Roxas vowed to never, ever do this again. It was uncomfortable, it was wrong, so, so wrong... But he was running out of options. He'd asked Axel, he'd asked Kairi, even Naminé, but better ideas weren't coming up.
It was not a new feeling per se, but one he could certainly go without. Then again, it was a miracle he had any feelings at all – maybe he shouldn't complain.
Roxas tugged at the hem of his short sleeve, self-conscious and stiff. Ventus had been happy to lend him some of his clothes – in fact, he'd been pestering Roxas for a while about pranking their friends, but Roxas had always declined. He hadn't been entirely sure what it was about the idea that made him balk so absolutely, but now that it was happening, it started to make sense.
He didn't want to be somebody else again.
And yet, here he was, pretending to be Ventus because someone was dead set on avoiding Roxas like the plague, and had been ever since they actually had a chance to sit down and process.
He couldn't exactly fault Riku for it. If the roles were reversed, he'd probably keep running the other way, too. And it was just the top of the iceberg, really. All of them were grieving Sora to a degree, but Riku and Kairi were the ones whom it hit the hardest.
Not to mention that Riku wasn't exactly the outgoing type and would often just randomly disappear. This time, however, Roxas was determined to follow him to whatever emo corner he picked today. They were long overdue for some kind of heart-to-heart – maybe Riku thought he could keep up this awkward dance forever, but Roxas had other ideas. They were a team now, and if they didn't shape up and started acting like one, well... He didn't want to think about that too hard.
So Roxas went looking, and the only place he hadn't checked yet was the cove behind the sea shack. As he stood in front of the oddly placed door, pondering his upcoming moves and discarding all of them because he wasn't Ventus, dang it, he couldn't quite decide if he was grateful for the barrier shielding him from potential eyes, or frustrated by the irresistible temptation to hesitate.
Eventually, he took a deep breath and pushed open the door. It was either going to work out or it wasn't; he could worry about that when the time came.
He wasn't entirely sure what he expected. Maybe he expected Riku to sit on the sand and stare out at the ocean. Maybe an empty beach Roxas could walk up and down for the next thirty minutes until he found a secret hideout or something.
He certainly didn't expect to be tackled. He yelped and stumbled back half a step, Keyblades at the ready.
For a moment, he just stared at the candy-colored cat... dog... thing wagging its short tail at his feet, then dismissed the Keyblades with a sigh. The whole ordeal had been over for two weeks; he shouldn't be this easily spooked anymore.
However, the thing apparently took Roxas' settling down as an invitation to jump him again, and he reflexively swatted it away. It made a sound which could only be described as 'dejected', then trotted off.
Roxas pulled a face. Great, now he had a bad conscience, even though he was the victim here!
He followed the thing further into the cove, across some platforms of questionable stability leading to the top of a small cliff. On the other side of the cliff was a shadowy inlet with a tiny beach, where Roxas found Riku cuddling another one of these technicolor critters. (At least this one was unambiguously identifiable as a bat, though.) He didn't even seem to realize Roxas was there.
And he was giggling.
It was another one of those scenarios Roxas did not expect to deal with today. Or ever, while he was at it. Who exactly was this person and what did he do to the broody juggernaut Roxas remembered?
While Roxas was busy being dumbstruck, the thing started bouncing around in circles, drawing Riku's attention. First to itself, then to Roxas.
He seemed confused at first. He blinked and tilted his head. His nose wrinkled, and Roxas was suddenly filled with doubts about the efficiency of his disguise.
He chased them away. Seriously, he and Ventus looked exactly alike. They got mixed up all the time, even by their closest friends. How would someone who only just met either of them tell them apart?
Riku finished his observations with a long-suffering sigh. His shoulders sagged, and the bat-like animal sitting on them squeaked in protest. Riku chortled and reached up to scratch it between the ears. "Sorry, girl."
Roxas couldn't contain his curiosity anymore. "What are they?"
"They're called Dream Eaters."
"I've never seen any."
"They usually hang out in Traverse Town, but they show up in other worlds sometimes. I think they want to help search for Sora."
"Are you sure they don't just want treats?"
Riku chuckled bleakly. "You make a terrible Ven, Roxas."
Roxas winced, shocked and relieved at the same time. "How did you...?"
