AN: Here we are, almost a full year later, and holy shit did this thing get long? Right? Like what the hell is my problem? But this is it, the end, for real. I've had a pretty stressful and terrible past few weeks, but wrapping this up actually reminded me why I started it in the first place. This is the TMI part so if you all are happy not knowing anything else about my personal life then absolutely skip past this shit I've been real emotional recently so you've been warned!: Years and years ago when I started writing and reading fics was kind of the first time I got to really think about my sexuality (and gender but that egg took longer to crack), and I remember wanting to make a gay fic then, but oh boy did people back then make it clear that they did not want that. So i dunno it's nice to now write a fic with not just gay characters but non-binary ones as well. TMI section over, and I hope those of you who for some reason have stuck around and read not only all of this, but all of the fic as well, have enjoyed it! Idk when my next actual Naruto fic will start up, but hopefully not til I finish some other stuff up first.
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"Is this really the best idea?" Yamato looked at the maximum security cell, he had personally made the chakra restraints for the man inside.
"Maybe not, but that's why we're doing it today" Itachi reached for the handle and pulled the door open. "And like Kakashi used to say, those who abandon their allies a-"
"Yeah I know less than scum" he'd heard that too many times to count.
Entering the cell Itachi and Yamato began the process of undoing the restraints. After a few moments Kisame was able to move freely from his position in the center of the room. Removing the blindfold someone had tossed on him he gave them both a confused look.
"Not to look a gift jail break in the mouth, but are you sure about what you're doing?"
"Of course, and for your information this is not a jail break but an official release. As of five minutes ago you're a free man."
"I uh, huh" he waited for some kind of conditions to be brought up by either of them. "Just like that?"
"Yup, I got the third to finalize the papers in time so it's a bit too late for anyone to cause any fuss over it. Your sword was relinquished to the Mist village, but given what I've been briefed on from that discussion, they seem open to your return."
"Listen you're really laying on the build up to this, but you should really rip the rug out already."
"Well the only rug I have to rip out is this" Itachi held out his hand to the man. "Once we've got you on your way out of here I think we can officially end this truce of ours."
Yamato had to cover his ears as Kisame's laughter rang very loudly within the cell. As the large man regained his composure just kept his hand out.
"Oh my god you're serious?"
"Obviously yes."
"Alright I could maybe buy a jailbreak, and no offense, but there's no way you managed to just wipe the slate clean like that. I mean last I heard you were retired?"
"That is pretty understandable, and technically this was done by the previous Hokage and not me, I just wanted to be the one to let you out of here."
Seeing the smirk on his face and processing that last sentence made it all click for Kisame. Returning it with a grin of his own he finally accepted the handshake. With an expedited release process they were at the village gate half an hour later.
"Feel free to lie, but what comes next for you?"
"Well, I'm already missing Samehada so that's goal number one. We'll see from there though, if Kiri is really open to me coming back I might just take them up on that."
"Then I hope things work out in your favor" Itachi turned back towards the village. "And don't forget, you've got friends here as well now."
"Yeah, I'll keep that in mind" Kisame watched him go before heading for the road himself.
"It's gonna be weird not calling you boss after all these years" Rōzu helped Hiruzen gather some things out of the office. "Like, I'll be honest I don't think I remember your actual name."
"I think you'll manage" he stored the collection of antique pipes in a bag.
"And I don't even know who this new Hokage is yet! Like come on, can't you just tell me?"
"You get to find out with the rest of the village later today, and if it helps take your mind off of work, I hear your cousin is doing better."
"What! How come no one tells me anything!"
"Hard to do that when you decide to skip town for two weeks."
"Hard to do that when you decide to skip town for two weeks" they repeated it back at him before heading for the door.
"Ah, I'm not gonna miss this shit job" left alone in the office for the last time, Hiruzen had a final smoke break looking out the window.
"Two of these a day, morning and at night, and in about a month or so you should be completely healthy" Tsunade handed the pill bottle to Kimimaro. "It's a special blend so I made enough to last you, if for some reason you need more, those kids know how to find us."
"Normally any treatments I need require a lot of work, are you sure this is it?" Kabuto would spend weeks experimenting before having any kind of medicine for him.
"It helps having the best there is, and a healthy example of what your body systems should be like on hand. Otherwise you would probably be done for."
"I see."
Tsunade left him alone, his room was a normal one just with guards posted nearby. Of course even without the guards he was too weak currently to try anything. Meaning his return to Orochimaru would be delayed, if it was even possible at all.
"Hey I heard you're not dying!" His musings were paused as Rōzu crashed through the door.
"Yes?"
"Nice."
He waited for them to follow up with anything, but it seemed clear they didn't come prepared with much else to say. Of course, he also wasn't really sure what to say to them.
