"Sam?"
The voice was thin, quiet, and interrupted Sam's work on instructions to operate Merlin's device. Without hesitation, Sam closed her laptop and looked down at Cassandra. Even turned slightly so she could run one finger through the younger woman's hair. "Hey."
Cassandra just blinked up at her as if she had a hard time figuring out what was going on. "This feels a little familiar..."
Cassandra had a point. Even Sam thought the whole thing felt familiar. Despite the fact that they were in the master bedroom at the rental house the Fletcher family was sharing for the holidays. "Yeah, well, Greg called. Said you had some stuff on your mind you might want to talk about. Jack and I headed over first thing."
Cassandra shook her head.
"That's okay." Sam smiled affectionately as she continued running her fingers through Cassandra's hair. "How are you feeling?"
Cassandra pressed one hand to her forehead. "Um, I took one of my sleeping pills last night. Around three, I think."
Sam gave her a knowing smile. "Brain feeling a little fuzzy?"
Cassandra closed her eyes and nodded. "Yeah."
Sam thought about her own brain fog and her personal annoyance with it. "I hate that feeling."
There was a knock at the door, and both Sam and Cassandra looked up as Greg walked in with a tray. "Hey, you're awake."
Cassandra moved to sit up, but Greg just waved for her to stay where she was. "Jack's insisting on teaching the boys how to play curling, and I think that Addy might be up for the excursion."
Sam couldn't help but smile at the image of her husband trying to teach the boys a sport they'd likely never heard of before. But even as her mind tugged toward amusement, she looked back down at Cassandra, who may have looked like a full-grown woman but seemed very much like the eleven-year-old girl who had first come through the stargate more than twenty years ago.
Greg set the plate of pancakes on the nightstand, then sat beside his wife on the bed and put a hand on her knee. "Feeling any better?"
Cassandra tried to muster a look that Sam recognized instantly. One she'd likely tried to give to her friends and family on more than one occasion over the years. "You don't have to worry about me, Greg. It was just a memory. It can't hurt me."
Sam moved to stand, feeling like this was a conversation better left to husband and wife.
Except there was a hand on her arm. Just like there had been twenty-three years ago.
The fear in Cassandra's eyes. "Don't go."
Sam swallowed down a lump in her throat and settled back against the pillows as Cassandra leaned in a little closer. "Okay. I'm not going anywhere."
Greg offered Sam a grateful smile. "Thanks for coming. I didn't know who else to call."
Sam's eyes crinkled as she looked back down at Cassandra. "Undomesticated equines couldn't keep us away."
There was a long moment before Sam looked back up. "But I think if Cassandra's feeling up to it, we might head back to our house. Just so your kids don't feel like they have to tiptoe around."
Cassandra stirred, trying to sit up again. "The kids. Greg, are they okay?"
Greg took his wife's hand. "Yeah. They're worried about you, but they're fine. Addy's going to town on that teething ring Jack brought this morning, and even though we finally found the baby Tylenol yesterday, he brought us another bottle."
Cassandra's eyes shone with tears as she looked up at Sam. "You didn't have to do that."
Sam almost smiled. "I didn't, but when Jack heard that Addy had been teething yesterday, he went out for a bit. Then, we got your text. My guess is that he picked everything up at that point, and instead of making the extra trip he was probably planning, he just brought it with him when I asked him to bring me this morning."
"Am I ever going to be able to repay you two for everything you've done for me and my kids?"
Sam looked down at the younger woman in surprise. "Cassandra, you're family. In my book, that means we don't have to worry about keeping score."
There was a moment of silence before Sam continued. "Besides, you've helped us more than you know."
Greg patted his wife's leg, and Sam watched as an unspoken understanding passed between them, not unlike the shorthand Sam had with her own spouse. "Jack ordered lunch from Sam's favorite vegan place. It should be getting here in about an hour. We'll be gone with the kids for at least that long."
He leaned in and kissed Cassandra's forehead, lingering for a moment before he turned back to Sam. "Thanks for looking after her."
Sam just ran her fingers through Cassandra's hair again, remembering for a brief moment one of the memories she had from before her mother's death. How her mother had sat beside her under the willow tree in her backyard. Run her fingers through Sam's long hair as she looked over one of the files for one of her clients. "Happy to help. You guys know that."