Riku turned away, towards the ocean, and sat down on the sand. "Ven has this awfully unnatural scent. Also, he'd be chasing Mitsu all over the beach by now."
"Mitsu?" Roxas repeated, trying not to get too hung up on the other part of the statement. He looked down at the thing hopping around his feet, and he couldn't help but agree. Ventus would be chasing it all over the beach by now.
"If you'd like to file a complaint about the name, you'll have to wait until we find Sora."
"That's not the issue here," Roxas retorted and sat down as well. The hang-up was still there. "What do you mean, scent?"
Riku raised a brow. "I can smell darkness. Like Ienzo?"
"Who?"
"Zexion."
"Oh..." Roxas mumbled, then got distracted by Mitsu snuggling up against his side. He cracked a small half-smile and patted the animal. "That's news to me, actually. That he can do that."
Riku sighed, but made no further comment. He didn't have to. They've been here before.
What do you know about the Organization anyway?
Roxas suddenly had difficulty breathing. He doubted Riku would put it like that – this was on Roxas himself all the way. His memories of his early days were hazy at best, but that wasn't even the problem. Even if they weren't, he never really spoke to anyone besides Axel and Xion. He didn't know what motivated his former colleagues, what they could and couldn't do, or what they were like.
He had no idea who they were.
Roxas chuckled bitterly and rubbed his forehead. "Maybe your DiZ friend was right. What was I thinking, claiming friendship like that?"
"Don't think like that. If it weren't for your friendship, neither you nor Xion would be here now."
Roxas looked up, but if Riku had been facing him at some point, he missed it. At the moment, his beach neighbor was busy digging around in his pocket.
"What are you doing?"
Riku didn't answer, but he procured some sort of disc from his vest and handed it to Roxas. It confused him a little, but he didn't get to ask. Something smacked his thighs, startling him.
"Whoa!"
Riku laughed as Mitsu jumped into Roxas' lap, trying to get at the disc. Roxas grumbled and held it above his head, out of Mitsu's reach, but it was more of a token rebuke than actual displeasure, and Riku seemed to know it. As he unwrapped his disc, the bat on his shoulder excitedly flapped her wings, telling Roxas it must be some sort of treat. He lowered his arm and watched as Riku broke the disc into halves and offered one to his companion, then... bit into the other half?!
"What the...? What are you doing?!"
"Hmm?" Riku paused mid-bite. "It's just chocolate."
"What's chocolate?"
Riku stiffened, his eyes widening. He looked positively scandalized. "You don't know what chocolate is?!"
Roxas shook his head. He got the feeling he'd stumbled over something really common here. "Is it that shocking?"
Riku hummed noncommittally and shrugged. "I guess it shouldn't be. But you might want to unwrap it before Mitsu does. With his stomach."
Mitsu apparently took the comment as a challenge to make another attempt at snatching the chocolate, and Roxas found himself activating his elbows to keep him at bay. "Hey, cut it out!"
Riku snorted with laughter. "He likes you!"
"Sure," Roxas grumbled. "Why am I stuck with this whirlwind while you get the bat? Can't we trade?"
"Good luck with that. Moriko is very affectionate."
Roxas huffed and finally managed to calm Mitsu down enough to unwrap the chocolate and break it in half. He held one half out for the Dream Eater, who licked his face in thanks. Roxas gave a sigh of resignation and braced himself for another assault, but much to his surprise, it failed to occur. Mitsu simply settled next to him on the warm sand, leaving him to try his chocolate half in peace. He was a little skeptical at first – it looked kinda gross – but when he tasted it and felt the sweet sensation melting on his tongue, he was very happy indeed.
A little too happy, maybe. It reminded him of when he shared ice cream with Axel for the first time. Or, well, the first time he could actually remember, at least. The chocolate tasted very differently, but the situation was familiar enough. Just sitting around after a long day, sharing a snack and laughing about silly things. And even though there was no sunset to watch yet, the waves made for a good replacement.
"Hey, Riku?"
"Hmm?"
"Does this mean we're friends?"
Riku made a weird gasping sound, like the notion frightened him. "What...? I mean, I'd never... Do you really...? After everything..." He trailed off and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry, I'm not making a lot of sense. But..." He took a deep breath. "You want to be friends? With me?"
