Worst hang over ever.
She tried to lean back into sleep and in doing so caught a whiff that captured her attention, the covers and the pillows smell like Jace, that's nice.
Her eyes widened when she suddenly sat up as the memories of last night jungled up in her brain in a tangled confusing mess, she remembers it.. remembers kissing Jace and him carrying her over here.
Her fingers reached up to touch her lips softly, feather like, as if she could trace the electric feeling of having Jace's lips on her own from last night, could still taste it and afraid its memory might fade. She smiled to herself as she recalled the events of last night more vividly now and more distinctively she could remember her conversation...
"Are you gonna regret kissing me in the morning?"
"No. Would you? Regret it?"
"Not in a million years"
She blushed at the memory, no, she doesn't regret it. Not at all. And she needed to tell him that. She wondered where Jace could be this early in the morning. Actually she wondered how early in the morning was it.
There was a glass of water with what she assumed was aspirin on the nightstand beside her and a little folded note. She unfolded the note first and read
To Clary,
Aspirin and water.
- Jace
Clary rolled her eyes as a chuckle escaped her at his antics -he could be ridiculous, sometimes- and she took the medicine eagerly, maybe it can do something about the horrible headache.
She looked around what she now realized was Jace's room and it all somehow surprised her and yet was not that shocking at all. With his voice inscripted in her head as she got off the bed and wandered around, getting her hands on everything, the books, the sheets, the furniture. She noticed she was still in her dress from last night but her shoes were tucked at the side of the room.
The sounds of shouting erupted again and she decided to check, she put on her shoes and followed the noise all the way to the front door. She heard Jace's voice and Isabelle's as she started descending the stairs.
"I have no idea who you are so I will not be following your orders" Isabelle said.
"Jace you know who I am, you know why I am here" a distinctive voice sounded. Luke.
"I know who you are, I'm still not waking her up" Jace argued.
Were they talking about me? Clary thought, they had to be.
"Too late for that" Clary mused with a teasing grin as she forced the headache down in her head.
The three people at the door looked sheepish as they realized they woke her up anyways but Clary didn't mind. She was dehydrated and tired and aching all over, she needs a morning run or yoga or coffee.
"Hey kiddo" Luke said.
"Morning" Clary responded tiredly.
"Come on, you knew I'd find you" Luke said.
"I'm surprised it took you this long" Clary shot back teasingly as she walked over.
"Clary you know you don't have to go anywhere" Isabelle said glaring at Luke.
Clary smiled and pressed a hand to Iz's shoulder, capturing her attention as she sent a reassuring look and said "Don't worry, Luke's fine".
"Come on, kid, let me take you home" Luke said.
Clary looked around, particularly at Jace, who was looking at her with a calculating look. She didn't know what he was thinking, was he worried about Luke again? Was he thinking of last night? Did he think she changed her mind. "Can I just have a minute?"
Luke nodded and went to his car while Isabelle, as silent as a leaf falling from a tree, disappeared from the scene and all was left were Clary and Jace.
They fell into an uncomfortable silence and a routine of both looking at the other and coincidentally catching the other's gaze and looking away hurriedly. Clary could not remember a single time the silence between her and Jace was uncomfortable, this was new for them and she wasn't a fan of it, so she went to say something.
"I just-"
"About last-"
They both started at the same time and cut themselves off, Clary cleared her throat awakwardly as she grabbed her arm, as if shielding her body.
"You first" They both said simultaneously and stopped again, Jace scratched the back of his neck, nervously and uncomfortably.
"You" They did it again.
Clary raised her hands in the air, a sign of giving up as she said "Just go".
Jace cleared his throat before he started talking, and yet stumbled over his words "I uumm, I.. left you a glass of water next to the bed".
Clary pursed her lips and nodded, as her hands involuntarily clutched around the note she had tugged in her hand, "It was a very plesant gesture, yes".
"I see now that I should have thought ahead of what I wanted to say" Jace added.
"Wouldn't be you if you would have" Clary joked.
"And wouldn't be you if you didn't joke about it" Jace grinned.
"No it really wouldn't" Clary said with a grin. The silence descended heavily on them again as Clary kicked her boot to the floor, looking down just because she had no where else to look.