"So how's your kid?"
"Oh he's great."
"Does he get kidnapped often?" Kimimaro wasn't sure what to ask now either, but was curious about this.
"I mean he was only successfully kidnapped one time, it's just kind of weird that it was attempted twice."
"Seems like that would put a lot of strain on a family."
"Oh trust me, we've dealt with some weird shit, I got possesed for a few days."
"Right" he didn't particularly want any kind of elaboration on that. "Maybe a little more relevant, what comes next for me?"
"Yeah I was waiting for you to ask that" they scratched the back of their head and frowned. "You were kind of involved with a plot to kill the Third Hokage."
"Kind of is putting it very lightly."
"Trust me I know. Things aren't really looking good for you right now, at best you'll get life in prison."
"That is roughly what I expected, yes."
"But you should worry about your recovery for now" they came closer to the bed and adjusted the window curtains. "I mean who even knows when you'll be in any kind of shape to move really."
"I appreciate the concern, but we are on opposing sides here" their actions put him on edge, even if they seemed innocent enough.
"Maybe I'd have agreed with you on that years ago" while on alert he noticed them slip something under the window frame. "But living in this crazy village has taught me just how important family is."
Unsure of how to reply, Kimimaro watched them leave in silence. His situation was no longer as hopeless as he'd believed.
"Listen kid" Zabuza had hoped to avoid this situation by sneaking off before Team Seven got back. "It's nothing personal, it just makes more sense for me to go back to Kiri."
"I can move!" Naruto was very distraught upon hearing about the planned move. "We can get you the least annoying neighbors in the village!"
"Let me handle this maybe" Haku had packed up enough of his own things he could tag in.
"Gladly!" Without a moment wasted Zabuza moved inside to pack his own things.
"You guys just got here! We barely even got to hang out!"
"I know, but you can just stop by if you're by Kiri or we can do the same if we're by Konoha."
"But that's so far away there's almost never missions over there! Can't you just stay here?"
"He is one of the Mist's Seven swordsmen, it kind of makes sense for him to go back don't you think?"
"Well sure I guess, but you could stay?"
"Technically yes I could, but think about it like this, if your mom was moving somewhere else would you go with them?"
"Well, I mean, maybe. If it was someplace cool."
"So you understand why I'm going too?"
"Yeah I do, I'm still not happy about it."
"And we can be pen pals? That way you can keep me updated on whatever crazy adventures you end up on."
"I do have a lot of wacky adventures" Naruto looked deep in thought. "And if you um, start dating anyone, or whatever, you could tell me about that."
"Aw do you need some dating advice?" Haku wanted to get this gossip before leaving the village. "Do you have a crush on someone? Do I know them?"
"What me? No! I've never known anyone ever!"
On that strange note Naruto leapt into the stairwell, loudly bouncing his way down out of the building. Left alone, Haku had a small chuckle at his antics before heading back in to finish packing.
"So I take it that went badly" Sakura and Sasuke watched Naruto limp out of the apartment building.
"They're moving! Like today! How come no one told me that!"
"Probably because you'd react like this?" Sasuke had heard and been told to not pass the info along to Naruto.
"I'm reacting perfectly normally!"
"Listen, that's not important!" Sakura pulled them back on topic. "Clearly plan A failed, did you use the backup?"
"No! I was too distracted hearing they were moving!"
"Dammit Naruto, you just had to give him a letter! It was so simple I was pretty sure you could do it!"
"Well next time make it more simple!"
"So why are you kids screaming in front of our apartment building?" Rōzu had headed there after the hospital.
"Because Naruto can't follow a simple plan to give some guy a letter!" Sakura pulled said letter out of his pocket.
"No, that's nothing!" Naruto quickly tore it out of her hand and stuffed it in his shirt. "We just love yelling and being loud!"
"Ok that is true, but I did very clearly see that letter."
"I can't write, we all know that!"
"Right, so you are clearly going through, uh, something right now? If you need my help I'll be tracking down Iruka."
"I don't need help being loud, I'm just naturally good at it!" Naruto had been getting impressively loud, to the dismay of everyone on the street.
Giving him a pat on the head they left. With Rōzu gone Naruto dragged the other two off to avoid anyone else showing up.
"Ok guys what do I do!"
"You go give him the letter!" Sakura was getting more than a little annoyed over this.
"Ok Sasuke what do I do!"
"Give me the letter and I'll just give it to him since you're so complicated."
"Wait yeah that could work!" Naruto could more easily hide this way. "Just tell him not to open it til he's out of the village."
"Why?"
"Because what if he tries to talk to me about it!"
"Naruto."
"Yes?"