Roxas nodded and folded his arms. "I didn't go out of my way to dress up as Ven because I love it so much when people call me by the wrong name. I know you're avoiding me."
"I didn't think you'd want to see me." Riku's eyes narrowed and he absently ruffled Moriko's fur. The bat squeaked blissfully and closed her eyes. "After everything that happened... I know I'd be furious. You were furious, and you had every right to be." He shook his head. "You have every right to be."
Roxas crossed his arms behind his head and let himself drop into the sand. He wasn't sure how to put his feelings into words – or what his feelings even were. There was rage, yes, but it wasn't vengeful. It wasn't even directed at Riku, though it took Roxas a while to figure that out. Emotions were complicated, and they were still so new. But if there was one thing Roxas appreciated about Riku, then and now, it was the fact he wasn't judgemental. He simply took things the way they came.
"You know... I don't even know how to start, but I don't... I don't blame you."
"You... don't?"
Roxas didn't even need to look at Riku to see the confusion. The raised brow, the slight tilt of his head. They were all evident in his voice.
Roxas shook his head. "I don't. I mean, sure, it wasn't nice, and even less so two times over, but whether I like it or not, Sora was there first, and I wouldn't exist without him. And not only that, I practically killed him by doing so. And then there's Xion, too. Three living beings sustaining on the life force of one. It's the kind of sick joke only Xemnas could come up with. Or Xehanort or whatever."
Roxas paused to sort his thoughts. He was digressing, but if Riku noticed, he didn't say anything.
"Anyway, what I'm trying to say is... It wasn't a choice between two human beings. It was the choice between a best friend and a parasite who happens to talk. And if I had to make it, I wouldn't choose any differently." Roxas felt an urge to roll over. It was hard, talking about himself that way, his own life. It left him restless and sick to his stomach, but there was no denying it. "I wasn't angry, Riku. I was jealous. That he got to live when I didn't. And you know what the most insidious part about it is? That I didn't even have anything to live for. I only convinced myself I did because I couldn't accept that whatever life I had was over the moment it began."
Roxas couldn't lay still anymore. He turned his back on Riku, against the very vocal protests Mitsu raised about being pushed from his spot. He calmed down eventually, and the noise behind Roxas which had been drowned out up until then suddenly became audible.
A bat-squeak and a dull thump later, Roxas could sense Riku lying down as well. "I wish I could tell you you're wrong, but you seem to have a better grasp on the situation than I do."
"Let's say I had more... compelling reasons to think about it."
"Yeah... Let's go with that."
Silence settled over the cove, and Roxas found himself having trouble keeping his eyes open. He felt a lot better now that he got these things off his chest, but he was starting to get an idea what Xemnas meant when he spoke of freeing oneself of a heart's control. Roxas loved having a heart, and he wouldn't trade it for anything, but those hard-won emotions were exhausting. Wonderful, but exhausting.
"Are you okay?" Riku asked, pulling Roxas back to reality. "You look tired."
"I feel like I just fought off an army of Neoshadows," Roxas admitted. "But I'm alright. I'll take it."
He got a soft laugh in return. "I know what you mean." Clothing rustled, and Roxas figured Riku had sat up again. Seemed like he wasn't the only one who wanted to move around really badly. "Would you mind if I... say something, too?"
"Should I?"
Riku sighed. "I don't know if I admire you, or if I want to pelt you with ice cream until you stop thinking of yourself as somehow inferior to Sora. I know my own actions aren't exactly helpful with that, and I can't change what happened. I can't even say I wouldn't do it again. Not with certainty, at least. I can only say I never want to make that kind of choice again. And as glad as I am that I could play a part in getting you all back, not a day goes by where I don't question if there was another way, and if all of this could've been avoided if I just looked harder."
"Then accept that the answer is no."
Nothing came after that, and Roxas wondered if maybe he'd been too brutal.
Not that it mattered. He rolled on to his back and sat up, patting the sand off of his clothes while Riku stared at him like he just fell from the sky.
"Look, Riku," Roxas began, "I don't know you well enough to tell what keeps you on this 'all my fault' track, but have you spoken to Naminé about it? Like, ever? If I got this right, most of this stuff is on her, isn't it? Was it even your choice to begin with?"
