AN: Chugga chugga choo chooo I'm gonna churn these chapters out (in between all my other shit) as fast as I damn well can.

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The days following the undoubtedly second worst conference Iruka had ever had were surprisingly calm. Having learned a lesson about patience he tried to just ignore the information he was pretty sure would be coming his way. It helped that he had told his students about a test that wasn't actually made, meaning he had to create a new test in the middle of a unit in two days.

"Um Iruka-sensei" Sakura raised her hand for the fifth time during the test. "Question four has been repeated in five different places."

"Just cross out all the repeats of it" he had apparently done a very bad job with it.

"Should we cross out all the repeated questions or just the repeats of question four?"

"All of them."

"What about the questions that are technically different questions but ask the same thing?"

"How many are like that?"

"All but the first five."

"Everyone just, pass the tests forward" this was not his proudest moment. "You all get A's, and I guess you all can leave early since this test was all that was planned for the day."

A crowd of children hoisted Sakura into the air as they sprinted from the room, cheering for how she'd gotten them a half day and A's. Iruka looked at the stack of papers in his hands with a frown, no one could ever know about this mistake.

"Hey Iruka are you smoking in here?" Mizuki entered an empty classroom that had a faint smell of burning paper lingering within it.

"Nope, must be your imagination" he was leaning back in a chair gazing coldly at the ceiling.

"Follow up question, where did all the students go?"

"Home."

"Uh huh. Why did they all go home?"

"It's a long story, do you need something?"

"Well I guess not since apparently all the kids are supposed to be leaving."

"Great, I'll just be here, wallowing."

"Man just because you have one "Parent Teacher Conference" where someone ends up in the hospital doesn't mean you need to wallow."

"Shockingly I'd manage to forget about that and was wallowing for a different equally shameful reason. Thank you for reminding me, now I can wallow twice as hard."

Mizuki was a lot of things, but someone who knew how to deal with that? He was not. So he left Iruka to wallow, and wallow he did. The minutes turned to hours, and before long it was the actual time the academy classes were supposed to let out. Another ten minutes and he heard a knock at the door.

"I'm still wallowing Mizuki, please have some respect."

"Uh, he mentioned you might be doing this, but I thought it was another one of his jokes" Rōzu had decided to just enter after knocking. "If it makes you feel better, the doctor called it the most mild concussion she'd ever seen."

"Is that a good thing?" his wallowing was momentarily put on pause at their presence.

"I think it is, but I'm also the one who got the concussion thinking it was a good idea to do that handstand on drugs."

"You seem a lot less on drugs currently so maybe this time you could do it without falling over?'

"I have been strictly forbidden from trying it by the doctor, but I did so anyways and can in fact do one without falling still."

"Well that's one burning question put to rest, thank you."

"Oh good, I have a new one to add to the pot then."

"Is it another vow to secrecy type thing?"

"Shockingly no! It's just a simple question about you wanting to get some dinner?"

"Like, at all?"

"Well, ok, specifically would you want to get dinner with me? More specifically tonight?"

"Oh uh" Iruka was a little blindsided by the question. "I guess so? Is there some occasion or?"

"Like one part an apology for the whole conference fiasco, and two parts just a fun thing to do on a Friday night you know?"

"Is Naruto coming?"

"No he's hanging out with Sasuke so I thankfully don't have to leave him with Kakashi again."

"He is?"

"Well, I think so? A crow spoke to my mind earlier and told me that. So either he was kidnapped or he's with Sasuke."

"Is there a single part of your life that is normal?"

"Hey I'm just like everyone else, I put my pants on one leg at a time."

"Another question struck from the pile."

"So is that a yes?" they poked two fingers together and looked at him.

"Oh right, uh yeah dinner sounds good! Maybe you can fill me in on this crow?"

"Well, it was like" they tried using their hands to approximate the bird's size. "This big?"

"And it spoke to your mind?"

"Yeah I looked in its little bird eyes and boom, mind voice. Sounded a lot like that one guy."

"That one guy?"

"Yeah that guy, he's like" another approximation from them. "Yeh high?"

"A bird spoke to your mind in the voice of some nameless guy?" Iruka was growing more concerned by the moment. "And said Naruto was with Sasuke?"

"That is a good summation of what I said yes."

"Should we go check on that?"

"Oh for sure, but first things first, is like six good for dinner or is that too early?"

"Six works fine, but we should really check on this like now" he got up from the chair and grabbed his vest.

"Yeah right right, is like sushi good or are you not a seafood guy?"

"Yes sure" he was pushing them out the door. "Whatever you want, let's go find your possibly kidnapped son now!"

"For sure for sure" they began to walk normally instead of being pushed by him. "But like, are you allergic to anything?"

"OH MY GOD WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS LITERALLY ANY TIME" Iruka was getting very stressed by their lack of urgency.

This particular mystery was solved startlingly fast for Iruka. It turned out the magic bird told the truth and Naruto was with Sasuke in the Uchiha compound. It was only when Itachi came back out with snacks for the boys that the magic bird mystery was solved.

"Oh I see you got my magic bird" he set a tray down and came over to talk to them both.

"I knew it sounded familiar!" Rōzu turned to Iruka and pointed at Itachi. "This is that one guy I was talking about before."

"You could have just said it sounded like Itachi, I know who he is!"

"Your name's Itachi?"

"It is."

