Thursday, March 26, 2020

"We have two bogies appearing on sensors, ma'am."

Sam looked over at her navigation officer. "How soon until we get hyperdrive back online?"

The woman shook her head.

"Shields?"

The weapons officer grimaced. "Holding steady at twenty percent."

She crossed her arms as she looked out at the vast expanse of space, thinking. "Okay, maximum sublight engines to the nearest planet with a stargate."

"Ma'am, we're receiving an urgent message from Stargate Command. Your eyes only."

Sam groaned. Of course. "Patch it through to my quarters. Landers, you have the bridge."

She sat at her desk as Hank Landry's face filled the screen. "Sir. We're in the middle of something here, can we make this quick?"

He took a deep breath. "Colonel, I just received word. I thought you should be informed immediately."

"What is it?"

His usually smiling face was grim, his bushy eyebrows almost trying to hide the emotion in his eyes. "Jack was rushed to George Washington University Hospital a half hour ago."

Her heart stopped. "What? Why?"

He sighed. "They suspect it was his heart."

Her brain went immediately into strategy mode. "Well, sir, I'll send you the coordinates of the nearest gated planet. If you can have a replacement for me—"

Landry's sorrow was etched in the lines on his face as he shook his head. "Sam, I'm sorry. He didn't make it."

The ship rocked with another blast as her brain clouded with numbness.

"Colonel? You're needed on the bridge."


Sam's cheeks were wet when her eyes blinked open.

She looked beside her at Jack's unusual sleeping form, face down with his knees curled under in a protective stance as his hair stuck straight up. He could have passed for a five-year-old if he wasn't over six feet tall and gray-haired.

The dream had felt so real.

The fear that her dream had brought to the forefront of her mind welled up again, and she slipped out of bed so she wouldn't wake Jack. He had a budget meeting first thing in the morning. He'd need his rest.

Sam wrapped herself in a thick, terry-cloth robe and made her way out to the back deck, a bundle under one arm.

It was a shame that she and Jack had been as busy as they normally were. He'd lived in this house for almost fifteen years, and his backyard still looked the way it had when he'd first moved in. Sure, he paid someone to mow the lawn, but that was about it. This space needed bushes. Some flowers. Maybe a tomato plant or some herbs. Definitely needed a nice outdoor sectional and a grill. Not to mention a dedicated space for stargazing.

She didn't set up the telescope at first. Just stared up at the night sky. Funny how she felt more at home looking up at those stars than she did in this house. Not all the time. Just sometimes. Like after nightmares where she'd been on the Hammond.

The screen door slid open behind her, and she closed her eyes in self-deprecation before she turned a smile to Jack as he sat beside her on the step, his signature sleepwear of blue sweatpants and a gray Air Force tee all that stood between him and the cool March breeze. "I was trying to let you sleep."

He shrugged. "Got cold on your side of the bed. Thought I'd see what's up."

She shook her head. "Nothing. I must be on ship time still."

She could see from his eyes that he didn't buy it, but he didn't say anything. Just wrapped one arm around her shoulders the way he did when he could tell she wasn't okay but wanted to remain strong.

She loved that about him.

"Can't be easy."

"What?"

He gestured to the backyard. "Feeling homesick when you're in your own home."

Her lips parted. "I don't feel—"

He waved her worry away. "Of course you do, Carter. I know you. You were gonna be an astronaut, for cryin' out loud. You love it out there."

She inhaled, sharply. "I love it here, too."

"Didn't say you didn't. Still, you're out here. Looking up there. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why it's soothing to you."

She crossed her arms even as she leaned in closer to him. "You got the short end of the stick with me, Jack."

"Why on earth would you think that?"

She sighed. "You should have someone you can tell about your day every night when you get back from the office."

"I do."