Riku didn't seem to know how to answer that. He turned away, a far-away look in his eyes, and absently scratched Moriko's ears. The bat gave a squeak of delight, and Roxas could've sworn her eyes changed. That couldn't be right, though...
While Roxas was still busy trying to figure out if his mind was playing tricks on him, Riku spoke up. "I never looked at it that way," he admitted. "But even so, Naminé is no combatant. I don't think Ansem... DiZ... could've subdued you, either. So yes. In a way, it was still my choice to bring you in."
Roxas shook his head. Pelting people with ice cream started to sound like an excellent idea. "Well, it was the right choice. And you know why? Because I'm an idiot."
"What?" That snapped Riku out of his funk quite effectively. "What makes you think that?"
"You said it yourself, way back then." Roxas furrowed his brows, racking his brain for the exact words. "'If you try and make contact with Kingdom Hearts, the last thing you'll get is your life back.' Don't think for a second anyone but you could've stopped me, and who knows where that would've gotten us."
Riku grimaced. "Nowhere good, that's for sure."
"See?"
The two boys fell silent again, and after a minute or so, Roxas caught himself drawing odd shapes into the sand while Mitsu bounced around, trying to get his attention. "Oh, come on! Go beg Riku for treats! I don't have any!"
Mitsu ignored him and used the moment of distraction to hop into Roxas' lap and snuggle into his crossed legs, breaking the last traces of resistance Roxas still had. "Okay, fine," he gave in and hugged the pudgy cat-dog-sausage hybrid. "I admit it, you're adorable. But don't you dare–" He got interrupted by a tongue licking his hand. He sighed and cupped his cheek in his other, non-slobbery hand. "...do that." At least it wasn't his face this time... Roxas turned at Riku. "Sure we can't trade?"
He was joking, but Riku shook his head with a worrying degree of seriousness. "You'll probably hate to hear this, but Mitsu was Sora's first Dream Eater. Moriko was mine."
"So I'm just a Sora replacement again, huh?" Roxas clenched his teeth, but it was hard to be mad at the cuddly creature rolling around his lap, begging for belly rubs Roxas wasn't entirely against giving. "They probably miss him a lot, too."
"Mitsu definitely does. I haven't seen him so excited in a while."
"Really? He's so bouncy. I never would've guessed he could be anything but."
Riku huffed a brief laugh. "You'd be surprised."
"No, I'm really not," Roxas remarked, a certain degree of misery sneaking back into his tone. "I get it. Everybody loves Sora."
"Still jealous?"
Roxas froze mid-rub and looked up at Riku, who was smiling encouragingly, then returned his attention to Mitsu. "I never actually thought about it."
"If it helps you any, when we stormed The Castle That Never Was, everyone kept calling Sora 'Roxas' and berated him for your betrayal. By the time we hit the top, he was just as fed up with it as you are."
"Berated...?" Roxas drawled, trying to wrap his brain around the idea. "That must've been bizarre."
"Not much more than everything else, really."
"True!" Roxas laughed. "We're a bizarre bunch indeed."
Riku made no comment, but Roxas was used to it by now and didn't expect one. And it was just as well, because it meant there was no need to keep the conversation flowing, and there were still a few things weighing on Roxas' mind.
"Hey, Riku?"
"Hmm?"
"While we're at Sora and sacrifices and everything... I want to say I'm sorry for what I said about him being weak. I had no idea what I was talking about. Sora... I barely know him, but after everything that happened... With me, with you, with Kairi, with everyone... I can see why he's more worthy than I could ever hope to be. He's loyal, he's selfless, and he'd do anything for the people around him. He saw Axel hurting and tried everything in his power to bring me back to him, while it never even crossed my mind Sora could be missed. I met you and I wouldn't have dreamed of searching for a way to safely co-exist, only about getting back into the driver's seat by any means necessary. I didn't even try to understand Axel. I only cared about myself, and what I wanted, and got nasty the second things didn't go my way." Mitsu squeaked, and Roxas realized he'd tensed up to the point of hurting his new companion. He willed his arms to relax and wiped his watering eyes. Looking back, he wasn't even sure what Axel and Xion could've possibly seen in him. "I don't have that kind of empathy."
"It's alright. Don't worry about it."
