A/N: A 4k word one-shot during Snape's time as Headmaster in 1997-98. Several elements of this one-shot are taken from the movie It's A Wonderful Life. It's a great film and if you haven't seen it already, I highly encourage that you do. It's a great movie with a great message, that's gonna ring loud and clear to Headmaster Snape here.


It's A (not so) Wonderful Life

Headmaster Severus Snape had just about reached the end of his tether. This war was too much. The staff were too much. The bloody students were too much. And the Dark Lord…oh, don't even get Snape started on him; he was a menace. So that was how Snape found himself on the topmost floor of the astronomy tower one fine Mid-December night. He had no intention of leaving this tower alive; he was sick of it all and he just wanted it to end. As far as the war was concerned, it could all go to hell; he'd done as much as he could and he was ready to leave it all behind for the unending depths of hell that awaited him. Thoughts of the sweet embrace of death and oblivion swirling about his mind, he stood from his chair, set his flask of bourbon down, placed his wand alongside it and walked unsteadily to the edge. No one would miss him. His death would be celebrated, even Minerva, Filius, Pomona…all of whom he once considered friends of a sort would be rejoicing. No one would know, and that was just how he liked it.

The sky was a great black canvas, there were no stars out tonight, the low-hanging blanket of soupy, grey clouds ensured that. It almost seemed as if he could reach out and run his hand through the soupy curtain of condensation. He knew if he didn't get a move on, he'd die of hypothermia and not the fall; he was freezing his bloody arse off, and he did not want to go frozen as a popsicle. The cold wind lashed at his exposed hands and cheeks, almost as if it were chipping away at his soul and bringing the rot that infested the very essence of his being to the fore. It was strangely comforting, feeling the wind on his skin; washing all his thoughts clean and granting him singular focus on the task at hand. His death. He spared a brief thought for his mother, and Lily; but both were only fleeting, he knew they'd be looking down on him with disgust and vindictiveness; and he'd be lying if he said that it wasn't eating away at him, the idea of them sneering down their noses at his final act of cowardice. Then again, it wasn't as if he'd ever see Lily Potter's beautiful green eyes looking at him again, would he? She'd be waltzing about the afterlife with her bastard swine of a husband, so what business would she have being in the depths of hell? What did he care if she and Eileen thought of him as a coward?

Coward. Oh if Potter could see him now…he'd probably be jumping for joy at what the murderer of Albus Dumbledore as about to do, the death eater, Tommy boy's right hand man about to end it all. Would Albus be disappointed? Probably. He wasn't following through on his mission anymore, not that he cared about it. He was done with everything, so what did he care about his bloody mission and his stupid devotion to that infuriating old man. The old man that he'd killed…in this very spot…just over six months ago, the thought almost made him cry; for that act that night had sealed his fate. Dumbledore was dead and gone with him, was the last person that believed in the small shred of goodness in Severus Snape's blackened soul. No one else knew who he truly was, and being surrounded by enemies on all fronts had taken too much of a toll on him, losing Albus had hurt just as much as losing Lily; perhaps even more so since there was now not a soul in the world that wouldn't rejoice upon learning of his death. The tears didn't fall, but they were oh so close, he could see the Headmaster looking down on him now, a frown of disappointment on his face as he prepared to end his life. It hurt, seeing Dumbledore look down on him in such a way…but it didn't hurt as much as living.

It was with that thought filling every crevice of his mind, that Severus Snape took the last few steps to the very edge of the Astronomy tower. The ground beneath him was a mass of black, just like the sky above; he couldn't see it clearly, but he knew a fall from this height, regardless of what laid beneath would kill him. Quickly. Just as he intended it.

"It would've been better had I not been born at all. Would've spared everyone a great deal of misery," Snape said bitterly, chuckling to himself in sweet irony.

"You don't believe that do you?"

Snape froze. There was no one around him, not a soul, his protective charms and wards ensured that. Not even Filius or Minerva could break through them without him being made aware, so who the hell was that?