What should she do? She had no idea how to deal with it, if she wanted to deal with it. She thought about last night and how she almost blurted out the truth to Jace about him. She knew what she should do, ideally she should turn him down, yet again, or pretend not to remember their kiss. Either way, break his heart and her own so that he could stay safe.
She looked back at Jace and she willed all her strength to do it. But she couldn't.
Maybe she was being selfish, listening to her heart. Maybe she was being merciful, not breaking either their hearts. Maybe she was being careless, putting her emotions over the safety of everyone around her. And it did feel like she was being all of those things.
But she was tired. Tired of fighting it, tired of denying everything her heart felt and screamed, the thought of going through that pain again felt gut wrenching, a stab of pain shot in her heart and nausea bubbled in her stomach at the mere thought of it. She couldn't do it again, not to herself and not to Jace.
She would be risking her friendship with Jace and ultimately all her friends, exposure, Jace's safety, her mother's, her own, everyone around her but she couldn't stand to stay another moment in this torture. The torture of feeling this way for someone, knowing he feels the same way and denying it, pushing it down and letting her life pass without ever letting herself have this.
So she knew it was stupid, selfish and reckless, but to hell with it. To hell with denial, to hell with Luke's rules, to hell with Valentine.
"Clary I-"
Jace's voice shocked her back from her state and she figured determinately Here goes nothing.. or possibly everything. She cut him off as she grabbed a hold of his shirt and bringing his mouth to her own -momentarily thanking the Angel she had worn her heels again- in a soft passionate embrace, effectively cutting off what he was about to say.
It was a beat before his mouth started moving against her own and his hands sneaked to her waist, wrapping around her and bringing her closer as her hands left his shirt and closed behind his neck.
This kiss was different than last night's kisses, it was soft and sweet, not in effect of the frenzy state they were in and they took their time. They moved in sync with one another, tender and feather like, both afraid to push too hard and break it, tingling excitement flared inside her, every inch of her felt sparkling with desire from head to toe, all reacting to his touch and kiss as if his lips were touching, more than her own, but her soul as well.
It was tranquil and peaceful, almost as if the whole world had faded into white nothingness and they were all that remains, their kiss keeping them alive and attached to one another, nothing else seemed to have mattered in that moment.
The sound of clapping and cheering broke the two apart instantly, detangling themselves from one another and they looked around for the source when they found their friends, all standing on the stairs clapping uncontrollably, cheering with loud 'Wooaho's and Aline wolf whistline while Sebastian whiped a tear, Isabelle and Maia exchanged some money and Alec said loudly "Finally, now I swear by the Angel, one more sexually charged moment between the two of you and I will run for the hills".
Clary blushed as she looked over at Jace who seemed to be not affected, to the opposite even, he was smiling, the nerve of him will always astonish her. She smacked her lips as she nervously played with her hair, bringing it over her shoulder then pushing it back again. Jace rolled his eyes, still smiling nonetheless as he said "Alright, you made your point, get the hell out of here".
They stopped their cheers and claps but the group did not move, in fact they leaned in, looking more intrigued. Clary turned back to Jace giving him a small smile "I'll... talk to you later".
He nodded but as Clary's hand reached for the doorknob, he stopped her, pulling her against him once more and locking their lips in short sweet embrace, it was brief but it was enough to make them both lose their breaths.
"Your breath stinks" Jace whispered under his breath.
"Then stop kissing me" Clary said embarrassed as she realized her breath must still smell like alcohol or worse.
"I can't" his low tone whisper made her shiver as his words physically effected her.
"Oh and he goes for another kiss" Isabelle started.
"What a courage! What a performance! What a show!" Sebastian clapped his hands.
"Encore. Encore." Aline demanded.
"Ladies and gentlemen, you saw it here first" Maia said.
The two laughed shaking their heads as their moment was broken again, "I should go" Clary said backing away.
"I'll talk to you later" Jace said with a promise to his tone.
Clary left the house fighting down her smile, it just kept coming back. She knew she must have looked crazy to Luke, grinning wildly as she got into his car. She was giddy and on edge, she couldn't believe that she just, soberly and defnitely, kissed Jace. What could this mean for them? She had a faint idea but she didn't want to get inside her head too much, especially when Luke was there.