Cassandra had fallen back to sleep an hour or two ago, and Sam tried to return her attention to the laptop with the instructions on how to operate the Merlin phase technology device. Unfortunately, the glare was still working against her. Daniel had suggested that she order some special glasses that apparently helped to reduce the eye strain. He had thought maybe that would help with her headaches.
She'd placed an order, and the glasses were on their way, but she still had work to do now. Sam closed the laptop with a slightly more irritated click than she'd probably needed to secure the computer.
Cassandra stirred beside her. "Have you considered dictating your instructions?"
Sam looked down at the younger woman. "Dictating?"
Cassandra nodded as she woke herself a little more. "I have an illustrator friend who recently branched into authoring middle grade fiction. She's got a couple kids just like me, and she swears that she'd never get any writing if she didn't use dictation software while she's at the gym."
"Sounds like a creative solution, but I don't—"
"If you didn't have to look at the screen for anything other than editing, you might be able to limit your headaches."
Sam considered the idea. "It's worth a try. Thanks."
Cassandra nodded. "Anytime."
Sam set the laptop on the nightstand. "What about you? Feeling any better?"
Cassandra shrugged.
"Feel like talking yet?"
Cassandra looked down as if she had several things to say but that she wasn't sure she wanted to say any of them.
Sam just rubbed her shoulder. "It's okay if you don't. Doesn't mean you're any less brave."
"Actually, I had a question I wanted to ask you."
Sam's eyebrow lifted in surprise. "Okay."
"I don't want you to think that I don't generally like the way my life turned out. It's just that I guess there's part of me that didn't feel safe enough to ask this question when I was eleven, and now I need to know the answer."
Sam tensed. "I don't know if I'll know the answer, but I'll try to answer it."
Cassandra didn't even bother to stand, apparently perfectly content to give into her body's need to be a little girl for the day. "Did you ever consider adopting me?"
Sam's heart squeezed. She'd known the question was coming for decades now. It was a logical one. One that even Daniel and Teal'c had asked in one way or another after Cassandra had come to live on Earth.
Still...
Cassandra cleared her throat. "It's okay if you didn't. I don't have any hard feelings. Janet Fraiser was a fantastic mother, and I was very lucky to get the time with her that I did."
Sam looked away as she let her thoughts work through her mind. Now, burdened with the loss of her friend as well as her own regrets. Then, she looked back at Cassandra as tears moistened her eyes. "Considered it? Yes. But not for long, I'll admit."
"Oh..."
Sam chewed on the inside of her cheek. "It's not what you think. I loved you more than I thought I could possibly love another human."
"But?"
Sam let her mind go back to those early days in the stargate program. "But frankly, you scared me."
"Because I had a bomb in my chest?"
Sam shook her head. "Actually, that was one of the least scary things about you."
A faint smile lifted the corner of Cassandra's lips. "One of the least scary things about me?"
"As a scientist and as a military officer, the bomb was just a threat. You were a whole person who had lost everything, and on top of that, the bomb was inside you. And you were so young..."
Sam gently coaxed the younger woman to leaning her cheek against Sam's shoulder, as if Cassandra was still the eleven or twelve year old that had needed Sam so much after the destruction of her people. "You have to understand, I may not have been orphaned at an early age like you were, but I lost my mother when I was only a little older than you were back then. A part of me had no clue what to do with a little person who was all alone and had put her trust in me... And no matter how grateful I am for that trust, I never figured out why you reached out to me instead of Jack or Daniel or Teal'c, for that matter."
Cassandra's gaze grew distant. "You reminded me of my mother."
Sam's head snapped up. "You never told me that before."
Cassandra swallowed. "You don't look like her. Janet looked more like her than you ever did, actually, but there was something about how you talked with the other members of SG-1 that reminded me of my mom. She had brothers, and whenever we'd get together with the whole family after the harvest or for holidays..."
Sam offered her a strengthening smile. "Sounds like you had a loving family before you came to us."
Cassandra managed a thin smile. "Yeah, and I found a loving family here, too."
Sam couldn't help it. She kissed the top of the younger woman's head. "Yeah."
There was a long moment before Cassandra sat up. "I think I want to take a shower. Then, maybe we can have lunch?"