Roxas really couldn't win. But Mitsu didn't seem to care, and this time, Roxas didn't mind the tongue on his cheeks. He simply squeezed the Dream Eater tighter to his chest. Even Moriko joined them, settling on Roxas' shoulder with soothing squeaks.
Riku sighed. "Roxas, I mean it. It's alright. It's literally, physically not your fault."
"What?" Roxas snapped. "Because you can't expect empathy from a Nobody?!"
Riku fell silent, and Roxas felt sorry already. "See? Here I go again..."
Riku shook his head. "Roxas, you're like, what, a year old?"
Roxas nodded glumly, though it was beyond him why it was relevant.
However, to Riku, it was, judging from the way he waved his hand. "Everyone's a jerk at that age. It's not about being a Nobody, it's about life experience. Or emotional maturity, if you want to get technical. Cut yourself some slack; you'll get it eventually. Actually, you're self-reflecting, which means you're on the right path already." He turned away and ran the same hand through his hair. "Look, I'm not that great with the whole comforting thing, but the rest of us needed to grow up, too. You got a head start, but that doesn't mean you need to be perfect right away. And you certainly don't need to be Sora; we already have one of those and as much as I love him, I don't think I could handle another. And what do we tell Lea when he's looking for his best friend, huh?" He turned to face his companion again and cracked a small, but reassuring grin. "Just be Roxas, alright?"
Roxas didn't really feel like laughing, but he couldn't help doing so anyway. Not after that speech. "I'll do my best."
Silence ensued, but it wasn't awkward or oppressive anymore. Roxas was content to lie back on the sand, fingers laced behind his head and Mitsu sunbathing on his chest, and enjoy the peace and quiet. Riku joined him soon enough.
"How are you feeling?" he asked. "I feel like I just fought off an army of Neoshadows."
"Me too," Roxas snickered. "But I'll take it."
"Yeah... I'm glad we talked."
"About time, too. Man, I'm sure glad no one made it needlessly complicated, right?" Roxas quipped and curled his lips. "There's one thing that still bugs me, though."
"What are you waiting for, then? It can't be worse than everything else."
"I mean, it's not worse; it's just not that important."
"If you feel the need to bring it up, that's good enough for me."
"Right..." It was an odd feeling, being among friends, knowing it, and somehow still being surprised at not being dismissed out of hand. "It's about the fake Twilight Town. That guy in the black coat who kept showing up... That was you, right?"
"Yes."
"Why were you such a prick? I know you didn't hate me, so... getting manhandled like that hurt, you know?"
Riku hummed noncommittally. "Well, I guess I could've asked nicely for the money. And the blue crystal. But I doubt it would've been as effective."
"Point taken. But what did you need them for?"
"The money was mostly to keep you from finding out the trains went nowhere. As for the crystal, well... After what happened with Xion, I was worried it might happen to you, too. I didn't want you to be forgotten, so I took... precautions." Riku sighed. "I'm sorry I couldn't be more gentle."
So Riku had been looking out for him all this time. Not the kind of looking out Roxas was inclined to be grateful for, but it was an explanation at least, and Riku had the decency not to expect any thanks. "It's fine. Working with this DiZ character couldn't have been all that easy, either. What happened to him, anyway?"
"He realized he was wrong."
Roxas scoffed. "Right, and Blizzard Plants fly."
"No, really," Riku insisted. "He even helped with the replicas."
Well... That was a plot twist if Roxas ever heard one. That disdainful, even sadistic jerk, doing a one-eighty like that? "I admit, I did not see that coming."
"Yeah, me neither," Riku replied. "But I don't expect you to forgive him. I don't think he does, either."
Roxas appreciated it. Maybe he could do it at some point, if he met the guy again and could see the change with his own eyes – but not today. He was all forgive'd out for a while.
"Thanks," he said instead. "You're so understanding."
"Not really," Riku pushed back, and Roxas resigned. This wasn't his battle to fight. "Besides, it's me who should be thanking you."
Maybe. Maybe he did forgive too easily. Even though he wasn't angry at Riku anymore, he'd never forget those moments – the grief, the hurt, the hatred, the resentment, the despair. The tears. I will do whatever it takes to make sure my best friend is safe.
