First chapter of the rewrite with an- at least initially we'll see what happens- cut down cast and a change from crack fic to something more coherent because obviously, I can't do crack fics very well. Let me know what you think in the comments.
Getting called back to Gotham wasn't anything new for Dick, hell even though he legally didn't live there anymore he probably spent just as much time there as pretty much everywhere else combined, but the tone Bruce had used when calling him was new. It wasn't casual by any means, but it also wasn't his Batman voice either. If anything it almost sounded like how Bruce talked to Damian when the youngest Robin got in trouble at school, but as far as Dick knew he hadn't done anything to warrant an 'I am your father and I am angry, disappointed, done with your bullshit' tone… any time recently anyway. Still, Dick knew that keeping the big bad Bat waiting was rarely a good idea so he was out the door and on his bike heading toward Gotham City and Wayne Manor the minute the call ended.
Tim was the one who answered the door, a look of mocking amusement on his face as he handed Dick a pair of large black reflective sunglasses, "He's waiting for you downstairs," he told him, "We have guests so he wants you to wear those until he says otherwise."
Guests in the Batcave? Who didn't know their identities? And Bruce called Dick in? Both of those things usually spelt trouble but both happening at once? It must have been a No Man's Land level emergency at least.
A scowl settling on his face and his thoughts racing a mile a minute in an attempt to think of any possible way to minimize casualties in a city wide or larger conflict Dick took the offered sunglasses and slipped them on before marching to the groundfloor study and opening the secret door to the Batcave. "Batman," He called out ahead of his arrival, his feet not making a single noise on the stone steps despite the echoing nature of the Batcave, "I'm here, what happened? Do we have time to implement preventive measures or-," his line of questions stopped short as the guests Tim warned him about came into view.
Barbara wasn't technically a guest, even less so when she was fully dressed as Batgirl like she was now. She was a member of the Batclan and worked in Gotham but she usually operated out of her Clocktower these days or wherever her Birds of Prey were using as their headquarters. The other three women though- Kori, Zatanna, and Harley- they were guests, not only that but Kori wasn't even technically not even being allowed in Gotham at all by Bruce's own rules and Harley still worked too lethally for Bruce to normally work with her let alone invite the former phycologist into the Batcave. What the hell was going on?
"Nightwing," Batman began, breaking the younger hero out of his thoughts, "I'm going to need a full list of all women you have slept with in the past month. Now."
Okay, what? That came out of nowhere, and it didn't even make any sense! Dick knew for a fact that he didn't have any STDs, he did a full blood exam every week using either the Batcomputer or the Titans' systems, and the women who would be on the requested list were all individuals that were high enough profile one way or another that Dick would have heard if something happened to them so… why did Batman suddenly want to know? "Can I ask why?" He asked, raising an eyebrow in challenge.
"It is quite important Nightwing," Starfire spoke up before any potential battle of wills could take place, "Please, we must know. Just in case."
In case of what? "Well, other than you four," he rubbed at his collar in embarrassment, he wasn't really one to kiss and tell about his exploits, and talking about such things with other women he had slept with in the allotted timeframe was just awkward. "There was Poison Ivy- Harley was there for that-, Powergirl, Supergirl, Troia, uh White Rabbit, Black Canary, Tigress, Bumblebee, Vixen, Jessica the Green Lantern, Cheshire, and Catlin Snow." He… he had kinda gone on a bit of a bender in the past month, switching between his various heroic and somewhat villainous personas to bounce around the moral spectrum of women partially out of a bad patch of depression and partially because Poison Ivy had hit him with a lot of high powered pheromones that had taken a few weeks to actually leave his system.
"Ivy's clear, checked before tracking Bats down." Harley piped up, little of her usual exuberance to be found in her voice.
Barbara turned toward the Batcomputer and quickly began opening different search programs and communication channels, "Tigress is in custody right now but Cheshire and White Rabbit are in the wind, I'll do what I can to track them down. The rest I just sent a general message to go to the Watchtower or Hall of Justice for physicals." She turned to face Dick, her face all business, "Could you send your own message to Bumblebee and Troia to go in? They aren't Justice League but they are still Titan members." And Dick was the leader of the whole Titans conglomerate, even if he often let Tim and Damien run their own teams more or less autonomously.
"Tell them it's clearance Nocturn-Gamma-Moon, that'll let them know I'm part of the group sending the order and that it's low priority non-lethal."