Sam nodded. "Lunch came while you were sleeping. I'll get it plated while you're in the shower."
As Sam stood, Cassandra caught her wrist in her hand. "Sam?"
"What do you need?"
Cassandra's eyes were sorrowful but sincere. "You might have been scared and uncertain back then, Sam, but I never felt anything but safe with you."
Sam's eyes moistened as she sat back on the bed and wrapped Cassandra up in a tight hug. "You are so very loved, Cassandra. In my experience, that's invaluable in getting through rough times like these."
Cassandra's bottom lip trembled, and Sam wrapped her back up in a hug. "You are so very brave, Cassandra. Resilient and brave, and I am so proud of you."
The thirty-four-year-old woman's hold on Sam grew tight for a second before Cassandra's shoulders shook with silent sobs.
Sam's own cheeks grew wet as she just held her, stroking her hair, and murmuring gentle whispers to soothe her.
Sam was putting on a tea kettle as the door burst open and the whole curling expedition returned, chattering excitedly to one another.
Sam smiled as Jack, who held little Addy in his arms, leaned in for a kiss. One she gave him without restraint.
Before she could ask how the curling lessons had gone, Jack's voice was low. "How's she doing?"
Sam returned to her kitchen tasks. Plating the roasted sweet potatoes with cilantro-mint chutney. Then splitting the spaghetti squash puttanesca main dish between two plates. "She'll be fine."
"Samantha..."
Sam sighed. "She asked me..."
"Samma?"
Sam looked down at Preston, even crouched a little closer. "Hey, Preston? What do you need?"
The worry in Preston's eyes was clear. "Does Mom have the coronavirus?"
Sam had barely gotten a chance to open her mouth before Carson joined them. "Is she gonna die?"
Sam wrapped both boys into a tight hug and kissed the tops of their heads. "Your mother is one of the strongest people I know. She's not feeling very good right now, but it's not her body that's sick. When she was a little girl, something really sad and scary happened, and that's why she needs a little space right now."
Preston turned teardrop eyes up to Sam, his hands twisting something between them as he gathered the courage to speak. "Can you tell Mom that we cleaned the house this morning before we left? And we'll try to be gooder. I even put my headphones away after school."
Sam ran a hand over the boy's cheek. "Preston, honey, you didn't do anything wrong."
The boy buried his face in Sam's chest as the tears came faster than he could control them.
Sam closed her eyes as she embraced the boy again, wishing she could come up with some way for the kids to express their concern without forcing Cassandra to feel like she couldn't have a few hours where she could process her pain alone.
"Hey, I have an idea."
Sam and Preston pulled apart as Jack spoke, and the little boy wiped at his eyes. "What kind of idea?"
"When Sam was sick, I called her on the phone. Maybe instead of doing that, you could make videos of yourself that you could send to your mom, telling her how much you love her."
Unbidden, Sam remembered when little Cassandra had come to comfort her after Jolinar's death. The act hadn't been the only reason she'd started to heal, but it had done a great deal to move her in that direction. "I think that's a great idea. I know she's been worried about you."
"Well, if she's so worried and she doesn't have to be in quarantine, why can't she just come down and be with us?"
Sam's heart went out to Harrison. She'd always had a special connection with the young man. Maybe because he was only about a year younger than her baby would have been. Maybe because they both liked science and math. Maybe because Sam saw a lot of his mother in him.
Only Sam was at a loss now. What could she possibly say to ease the ache in the young man's heart? An ache he masked with anger. A feeling she'd known all too well after her mother's death.
Greg squeezed his son's shoulder. "I hope that you never feel the way your mother is feeling right now, but just know that if you ever do, we'll all be there to support you the way we're supporting her today."
Harrison's eyes showed a hint of doubt.
Sam wished she was closer to the boy to offer him the comfort she'd already offered to his younger brothers. "I know that so much of what's happening in the world right now feels like it's never going to end, but I promise this won't last forever. Your mother just needs a little space to get back to feeling like herself."
Sam caught the look in Greg's eyes, and it wasn't surprising to her that the whole ordeal had taken a toll on him, too. "Carson, why don't you and Preston start working on making those videos for your mom. You can use my iPad."
