A/N: Thank you for the encouraging feedback last chapter; I hope you continue to read and enjoy!
Disclaimer: All rights are reserved to their rightful owner of the books, and the characters in the television series.
"I thought my life, my happiness, was gone forever. I was wrong. There's so much to live for."
Spring, 1887
With a look of determination, Jenny Wilder ran as fast as she could to school. It took all of her power to get out of bed this morning and face the day after the bittersweet talk she had with her Aunt Laura.
Never before had Jenny felt so ashamed of herself when she realized what she'd done and the people she hurt. Only yesterday, was Jenny in a daze as she left the Wilder homestead. She was not in her right place, nothing could break the cold, steely barrier that formed around her.
The event that caused her sadness happened so quickly, so unexpectedly. Aunt Laura had packed her and her father a picnic basket so they could spend quality time together. They settled in the grass by the pond, happily enjoying each other's company as they took in the scenery of the countryside. Suddenly, rain began to fall unexpectedly, inevitably being the death of her father and best friend, Royal. Jenny had blamed herself for killing him, for making him run to avoid getting soaked. With his heart condition, Jenny realized, there was nothing she could do to cure him. No prayer, no pleading or crying would be able to change anything.
Several weeks later, she remembered vividly that Aunt Laura and Uncle Manzo wanted her to tag along on their venture to town that afternoon and insisted that she'd come. Jenny had purposely refused, knowing that she'd been waiting for the opportune moment to escape without being noticed. After weeks of endless crying, she knew it was her turn to join God next to her parents.
How naive she was, to think it wouldn't affect anyone. But oh, how it did.
As soon as Jenny heard the rig roll away, she quickly wrote a note to her new guardians before hastily exiting the house. Desperation and sorrow permeated her body as she ran to the very place where the worst day of her life occurred.
She stood by the pond, in a complete daze. Absolutely nothing would be able to stop her now, not even the voice she vaguely heard as she began to wade into the water.
The next thing she remembered was waking up in her bed, feeling weak and tired. She had looked around to see if her parents were there, but instead, she came face to face with her aunt and uncle. Anger and confusion overtook her mind as she told them of her intention to kill herself.
Though Jenny's head had been turned, she could feel her aunt's hard glare on her back. This time, though Jenny knew she deserved it, Laura lashed out on her, telling her it was wrong to throw her life away and that she was defying God's good intention of giving her life. Laura's next point, however, stalled Jenny's breathing.
"You nearly caused an innocent boy to lose his life. That's right! Jeb Carter almost drowned trying to save you, his father said he couldn't swim a lick, but he somehow got you out!"
Jenny was more ashamed than ever. It was horrible - no, cruel of her to attempt to end her life when she knew for a fact that so many people cared for her.
But Jeb!
It all made sense, she realized. There was a reason why Jeb never wanted to go swimming, why he always got so annoyed whenever Nancy taunted him to dip his feet in, why he fell from the tree and broke him arm! He was purposely trying to avoid the humiliation of not knowing how to swim just like Jenny avoided the truth about herself. She acted selfishly, and she knew it. It was no longer deniable.
Oh, how she treated him. In the month she'd known Jeb, she practically pushed him away whenever he offered to spend time with her or invite her to play baseball. Her heart ached as she remembered all those times when she would turn him down and dismiss the disappointment set in his eyes.
His eyes. He made her feel wanted, loved even - he was such a good friend. He was there when she needed him the most. And what did she do? She pushed him away, like he was nothing other than a log floating down a river.
He saved her, despite not knowing how to swim. What must he think of her now? Would he still want to be her friend?
All thoughts of Jeb left her mind as Jenny watched Laura leave the room, her uncle softly closing the door behind her. Her aunt's words endlessly echoed in her mind...
"God put you on this earth for a reason..."
"Your parents love you more than anything else in the world..."
"They wanted you to have everything..."
"...your own family..."
"...your own children..."
"...their grandchildren..."
Laura's words sunk in deep inside her. Jenny couldn't bear it any longer; all the pent up pain, guilt, and shame bursted from her very soul as she reached her final conclusion. She could make her parents proud, no - she would make them proud.