Snape glanced up and peered around the empty astronomy tower. Not a soul was in sight. He raised his hand and angrily shouted; "Homenum Revelio!" Alas, it didn't reveal a thing.

"Who's there!" He shouted, spluttering over his words.

"I am." Came that voice again, but this time it sounded as if it were coming from above.

Snape looked up, and when he did, he spotted a bright light shining through the thick, grey clouds above him. It wasn't quite blinding, but it was pretty darn bright and even caused the Headmaster to squint just a little to protect his corneas. The outline of a figure, a man of some sort shone through the clouds, that light upon his back casting his silhouette brightly against the backdrop of darkness. He slowly descended from the clouds, and as he did so, Snape took a closer look at him; he was short, rather rotund, and had a balding head of grey hair. He had bright blue eyes not too dissimilar to Dumbledore's, and he wore a said smile. Snape was too stunned to even react, he merely took a few steps back from the ledge he teetered over, and watched with a blank, unseeing stare as the man floated right past him and landed in the center of the tower.

"Hello Severus. It's nice to meet you. My name's Clarence," the plump man said jovially.

"Just what the hell are you?" Snape asked, thoroughly confused as to what just happened. Despite his alcohol-addled body, he seemed to regain full control of his faculties in the blink of an eye, as a result of the strange…thing's sudden appearance.

"I am an angel, Angel Second Class Clarence at your service!" The man said proudly.

"An Angel?" Snape scoffed. "Second class? Well if you're an angel, where the bloody hell are your wings then?" He sneered scathingly.

"Well of course I'm Second Class, if I were an Angel First Class you'd see my wings on me right now," Clarence explained blithely, an idiotic smile adorning his face. "On a more serious note, I am your angel, Severus. And what you were about to do was incredibly concerning to us up there, so, I am here to help."

"Help? Help?! What in Salazar's name can you do to help? I don't care whether you're an angel or not, I want to die, so unless you can off me on the spot, then you're of no help to me!" Snape screeched, spittle flying from his mouth en masse as his rage bubbled to the surface.

"I can't do that. I can't let you die. At least not yet," Clarence said subduedly. "But I can show you something, Severus. Would you like to see it?"

"See what?" Snape asked, his murderous glare infecting his tone.

"See what a world without you would be like. To see just how valued you really are," Clarence said softly, a sad smile on his face.

Snape glared at him, but he gave a single brief nod. If that's what it would take to finally get this pot-bellied 'Angel' to leave him alone, so he could die in peace, then so be it. He'd indulge him, and witness the utopia a world devoid of Severus Snape would be. It would give him all the more reason to do the deed, seeing just how much better everyone else would be without him.

"Fine. Show me then," Snape muttered.

Clarence smiled broadly and grasped his arm. When he felt the old angel's fingers on his arm, Snape was instantly knocked unconscious as the Angel's powers whisked him to an alternate reality far away where Severus Snape was never born.

When he reopened his eyes, he was surprised to find himself in dreary old Cokeworth, right on the bank of the murky, polluted river. A little way's off in the distance he spotted a tree, stripped bare of leaves but it was still the same tree he and Lily used to share when they were children. It was their safe haven from the world and all it had thrown their way.

When he looked away from the old willow tree, he noticed the town was more run down than usual, entire buildings falling apart, in fact, it seemed as if Cokeworth was massively worse than he'd ever seen it. Buildings were falling apart—some destroyed even, not a single car was on the street, lamp poles had blinked out or had fallen over. He didn't care though, he never liked Cokeworth, and had always wanted to leave this place. The first thing that sprang to mind was Lily, and so it was what he asked of Clarence first.

"Take me to Lily," he said coldly. His thoughts traveling to his old best friend that in this world, should hopefully be alive thanks to him not being there to blab the prophecy to Riddle.

Clarence sighed and held his arm out again. "Are you sure you want to do that?"

"Yes," Snape said curtly, grasping the Angel's arm tightly.