Roxas shuddered, and he had a sudden irrational urge to check his wrists and ankles. Make sure he could still move them... He was certainly glad Riku was on his side now. But even so, he couldn't shake the feeling he would've accidentally caused the end of the world if allowed to run free. "Is it just me, or is this starting to feel like a competition?"
"If it does, it's not a competition I'd be crazy about entering."
Roxas could hardly argue with that. "Yeah, me neither," he sighed. "It's kind of depressing." He grabbed Mitsu and lifted the Dream Eater from his chest. He meant to sit up, but the plan got derailed when Mitsu chirped with delight and flapped his stubby legs. It elicited a smile from Roxas, and he let his new companion have his fun until he grew too heavy on Roxas' arms and Roxas finally got up, placing Mitsu on the sand in front of him. "Thanks, buddy. I needed that."
The Dream Eater looked quite pleased with himself. He stood up on his hind legs and Roxas reflexively raised a hand, just in time to avoid the tongue on his face. Mitsu enthusiastically licked his palm instead, and Roxas lowered it carefully, gently leading the Dream Eater back to the ground where he could pet him. "I know, I love you too, but I've got enough saliva on my face for today." He turned to Riku. "Do you have some more chocolate?"
"I was hoping you'd ask," Riku chuckled and shoved his hands into his pockets. Then his face fell and he handed over a disc with knitted brows.
Roxas took it, but not without some reluctance. "What is it?"
"I'm afraid it's the last one," Riku explained. "So if you could leave some for Moriko, that would be appreciated."
"Pffft! Don't be ridiculous!" Roxas withdrew his other hand from Mitsu's ministrations and wiped it on his shirt. He didn't even bother with unwrapping the chocolate before he broke it in half, tearing the paper apart, and handed one half back to Riku. "Breaking discs into quarters is a lot easier than breaking them into thirds."
Riku looked like he was going to argue, but then he changed his mind and smiled. "I guess you're right."
Roxas had a distinct feeling Riku wouldn't have said anything if Roxas hadn't asked, but he made no comment. They were still getting used to each other, after all.
He watched Mitsu gobble up his chocolate piece with gusto and start running around in blissful circles. Eventually, Moriko joined him and they chased each other around the beach. Roxas got up to wash his hands in the surf, his own piece of chocolate between his teeth, and when he turned around again, they were gone completely, leaving the two ex-enemies by themselves.
"Where did they go?" Roxas asked the moment he rejoined Riku, but the other boy only shrugged.
"Probably back to Traverse Town. I'm not sure they can stay here for too long."
"I see," Roxas muttered and sat down next to Riku. He missed Mitsu already, but he held little doubt he'd see that slobber-happy ball of bounciness again. "Well, at least I don't need to worry about that tongue anymore."
Riku chuckled. "True enough."
They fell silent again. But it was a good silence this time, the kind that lets you relax and enjoy the moment without a trace of awkwardness or need to fill it. And as Roxas nibbled on his chocolate, resolved to taste every molecule, he realized that the silence was no silence at all. He could hear the crashing of the waves echoing off the walls of the cove, the wind rustling through the palm trees, the occasional cawing of seagulls.
Like the inside of a giant sea shell.
He lay back on the sand again, eyes closed. It was warm and soft, and ever so inviting. If he didn't have a piece of chocolate to occupy his priority list, he might've fallen asleep right then and there.
A soft snicker joined the sounds of Roxas' surroundings, and he cracked open an eye to give Riku a miffed look. "What?"
"It's nothing," Riku replied, still snickering a little, and flopped down next to Roxas. "I just felt reminded of... more innocent times. Back when it was just the three of us. Sora, Kairi, and me... and this island."
More Nobody-less times, too, no doubt.
Roxas bit down on his chocolate, perhaps a little too hard, to fight the notion off. Riku didn't mean it that way. "Do you miss it?"
"I couldn't stand it!" Riku laughed, but it sounded somewhat caustic. "It was always the same, day in, day out. Wake up, go to school, do homework, row out to the island, row back, eat dinner, go to sleep. I feel so much more alive now than I ever did, but if I could choose..." He paused, motivating Roxas to turn and check how Riku was doing. He'd put an arm across his face, covering his eyes while the other arm lay beside him, fingers dug into the sand. "I don't know," he eventually croaked out. "I want Sora back."