"You can recognize his voice, but you don't know his name?" Iruka could feel a blood vessel in his head come close to bursting.

"It didn't really come up, I don't know that other teacher's name either."

"Ignoring this" he took a deep breath to calm down. "Itachi why did you take Naruto?"

"Sasuke informed me they had a half day, so I picked Naruto up as well instead of our plan from before" he gestured to Rōzu at the mention of a plan.

"You two had a plan?"

"I was going to pick them both up after work and then meet up with Itachi later so they could have a sleepover."

Iruka liked to think of himself as a calm and level headed person, but that was being tested today. Resisting the urge to blow up and begin yelling he took a deep breath again.

"Could your magic bird not convey the whole of that message?" he decided to work through this list of questions.

"It probably could, yes."

"And could you" he turned to Rōzu. "Maybe have mentioned these plans earlier before saying Naruto was possibly kidnapped?"

"I certainly could have."

"Did the other instructor not let you know I was taking Naruto?" Itachi introduced a new part to this whole fiasco, the Mizuki factor. "He mentioned checking with you since I wasn't supposed to be taking them then, but said it was fine after coming back."

"No, he did not."

"Probably cause you were wallowing, a smart guy wouldn't disturb that deep of wallow" Rōzu sounded awfully sure of that, considering it made no sense whatsoever.

"Admittedly I was quite upset when Mizuki stopped in to talk with me."

"Well I'd say this is a solid crisis averted, Naruto did you pack your toothbrush?"

"I did!" he yelled over from where Sasuke and him were playing.

"Then I'm good here, when should I come by tomorrow?"

"I usually take Sasuke out to train around seven, so anytime after then works. If you don't want Naruto tagging along stop by before then."

"It'll mean I'll be stuck with Guy all alone, but he deserves a week off from that."

"Then ten or so."

"Great, see you then!" they turned and headed out. "I can find you for dinner later I guess?"

"Uh yeah" Iruka zoned back in as they called him. "Wait do you know where I live?"

"You should stop by my place actually."

With this vague dinner plan established Iruka and Rōzu split off. He headed back to his place and was greeted by the sight of one local fart guy.

"Ok so" before Iruka could ask him a question about what Itachi said Mizuki started talking. "I heard from Naruto's mom that you were going to be asked for some dinner today."

"That did happen yes, bu-"

"Dude, Naruto is staying with the Uchichas, do you know what that means!" he was now shaking Iruka slightly.

"That I'm going to eat dinner with Naruto's mom?"

"You're going to get" he leaned in a whispered this. "Laid."

"Nope nuh huh" Iruka pushed him back a bit and opened his door. "That is not at all what it means."

"Bro I had my doubts after the whole conference thing" Mizuki of course followed him. "But they asked you out for dinner, you're so going to the bone zone!"

"Ok first of all, they did not ask me out" Iruka put air quotes around that. "They just invited me for dinner for a fun Friday."

"And the fun part of this Friday will be?"

"NOT THAT!"

"I'm just saying if it's me reading the signs, and it is, they all point to you and Naruto's mom bumping uglies tonight."

"How many different ways do you have for saying that?" Iruka was hoping he'd pick up on the annoyed tone.

"Like I'd say as many as a number you may become acquainted to later today."

Iruka waited for the number, but realized Mizuki wanted some kind of prompting.

"What numb-"

"Sixty-nine!"

He groaned as Mizuki continued barreling through innuendos. Instead of engaging with any of them he just looked through his clothes for something more casual to wear.

"Is this what you're planning to wear on the one way train to pound town?" Mizuki gestured to the jeans and shirt Iruka had decided on.

"No, this is what I will be wearing to dinner."

"We said the same thing."

"No, no we did not."

"Listen, I know you're not an expert in the dating scene" he took the clothes from Iruka and walked back to the dresser. "So just let your homeboy handle this."

"First of all, rude. Secondly, it's not a date."

It took Mizuki all of two minutes to turn around with a new outfit. It took Iruka all of five seconds to not like it.

"No."

"Come on! What is a better date night look than this?"

"That is just a fishnet undershirt, and a pair of jeans that were too small for me but I forgot to return."

"I repeat, what is a better look?"

"For starters, an actual shirt maybe?'

"Compromise: you wear a vest over it?"

"We are going to a restaurant, I am not wearing that to a public place. I will be the laughingstock of."

"I hear you, but sometimes you have to sacrifice for a good look. Being a trendsetter is about suffering now so that the world can improve later."

"First of all, I do not think this is a good look. Secondly, no, that's not what it is about!"

"DO YOU WANT TO ENTER FUCKTOWN POPULATION YOU OR NOT!"

"THAT WASN'T EVEN FUNNY! AND ALSO THAT IS NOT HAPPENING"

"NOT WITH THAT ATTITUDE!"

Iruka was beyond the end of his rope, and Mizuki clearly had no intention of letting up. Trapped in an impossible situation, he decided to just give up. Thankfully when it came time to go to Rōzu's it was dark enough he didn't think anyone saw him. After knocking on the door he folded his arms over his chest and waited.

"Wow you're early" Rōzu opened up the door and looked at him.

There were a few moments of silence as they gave his outfit a once over. They drank in the sight of their son's teacher wearing a fishnet shirt and skinny jeans. The silence was broken by their uncontrolled laughter. Iruka made a mental note to get Mizuki back as he stood there, a little cold and incredibly embarrassed.