Her heart beat rapidly as Jenny determinedly made her way to her aunt and uncle's bedroom. Tears fell down her cheeks one last time that night as she flung herself in her aunt's warm embrace. As Jenny cried into her shoulder, Laura held her firmly, softly whispering words of love into her ear as she stroked her niece's hair.
Jenny left the homestead with a whole new perspective the next morning. Never before had she felt such a strong drive and ambition to go to school and be the best person she could be. She was going to make her parent's proud, and planned on nothing other than succeeding.
The feel of the warm spring air felt oddly calming as Jenny made her way across the small bridge into Walnut Grove. She smiled at Mrs. Foster, the lady who worked at the post office, and Nels Oleson as he swept by the Mercantile.
Ms. Plum was standing in the front of the classroom, instructing her students as Jenny breathlessly sauntered in.
"Jenny!" Ms. Plum stopped her lesson mid-sentence as she gazed incredulously at the girl. All eyes turned to stare at her, some in utter awe, some in excitement, and Nancy, of course, in distaste.
From the corner of her eye, Jenny could see Jeb break out into the biggest smile she'd ever seen.
"I'm sorry I'm late," Jenny said.
Ms. Plum all but smiled, "That's alright. This time."
Jenny hurriedly took her seat across from Jeb as she opened her reader. The two shared a glance before turning to their teacher, focusing solely on her before class was dismissed.
.
"Jeb can't swim, Jeb can't swim, Jeb can't swim, Jeb can't - "
"Nancy," Jeb smirked.
"Hmm?" Nancy swayed her shoulders nonchalantly.
"Go jump in the lake!"
The students roared with laughter as Nancy turned a deep shade of red. Though Jenny wanted to tell Nancy off and say that he did indeed know how to swim, she held it in, deciding that she didn't know if she was ready to tell the other kids, let alone Nancy, how she'd tried to drown herself. Before Jenny could spank the ugliness off Nancy's face, she was already running away, proving to be too much of a coward to retaliate.
By then, more than half of the students were getting antsy and made a run towards the pond. This left Jenny, Jeb, and a few other stragglers alone. Suddenly feeling nervous, Jenny peered at Jeb through her long lashes. Sure, he might have smiled at her arrival in class. But what if he only did that to act like everyone else? What if he was saving all of his pent up anger for this moment to lash out at her for being so selfish?
"Hey," he chuckled softly. He looked relaxed, even happy as he observed her unsteady figure.
Jenny looked up at him in alarm, finally taking notice of how close he was to her. To her, it felt just like her first day of school when they had their first conversation. She visibly gulped, surely it couldn't go as decently as last time.
Jenny took a deep breath and bravely spoke up, "I want to thank you for what you did."
Jeb blinked before giving her a shy smile, "It was nothing."
She exhaled, "No, believe me, it was everything."
A quick sense and aura of understanding floated between them as they shared another grin. In the distance, they could hear loud laughter as the straggling students hurried to catch up with the other group to the pond.
"The other kids," Jeb stated, breaking the trance, "They don't know."
"Thank you for that too," Jenny said, feeling more than relieved at this new revelation.
Jeb nodded at her kindly. Right when she thought he was going to leave and never speak to her again, he suddenly looked at her with a wicked kind of excitement. "Say, do you want to go swimming?"
She looked at him like he'd gone insane, "Do you?!"
"Yeah, I do!" His reply never faltering.
The weight of everything that happened suddenly seemed to descend into the past. She realized, that this was Jeb's way of closure. He wanted to prove to her again that he could swim and have fun with her, despite everyone else thinking that he couldn't. Jeb Carter was an inspiration, a true hero of Walnut Grove. She would not refuse his offer to spend time with her, not after he put his own life at risk to save hers.
"Let's go then!" Jenny didn't waste another moment as she swiftly grabbed his hand and led him towards the direction of the pond. She felt satisfied as she noted the surprised, mischievous smirk plastered on his face as he trailed closely behind her.
At their rather excited, fast-paced trek, the two made it to the pond in no time. Their classmates were laughing and screeching, already fully soaked and waste-deep in the water, completely excluding Nancy. However, she didn't seem to mind as she waded in the shallow end, admiring her supposedly expensive swimming clothes. Nancy immediately turned her attention to Jenny and Jeb's arrival and smiled patronizingly. Jenny tried to ignore her as she changed, not wishing to give some spoiled brat the satisfaction.
