Apologies for the delay with this chapter - there's a little break here from any Patrick-related drama.
Thank you to anyone still reading/following/reviewing this story - it is much appreciated.
Enjoy :)
18
The day dawns cool and damp, with a brisk breeze rattling the windows in their frames. She feels sluggish as she moves about in the dim light, unwilling and unable to fully rouse herself into wakefulness. Although she has been up and about for more than an hour, she still struggles to shake off the last vestiges of sleep.
She perks up a little once she is finally able to sit down for a few moments and partake of breakfast, scrambled egg on toast, and then she heads back upstairs to face the rest of the day. She goes about her chores with little thought to the tasks at hand, her mind still full of her family after visiting with them for a short holiday whilst the Crawley's were away at the seaside.
The family arrive back a little before midday and she is there to greet them on the front steps with some of the other servants. Lady Mary smiles at her as she passes by and Anna is relieved to see that the sea air has brought some colour to her lady's cheeks, and the bags that had settled under her dark eyes have receded.
There is much to do for the rest of the day and Anna has little time to rest as she assists the young Crawley's with their dress, helps Mrs Hughes air out and clean some of the spare rooms, and then runs some messages down to the village before dinner.
It is a welcome relief when she is finally able to get Lady Mary ready for bed, and the two young women take their time with the task, both enjoying one another's quiet company.
"Something on your mind, Anna?" Mary finally asks, meeting Anna's gaze in the mirror. Anna smiles at the dark-haired beauty as she brushes her long tresses.
"Just thinking about my little sister, M'Lady."
"Oh, yes!" Mary turns in her chair, brown eyes shining with eager attention, "How was it? I imagine she has changed much since you last saw her." Anna gently turns Mary back to the mirror so she can continue with her brushing. She wishes, not for the first time, that some of the other servants could see Mary in these moments, unguarded and selfless. The opinion of the downstairs staff about the eldest Crawley sister has changed only slightly in the years that Anna has been at Downton, and it is in vain that Anna and Carson have tried to sway them further in their assessment of the young lady.
"Aye, M'Lady. She's a young woman now; grown out of that coltish figure she always had – now she has more curves than she knows what to do with," Anna chuckles at the recollection of seeing her sister for the first time in three years. "She still has Ma wrapped around her little finger though; I'm not sure that will ever change."
"Is she courting?" Anna knows that the enthusiasm in Lady Mary's voice as she asks this is genuine, that the younger woman is wholly invested in Anna's stories of her family and is not just being polite.
"Not yet, thankfully; I'm not sure I'd be able to handle that. There are a few boys sniffing around though, according to Ma. Eleanor wants to be a nurse though; she's just started her training, and I think that will take up all of her time for now."
"Oh, how wonderful! If she's anything like you, I know she will make a wonderful nurse!" Anna is touched by the sentiment and briefly pauses in her ministrations to softly clasp Mary's shoulder. She knows that the action is a small liberty, one she would not dare to exercise in public, but Mary has never seemed to mind these infractions; in fact, she appears to welcome them. Anna knows that the Crawley family, despite their love for one another, are not as demonstrative in their affections as her own family are, but Mary is often more open to physical contact when they are cloistered away in her room.
The contact is a soothing balm for Anna too, especially on days when her homesickness creeps in. Although Anna has had a very difficult and strained relationship with her stepfather, which led to a rift between her and her Ma, Anna has always been close to her younger sister and navigating life without her easy laughter and whispered secrets has often proved difficult for the young maid. So, these private moments with Mary hold a special place in Anna's heart, and allow her to feel at home in this sometimes-lonely life.
When Mary's hair is sufficiently smooth and tat-free, Anna draws back her quilt and plumps up her pillows. She feels only a tiny pang of jealousy as she completes the task, thinking of when her Ma used to do this for her back when she was a little child. Mary gives Anna's arm a gentle squeeze of thanks as she slips under the bed covers. Anna brings the cover back up and tucks it securely around Mary's slim frame. Both girls know that Mary is a little old for such attentions, and neither would admit to such a thing out loud, but the small gesture brings them both a small degree of comfort and serves to remind them of Anna's first few months at the house.