"I need you to calm the fuck down, it's not that big of a deal. Plus he's moving literally today!"
"I know! But it's stressful! The only relationship I have as an example is Mom and Iruka! And they're old and weird!"
"You know he's got a good point there, we really do not know very many people who are together" Sakura had never thought about that. "Probably because we're all thirteen."
"Aren't your parents married?"
"I mean yeah, but we never talk about them so I figured they don't count."
"Actually how come we don't talk about your parents?"
"Probably because you're both kind of rude, but focus!" She shoved them both back towards the building. "Sasuke can go with you for support but you have to hand the letter over!"
"What why! Sasuke said he'd do it for me!"
"Much like in war, one must also fight their own battles when it comes to love, now stop being a loser and do it!"
"Ok I want it to be known I'm not doing this because you quoted a movie at me, but because I suddenly decided to do so."
"Sure whatever, just go do it."
Watching her two teammates scurry off, Sakura let out a sigh. It wasn't easy being the brains of the team, especially now that it extended into personal lives. Seeing a streak of blue hair poorly hiding behind a sign she let out another sigh before walking over.
"Listen I didn't have anything against him before, but could you tell Kiba to just cut it out" ever since the attack Kiba had been constantly trying to get close to her, and now he was sending Hinata to spy on her! "He's really starting to piss me off."
"Oh uh" Hinata had apparently thought her hiding spot was better than it really was. "Yeah I can tell him that, sorry."
"What no you don't need to apologize, I'm more mad he's roping you into this."
"This?"
"You don't have to play coy with me, he's way too obvious about it. Asking me what kind of things I like, my favorite places to eat, the list goes on and on. Could you please tell him I'm not interested in his bad attempts to ask me out!"
"Oh uh, that" she nervously shifted back, the crumpling of paper coming out of her pocket putting Sakura on edge.
"Oh my god did he give you a letter for me or something?" Having just dealt with Naruto this seemed pretty obvious.
"What uh, no that's not, um."
"Just give it to me."
"No really I can go tell him you're" she sputtered out as Sakura held out a hand for it.
"Come on, we can read it together and laugh if there's any dog puns."
"Actually I just remembered I have to be somewhere, sorry!" Throwing the letter aside, Hinata dashed away.
"Well that was weird" picking the letter up Sakura uncrumpled it, seeing it was addressed to her she sighed once more.
Left alone, she just tore it open and unfolded the letter. It took her almost no time to realize the handwriting was too neat to be Kiba's. Finishing the letter she pinched her forehead.
"Great, I'm an asshole now."
"I really miss having another teacher" having had Haku to replace Mizuki, Iruka was now once again struggling to get all the assignments graded. "Maybe I can learn how to do shadow clones from Naruto."
"Careful if you ask him to teach you the power will definitely go to his head" Rōzu had found their way into the classroom.
"Oh yeah?" seeing them he pushed aside some of the papers, deciding they could wait til Monday. "Speaking from experience?"
"You let your kid beat up one bad guy and suddenly everyone hears about it huh" they sat across from him and leaned on the desk. "I mean I totally could have beat him myself."
"I'm sure you could" he gave them a smile while taking one of their hands in his.
"And your belief in me has earned you one kiss."
"Oh lucky me" he leaned in to accept the kiss, quickly being met by their lips.
As the kiss ended he checked the time, it was a lot later than he'd expected. Thankfully he hadn't missed the ceremony while being caught up with work, he assumed that's why Rōzu dropped by. Using his free hand Iruka stashed the unfinished work into the desk.
"Wow, very unprofessional, I can't believe Mizuki was the better teacher" they giggled at the look he shot over.
"This is coming from you? Remember when I found you calling out of work to read HunterxHunter?"
"I was going through it! That is a type of sickness!"
"Right, I'll be sure to let the new Hokage know that."
"Hey I didn't report you when I had the chance to!"
"Yeah cause it would have been entrapment."
"I'm annoyed you're right so I'm changing the topic, we should go so we can get good spots!"
"Oh yeah that's a good idea, let me lock up and I'll meet you out front."
Climbing out of bed, Kakashi checked the time; he'd left himself with about ten minutes before the ceremony was supposed to start. Throwing on his clothes and mask he left the house. Even though he was the last one to get there the others congregated by him. Iruka and Rōzu first, followed by his team, then Gai and his kids, and lastly Zabuza and Haku.
"And here I thought we might be seeing you up there!" Gai clapped him on the back while laughing.
"No I was hoping you'd be up there though."
"Ah you honor me my friend."
"Hey Sasuke look!" Lee pointed at his healed limbs. "I'm all cleared to fight so we can finally have our match!"
"Oh that's, yup" Sasuke had clearly hoped to never have to have that fight. "Can't wait!"