Roxas swallowed the rest of his chocolate. He knew what Riku had described – routine. Wake up, go on a mission, go home, eat ice cream, go to bed. He'd never minded it. In fact, he desired it. But he could accept that Riku was different. And, more importantly, that he was tired of choosing between Sora and the rest of them.
"We'll find him," Roxas promised, placing a hand on his chest where he could feel his heart beat. The heart he once shared with Sora. "He's out there. I know it."
It took Riku a while to answer, and when he did, he kept it to a simple "Thanks."
"Need a hug?"
Riku snorted. "Are you sure?"
Roxas frowned. Truth be told, he'd regretted the question the second it slipped from his mouth. No matter how much it seemed like the right thing to do, Roxas had limits. Axel and Xion he'd tackle in a heartbeat, but Riku was a very different matter. But he didn't want to say it out loud, not now of all times.
Riku saved him the embarrassment. "Thanks, that's very nice. But I'm not really the hugging type."
Roxas tried not to be too obvious with his relief. He thought it was a little weird – how could anyone not love hugs? – but far be it from him to complain.
Then again, he wouldn't want it in reverse, either. "Okay. Anything you like better?"
"Thanks, but I'll be fine," Riku declared, then suddenly sat up. "Hey, wanna play on the obstacle course?"
"The what?" Roxas sat up as well and looked around, thoughts racing. The platforms he'd jumped over on his way here, the odd placement of the trees, the zip line overhead... Memories of dexterity missions flashed through his mind. How could he not have realized? "Oh my stars, you're right!"
Riku stood up and patted the sand off of his pants. When he finished, he grinned and reached out a hand for Roxas. "So, what do you say? Race me? Or would you rather sleep on the beach?"
Sleep sounded tempting. It really did. But that was a challenge Roxas couldn't resist.
He grinned back and took Riku's hand, letting himself be pulled to his feet. "You're on!"
Riku made a sound somewhere between a grunt and a hiss, then took off towards the entrance of the cove. It left Roxas a little puzzled, and he shoved his hands into his pockets to stare. Who knew Riku could be this competitive?
The boy in question realized Roxas wasn't following when he jumped up the rocky outcrop, if his turning around and waving excitedly was any indication. "What are you waiting for?"
Roxas chuckled. "I'm coming!"
There was still so much to learn – about his companions, about the world around him, about his senses and feelings. About hearts. It wasn't going to be easy, but he wouldn't miss it for anything.
It was good to be alive.
That just got a lot longer than expected...
Alright, I had to delete a string of guest reviews for harrassment reasons, but there was an interesting question among them I still want to answer:
Does Roxas have a mental illness in this fic?
My first thought was "Well, this is Kingdom Hearts we're talking about - when in doubt, everyone has issues." But I certainly didn't write the fic with something like that in mind. I only tried to imagine what it's like to have next to no life experience (Roxas rarely ever talks to anyone outside of Axel and Xion, who's in the same boat, and generally hides from people/beings who are genuinely interested and friendly and would gladly help him mature, like Genie. Tinkerbell has my sympathies, though. She really got the 'whiny brat' end of the Roxas stick. All take and no give, I swear...) and an emotional spectrum so stunted and basic you could count said emotions on one hand. It's not the peak of mental health, sure, but I wouldn't call it 'illness', either, since the term 'illness' implies a negative (and often temporary) deviation from the status quo. With Roxas, it's not a deviation - he's always been that way, and it's not inherently negative, either. If anything, I'd go with 'neurological condition', though it's still a weird term to use. It's kinda weird in general to try and put a scientific label on something that doesn't exist outside of fiction.
Long story short, the answer is 'maybe'. I didn't mean to write mental illness, but I'll take the question as a sign that I did something right.
Actually, I kept thinking about the Inside Out movie, what with the memory marbles being monochrome at first, then getting multi-colored when Riley matures emotionally. Roxas' marbles start out as gray, then some appear yellow, then blue, then red - so, so red - and eventually multi-colored as well after all's said and done.
Hmm, now that I think about it, I'd love an Inside Out world... Maybe something related to that even, that one (or more) of the replicas starts 'malfunctioning' and someone needs to dive in and fix it.
And my apologies to the other two reviewers for ignoring you. I'll get around to answering eventually... I'm just not up to conversation with internet strangers at the moment.
