Chapter Ten: The Challenger

Author's Note: I thought I had put this into the right place in the lineup of vignettes I wanted to include, but a second look at my research indicates that Sam would have been barely 17 when the Challenger put an end to her plans to join NASA. I have revamped this chapter so that we can see both the moment of the explosion through her eyes and the moment when it clicked that this would impact her career personally. - RS


Sam slowly went numb as she sat in her advisor's office. With her newly-minted military training, she still heard every word the man said, but it didn't really register. Not yet. Only a word or two at a time.

Challenger.

Shuttle program.

On hold.

Indefinitely.

New path.

Everything she'd worked for. Gone. In the blink of an eye. Before she'd even made it to the Academy.

As she walked back to her quarters, she thought back to that day: the day the Challenger went down. She'd leaned forward as far as she could in her desk as the Physics teacher started the live feed. Her palms had gone sweaty. Her heart had raced. The way it had been when she'd gotten her first kiss.

All because of a metallic cylinder on the screen that would be going to go to space...

Mark had teased her relentlessly for the weeks leading up to the launch. Everyone's going to know what a nerd you really are, Sam. There won't be any hiding it anymore.

Dad had gone so far as to ask her if she wanted to stay home from school that day so she could enjoy the launch without the interruption of going from class to class.

It had been the first time Sam realized that she wasn't alone in her dreams. Her father wanted her to go to space, too. Something she couldn't have said about Mom. Not really.

But Sam hadn't minded the extra attention. It had been the first time things felt even a little normal after Mom's death. With both her brother and her dad joining in on the discussion about the launch in their own ways.

The way it had been when Sam had been growing up. With popcorn in front of the television as they watched the latest space shuttle launch.

It had been the first inkling to Sam that this was who she wanted to be. What she wanted to do with the rest of her life.

"What did Major Lincoln want to talk about?"

Sam swallowed as she walked into her quarters and found Morales working on an assignment. "The future of the space program if you can believe it."

Morales looked up from the assignment more completely. "Wait, what?"

Sam's roommate shifted and faced her. "Did they offer you the Air Force nomination?"

Sam exhaled as the weight of depression settled in around her. "No. Looks like the shuttle program is on indefinite hold."

For the first time since her mother's death, Sam felt hot tears sting her eyes. Something that felt all the more unacceptable now that she was a cadet at the Academy.

"I'm sorry."

Sam shook the pity off. Steadfastly ignored the single tear that had gathered at the corner of her eye. None of it would help her. "Just means I have other options to consider."

"All I've ever heard you talk about for three years is how much you want to go into space, Sam. What other options?"

Sam shrugged. "There are dozens of research assignments I could get at the Pentagon. Maybe be a test pilot. That's the beauty of having both a science and a military background. My career can shift for a little while, and when they start the shuttle program again, I'll be ready and waiting."

Sam pulled out a textbook and started working on one of the assignments that wouldn't be due for another few weeks.

Morales fell unnaturally silent for several minutes before she cleared her throat. "And you're sure they're going to do that?"

"Do what?"

"Start the shuttle program again?"

The question pierced Sam's heart with such ferocity that she almost couldn't breathe, but she didn't let it show. She just kept working on her assignment. "There's a lot of space we haven't explored yet. Someday, they're going to send people back out there, and when they do, I'm going to be one of the people who either made it happen or the first person they want to send."

Morales returned to her work, muttering something like better you than me under her breath.

As the other cadet became immersed again in what she was working on, Sam gave herself one moment to let the pain of disappointment wash over her.

Sitting in the front row of that physics class with the launch on television had been the culmination of everything Sam had ever wanted in life. The countdown had been thrilling. Electric.

Which had just made the actual explosion all the worse. As the fireball erupted on the screen, Sam had rocketed back in her seat as if to evade the shrapnel of the launch.

The teacher had stared at the screen, dumbfounded. Just like Sam had.

The news crews launched into their commentary, their own reactions sluggish and colored with shock.

Even now, she could feel remnants of that experience. Of how it was the first time she'd been grateful her mother was dead so she wouldn't have to witness that horror or worry about what would happen when Sam finally made it out to space. Of how Mark's teasing about space had turned into more targeted barbs designed to poison her against the Air Force.

Likely the groundwork for a coming flood of suggestions that she start considering civilian opportunities and aerospace firms. Starting with that pitch he'd started when she'd visited him at UCLA.

Her heart dropped to the pit of her stomach. It would be just like him to lord his foresight over her. Try to use this as another opportunity to win her over to his side instead of Dad's.

Sam set her school books aside and let herself fall back onto her pillow. She stared at the ceiling for several minutes, wishing that this set back was just a nightmare.

For a split second, in the light on the ceiling, she could almost see her mother's smiling eyes. Feel the way she had run her fingers through Sam's hair in times of distress. What is it, Samantha? What's on your mind?

The disappointment and grief in Sam's chest swelled to an almost unbearable degree, and she rolled over. Tried to muffle her tears in her pillow.

Let it out, my brave girl. Let it all out.


From 2x09 "Secrets"

JACOB: I made a call to Bollinger himself. Head of NASA?

CARTER: I know.

JACOB: I told him that you'd wanted to become an astronaut since you were a little girl. And that you'd given up—

CARTER: I didn't give up!

JACOB: Let me finish. That you gave up waiting for the shuttle program to be reinstated after the Challenger disaster.

CARTER: Yeah, it was bad timing.

JACOB: Yes, well. I called in a few markers. I filled them in on your qualifications. You apply again as an Air Force nominee, young lady, and I think you'll find NASA supportive.

CARTER: There's a waiting list a mile long.

JACOB: Not for you.

CARTER: Dad, you can't do that.

JACOB: I did.

CARTER: Without talking to me first?

JACOB: You're telling me you don't want this? They know what you're capable of offering the Space Program, Samantha, they want you!

CARTER: That's not the point! The work I am doing right now is very important to me.

JACOB: It's not your dream.

CARTER: Let's just leave it at that, please?