Clarence gave a weary nod and teleported the both of them away from the River. When they reappeared, it was in the last place Snape had expected to bring him to, the old Cokeworth cemetery. They were surrounded by a maze of tombstones, most of them simple and gray, but a lot were damaged and falling apart, some had even been obliterated. "Where is she?" Snape asked, glancing around, already fearing for the worst that Lily had died, despite his absence from this reality, she'd died all the same.

Clarence nodded at the nearest Tombstone just a few meters in front of them. "Take a look for yourself," he said resignedly.

Snape knelt down on the earth and squinted so he could see better.

Here lies Lily Marie Evans

The light in our lives, the apple of our eye, our loving daughter taken from us too soon. The greatest gift God has ever bestowed upon our humble family. We love you, Lily.

30th January 1960 - 14th October 1968

"No…no, this isn't possible! This must be some mistake, Lily Potter died when she was twenty one at the hands of the Dark Lord, I'm the one that told him the prophecy, she should be alive! Not dead at…at eight years old!" Snape shouted, anguish and grief as clear as day on his face.

"That's what you would think, Severus, but your absence from this world meant Lily Evans choked on a grape at the age of eight. You weren't there to save her, whacking her on the back that day saved her life, little did you know," Clarence said sadly. He conjured a bouquet of Lilies and set it down on the earth beneath her headstone. "She died because you don't exist."

"But I do exist! I'm here aren't I?" Snape cried

"No," Clarence smiled. "You asked for a world where Severus Snape was never born. And I am showing you it. Even a flea has greater significance in this world than you do, Severus."

"Lily," he choked out, his hand reverently grazing the granite of the headstone. "Lily…I—I don't…" his voice trailed off into silence, catching on the dislodgeable lump in his throat.

"She's dead, Severus," Clarence said softly, laying a hand on his shoulder.

"Take me home then," Snape bit out. "Take me back to 17 Spinner's End!"

Clarence nodded, extending his arm out for Snape to grab a hold of. When he did, he teleported them both back to his old home.

When they reappeared, it was on the front lawn of his old house; it was ill-kept and had leaves and dead bushes all over the place. His house was falling apart too, and not a sign of life was coming from inside the old home.

"Mum? Mum are you home?" Snape asked, pounding on the door.

There was no response. Just the howling of the wind overhead and the rustling of dead leaves on the grass, two cats screeched in the distance, but from the looks of things, there was nothing here.

"Where is she? She should be alive!"

"You asked me to bring you home, this is your home is it not? Unfortunately Eileen Snape has not called this residence home for over twenty five years."

Twenty five years…that would put him back in 1973, it was also the year his dad had passed away in a car crash, and he and Eileen had been gravely wounded but survived. IT was over the summer and he hadn't healed fully by the time he went back to Hogwarts for his third year, he still had a cast over his arm and walked with a limp. Some things never fully healed and he'd lost just a bit of his mobility that day of the accident. "What happened?" he choked out. "Where is she?"

Again, Clarence smiled that sad smile of his. He rocked back on his heels and said; "again. Your absence from this world had dire consequences Severus. You see, a bout of accidental magic that day when your father crashed his Oldsmobile into that lamp post saved your mother from certain death. Your father died, like what happened in this life, but you weren't there to save your mother. Eileen died on impact, like Tobias—"

"Don't say his name!" Snape bellowed, rounding on his Angel in an instant.

"If I were you, I wouldn't shout. Wouldn't want to wake the neighbors after all. Then again, it seems as though you don't have any do you?"

Snape growled and took a few steps back from the house and looked out across the torn-up street, his eyes moving from house to house, looking for signs of life. "Where is everyone," he demanded.

"If I were to say it now. I don't think you'd believe me, there is more you must know first," Clarence said, putting his arm out for Snape to grasp.

"I want to see Charity, Albus, Minerva, all of them," Snape said, steeling his face into one of impassiveness, calling on his occlumency to mute out the sorrow that coursed through his veins.