"Naruto."
"Guy."
"Yes Naruto?"
"Oh no sorry Gai, I just forgot this guy's name."
"We were supposed to fight in the exam? It's me, Neji?"
"Sorry man, it's really not ringing any bells."
"Well I'm also prepared whenever so we can have our match."
"Right, totally, our match."
"That was interrupted by the invasion?"
"I'm pretty sure I was supposed to fight Kabuto, and I did, so are you sure?"
"Yes I'm sure! We were the opening fight!"
"If you say so man?"
"I thought you were leaving town?" Rōzu decided that conversation had reached its peak and turned to Zabuza.
"Well yeah, but I'm not gonna miss the ceremony, there's free drinks!"
"There's free drinks?" They turned to Iruka.
"What, no there's not?"
"That's bullshit, in Kiri there's free drinks at stuff like this. Konoha sucks, let's go Haku."
"Oh wait, I actually wanted to ask Naruto and Sasuke about this letter?" He was pretty sure he saw them after it was thrown through their window. "Like is it for us or another apartment?"
"Oh hey I saw Naruto with that letter, and I think his friend said it was for a guy?"
"I am a guy."
"So it could be for you?"
"Wow he must be really excited to be pen pals then" excited to read it later, Haku tucked it away.
"Goodbye losers, your village sucks" Zabuza ditched the ceremony. "Call me if they start giving away free drinks more often."
"Bye everyone!" Haku waved over his shoulder while running off after him.
"Hm" Sasuke was scanning the crowd, his mom was coming over now but Itachi was still missing. "Did anyone see my brother?"
"Well, I think that's him?" Sakura had only met Itachi twice, but was pretty sure he was up on the balcony now.
Itachi used to dream about this day, but now that it'd finally come it felt like his heart might beat out of his chest. Hearing the crowd below didn't make it any easier either.
"Don't worry, most of them won't even be able to hear you unless you really project" Hiruzen was there for the passing of the torch part of the ceremony.
"That's not very helpful right now if I'm honest."
"How about this then, in all of my years I don't think I've ever known a more competent ninja than you. You're going to do great."
"Thank you."
"Now knock 'em dead."
With a smile on his face Itachi faced the crowd. Even with the thousands of people gathered he could easily pick out his family in the crowd, one of the many perks of having special eyes. After briefly locking eyes with Sasuke he began his speech, officially marking the start of his time as the Fifth Hokage.
With the festivities across the village in full swing it was hard for Itachi to make it back home quickly. Of course he didn't really mind taking his time to talk with the villagers on the way. When any one stop started taking too long Fox would drop by to usher him along.
"I feel like an ANBU captain should be focused on something else right now" when they finally made it back to his family's home Itachi decided to actually speak with them.
"I think escorting the Hokage home is a pretty big priority personally."
"Maybe if you'll actually come with me to the party I'm sure I'm late for?"
"I think I'll pass, but if you want to be pulled out just signal me."
With a smile he watched them flicker away. Entering the home he was greeted by party poppers and a very hastily made banner.
"So yeah we know you didn't graduate" Mikoto was still covering up the part that said Naruto and Sasuke. "But maybe if you'd told us ahead of time we could have made a new banner."
"I thought the surprise would be nicer."
"Well I hope you didn't want a cake" Rōzu hung up a phone with a frown. "Since even though it's for the new Hokage we can't get one right now."
"I think I can live without cake."
Even without most of the party supplies Rōzu and Mikoto wanted, Itachi had a good time. Being surrounded by his family was the best way he could think of ending the day.
"Oh shit watch out!" Naruto was trying to prove a point but instead was falling headfirst towards Rōzu.
"Hey langu-" before they could finish reprimanding him the two collided, causing a large smoke cloud to appear.
"Huh are you two…" Iruka paused, seeing two Naruto clones stacked together where Rōzu should have landed.
"Oh shit our covers are blown go go go!" The two got up and ran for the door.
Everyone stood in silence, watching Iruka slowly process what had just happened. Finally he turned to look directly at the remaining Naruto.
"I'm sorry, but what the hell was that?"
"So uh, a few years ago I thought it'd be funny to trick you into thinking I had a mom, and the actor I hired at first was getting too pricey to keep around so once I learned how to make shadow clones, well."
"Oh my god" Iruka fell back into a chair. "I'm going to jail! I got engaged to clones of a child!"
Before he could spiral further, the "Naruto" that was still on the floor started laughing. Before he could comment, Naruto was covered by smoke and turned back into Rōzu. They were quickly joined by the real Naruto, who was also laughing uncontrollably.
"Oh my god you believed that? Really?"
As the power of rational thought came back to him, so did the ability to express himself.
"WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT!"
