Thanks to everyone for reading and commenting. This is a tough story. Lots of emotion.
A wave crashed into the shore, sending up spray. The ocean was too close. He squinted in the darkness, trying to make sense of what he was seeing. Steve was beside him as if he'd never left, but he did leave. Danny knew he had to be dreaming.
"Why are you here, Steven?" He was gruff and he didn't care. Danny couldn't let his longing steer this moment. He'd never get any answers.
"Why am I here?" Steve laughed. "I'm here for you, Danno. Always."
Hands in his hair, Danny dug his fingernails into his scalp. Something didn't feel right, and he felt a strange urgency. He needed to get something off his chest before Steve disappeared.
"I never thought I'd get to have you forever." Danny choked on the words, as they flowed out in a rush like he had to say them before he lost his chance.
"You do have me." Steve was so calm and easy going. "Talk to me. Tell me what's going on in that big, dumb head."
Danny didn't think this was funny. "I thought you'd die. Not leave Hawaii."
"Hey. You okay, buddy?" Steve set his beer on the sand beside his chair. "You've been on your feet too much."
"I'm fine." Tears in Danny's eyes reflected lights from the house. "You're not supposed to be here."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize." Danny was tired of this conversation. The softness in Steve's voice offended him. "This is something you need to do. I get it."
"I'm not leaving you."
Danny giggled. "That's exactly what you did."
"We'll I'm leaving. But-" Steve touched Danny's face. "I'll call. I'll-"
Feeling warm all over, Danny sat up straighter. He noticed he felt no pain. He cut Steve off. "What have I always said about promises, babe?"
"Good cops don't make them." Steve was out of his chair. He knocked over his beer but didn't notice.
Danny watched the sand soak up the amber liquid. He knew what words came next. He'd been here before. "No promises except to say –"
Kneeling in front of Danny, Steve took his hand. "I'll do my best."
Danny woke with a jerk, sending pain down his left arm and across his chest. If he hadn't just been shot and beaten, he'd worry he was having a heart attack. Maybe this was worse. His best friend was gone.
And all he had was this comfy bed and house. Taking a deep breath, he inhaled the remains of Steve. He really needed to change these sheets. He couldn't keep screaming into the pillow to avert a catastrophic crying fit. Those spasms were no good for his injuries. Plus, he really hated the inevitable headaches.
The dream clung to him, though, even as he stretched and propped himself up with a stack of pillows. He tossed one across the room, cursing its achingly familiar smell.
"Good morning." Adam laughed and Danny thought he was having a stroke.
"Jeez. Don't do that." Danny sighed.
"I figured you were awake when the pillow went flying."
"Were you camped out in the hall?"
"Something like that."
Adam had a way of calming any situation. Danny relaxed, but kept up some of his attitude just for show.
"Seriously? You sat in the hall all night?"
With a shrug, Adam answered. "Just following orders."
"Lou or Tani?"
Adam shoved his hands into his pockets and didn't answer.
"I see." Danny narrowed his eyes, chewing on his bottom lip for a second before shaking his head. "So, you're not a tattle tale."
His whole face erupted in a smile, and Adam said. "You got that right. I'm not facing that wrath."
"So…Tani." Danny chuckled.
Adam replied. "Good guess."
"Yea, you don't wanna cross her. I've learned." Danny hugged a pillow to his chest, clearly running out of steam.
They stared at one another until Adam cleared his throat. "Can I get you anything?"
"No, thanks. Maybe some privacy?"
"Sure thing." Adam backed into the hall. "I'm gonna take Eddie for a walk. Then my shift is over."
"Shift?"
Adam didn't bother replying. He chuckled and left.
/././
"I don't know who's worse. Danny or Eddie." Tani shook her head as she refilled a water bowl. "The way they're both moping around."
"Hey." Junior squeezed her shoulder. "It's gonna be okay."
She shrugged out of his reach, dagger eyes daring him to touch her. "Sure it is. Since when does Eddie not wanna go for a walk?"
"Steve just left yesterday." Junior dried the dishes. "Give it time."
"I wish I was all tough and stoic. I agree with Danny".
"You agree with Danny about what?"
"SEALs."
Junior wrinkled his nose, caught off guard. "SEALs what?"