"If you have a high priority non-lethal now would be the time to use it," Bruce told him seriously.
Dick's frown deepened, "Nocturn-Dawn-Aurora," he told them. "Will someone tell me what the hell is going on?"
Zatanna raised an eyebrow, "Kinda obvious isn't it?"
"I don't have any diseases, the poisons I've been exposed to recently couldn't have been transferred to other people, and I'm pretty sure I don't have any stalkers who would go after people I slept with and even if I did I'm positive they wouldn't be a match for all of you." Dick listed off, "So no, it isn't."
Barbara sighed and turned away from the computer to face Dick again, "Nigthwing, we're all pregnant. You're the father."
Dick's eyes widened behind his sunglasses and his heart began to hammer loudly in his chest at the news, "That- that's impossible!" He denied, "You're on birth control, Tameranians and humans need assistance to conceive with each other, the chemicals Joker threw Harley in made her almost steril, and Zatanna… I thought Zatanna used some kind of anti-pregnancy spell or something!" He ranted off, not believing that not only one but at least four of the women he had slept with recently could all be pregnant.
Zatanna stepped forward, her hands raised in a calming gesture, "From what we've been able to figure out the pheromones Ivy used on you interacted with the remains of the Electrum you were exposed to when Talon tried to recruit you when you lost your memory. It, well it basically made you inhumanly fertile and allowed you to… overcome a lot of barriers." she tried to explain.
Dick pushed his hair back with both hands and gripped at his locks, trying to calm himself down after the revelation that was being dropped on him. It was insane, having kids hadn't been something he had thought about since he and Barbara's latest engagement had fallen through and he had never thought to have any out of wedlock and with multiple women! If there was one thing he didn't want to take after his father in it was that! Fuck!
Seeing him begin to hyperventilate Harley tried to make a joke to diffuse some of the tension, "Look at the bright side," she offered, "now there's no reason for us all not to keep doing it with each other. Damage already done, all that's left is to enjoy it."
While most of the occupants of the Cave gave Harley deadpan looks or glares Dick just threw his arms up in the air, the comment giving him enough of a jolt to be able to talk again, "How the hell do you all even know you're pregnant? Batgirl and I slept with each other four days ago for crying out loud and most tests require you to be like two weeks along!" This was all probably just a red flag right? Or a scare tactic to get back at him for the bender he went on? This couldn't really be happening right?!
"Magic, advanced medical technology, and Poison Ivy's pheromone detection abilities were all used," Batman grunted, "Each of them have at least two positive results to confirm things."
Oh fuck, oh Fuck, oh fuck this was real. He had knocked up both his ex-fiance's! One of Bruce's closest friends! A still technical criminal! He- "I'm going to be a father." he whispered, his heart finally starting to slow as the full reality dawned on him. "I'm going to be a dad." He looked at the gathered women, taking in the looks of concealed worry, anticipation, and nervousness in each of their eyes. "Are you all- are you okay with this?" He asked them softly, his question having several clear meanings.
Starfire strided over to him and gently wrapped her lover in a hug that he eagerly returned while Barbara spoke up once more, "We already discussed things before you got here," she revealed, "none of us are going to terminate and… we want you to be involved in things."
"I've already made arrangements for you to move into a suitably sized house in upstate New York," Bruce told him bluntly, his initial look of near condemnation from before long gone, "You have full access to the Justice League teleporter and I'm sure you can get Cyborg to get you better access to the Titans' Boom Tube technology if you need it. I'll make sure monthly checkups are arranged with the League's medical staff for Starfire and anyone who doesn't feel comfortable with a civilian doctor." He strode over to his son as he broke his embrace with the aforementioned alien princess, "Dick," oh so apparently Harley was now allowed to know their IDs, good to know, "Congratulations."
Dick tried his best to smile, "Thanks Bruce, for everything." He had faced a lot over the years, as Dick Grayson, as Robin, Nightwing, Batman, Renegade, Red X, Talon, Target, and Agent 37. But even after all that, he still wasn't sure he was up for what was to come.
I hope that didn't suck too bad, remember to comment and I'll try to get the next chapter of Once A Hero or something done sometime soon. I'm trying to learn how to draw, write my own book, and I also kinda don't feel like rewatching any Marvel movies so progress on most of my fics has been pretty slow. Sorry.
Anyway, remember to REVIEW! Until next time,
Wingd Knight out.