"The daily emails are sweet, Jack, and I wouldn't trade them for the world, but that's not what I mean. You deserve someone who can have dinner ready for you when you get home from handling an intergalactic crisis. Someone who can attend and host official functions. Someone who—"

"Forgive me for being blunt, Carter, but if I wanted that, I could have that. Did have that."

She tensed, unsure if he was talking about Sara, Laira, or Kerry Johnston...or if there was someone else she didn't know about.

He chuckled softly as he kissed her temple. "Don't be like that. It's you. It's always been you."

She raised an eyebrow at him, a half-dozen examples of when it hadn't been her on the tip of her tongue.

He rolled his eyes. "Okay, maybe not always, but pretty damn close."

She curled her legs to her chest as she surveyed the backyard. "I appreciate that, I really do. I just wish I didn't feel like I'm failing you."

"Hey, look at me."

She inhaled sharply as she looked over at him, his face filled with tenderness as he brushed back her blond hair behind her ear.

"I mean it. You and me? That's all I want. All I've wanted for a long time."

She interlocked her fingers with his, smiling at the way their hands fit together. "Fifteen years together this month."

"Regrets?"

She sighed as she looked down at their hands, already starting to show signs of their age. "Only that we didn't do this earlier. That I—"

Jack shook his head. "Don't go there. I was right there with you in that isolation room."

Sir...None of this has to leave this room.

She kissed his shoulder before she leaned back into his embrace. There should have been toys littering this backyard. Bikes. A trampoline. That spare room Jack used as his office should have belonged to a teenager, and Sam should have been unexpectedly homeschooling their middle schooler instead of searching for little projects around the house.

"I'm pretty happy with the life we've built here, Sam, but if you're not—"

She offered him a watery smile. "For the most part, I agree with you."

He rubbed her arm as she looked back over the backyard. "Yeah, kids would have been nice."

It wasn't like they hadn't tried. It just hadn't happened. Well...that wasn't entirely true. It had happened. Once. And then, it was over before it began.

"It'll be thirteen years in May."

It was as if he'd read her mind, and she looked down at her lap. "Yeah."

Thirteen years since she'd come to Washington to brief the president about her experience in the alternate reality. Thirteen years since he'd kissed her flat belly with a bright hope in his eyes she'd never seen before. Thirteen years since Jack had run no less than three red lights to get her to the hospital. Thirteen years since he'd lied to their friends at the SGC and said she was staying in Washington because Henry Hayes hadn't been able to wrap his head around Landry being president. Thirteen years since she'd seen a shadow of what he must have looked like after Charlie.

He cast a sidelong glance in her direction. "You wanna talk about it?"

She shook her head, grappling to keep her tenuous hold on the emotions threatening to break through to the surface. "I'm fine."

He gave her a long searching look, and that was all it took to break down her walls. He scooped her up in his arms, holding her tightly as she cried with her face buried in his chest.

It felt like an eternity passed before the tears ran their course. She wiped her nose with the back of her hand as she looked back at the tiny patch of green in front of her. "If it's okay with you, I'm going to get some plants and things tomorrow. I want to fix up the backyard."

"Whatever you want, Carter." He groaned as he pulled himself to his full height before he leaned down and offered her his hand. "We should get some sleep. Tomorrow's going to come early."

She shook her head. "Go on if you want. I'm going to stay out here a little longer."

He bent down, and she gave him a quick goodnight kiss. "I love you."

"Love you, too."

He walked back toward the house before he paused. "Sam?"

"Yes, Jack?"

"For what it's worth, I'm glad for the time we've had together, as a couple and as teammates. For the years we still have ahead of us."

Her heart threatened to burst with the love she had for this man of hers. He might not be a man of many words, but the ones he chose were pretty spot on. "Is that your way of saying that I think too much?"

His smile was full of tenderness. "If the shoe fits, Carter."

She chuckled as she heard the sliding glass door shut behind him. She looked back up at the stars, her finger absently turning her engagement and wedding rings around her ring finger. Keep him safe. He's all I've got.