Luckily, her and Jeb would be out of Nancy's range once they just crossed over the shallow end and -
"Well look who's here!" Nancy's smirk grew even wider as her eyes moved up and down Jeb's figure. Jenny raised an eyebrow at the girl. What was Nancy doing? Flirting or just being a downright bully? It became clear to Jenny when she noticed a soft gleam of envy that became evident on Nancy's expression as she eyed the two.
Despite her sudden change in demeanor, Nancy prattled on, "You going fishing Jeb?" She let out a giggle, turning to the others, "I bet he won't jump in!"
The children stopped rustling in the water as they turned their attention to Nancy's high-pitched voice. Jenny felt an odd sense of pride as she remembered how badly Jeb humiliated Nancy after class in front of the whole school. Was this her way of getting back at him? By taunting him? By being a total brat?
Right before she was about to retaliate in Jeb's defense, Jenny thought of her parents; their kind words, soft voices, and their strong religious morals. They wouldn't have wanted her to lash out on a girl for such a petty reason, would they? As Jenny debated what to do about her sudden anger, Jeb had already begun to wade in the shallow end with Nancy, he was smiling at her mischievously.
A hot wave of jealously filtered her body as the anger left. Jenny felt like she was getting sick as she experienced these new found emotions. She was only ten years old, after all. And Jeb was just a boy, just a friend.
The whirlwind inside Jenny died down a bit when Jeb placed both of his hands on Nancy's swim bonnet and pushed her under water.
The observing children roared with laughter as Nancy frantically regained her footing before furiously making her way out of the water. Jeb flashed a bright smile at Jenny in triumph as she joined in the laughter. She immediately took Nancy's place by jumping in the water and giving him a high five.
"Jeb! That was great!" Jason said, swimming over to them.
"Yep!" Willie slapped Jeb on the back, "Though I reckon she'll be in a prissy mood for the rest of the week."
"Hey, I know!" Jason suddenly perked up, "Let's play shoulder wars!"
"Yeah!" The children shouted in unison. Before Jenny could pick a partner, she felt a strong pair of arms grasp her waist. "Jeb!" She giggled, feeling him smile against her hair, "What's on your mind?"
Together, they watched several of their classmates pair up. "We're going to bring them down," Jeb whispered in her ear.
And they did just that.
.
It was late in the afternoon when the children dried off and began making their way home. Their continuous games of shoulder wars would certainly be the talk of the school the next day, and Jeb and Jenny could happily say that they won more than a few rounds.
Everyone had left except for Willie, Jason, Jenny, and Jeb.
Jenny decided that she really liked Willie. He told them stories of how he and Laura pretended to be in a relationship once, the way that he and his sister, Nellie, had treated Laura and her sisters, and how karma hit him hard when she became a school teacher with the right to place him in the corner. Jenny never would have thought that kind, considerate Willie Oleson could be capable of being mean.
"It was all good fun in the end," Willie concluded, with a smile. "But I best be getting home, Pa probably needs help in the restaurant."
"Same here," Jason followed Willie out of the pond, "I still have chores to do. You coming Jeb?"
"Not yet," Jeb said as he smiled at Jenny, "I'll catch you later."
"Just don't be late for dinner!" Jason said sternly, quickly taking off in tow of Willie.
"Your brother is really adorable," Jenny chuckled, watching him disappear over the grassy hill.
"I guess," Jeb shrugged, "Annoying is more like it." Jeb reached out to take Jenny's hand and led her out of the water. Slowly, she unplaited her braids and shook her long hair to let it dry.
Feeling Jeb's gaze on her, Jenny hesitantly looked up at him through her lashes, "I think he just really cares for you," she continued.
He shrugged again, beaming as he looked at her. "I suppose I know how he feels then."
"What do you mean?" Jenny ran a shaky hand through her damp hair.
"Well.. I missed you Jenny, we all did. I haven't had as much fun here since you first walked in class," Jeb bit his lip as a light blush formed on his cheeks.
He really was adorable when he did that, she thought. Maybe it was a Carter thing.
