She hadn't meant for him to see the last memory, and the beast laughed at her as she shoved the Doctor from her mind. He stared at her in silence, the only sound was their heaving breaths. She could feel his racing hearts from where she gripped his jacket; her knuckles turning white in her grip. She watched his face contort from despair to anger, to then settle into a blank stare that terrified her. She willed him to speak, but no words came. His hands came to slowly lay over her own and detached himself from her grip. He took a step back from her, and she saw how he took her in; he was searching for something.

"All this time," his voice strained in his throat, and she jolted at the sound, "all this time…I never knew…" his voice gave way, and he was silent a moment as he gained composure, "You lied to me." He finally said without restraint, bitterness lacing his words.

"Yes," was all she could reply. His eyes bore into hers, and she found herself locked in his gaze. He stepped toward her suddenly, looking down at her, searching her eyes. She knew what he was searching for and knew he would not find it. The girl he had once known was dead. But he suddenly reached toward her face, his fingers deftly tracing her jaw.

The green eyes were so close; a vast emerald sea and she felt herself drowning.

"All this time," he said again, his hand closing around a lock of her auburn hair. How different she must appear to him. There were no traces of her left, but he still searched her face, determined to find a sign of the Rose he once knew.

"Rose…" his voice was but a whisper, but her name startled her. Her eyes suddenly burned, and she shifted uncomfortably, and knew she was breaking. Her name was a song from his lips, and she fisted her hands at her sides to hide their shaking.

"I am not her," her voice sounded strangled, "I am not her."

He only stared at her, words seemed to have been lost to him. It was true, there was nothing of Rose in the woman's face. Everything he had loved most, everything he knew, had been altered. There was something unsettling about her face; it was a human face, but the sharpness of her features made her appear alien. There was nothing of her left.

"All this time," he whispered again, and she felt the slight tremble in his hands, "it was you…" He stopped as she gently detached herself from him and stepped away from the wall. She needed distance between them, for she found she could not breathe. She felt his eyes on her back and turned around to face him.

"Why did you not tell me who you are?" He asked gently, wanting to reach for her but was unsure if she would welcome the gesture. She glanced off toward the empty space, lost in thought.

"I had hoped that…I never wanted to relive any of this." She ground her jaw, her words sharp and bitter. But she looked back up at him and said gruffly, "And how was I to do that? It's been…what? Five centuries? Would you have believed me if I told you first hand? You already thought me dead."

Thrown by her words, he was silent. She was right. He would not have believed her if she had not shown him her memories. He had tucked the memory of Rose away and preferred to believe she had lived a fulfilled human life. Never would he have imagined her to be standing before him five centuries later.

"Why did you think you had to hide from me? Rose," she flinched, "why did you not come to me?"

Her eyes widened, then glistened, flecks of gold swirled in her iris's; constellations of stars and tears. The cold exterior was breaking, and she fought for composure.

"Because of the way you are looking at me now," her voice wavered then broke as a traitorous tear slipped down her cheek.

"It was cowardly, I know. But after everything, I had hoped that, for a few moments, I could live free from myself…" she paused, realizing she was floundering, "I was selfish. But by you not knowing me, you wouldn't hate me." Her words hung in the air between them, and the silence that followed grew until she almost choked on its strangling hold.

"Rose," he began but she swiftly held up a hand to stop him.

"No," she interjected, "please don't call me that."

He frowned, a worried expression marred his brow.

"I am not her," she insisted, then held up her glowing palms, "there is nothing of her left."

Again, he shook his head, seeming lost for words.

"Then, what are you?" He finally said.

She scoffed, then shrugged helplessly.

"A puppet," she folded her arms against herself, then sighed, "when the beast was released…it took what little of Rose was left, and now I am just its holding cell. I am what I created."

He looked confused as she spoke.

"What you created…" he began, but then a horrified expression widened his eyes as a new since of realization dawned upon him.

"When did you know?" He asked, and when she looked at him quizzically, he elaborated, "know of the Wolf?"

She glanced at the over turned furniture, suddenly lost in thought.

"There would be times when I thought I heard voices in my head. I thought I was going insane, but, they were only whispering, and I could never understand them, so I didn't pay them much thought. It wasn't until about a century later did I figure it out," she glanced at him, a sadness washing over her face, "but you knew didn't you, Doctor? You knew about the Wolf when you left me on that beach."

She watched him still at her reproach. The anguish she saw betrayed his guilt.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked so softly, so tentatively, that he so desperately wished to reach for her and bring her into his embrace. A need grew inside him, one that demanded that he grab her and hide her from the expanse of the universe, so as not a soul could harm her. He wanted to save her from her self-hatred; how well he knew of the shame she felt.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked again, golden eyes flashing. He opened his mouth to speak, but found he knew not what to say.