Apparently, the word iPad had curative powers because Preston was almost back to his bubbly self. "Really, Dad?"
Greg managed a look that hinted at amusement, despite the fact that the lines on his face made him look at least ten years older than her really was. "Yep. It's on my desk."
The two younger boys raced out of the kitchen, chattering about what they were going to say to their mother in the video.
Harrison frowned. "You can't just distract me, Dad. I'm old enough to know what's really going on."
Greg leaned against the kitchen island and rubbed one hand over his face. A sign of emotional exhaustion if Sam had ever seen one. "Harrison, son, I know what's going on with your mother, and I'm not old enough to handle it. Why do you think I called in the reinforcements?"
Greg waved at Sam and Jack, and Harrison looked at them with a strange expression in his eyes. "Wait... Mom needing space has something to do with the Air Force?"
Sam exchanged looks with both her husband and Greg. Before she could try to respond, Jack cleared his throat, and as Sam looked back at him, he gestured to the baby in his arms.
Sam nodded as she pulled the baby to her chest and kissed her temple when the little one started fussing at the change.
"Look, kid, I'm not gonna tell your mom's story. That's something she's going to have to tell you when she feels like it, but—"
Harrison's protest was immediate. "But she's never going to think I'm old enough—"
"But—" Jack raised a hand to quiet the kid. "But you and I can talk through what's bugging you, if you want. We'll take a walk. Maybe play a little driveway hockey. Just the two of us. What do you say?"
Harrison eyed his dad, as if asking for permission, and Greg just nodded. Then, caught Jack's eye as the general walked out the door. "Thanks."
Jack gave a thin smile to Greg before he looked back at Sam. "You gonna be okay while I'm gone?"
Sam nodded. "I've got to take Cassie's lunch up to her, but I'm hoping I'll have a better idea of what the next few hours will look like when I go back up."
Jack motioned to his ear. "Call if you need me."
With this many people around her, that was likely going to be the closest he came to saying I love you before he walked out the door. Which, honestly, was just fine with her.
Greg reached for the baby as Jack and Harrison walked out of the house. "Let me take her. She's probably ready for a nap after the excitement today."
Sam handed the baby off without argument, but as she did so, she took the time to really study Greg. "How are you handling all of this?"
Greg took a long time to answer the question. "When she first told me what had happened back in—" He hesitated.
"Toronto," Sam supplied.
Greg nodded. "Right. Anyway, when she first told me what happened in Toronto, I thought it was a joke. Some idiotic coping mechanism for my parents inviting Cassandra and her parents to brunch when we were dating."
Sam grimaced at the faux pas. "Some people develop interesting senses of humor after this kind of trauma."
Greg grabbed a banana off the counter and started feeding pieces of it to the baby. "I had an uncle in the Special Forces. His sense of humor was wacky and off the wall... Almost always inappropriate, too. If he hadn't been family, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have been invited back to more than one of our events. You know, weddings, graduations, that sort of thing."
Sam nodded.
"Anyway, when I finally realized that she was serious, I didn't know what to think. In fact, I think I puked right then and there."
She didn't blame him for the response. If she hadn't been military, she might have had a similar reaction.
"I mean, I knew evil existed. Real evil. But until she told me what had happened to her, I hadn't really considered that it could touch the life of someone I loved, you know?"
Sam offered him a strengthening smile. "Ironically, enough, that's the reason Jack and I do the work we do." She caught her slight exaggeration and frowned. "Well, did."
Greg's face looked worn as Addison threw down the last piece of banana he'd tried to offer. Then, he looked at Sam. "Just help me get my wife back. If she needs a couple days to sort this out, if she needs to see a new shrink, whatever it takes, I'll do it. I just need her back, Sam. The kids and I need her back."
Sam reached for the plate she'd intended to take up to Cassandra. "That's the plan, Greg."
"It's not about what she does around here, either. I'm not asking because I want a clean house or dinner on the table at six. I need her because she's the heart of our home. She's the laughter, the smile... Everything that makes life worth living. And I can't bear to think that some dead fake god from her childhood can take that from her even now."
Sam squeezed Greg's hand. "She's a fighter, Greg. She was back when she was eleven, and she's just gotten more fierce with age. She's coming back to you and your kids, better and stronger than ever. I promise."