"I'm just happy that you're feeling better and I hope - "
Without thinking, Jenny stepped forward and embraced him for the first time. The action took Jeb by surprise, nearly causing him to topple over onto the ground. At first, Jenny was worried that he wouldn't return her unexpected hug, but all negative thoughts left her mind as she felt Jeb's arms encircle her back. It was an innocent gesture, really. Just two friends who were long overdue for spending time with each other.
Jenny smiled as she rested her forehead on his shoulder. Was it the warmth of the sun making her hot? Jenny pulled away, suddenly feeling self-conscious. She was barely dressed, hugging a boy who was two years older than her and shirtless!
She was deep in thought when Jeb spoke, "What was that for?" His eyes shone with mild curiosity.
Her breath stalled, unsure of what to say. Instead, she grabbed her dress and ran as fast as she could.
"JENNY, WAIT!" She heard Jeb shout from behind her. Jenny smirked in triumph, her intention of having Jeb chase her coming true. She was already halfway up the grassy hill that overlooked the prairie when she sensed him coming closer. She didn't know what gave her the impulse to run, but she was a spontaneous little girl. And that's what people liked about her.
Jeb was a far faster runner; Jenny should have known. It was said that he was one of the best baseball players in the school, always making it to home run in time. She squealed as he caught her hand and turned her around to face him. Unfortunately, Jenny's knees gave out and together, they rolled down the grassy hill like a tumble weed.
Although the seconds of friction and bumping against each other should have hurt, Jenny found herself laughing the whole way down and was slightly sad when it was all over. Jeb's blush was more evident than before as he lie next to her, trying to catch his breath. The delight and silliness of the situation was so overwhelming, they hardly realized the position they were both in.
Once Jeb regained his bearings, he removed himself from Jenny's side and wordlessly put his shirt on. "I'm sorry Jenny, that was stupid of me..."
"No," Jenny giggled, she stood up next to him, "That was my fault."
Jeb shook his head, "No, I meant what I said after you hugged me, that-that came out wrong. It was really nice of you, and I should be heading home," he trembled nervously.
"Wait, Jeb!" Jenny pleaded, not quite liking the state his was in. Goodness, she didn't quite know what to think of hers! A cool breeze swept across the prairie, causing Jenny to shiver slightly.
"Are you alright?" Jeb draped a hand on her forearm.
"I'm just a little cold," she said honestly, shrugging.
"Maybe we should head home, I'll walk you halfway," Jeb said, not taking no for an answer.
"Could I ask you something, Jeb?"
"Anything," Jeb replied with ease as the two of them made their way through the grassy woodlands. "What made you decide to save me? How did you know where I would be?"
Jeb looked at her, like it was the most obvious answer in the world, "Because that's what friends do. When I dropped one of my pigeons off at your house, I forgot to give you the cylinder in case you wanted to send me a note. Jason and I were headed back into town when I realized that I had it in my pocket, so I ran back to your place and saw you were gone. I read your note and..." His voice trailed off, like it almost pained him to say more.
"And you knew I'd be at the pond?" Jenny pressed.
"Yeah," Jeb answered, their pace getting progressively slower, "It's where I always knew where to find you. I hated seeing you so lonely. When I found out that you wanted to, you know, I couldn't describe what I felt. You're too good of a person Jenny, please promise me you won't do something like that ever again!"
The two had stopped walking. Jenny gazed into his deep, sepia colored eyes. They were more intense than she'd ever seen them, "Promise me," Jeb repeated.
"I promise," Jenny murmured softly. She grasped his right hand tightly, letting him know she was serious.
Jeb nodded curtly, not letting her hand escape his, "You have alot to live for, Jenny. If no one else can make you see that then I will."
"Thank you, Jeb," She cast her gaze towards the sunset. He chuckled, "For what?"
"For everything. And you're right," She sighed, "I thought my life, my happiness, was gone forever. I was wrong. There's so much to live for."
Jeb smiled at her for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, "You're my best friend."
Their friendship was indeed no where close to perfect, but the way Jeb was looking at her, told her otherwise. They had so many years ahead of them, who was to say what would happen? All Jenny knew was that she was finally at peace; with herself, her family, God... All was well.
"And you're mine."
A/N: Thank you for reading! Comments are highly appreciated! Although college is getting a tad busy, I'm going to try and update every weekend! Once again, thank you so much to those who've given me gracious words of support. Enjoy your weekend, fellow readers! x