"And John," she continued, anger now sharpening her words, "his death was torture. Why did you not warn us? Did you not know he wouldn't survive? But you had to, you erased Donna's memories to spare her. Did you not think to do the same for him?"

At one time, she had become content with knowing these questions would never be answered, and suddenly she wished she had not spoken; for she realized she did not wish to know the truth.

She searched his face, waiting for him to deny, to explain, but he remained frozen. His breath was shallow, and his hands shook at his sides.

"How many years?" He finally asked in a voice so quiet, she wondered if he even spoke.

"What?"

"How many years did you run?" He asked and took a tentative step toward her.

She raised her brows, astonished by his question.

"Years," she said, her tone clipped with annoyance, "I left when Tony was but ten. I came back on his fifty-eth birthday. He didn't see me, none of them did. It was still too dangerous. But it was about another fifty years before they found me."

His jaw slackened, and then he turned from her to hide his face. He passed a hand over his eyes, forcing himself to not reach for her, beg for her forgiveness.

He turned back slowly, and she winced slightly at the pain on his face.

"Rose…" he paused, realizing his error, but continued, "that day, when you took the Time Vortex into your mind, you risked your life to save mine. And you did. You saved me not only from death, but from myself. I had hoped I had spared you from the vortex itself, but there was already so much damage. I was never sure what you had changed, but I began to believe I had been too late in saving you. There was something of the Wolf still there…I could never be certain of it, but there were times…" he again paused, waiting for her to speak, but when she remained silent he continued.

"You were in danger, of yourself, of being with me. Anyone who came to know who you were, what you possibly possessed, the expanse of the universe would be in danger, as you already know. I had believed…I had hoped that by staying in Pete's world you would have a chance at living the rest of your life the way you wanted. That by living a life with…him…you would be happy. Safe and happy."

She remained unmoving, and he found nothing in her face that gave way to what she thought.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Her voice was harsh, but she remained impassive. And it was then he felt himself break.

The need that had been growing inside him gave way, and he reached for her then. In three long strides, he brought his hands to cup her face, bringing their bodies close, his forehead almost touching hers. He half expected her to slap him, to wrench herself free of him, but when she remained still he pressed on.

"To spare you. The Wolf was only an inclination, it might not have been there at all. By sparing you, you would never live in fear of it. You would be free of that knowledge, and live your days as you should have," his hands shook as he caressed her face, "but I failed you in that. I failed you, Rose…" his breath caught in his chest when he felt her hands come to grasp his wrists and gently pulled herself away.

"You thought to spare me," her face was a mixture of disbelief and sadness, "well, it was there all along. People came for it, tried to take it from me, and the very thing you tried to spare me from came to pass." Her voice ground in her throat.

"I killed them!" She cried, "the world, the whole expanse of the universe is now dead and void. There is a monster living inside my head, and it is slowly taking control over me. You wished me to be happy? Safe? You should have killed me. It would have been a kinder fate than this."

"Kill you?" He let his hands to drop down to his sides, mortified at her suggestion.

"Even if you were not sure if the Wolf was there to begin with, you should have killed me," her voice wavered, the only inkling of the despair she felt, "you should have told me."

He could only stare in horror. The shame and guilt were not foreign to him. Once long ago he had enacted the very thing that erased the expanse of his world, and he had first borne it through the centuries as any person could. But in the midst of its troubles, she had been the first to lift him from his pain; had been the shining light when he was consumed by his darkness. She had saved him, and in return, he had neglected to save her. She was alone, for all those centuries, she had been alone. And now his Rose was gone.

"And John," she asked, breaking the uneasy silence, "did you not think of him?" She gazed up into his eyes, daring him to answer.

"You must have known," she continued, "you had to have known what would have happened to him. You erased Donna's memories, so she would have been spared. Why did you leave him to die?"

Broken, he was broken at her expression of pain.

"Rose-"

"Stop calling me that!" Her golden eyes flashed, and her hands clenched as she felt the surge of power swell in her chest.

"I'm sorry, I…" he heaved in a breath, uncertain how to continue, "You had been so adamant on coming with me, staying with me. I could not take the chance of you coming back. He was what you needed to stay. To stay safe. And he needed you, for as long as he was alive, he needed you.

For whatever time he had, I had hoped it would be a long life for the both of you, and that you would have found happiness with each other. I could not save him, and the only thing I could offer was the chance of a life, with you."