He started driving as soon as she got in but Clary quickly noticed he wasn't driving her home, "Where are we going?"
"Breakfast, you hungry?" Luke asked.
"That's not even a real question" Clary joked, "I'm always hungry, and I need some coffee".
"To cure your hangover?"
"Yeah it's totally a b-" Clary smacked her lips shut as soon as she realized what she was saying. "I.. have no idea what you mean".
"I mean the tank of alcohol that you have surprisingly drank".
"I ah kukh umm, I can't believe you would accuse me of-" Clary fumbled for words, trying to look perplexed, shocked and not believing this wreched accusation, she wasn't the best actor, expecially when it came to Luke.
"Clary I can smell the alcohol from a mile away".
Clary rolled her eyes, "Fine you caught me". She looked sheepishly at him from under her lashes "Are you gonna tell my mom?"
Luke didn't say anything, he just gave a shrug and Clary understood he was still thinking it over. She sighed as she leaned on the door to the car, looking away. Great she thought sarcastically.
But her cynicism didn't last as she found herself thinking of Jace again and involuntarily bring a smile to her lips. By the angel she needs to stop doing that, she has to try to stop smiling.
She failed.
"Luke, I know what you're gonna say" Clary started as soon as the waitress left them, after escorting them to a booth by the window and giving them time with their menus to decide what they want, she had faintly mentioned coming back in a few but Clary wasn't really focused on food now. They had stopped at a small place, barely noticeable from the street if you weren't looking at it. It was pretty much empty this early in the morning, except for the the old man in the fedora sitting at the stool, having his morning coffee.
"Pancakes or Omlette?" Luke asked, looking over his menu.
"Okay I didn't know you were gonna ask that" Clary admitted, reluctantly turning to her menu, trying to pass the time, knowing she was growing more nervous by each second of silence. She had expected instant anger and reprimanding but Luke seemed content with watching her squirm. She wasn't used to this, her mother was as tempered as she was and would not have waited to start this conversation after breakfast, neither would she.
"I would usually ask for pancakes but right now, I need coffee before I can think about anything else going into my stomach" Clary said, her head was still playing an unknown beat on the drumset in her head and her stomach was somehow both growling in hunger and aching to throw up, she could taste bile in her throat despite knowing she hadn't thrown up the day before.
She wasn't as drunk as she was the last time because she could faintly remember all the events of last night, and she could feel her alcohol tolerance slowly building up with each time.
"Right here, sweetie" the old waitress came by as soon as she heard Clary, no doubt her voice echoing in the empty diner, pouring her and Luke each a cup. Clary thanked her, pressing her lips to her cup immediately and taking a strong whif of the aroma, she had a weird habit of sniffing her coffee, she was always fascinated by it for some reason.
Halfway through her cup of coffee she had somehow managed to focus on the words on the menu without feeling like she was in a deleted Matrix scene and had ordered an omlette while Luke ordered a sandwitch. They had ate in silence, Clary eased into it more now, she wasn't as nervous as earlier.
So she was taken by surprise when Luke said, "You know what you did was wrong, right?"
"I plead the fifth" Clary joked seriously.
"You're not on the stand"
"Then I demand an attorney"
"You don't get one"
"I have a right to one"
"In the American justice system you do, but you're in Luke Garroway's court now" Luke said smugly as he put his mug down, leaning forward to rest his weight on his elbows on the table with his hands tucked under his chin, looking thoughtful as he gestured for her to talk with a nod.
Clary thought about the million things she could say, the thousand ways she could spin this situation, making it seem like she was in the right but she didn't she just shrugged, "Mom already told you what happened".
"She said you two had a fight and you ran out" Luke said.
"That's about it" Clary said, seemingly uninterested.
"Clary" Luke said with a sigh.
"If this is how you get your suspects to confess, I have to say I am not impressed" Clary joked.
"My method to get a confession are better left unspoken in public areas but it involves a little unregistered condo in the Arabian desert unofficially" Luke said in a whisper.
"What?"
"What?" Luke was not going to repeat himself. "Why did you and your mom get into a fight? You hardly ever don't get along".