"Stop repeating what I say."
Tani stormed out of the house. Junior moved to follow but was stopped.
"Wouldn't do that if I were you, man."
Adam made a wall between Junior and the door. He set Eddie's leash on the counter.
"Didn't know you were still here."
"Just about to leave. Eddie dragged his feet except for when he saw Danny."
Adam didn't move out of the way, making for an awkward moment.
"I need to-" Junior motioned toward the backyard.
"Can I give you some advice?"
Junior waited. He was too tired to argue, but also too grouchy not to glare just a little.
"Give her some space."
Junior frowned. "I've been giving everyone space."
"I get it. It's tough." Adam sighed and rubbed his hand across his face. "I'm sorry if I'm outta line. I need to sleep."
"It's all good, man. You okay to drive home?"
"Yea, I'm fine. Just need coffee."
"Tani made some."
"Again?"
Junior sighed. "She's running on caffeine fumes."
They both turned in the direction of the lanai. Tani laughed too loudly as she tried to get Eddie to chase his favorite ball. It bounced off the dog's head, and he didn't go after it. Danny looked on from the bench, mug in his hands.
"Tani – she's –"
"Takes time, man." Adam clapped Junior on the back. "You've got this."
"Seems to be a running theme." Junior took a deep breath.
The front door jiggled before swinging open wide and Lou marched through. "I've got malasadas. I hope someone made coffee."
"Tani." Junior and Adam said in unison.
Lou wrinkled his nose in the most amused smile and shook his head. "Gonna be a great day."
Adam looked around Lou like he was expecting someone else. "I thought you were with Quinn?"
"She and Cole are holding down the fort at headquarters." Lou shoved his way past Adam and Junior and set his spoils on the counter. "They'll call if anything pops up. Dig in before these get cold."
/././
Some time later…
The house was empty. Except for Lou and a snoozing Eddie. Which was as empty as the place had been since he'd come home from the hospital.
Home.
Danny swallowed and inhaled slowly through his nose. He'd put his place on the market. Most of his stuff was here, so there wouldn't be much to pack. He'd either sell or donate all the extra furniture. He wasn't sure how they'd work out the logistics. How he'd work out the logistics. This was all on him. Steve had gone and thrown this in his lap. The house. Eddie. Junior. Danny smiled and his eyes swelled with tears.
This place had drawn him like a magnet from the start. Chairs on the beach. Countless cups of coffee. Burnt frittata. An uncomfortable couch to crash on. Laughter and tears.
Danny was feeling the absence of his best friend like someone had drilled a hole in his heart. Everything here reminded him of Steve. Memories practically dripped from the walls.
He'd hoped that his presence could make things better. Lighter. It seemed to work for a few weeks. Steve had begun to smile again. There were fewer and fewer thousand-yard stares. Then things went south with Rachel for the final time, and Danny'd taken a few days off to clear his head only to watch a lovely woman die in a violent car accident. He was now convinced he would be a bachelor for the rest of his life. Which wasn't a terrible prospect as long as his children remained in his life and Steve was his partner. Danny trembled, closing his eyes for a breath or two. Steve made this rock home. Made life bearable. Why had he never told him that after all these years?
It didn't matter though. Steve had gone dark again. No word back to Danny. So much for keeping in touch.
"Danny? You want some lunch?" Lou called from the kitchen.
Stretching, Danny took stock of his body. He needed to eat if he was going to take his pills, but he wasn't hungry. He pushed up from the couch and hobbled into the kitchen.
"Where's your cane?" Lou mock scolded.
"When did you become my mother, huh?"
Lou quirked an eyebrow, ready for mischief, and pulled out his cell. "Don't make me call her."
"You wouldn't."
"Try me. Clara loves me."
"Never shoulda let you take her on that ridealong."
Lou grinned, and Danny took the sandwich and didn't grumble again. He shuffled outside and sat on the bench. Eddie at his heels, dog ever hopeful.
/././
Steve glared at his phone. Danny had texted five times.
Why couldn't he leave him alone?
Steve closed his eyes against that thought. He hadn't meant it. Had he?
Maybe a little.
He'd left the islands for peace with a capital P.
His partner's nagging was extra baggage from his old life. It hurt too much. Steve shrugged it off.