"Of course. Coincidentally, a lot of your old friends are still together in this world too."

Clarence teleported them both to a windy hilltop faraway from Cokeworth. It was a hill that was awfully familiar to Snape, a place he had once apparated to, to grovel at the feet of Albus Dumbledore and beg him to protect Lily and her family from the Dark Lord. It was where he signed away his life to his second master, although unlike his first, he actually had grown rather fond of the man, it could be said that he even cared for Dumbledore, despite all he'd put him through.

"It's just over here Severus," Clarence called out from the base of the hill. It made Snape wonder just how Clarence got down there so quickly.

"Alright," Snape replied, walking down the hill to Clarence. At the base of the hill, there was a thicket of trees from which Dumbledore had emerged from to confront him all those years ago.

Snape stared around the thicket of trees, wondering just what the hell Clarence had meant.

"Minerva McGonagall is scattered over there," Clarence said sadly, gesturing over to a shrub. "Filius Flitwick, just a little further beyond that," he added, pointing at a Spruce tree a little behind the shrub. "As for Pomona Sprout…well, she's living quite the life right now overseas in Greece. She was lucky enough to get out before everything turned pear-shaped."

Snape stared blankly into the trees, he felt numb, the only sensation being his nails digging into his palms, drawing blood. Before he could so much as comment on it, Clarence's sad muttering broke the silence between them. "Charity Burbage is dead too, tortured, defiled, then killed by the Death Eaters."

"Charity," Snape sobbed, eyes brimming with tears. "I should've saved her…" he whispered remorsefully.

"If you tried to, Severus, you'd have blown your cover, and both of you will die regardless. You did all you could for her," Clarence said sympathetically.

"As for the rest of your colleagues, Albus Dumbledore is also dead—felled in combat against Tom Riddle. He was the last of the Order. Most of your colleagues are dead, save for Aurora Sinistra and Horace Slughorn, they returned to the Muggle world."

"Aren't they at Hogwarts?" Snape asked, his tone anguished. "I…I assume the Dark Lord won…Albus is dead, Minerva…but they're purebloods! Shouldn't they be at Hogwarts?!"

"They were, for a time," Clarence said softly. "Alas, when Tom Riddle seized power and gained full control over Magical Britain in the Winter of 1982, he kept Aurora Sinistra and Horace Slughorn as full time professors at Hogwarts…but they wouldn't remain in their posts for long. For Tom would declare war on the Muggle world, it was a war he, and the magical world, lost. Slughorn and Sinistra got out before then and abandoned their magic to the Muggle world."

"Take me to Hogwarts then," Snape sniffled. "Please…take me home."

Clarence bowed his head, a lone tear falling from his eyes. "As you wish."

Clarence apparated them to the grounds where the proud castle of Hogwarts once stood. Only now, all that remained in place of the once proud, dazzling castle with a thousand lights; was an empty hill littered with the crumbling remains of stone and mortar. Hogwarts was gone. There was no castle left, no sign of light either, only the destroyed wreckage of the shining castle on the hill. A home to him, more than Cokeworth ever was, gone, wiped away by his inexistence.

"Hogwarts was leveled by an airstrike from the RAF," Clarence said sadly, his blue eyes fixed upon the snowy ground. "After Tom Riddle declared open warfare against the Muggles, they rallied and wiped out Magical Britain with a mix of conventional and tactical nuclear weapons. You wizards never stood a chance."

"How?" Snape choked out, tears streamed down his face as he collapsed to his knees in the snow. The only sound louder than the roaring wind, being his ragged breaths. He didn't bother trying to reign it in any longer, he let the tears fall as he mourned the loss of all he held dear in this world.

"Riddle consolidated power, he focused on strengthening Magical Britain and building up the auror force and preparing for open war. When he declared war…wizards defected to the Muggles, and the knowledge they brought with them enabled the Muggles to emerge Victorious. At great cost. Nearly all of Magical Britain was wiped out in the fighting, as well as five million Muggles, most of them perishing by Margaret Thatcher's hand."