"She didn't approve of me going out" Clary said.
"And you did anyways?"
"Yes" Clary answered, not ashamed in the least. "You can't expect me to just stay at home everyday for the rest of my life Luke".
"Your mother is just worried about you"
"The hell she is, she is just used to having control over me and she doesn't like facing the fact that that control is slipping away" Clary bit out angrily.
"Clary, do you really believe that?"
"Yes Luke" Clary answered confidently, "The truth is mom doesn't like my friends and that's the only reason why she didn't approve of it but she can't keep telling me who to be and who to hang out with, I will be eighteen soon, Luke. If she would have it her way, I would still be that fourteen year old girl who can't say no to her mom".
"Clary you and your mom aren't in the most usual circumstances" Luke tried to put it delicately.
"I know that, Luke. Trust me I know that" Clary said, "But I can't keep putting my life on hold waiting for the small matter of my father to be over because it isn't and it won't be. I don't have the time for that".
"You're barely eighteen, why are you in such a hurry?" Luke asked.
"I don't want the time to pass me by while I'm doing homework and watching Eat, Pray, Love... again" Clary said with a roll of her eyes.
Luke seemed to think it over for a minute before he asked, "Why now all of a sudden? What changed?"
Clary thought about the last few months since she had been in Idris, the people she met, the friends she made and the memories she had created. It was something new to her, and exciting, she had finally felt like herself again, like she could do anything, like she belonged somewhere. She had been all around the world and she had never found a place where she felt that before.
The people in her life now, her friends, she wouldn't trade them for the world, she cared about them and dammit she was attached now.
And then there was Jace who was more than a friend, he was... something else. Never has she felt so right just being in the presence of someone else as she did when she was with Jace. Don't get her wrong, he was an arrogant, sarcastic asshat all of the time but he was also more than that. He was brave and kind and he cared about her. He was the vision of an angel as well, just picturing him in her mind made her fingers itch for a pencil to draw him. Thinking about him brought a blush to her cheeks which she brushed it off before Luke could comment on it.
These people were important to her and she would not lose them.
But in truth it was even more than that. She was tired of being afraid and constantly looking over her shoulder, she now sees there is more to life than just surviving, so much more. There was actually living, having fun and being surrounding be people she cared about. And that feeling of actually living was hard to abandon once she had a taste of it. No, she wasn't ready to give it up and if that meant her mother would be mad at her forever... so be it.
"I realized I want more to life than just hiding" Clary answered.
Luke nodded, waiting for a moment or two, for what Clary assumed was gathering his thoughts and thinking of something to say when he finally admitted "I can't say I blame you Clary but I think it was wrong of you to disappear nonetheless, especially given everything you and your mother went through".
Clary rolled her eyes with a heavy sigh "What do you want from me Luke? To apologize? To go back to living like I didn't say anything? Because I won't".
"No Clary, I would never tell you what to do" Luke said, "But keep in mind, your mother may feel the same exact way you do. But you'll never know if you don't give her a chance".
Breakfast went quiet after that with Clary refusing to acknowledge what Luke said, not because she didn't see his point, she did but it just confused her further. It would have been so easy to just apologize and be done with it but Clary didn't want to do that, she was still mad, her anger hadn't dialed down after one night, in fact just the opposite the more she thought about what happened with her mom, the angrier she was about it.
She's not the obedient little girl she used to be -or arguably, ever was- and she won't have her life controlled by someone else so if her mother wasn't ready to respect that and work on it, she will not be apologizing for any run away. Ever.
By the time Luke drove her home, she had burned a hole with her gaze to everything, the plates, the trees, the street, the sun, even her own front door, getting lost in thought as she tried to think of all the times she had stopped herself from doing what she wanted because her mother asked her too and feeling more enraged by each one. She needed to do this, if she didn't, she would walk in there angry and walk out having apologized to her mother which she did not want so she had to bring all those memories to the front of her brain.
She took a deep sigh before opening the door, here goes nothing.
"Clary" her mother's voice immediately called out as she appeared before her, still in yesterday's clothes, looking very tired. Her eyes had dark circles under them and they looked duller than usual, her body seemed tense and her shoulders hunched back, did she sleep on the couch? Or should she say not slept?