Her shoulders slumped, and she seemed to wilt before him.

"And so, you used him, to keep me put. To stay safe, as you say," she raised a hand to silence him when he opened his mouth to speak, "No. You did what you thought was best. The best chance for the both of us for a happy life, on the off chance the Wolf never even existed," she laughed scornfully, "A coward's choice though. You should have killed us both and saved us from the pain of it all. Look at us now," she raised her arms and looked about the upturned room, "much good it all came to."

She lowered her arms, a cold expression darkening her eyes.

"You coward," she reached for him and seized his jacket, bringing his face a breath from hers, "You, selfish coward. You took my life from me. You took the choices that should have been mine and locked me away," she was on the verge of hysteria, and she pressed her face against his chest, her own heaving with sobs, "I loved you, I loved you," she shook as she felt his arms come around her and held her against his chest. One hand tight against her waist, the other knotted into her hair, and he held her close.

"You used him," she lamented, "he didn't deserve that," she leaned away from his chest, and looked up into his face, "you should have told me," were the only words she could think to say.

"I know," he whispered, caught by the tears that now freely spilled down her face.

"I should have done many things, but you must know," he leaned his forehead against hers, "I wanted to save you the best way I knew how. And I truly believed you would have lived a full life without any knowledge of the Wolf, and you would have been happy. If not with him, with your family…"

She pushed away from him then, her face now scornful.

"Enough," she demanded, "For so many years I wanted to know why you had left me on that damn beach. So many years I hated you, but what is the use spending the rest of an immortal life fueled by a hate that will never be resolved? So, I learned to put that anger aside, and I think I came to forgive you. Now I wish," she rubbed her hands over her face, "I wish I didn't know," she scoffed, "ignorance is so blissful."

"What would you have me do?" He asked slowly, fighting the urge to hold her again.

"You should have killed me," she stated so simply he was astounded by her quick reply.

"You said you didn't know if the Wolf was there? Why take the chance and do away with it one and for all?" She stepped forward again, challenging him to answer.

"And you think I should have killed you." He spoke so softly, so sadly, she paused, but then quickly recovered.

"Yes," she seethed, "People would still be alive, a whole universe would still in existence, if I had died. You left a lot to chance by not killing me."
"And if the wolf hadn't been there, you would be dead!" He reached forward then and gripped her arms tightly, his hearts pounded against his chest.

"You would have died for nothing, and I would forever live with that regret."
She blinked, then whispered, "You already live with the regret of the deaths of your own people. The least you could have done is expand that same regard toward me."

Cruel, how cruel her words were. And he released her then, as if she had burned him. His mind reeled, his breath unsteady.

She bit her tongue until blood gushed over her teeth.

Thoughtless, but true, the beast laughed.

She flinched at its words, but found she had no argument to retaliate. The silence grew unsteady between them, until finally she let out a prolonged sigh.

"It would have done no good anyway…killing me," she shrugged helplessly, "I've tried in every way possible, and nothing seems to work."

His eyes widened, horrified by what she said. But she didn't see his expression for she turned then, and picked up an overturned chair, and after steadying it on the floor, she sat heavily down on the creaking seat.

"Our selfishness has caused too much destruction," she continued, refusing to look at him, "but we can right this now. We can do what needs to be done, and end all…this," she waved a tired hand across the chaotic room.

"And what is that?" He said, his tone clipped with anger.

"We need to find Clara, find whatever has us trapped here, and find a way to kill me, and kill the Wolf." She spoke so indifferently, as if she were discussing the weather instead of her execution.

He shook his head, his mind still reeling.

"Please," she continued to look down at the floor, "Despite everything, despite what I am, I cannot continue with this life anymore. I was foolish when I made myself immortal, no human was meant to live forever. But if I'm alive the Wolf will continue to fight to set itself free. I am the only thing keeping it locked away, but it's feeding off me, and I'm losing my strength." She looked up at him then, her eyes pleading, "will you help me?"

For a moment she seemed to shift before him into the human girl he had once known. Her irises the soft warm brown, her face clear of her torment, and for a moment she was Rose again. But the moment quickly faded, and she was once again the broken woman he had betrayed and abandoned. So, with a quivering sigh, he came and knelt down before her. Taking her hand, he placed her palm against his pounding heart and said.

"I will do whatever you ask of me."

Wow, this chapter was extremely hard to write. I had to rewrite many times, but I think I like where this is going. Thank you to everyone who has kept up with this story, it had been a long time since I've updated, and life likes to throw many curve balls, but I am determined to finish this. Please let me know what you think!