"Anna?" Mary's voice is hesitant as the maid is about to draw away from the bed.
"Yes, M'Lady?" she whispers back, meeting Mary's strangely timid gaze.
"Do…do you regret taking this job? Do you think you would have preferred to do something different with your life? Like your sister?"
Anna ponders the question for a few moments, thinking about her childish dreams of being a doll-maker or a teacher. The truth is, however, that she enjoys the work that she does; despite the repetitiveness, and the back-breaking tasks she sometimes has to carry out, she enjoys it. She loves each of the Crawleys and counts her blessings every day that she found a position with a family who are kind and generous, if a little snobbish at times. She loves the staff, even Carson with his gruff ways and his strict adherence to all rules.
She loves Mary most of all and is eternally grateful that she gets to provide care and comfort to the young woman, even if it can only be in private moments. She knows they could never be considered friends as such; the idea of it is preposterous, but she knows that what they have is the closest thing either of them will likely ever get to such a relationship.
"No, M'Lady," she finally answers, "I think this is exactly where I'm supposed to be…unless you're trying to get rid of me?" she tries for a mock-stern expression, channelling her inner Mrs Hughes, which causes a sharp bark of laughter to bubble up from Mary's chest. Anna finds herself laughing along with her, glad, once again, to see the young woman in a rare moment of levity.
"I should let you get some rest," she smooths back a few strands of hair from Mary's forehead, allowing her hand to linger a moment as Mary closes her eyes at her touch, a small smile gracing her lips. Anna marvels at how young she looks in these moments, her face free of the frown that so often adorns it these days.
She finally tears herself away, feeling her eyes burning with tears as a well of emotion suddenly causes her chest to tighten. She is almost out of the room when Mary calls out to her again.
"Goodnight, Anna."
"Goodnight, Mary," she calls back as she shuts the door. She turns to find Mrs Hughes walking towards her; the stern expression on her face no indication of whether she heard their overly familiar exchange. Anna knows that Mrs Hughes takes life a little less seriously than Mr Carson, but she is still a firm believer in maintaining proper and professional relationships between the family and the staff.
"Mrs Hughes," Anna inclines her head respectfully to the older woman.
"Anna," Mrs Hughes' brusque voice is not void of kindness, but there is a knowing glint in her eye that tells Anna she knows everything that goes on in the house, "get yourself off to bed now; I'm sure Lady Mary appreciates your due diligence, but you should have been in bed an hour ago."
"Yes, Mrs Hughes. Sorry, Mrs Hughes."
"Never mind that, off to bed." Mrs Hughes throws her a small smile as she passes on her way, letting Anna know that there is no harm done. Anna pauses a few more moments, unwilling to fully abandon the young lady just yet. It is a lingering tendency from her early days in the house, when she would wait just outside the door in case Mary needed something else, or had difficulty drifting off the sleep, which happened often when she first moved into her own room. Nowadays there is little need for Anna's continued presence, but she finds herself unable to completely forgo the habit.
Worried in case Mrs Hughes wanders back this way and finds her still loitering, Anna finally takes herself off to bed. She is currently in a room by herself, her last roommate having recently left to get married, and she finds the solitude equally welcome and lonesome. She strips out of her black dress, folding it neatly over the chair by the door, before slipping her white nightgown over her head. She spends only a few minutes brushing her own blonde locks, finding the task more of a chore when it is her own hair that needs combing through.
Sleep eludes her when she first gets into bed; her mind drifting over all of the paths her life may have taken had she not secured her position at Downton. She frets mainly about having to spend another minute under the same roof as her stepfather, shuddering at the dark, troubled memories of the man that threated to engulf her mind. She wonders also of what Mary might have become, had she not had Anna's soothing words and shoulder to cry on during her adolescent years. Her sleep, when it finally comes, is troubled and fretful as her brain fumbles together images of her early life and that of the dark-haired young woman sleeping soundly downstairs.