"Mom" Clary said uncomfortably, she wasn't sure what her mother's reaction would be and she was worried about showing too much anger or too little.
"I was worried sick" her tone suddenly sharp and tight lipped, a knot formed between her eyebrows as she crossed her arms over her chest, "Do you realize how stupid that was?"
Clary stiffened, disappointment flashed over her features for half a second before she turned her expression to anger, if this is what her mother wanted, fine, so be it. "No, why don't you tell me about it while I kill myself?"
"Don't take that tone with me" her mother warned.
"How about I don't take any tone with you? Better yet no words either" Clary suggested with a sarcastic quip in her tone.
"Actually that would make parenting you much easier" Joceyln said, not one to be talked back to.
"And we all know that's the true objective of parenting, right?" Clary said with a roll of her eyes.
"No actually, it's making sure your children don't grow up to be insufferable, irresponsible messes but it clearly seems I have failed".
Clary's right brow twitched as the sudden anger tightened her chest, forming a sick knot in her stomach as well, she knew her mother was acting out of rage and in fact didn't mean what she said but so did she, "Well you can't teach what you don't know".
"Clarissa bloody Adele Morgenstern"
Oh shit, this was bad. Clary hadn't heard her real name in years, especially her full name and from her mother. She knew Jocelyn was pissed off now, beyond that even, she was outraged, because she was mad at her before but never to the extent of using her real name, to even yell it. "Jocelyn bloody Fairchild" Clary countered in the same tone with narrowed eyes as she copied her mother's stance, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning her shoulders back to seem taller.
"Hey, hey, hey" Luke jumped in quickly between the two, his tone playful and soft, "Why don't we settle back down? Try to think about this rationally?"
"There is no rationalizing this" Jocelyn started, "I have no idea why your rebel stages are coming over you now, this late in your teenage years, but I will not accept this behavior, Clary".
"Don't treat me like I am a kid having a tantrum" Clary shot back.
"Then don't act like a kid having a tantrum" Jocelyn quipped back.
"Girls" Luke tried again.
"You know if you're just gonna be like this, I'm going to my room" Clary said as she headed out.
"Clary we are not done talking about this" Jocelyn said.
"I am" Clary threw over her shoulder as she climbed the stairs, not looking back at her mother.
"Oh I swear by the Angel I will... I will..." Jocelyn started but ended up sighing, not knowing how to finish that sentence. She looked back at Luke with hopeful eyes "I don't suppose you know what I should do?"
"Do you belive I would tell you if I did?" Luke said with a raised knowing eyebrow.
Joceyln sighed heavily, "Not really". She walked up to him and he put his arms around her, holding her in a comforting hug as she leaned into him, still she blushed as she did that, his simplest touch was enough to make her blush like a teenage girl. Ever since that not-really-a-date date, things have been different between them. For the first time in forever, she knew how he felt about her and he knew what she felt about him.
She looked up at him, standing on her tip toes to reach to him and he lowered his neck to land a sweet kiss on her lips, soft and tender.
Clary locked herself in her room and just devoted herself to her art, having given up on that concept of sleep, knowing that won't be happening. She wanted to angry draw, which was a thing, because her drawing always reflect on her mood, her mother had said that to her before, that art is a mirror to the soul and if your soul was angry you could see it by the brush of the color or the dark hard pressure of a pencil on paper.
And her angry art had always seemed better to her, she would always be fascinated after with those specific drawings more, she would pour all her emotions into it. And that's what she was doing for seven hours straight, not taking a break and not looking away even for a second.
So by the time it was evening, the sun was just about to set but you could still see just a hint of it in the far sky from her bedroom window, the sky splashed with shades of orange, even the clouds looked more beautiful with the way the sun reflected its light behind them, making them seem merigold in a heavenly glow that seemed to be preserved for the sky as if the Angels wouldn't allow anything else to look as beautiful.
Her stomach suddenly rumbled uncontrollably, she realized she had to have something to eat, right now. A quick glance at her phone and she saw the dozens of messages she hadn't paid attention to but she noticed one from Isabelle specifically Late lunch?
Clary- Yes please?
Isabelle- What took you so long to answer?