If he talked to Danny right then, he'd take the first flight back. He needed to cut the cord. Break ties.
They were safer without him.
That realization scared him. Reminded him he was a monster. A danger magnet. Heartache and pain followed him wherever he went. He was even afraid to spend too much time with Mary and Joanie. Not until he got his shit together. Made sure the past wasn't still on his six, threatening everything and everyone he held dear.
Everywhere he went, there was a trail of death and destruction.
His eyes watered. He felt a headache coming on. Crying had overtaken pacing since Danny'd figured him out. It was an odd turn of events. Steve lay in bed and wept most nights now. The quiet kind of sobbing, muffled and hidden. He still couldn't fully accept that emotional part of himself.
Catherine had passed out after sex and a sundae. He'd cried into a pillow. She never questioned him, didn't judge. Once the tears started, she rolled over and told him good night.
Steve knew she was running her own game. This was no magical rekindling of their relationship. Catherine had something to gain. He just didn't know what it was yet. Did he want to find out? Did it matter?
Shaking his head, he gripped the scratched porcelain sink. He thought about how easy it would be to yank it out of the wall. Steve was disappointed with himself.
He'd run back to his mother.
"Steve?" Catherine called from the other room.
They were staying at what Danny would call a flea bag motel. Not much better than the place Danny'd lived in when he first came to Oahu. Maybe that was why Steve had picked the place. It reminded him of his best friend. He'd told himself it was anonymous and simple. Cheap but not dirty. The kind of place where no one asked any questions.
"Be out in a minute."
He clicked the side button on his phone and the screen went black. He hadn't replied to any of Danny's texts since he left Hawaii. Not with words anyway. He'd sent an emoji, hoping that would be enough for now.
There was a knock, and something unfamiliar in her voice. "Steve? You alright?"
He flushed the toilet for cover. Then he splashed water on his face. When he opened the door, he smiled and kissed her lips. "Hello beautiful."
Steve knew just the right things to say to make Catherine melt. He could change the subject and deflect without breaking a sweat. It's what they did best. Avoiding their glaring incompatibility was too easy.
Catherine was the modern version of his mother. He wasn't naïve. He'd been chasing a ghost since he was a teen. Maybe Catherine had filled a void. She was all the things he was missing.
"Mmmm. You taste good." She purred as she kissed his neck. "You wanna get pancakes?"
Steve flinched, and she noticed.
"You okay? I told you those tacos were too spicy."
Laughing he ruffled her hair. "Nah, no pancakes. You know I don't like too many carbs."
"Really? Because I have it on good authority that pancakes are your favorite. Especially with bananas and chocolate chips."
He schooled his face. Steve couldn't let her know she'd pegged him. But how did she know?
"A little bird told me."
"Danny?" He was perplexed. Dumfounded. Had Danny talked to Catherine?
"No but close."
Steve wrinkled his nose and let go of her. He grabbed a fresh T-shirt from his duffle and waited for her answer. He wasn't in the mood to play games.
"Gracie."
Now he really wanted to frown. It didn't seem right, Catherine speaking to Grace.
"I check in with her every once in a while. Last year, after her accident…"
Her voice trailed off. Or rather, Steve stopped paying attention. He didn't want to remember the last year. It was why he'd left Oahu. Left his heart.
She noticed, and for the first time a little bitch crept into her voice. "Steve? Are you listening to me?"
Sighing, he didn't lie. He was too exhausted. "Sorry, I drifted – "
"You need calories!" Catherine giggled and took his arm. "Let's get some food. I'm hungry."
Steve didn't argue. He stuffed his phone and room key into his pocket and let her lead him into the evening sun.
/././
Danny knew he had minutes until the house became Grand Central again. He'd ordered pizza and set out some snacks. Like any other day. It was the weekend after all. Pretending was getting easier, despite how exhausted he was. His meds helped, but mostly he was just super stubborn.
In the quiet place of his heart, Danny felt nothing at all. He'd spent so much time worrying about Steve all these years. Now, it was a becoming a distant pain. Literally and figuratively.
He stared at the screen. No real response since Steve left. All he'd received so far was a smiley with sunglasses. What the hell was that supposed to mean?
Danny didn't dare touch his phone. If he picked it up, he'd throw it.