"Nuclear weapons…on their own kind," Snape whispered in horror.

"Precisely. Death Eaters turned Aurors attacked Manchester and began fighting and killing Muggles in the streets. A nuclear strike wiped them out in one fell swoop, a million Muggles along with it," Clarence said.

Clarence's boots crunched through the snow as he walked to Snape's side and laid a hand on his shoulder. "You weren't there to stop all this. Without a double agent within the Death Eaters' inner circle, The order lost the war one year after Tom perished in your world; and when Tom gained control…that was it."

"Take me back," Snape pleaded, "please…take me back. I can't…please…"

"Do you see the world we leave behind Severus, if you didn't exist?—" Snape nodded vigorously. "—All you've done, all you've sacrificed…do you see the alternative had you not been here at all? You are valued, and you are loved. When your time comes, Heaven awaits you, my child," Clarence said.

"You stopped all of this. And although you betrayed your friend, had you not been here at all she would've died far sooner. Your actions, although terrible, brought about the first end of Tom Riddle. Do you see the difference your sacrifices have made Severus? There is no one that can do what you've done, and I hope you realize just how valued you are."

"I do," Snape murmured softly. "I do."

"Good. For it is now time to return. I shall leave you where I found you, and hopefully with a new perspective on all that could have been," Clarence said.

Snape nodded resignedly, and allowed his Angel to help him to his feet. "Is there anything you wish to see, before we return?"

"My mother…and Albus."

"Very well then. Hold on tightly."

Snape did as he was asked and the two teleported away back to the Cokeworth cemetery where Eileen and Tobias Snape were buried. Snape wasted no time separating himself from Clarence once he'd regained his bearings; he sank to his knees in front of his mother's tombstone, he even spared a sad glance for his father.

"I am sorry. I will be better. I will do better. And I will make you proud. I won't be a coward," Snape murmured, his hand resting on the top of the cold Marble stone.

He didn't know it, but from far above, Eileen, Lily, Albus and Charity were looking down on him fondly from the heavens, they were all smiling, crying too, but still smiling nonetheless. Snape spent a moment on his knees, catching his breath and reigning his emotions under control before getting to his feet and turning around to see Clarence.

"Are you ready to see Albus now?" Clarence asked.

Snape nodded resolutely. "I am."

Clarence extended his hand, without any prompting necessary, Snape grasped it and the two teleported away back to Hogwarts. They were now on the shores of the Black Lake, the location of the final duel Albus Dumbledore ever partook in. It wasn't so much a duel, more so a final stand as Dumbledore fought Riddle who had an army of Death Eaters fighting with him. When it became clear that Dumbledore was winning against Riddle, nearly felling the man numerous times in their brief mano-a-mano duel, Riddle called his death eaters into service, knowing he couldn't defeat the legendary wizard on his own. Dumbledore was slaughtered on the shores of the Black Lake, not before bringing down two dozen Death Eaters in one final blaze of Fiendfyre glory.

"Albus Dumbledore perished on these very shores, killed by his own Fiendfyre as he attempted to strike down Riddle in one final attack. He came agonizingly close, but Riddle evaded the cursed flames," Clarence recited monotonously.

Snape spared a moment of silence for the man, scrunching his eyes shut and standing stock still in a silent show of resolve and solidarity with the cause. He made a vow to see the war through to its end, a vow that Albus Dumbledore heard loud and clear form the heavens, as did Clarence, Eileen, Lily, Charity and the rest that were watching him. Steadily, he stood tall and turned away from the inky black depths of the lack to find Clarence's blue-eyed gaze. "Take me home. Clarence," he said softly. Clarence wasted no time obliging his charge's request.

With but a snap of Clarence's fingers, Snape found himself on top of the Astronomy Tower back at Hogwarts.

Clarence was nowhere to be seen, but far away, ringing out from the great, expansive blackness of the night sky; he heard the sound of bells ringing.