Clary- Sorry, was busy and didn't notice it buzz, so does the offer still stand?
Isabelle- Definitely, Jace will come pick you up.
Clary- Jace is coming?
Isabelle- Yes your boyfriend will be there, jeez, it's only been a day and you two already have seperation anxiety.
Clary's heart skipped a beat and she ignored the opportunity to ask what sort of seperation anxiety was Jace displaying? Does he talk about her? But she shrugged it off, texting instead He is not my boyfriend technically, he is a friend that I kissed.
Isabelle- And very much like.
Clary- And very much like.
Isabelle- And slept in his bed.
Clary- ISABELLE
Isabelle- Did I lie?
Clary- Stop it, Iz.
Clary- It wasn't like that.
Isabelle- I should have known something was up when you begged me to stay in Jace's bed.
Clary- I know for a fact I did NOT beg.
Isabelle- True.
Isabelle- You whined.
Clary- If you keep that up I will end up killing you... or myself.
Isabelle- Oh you are so cute. Like a little puppy.
Isabelle- Your friend that you kissed and very much like whom you slept in the same bed as is coming to get you.
Clary- I hate you sometimes.
Isabelle- You love me all the times.
Clary- Too bad that I do.
Clary put her phone in her back pocket as she barely had time to change her outfit before Jace showed up. A sort of nervousness settled into her as soon as he did, what does she do? This is the first time she will be seeing him since they have become a more than friends thing, she was still not sure about calling him her boyfriend since he didn't ask to be.
And she was confused and suddenly not sure how to act, does she kiss him on the cheek? On the lip? Does she say hi? Does she wave from afar? Does she sit on top of the car yell "WOOAHO" to liven things up?
She stepped out of the door, thankful she hadn't seen her mother so she wouldn't have another fight now, the moment she spotted Jace leaning against his car, all her worries faded. It sounded stupid but she suddenly stopped thinking what she would do or should, but instead just acted. She walked up to him, her arms went to his shoulders, wrapping behind his neck as his own wrapped around her waist, pulling her slightly off the ground.
"Is it too soon to say I missed you?" Jace joked.
"It isn't" Clary admitted.
Jace grinned, a dangerous glint in his eyes "Will it ruin my heartless bad boy image?"
"I didn't believe it to begin with" Clary teased.
His smile was different now, it seemed wider and more honest for some reason, it was a strange feeling knowing she could tell that, "Kiss me" Jace said, his tone a command but she knew it was more of a request.
"Will it ruin my good girl image?" Clary joked.
"Such thing doesn't exist" Jace argued with a raised eyebrow and an expression that said this answer should be obvious.
Clary pouted, "Hey are you saying no one thinks of me as a good girl, because let me tell you I- " her words were muffled when Jace pressed his lips to her own and she welcomed the action. The kiss was hard and demanding, like he had been wanting to do that for ages and she pulled him closer, feeling butterflies in her stomach but the kiss ended too soon for her liking. She would have wanted to protest but decided against it.
"Any objections?" Jace asked with a hint of teasing in his tone.
"None from me" Clary said, still in a daze from the kiss, feeling the tingles still there from his lips.
"Good" Jace said with a smile, "Now let's go before our friends decide to eat each other".
He opened the door for her and she threw him a look over her shoulder as she climbed in, "I really doubt that".
Jace walked to the other side and climbed in his own seat, he gave her a look that meant I-know-better as he said "Actually we have already agreed that should it ever come to it, we would eat Sebastian first".
"It's always the nicest who go first" Clary joked.
"Or the weakest" Jace said, "Come on, would you imagine Sebastian trying to eat... say Isabelle?"
"She would rip the poor boy to shreds" Clary said as she thought it over, "We should get there fast then".
"I agree" Jace said as he looked at her, still not moving the car.
She leaned forward to capture his lips in her own, his hands immediately knotted in her hair, bringing her closer, their kiss bruising and hard, she was murmuring against him "Maybe in a minute".
A/N: Hey guys, sorry I didn't update last week but here is the chapter, I hope you guys liked it. Don't forget to follow, fav and review, tell me guys what you think now that we finally have some Clace scenes.
Anyways I'll see you guys in the next one.
